


Secret Desire (Nyssara Fanfic)

by canaryheir



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Assassins & Hitmen, Complete, F/F, LGBTQ Character, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 04:39:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 123,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6551407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canaryheir/pseuds/canaryheir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Nyssara FanFic (Arrow)</p><p>Sara Lance is the sweet yet rebellious daughter of a police detective. Though co-captain of the cheerleading team, she wasn't the most popular girl in school, since she was branded a slut, for stealing someone else's boyfriend. But she doesn't let that get her down.</p><p>Nyssa's the girl everyone seems to be intimidated to even talk to. Straight A student, captain of the archery team, and no one really seems to know much of her. She intrigue almost everyone.</p><p>They're both fighters in their own way. But when they meet in the most unpleasant of ways, would their strong personalities clash? Or would fate pull them together? Are they prepared for the whirlwind of emotion that having each other in their lives entail?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Notes

Sara Lance is a junior at Starling Academy and is the co-captain of the cheer leading squad. She's not the most popular girl in school, but people do know her, just not in a good way. She is often bullied and called a slut because of the relationships that she had broken. If she wasn't as good as a dancer as she actually is, she wouldn't even be co-captain.

It's another ordinary day for Sara. She was just sitting and staring blankly at the blackboard of her chemistry class. She hates chemistry. It's so complicated and boring. She can't memorize all those elements and whatnots. She's been taking the class for weeks and yet she hasn't learned anything, and she really can't fail this class, she wouldn't want to take it again next year.

"Ms. Lance! Ms. Lance! Are you paying attention?" The teacher called on to Sara.

"Hey Sara. Sara." Her seatmate and friend, Maxine, shook her arm lightly to get her attention.

"Huh? What is it?" Sara asked coming out of her reverie.

"Ms. Lance, are you with us?"

"Yes, sir." Sara answered a little embarrassed to be caught zoning out like that.

"Can you tell me what we were talking about just then?"

Sara couldn't answer and just bashfully lowered her head.

"I know my class is so boring to all of you, but I do hope you pay attention, because I too don't want any of you taking this again next year."

The bell rang and the students hurriedly fixed their things and got out the room.

"Okay. Next week, we'll be choosing lab partners." The teacher said after them.

_'I hope I get someone good, but I don't know who's good in chemistry here._ _And_ _as_ _much as I_ _love_ _Max_ _,_ _we_ _both suck at_ _chemistry_ _.'_ Sara thought to herself.

She walked out the door and went to her locker to get her books for the next class. As she opened it, something fell. A note.

_Sara Lance,_

_You're beautiful and kind. I hope you know that. Don't listen to whatever people are saying. I believe you're not really like that. That's not how I see you. I hope you realize that too._

_I hope this will make you smile._

And it did. Sara was smiling and blushing a little. She wondered who the note came from, but she turned it over and over, and no signature.

"What's that?" Max asker her curiously as she leaned on the locker next to Sara's.

"A note." Sara said absently as she stared at the paper incredulously.

"What kind of note?"

"I'm not sure."

"Who's it from?" Max asked grabbing the piece of paper from Sara's hand and read it.

"I don't know."

"Do you have a secret boyfriend that I don't know about?" Max eyed her questioningly.

Max's expression just made Sara smile. She adored Max. They've been friends since they were in fifth grade, when Sara kicked the boy who was forcing Max to kiss him. Nowadays, it seems like Max is the one defending her. From the girls who keep saying mean things about her and are constantly glaring her way every time she passes by, to the guys who sometimes force themselves on her thinking that she's easy and would give in to whatever they ask. It may seem so, but she doesn't screw around with every guy. The guys she may have been involved with, she happens to actually like and liked her in return. Some turned out to be jerks though. And even against them, Max has her back.

It always made Sara wonder why Max doesn't have a boyfriend, and never had one that she knew of since they have been friends. Max is beautiful with her long brown wavy hair, dark brown eyes, well-defined cheek bones, and quirky smile. She's quite tall too, maybe two inches taller than Sara. And with that well-toned and slightly tanned swimmer's body, it would really make you wonder sometimes. Sara thinks maybe it's because she's such a serious athlete and always so intense with her swimming that she doesn't have time for boys. Or maybe she just hasn't found anyone who interests her that much.

"Maybe you have a secret admirer." Max suggested with a teasing smile as she handed the note back to Sara.

' _Whoever you are. Thank you._ _'_ Sara thought to herself.

"I'll see you after school then. Maybe we'll figure out who that came from."

That made Sara's day pass even more quickly. It put her in a good mood the rest of the day, even during the crappy practices they had, because even though she's co-captain, no one listens to her and they always give her a hard time.

At practice, she always end up alone during their breaks making her wish that Max had joined the cheer leading team, but even though she's a great dancer, she still prefers swimming and she won't put up with 'the pretentious bitches' as she would say. She's usually bothered by it, but not today. She just sat there quietly as she replayed in her head the words written on the note. Making her smile stupidly to herself.

Her attention was then caught by the girl throwing a guy over her shoulder in one of those martial arts classes. Sara took some martial arts classes then, but she has never tried throwing a guy twice her size over her shoulder. She was impressed by the ease of the girl's movements. The girl then looked her way as if she knew Sara was watching, the girl smiled to herself and helped the guy up.

_'_ _She's_ _..._ _I_ _think_ _I_ _know_ _her_ _._ _I_ _think_ _I_ _have_ _a_ _class_ _with_ _her_ _or_ _something_ _._ _Whatever_ _._ _But_ _damn_ _,_ _she's_ _awesome_ _._ _I_ _want_ _to_ _learn_ _how to_ _do_ _that_ _.'_ Sara thought to herself as she watched the two head to the showers.

The next morning, Sara found another note in her locker.

_Smile_ _Sara_ _Lance_ _._ _It's_ _a_ _brand_ _new_ _day_ _._ _Believe_ _and_ _everything_ _will_ _fall_ _into_ _place_ _._

_'_ _Who_ _on_ _earth_ _are_ _you_ _?_ _But_ _hell_ _,_ _thank_ _you_ _.'_ Sara found herself smiling yet again.

"Good morning!" Max beamed up a smile at her. "You seem to be in a perfect mood. Is that another one?" And Max just snatched up the new one and read out loud.

"Shh! Don't read it so loud." Sara took the note back and carefully placed it in one of her notebooks where she also kept the other note.

"What? So what if someone hears? They wouldn't bother about that. They'll just think I'm crazy. And I don't care. You shouldn't either. Listen to you secret admirer, babe."

"Don't listen to what other people say, but I should listen to a random person who leaves notes in my locker?"

"Yeah! It might do you good!"

Sara smiled at how crazy that sounded. And they walked together to their first class while Max gave some ideas as to who might be leaving Sara the notes.


	2. The Archer

It's Friday. The last day of the week. And in the past four days, Sara had received a note for each. Since then, she has been anticipating a new one every time she opened her locker, so far she hadn't gotten one yet. She grabbed her books and went to her next class. Chemistry.

"Open your books on page 172. Today, we'll talk about electron transfiguration," the teacher said. And as Sara was flipping through the pages of her book, she found a note between the pages.

 _Not_ _a_ _day_ _goes_ _by_ _that_ _you_ _don't_ _cross_ _my_ _mind_ _._ _Not_ _a_ _day_ _goes_ _by_ _that_ _I_ _don't_ _wait_ _for_ _your_ _smile_ _._ _Each_ _time_ _I_ _wonder_ _if_ _there'll_ _be_ _a_ _time_ _that_ _I'll_ _be_ _the_ _reason_ _behind_ _that_ _smile_ _._

Sara smiled to herself and blushed. ' _If_ _only_ _you_ _knew_ _that_ _you've_ _been_ _the_ _reason_ _I've_ _been_ _smiling_ _these_ _past_ _few_ _days_ _.'_ She then looked around if someone noticed how foolish looking she must have been. Thank god no one was paying her any attention. At least not one that she noticed.

Their squad was practicing outside today. And as always, most of them are giving her shit. Some because they don't like her. Some are just scared of their seniors to do otherwise. But Sara's trying not to let that get her down.

"Alright! Let's take five! Well, make it a fifteen. Great job guys." Their senior captain said and everyone sighed in relief. They've been going over a routine for what seemed like a hundred times. And they certainly needed a break.

Everyone went on with their different groups. Some sitting by the bleachers. A couple of seniors flirting with the football players. While Sara was just standing there by herself under the shade of a tree.

On the other side of the field, she watched as a guy and a girl were engaged in a competition of sorts in archery. The same pair that she saw in the gym the other day. She has always found archery quite intriguing. And as she watched the two shooting arrows at the target, she was in awe as to how strong and fierce the girl looked, but still with much elegance in her movements. The girl then closed her eyes for the next shot, and moments later, the guy was handing something to the girl. Money. They were having a bet. The girl took it and put it in her pocket. Then the guy said something, she laughed, looked at Sara's direction and smiled as if knowing that Sara was watching them. She was about to look away then turned back facing Sara with her bow and arrow drawn.

\-----------------

Nyssa had been watching the cheer leading team go over a routine again and again. It was nauseatingly annoying. It didn't seem difficult but most of them were being pain in the asses. Especially to their co-captain Sara. Every time they practice and she happens to be there, that's always the scenario she notices. She's been classmates with Sara a couple of times, she didn't really get to know her much but she seemed nice. And Nyssa doesn't get why these girls give Sara too much shit to deal with.

Nyssa was getting bored. None of the other archers on the team were as good to be any exciting competition for her, except for Alec. Only Alec came close to beating her once, but that didn't surprise her. They were both trained by the same person and started training at the same time. Though Alec was a year older than Nyssa, and much bigger and stronger, Nyssa was still the better archer and fighter. She is faster, smarter, and more skilled.

"You're bored, Nyssa. I bet I can beat you today." Alec challenged her with his charming, mischievous smile that could make most girls swoon.

"You think very highly of yourself, my friend. You only ever came close to beating me once." Nyssa playfully replied.

"You're bored, uninterested, and unfocused. That should give me a better chance, I'll take it. Or are you afraid that I will finally beat you?" Alec pressed on. He was always looking for opportunities to get one over Nyssa. Sometimes, just to keep her preoccupied and entertained.

"Afraid? Of you beating me? Not even in the slightest. Bring it." Nyssa accepted the challenge.

Ten arrows each and they were 5 arrows in. Nyssa matching Alec's shot per shot.

"Damn. Don't you even have an off day?" Alec whined a little and just got a smile from Nyssa as she let got of her next shot.

"Today is not the day you beat me, Alec. If there ever is a day." Nyssa teased.

"We're not done yet. I still have a chance." Alec full of determination let his last arrow fly.

"Please. I can beat you with my eyes closed." Nyssa then closed her eyes for the last shot and did get the target straight in the middle.

"How come you're so good at this? Here." Alec handed her ten dollars. "But dinner's on you, right?"

Nyssa just laughed at him and said, "Of course."

"That blonde girl's been watching us. You think she likes me?"

If it had been other guys, Nyssa would have been annoyed at the self-absorbed arrogance that that implied, but the playful confidence of Alec was just adorable. "Who? She must be desperate then."

"Ouch! That hurt. I do have feelings you know."

Nyssa turned around to where Alec was looking and she saw the blonde girl standing by the shade of a tree. "Sara." Nyssa gave her a small smile.

"You know her?"

As Nyssa was about to get back to Alec, she noticed one of the football players flinging a football toward Sara. She drew an arrow and shot at the ball hurtling toward Sara.

\-------------------

Sara was in so much shock at the sight of the girl aiming an arrow at her to move or even scream until the arrow was moving past her and had pierce the ball and struck the tree. She looked at where the arrow had struck and that's when her knees gave out and she just sat on the grass staring and her heart pounding.

Moments later, Nyssa and Alec were by her side with some of her teammates.

"Are you alright?" Nyssa asked her.

Sara looked at her with wide eyes. "You shot at me!"

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"You shot at me! You could've killed me! And you're asking me if I'm okay?" Sara shouted hysterically.

"I wasn't aiming at you." Nyssa calmly explained.

"What were you thinking? Were you trying to kill me?" Sara said as if not hearing what Nyssa said.

"Believe me, if she was trying to kill you, you'd be dead by now." Alec butted in.

"Alec!" Nyssa eyed him with warning. Alec raised his hands backing off and just took the arrow out of the tree.

"I'm sorry I frightened you. It wasn't my intention to." Nyssa said offering Sara a hand to help her up.

Sara eyed her carefully, but still took the Nyssa's hand. Sara really wanted to get mad and shout at her more but she couldn't think of any more to say, especially after the way she had apologized.

"Again, my apologies." Nyssa said finally before backing away. Alec just a few steps behind her, holding the arrow pierced through the football.

"Hey! That's my ball!" The footballer said stalking up to them. He grabbed Nyssa by the shoulder to make her turn to him.

Alec was about the jump at him but Nyssa stopped him.

"You popped my ball." The footballer complained.

Nyssa took the arrow pierced ball from Alec and handed it to the guy. She gave him a deadly look and said, "try something like that again, and I won't be shooting at the ball. I will break your arm. Believe me, I will."

The guy backed away. And Nyssa looked backed to Sara who was also looking at her. They stared back at each other's eyes enchantingly trying to figure out what the other is thinking or maybe for something to say. And it was Nyssa who broke the spell and walked away.

\-------------------

"What?!" Max exclaimed after Sara recounted to her what had happened at the field the day before.

"Shh! Tone down! People are staring."

It was Saturday. Since it was still a bit early, there weren't much people in the ice cream shop, but all those who were looked their way.

"Sorry! God, Sara. Who's this crazy chick? She could have killed you."

"I don't really know. I think I've had class with her before or something, though."

"What does she look like? We both know I pay more attention to people in our classes. Maybe I know her."

"Well, she's a bit taller than I am. Black hair, intense eyes, very nice cheek bones. She has that intimidating, yet elegant vibe..." Sara trailed off, remembering the way their eyes met after that incident. "And I think she's the captain of the archery team."

"Oh. I know who that is. We actually have chemistry with her this year."

Sara was staring at her, waiting. She stopped midway to taking another spoonful of ice cream to her mouth, and just put her spoon back in the cup.

"Her name's Nyssa." Max said finally.

Nyssa. Sara said the name over and over in her head, the name suited the bearer she thought. It was elegant and beautiful.

"Unfortunately, as much as I want to kick her ass for what she did to you. I can't."

"You can't? The badass Maxine Hastings, who won't take shit from anyone else, is scared of another girl?"

"Hey! I may be badass, but I don't have a death wish. I don't want her shooting arrows at me."

That got her a glare from Sara. "So, it's okay with you that she's shooting arrows at me?"

"She said she wasn't aiming for you, didn't she?"

Sara scoffed at that and just continued eating her ice cream.


	3. Partners

It has been eating away at Nyssa the entire weekend. The horrified look on Sara's face after she thought that Nyssa was trying to kill her with an arrow. She had frightened Sara. She didn't mean to. She was saving her from a possible fatal hit to the head by a football. But she had frightened her. She would really want to get a chance to talk to Sara and apologize again, but she doesn't know if Sara would even let her near her. She has to figure a way somehow.

Nyssa tried early in the morning that day. She was already in school even before it opened like she normally does. She was seated by the ledge of the stairs at the front entrance of the school, waiting and pondering about what she has to do about Sara. She didn't want to leave it like that.

The school janitor finally arrived and opened the doors. "Good morning, Nyssa. I see you beat me to it again." The old man greeted her with a smile.

"Good morning, Harry." She absently smiled back, her mind clearly elsewhere. She stood and walked inside behind the man.

"Something on your mind, dear?" He asked keeping his tone light.

"Yeah. Something. Oh, I almost forgot." Nyssa took out a small paper bag. "I made some muffins earlier. This is for you. Banana walnut."

"You always give me something, yet again I have nothing for you." Harry accepted the bag and smelled the delicious fragrance of the content.

"Your warm greetings in the morning are more than enough to brighten my days, Harry."

He thanked Nyssa for the muffin and the sweet words, then headed back to opening the other rooms of the school.

Nyssa sat at the top of the stairs overlooking Sara's locker. She waited there for her, thinking over and over of how to approach her. She could offer a muffin and apologize, but dismissed the thought. She thought of countless numbers of ways of how and what she's going to say, but the moment Sara arrived by her locker, all thoughts vanished from Nyssa. She stood and tried to walk to Sara, but she froze at the end of the steps. She had never been so nervous her entire life. We'll she never had to apologize to someone who thought Nyssa wanted to kill them.

Nyssa surrendered all thoughts of apology that moment and walked away, but all she could think of was that horrified look on Sara's face.

Then there was the look they shared before she left the field. Nyssa didn't know what to make of it. All she knows is that it made her heart speed up, the way it is speeding up now just by thinking about it.

"You're troubled." Alec said to Nyssa, breaking her reverie.

"I'm fine. You should get to your next class. I'm going to mine." And as if on cue, the bell rang.

"Alright. I'll see you later." Alec left with a slightly worried look on his face.

Nyssa went to her next class and sat at her usual spot. By the corner, near the windows, at the back of the room. She really likes that spot, because from there, she can easily observe all that's going on inside the room, even the outside. And it's easier to be alone with her thoughts while looking out the window.

Everyone came rushing in, chattering with each other, and took their seats when the teacher came.

"Alright, like I said last week. We will start working on things by partners. I'm quite sure that everyone has already chosen, so please go sit next to your partners." Their teacher instructed them. And just at that moment, Sara and Max came in to the room.

"Sorry we're late, Mr. James." The two girls apologized at the same time.

"It's fine. We're just getting started. Do you have partners already? And please tell me, you didn't pair up together."

Sara looked at Max questioningly. She still doesn't have a partner and she doesn't know if Max already has one.

"Sorry, Sara. Paired up with Ben, last Friday. He asked me and even offered to do all the work. So, sorry." Max then walked over to where Ben was seated.

Sara just stood there by the door not know what to do and who to approach to be her partner. Everyone seemed to be paired up already.

"Ms. Raatko, do you have a partner already?" Mr. James asked Nyssa.

Nyssa looked up from the book she was reading and answered, "No, sir. I don't."

"Alright then. Ms. Lance, you'll be partners with Ms. Raatko." Mr. James motioned for Sara to sit next to Nyssa.

Sara followed to where their teacher was pointing and when she realized who it was she tried to protest. "Sir, I can't be partners with her."

"Unless you can tell me that you can pass this class on your own Ms. Lance, you'll pair up with Ms. Raatko, whether you like it or not."

With no other choice, Sara made her way and sat next to Nyssa.

"Again, I apologize for what had happened last Friday. I never meant to frighten you. I...I'm sorry. I know you really must hate this arrangement, if you really want to change partners, I will talk to Mr. James." Nyssa said to Sara without even looking at her. She just kept on glancing from the front of the class where Mr. James is discussing and to the notes she was taking.

Sara looked at Nyssa, studying her. The sheer focus of Nyssa's eyes, her striking cheekbones, and her mouth set on a grim straight line. She does look intimidating. But looking at her closely, Sara noticed that there's a subtle hint of softness and genuineness about her.

"There's no need for that. I'll be alright. Don't worry. I promise that I won't try to kill you, when you piss me off again."

Nyssa couldn't tell if she heard a playful tone to how Sara said the last part or if she was just imagining it, and that made her look at the girl beside her. And Nyssa saw a sweet smile on Sara's face. It made Nyssa smile as well, but she didn't say another word. Afraid that she might break the chance she has for Sara's forgiveness.

Class ended and everyone got out, except for Nyssa. She always waited for everyone to leave before she does as well. She didn't notice that Sara was waiting for her by the door, and was surprised when she got up from her seat and turned to leave.

"I still haven't forgiven you, just so we're clear. But if you help me not fail this class, maybe I'll consider it." Sara said teasingly and gave Nyssa a smile.

"Thank you, Sara." Nyssa smiled back.

Sara turned and left the room. Nyssa waited a little, trying to get a hold of her heart which once again was beating fast.

\------------

Sara and Max were sitting under the same tree that Nyssa shot her arrow at, eating their lunch.

"I'm so sorry! I left you hanging and got you stuck with Nyssa. If you want I'll talk to Mr. James and have us exchange partners. You can take Ben."

"No, it's okay. There's no need for that."

"How can you be so calm about it? Did you forget that she shot an arrow at you?" Max eyed her curiously.

"So, now you're concerned?" Sara said teasingly. "Anyway, she did apologize and said she wasn't actually shooting at me. And she seems nice."

"I think you're traumatized. Well, whatever. What about your secret admirer? Figured that one already? Did you get another one today?"

It hadn't really crossed Sara's mind since the almost getting shot by an arrow incident. After that, all she could think about was the way Nyssa looked at her, the grave concern in her voice when she asked Sara if she was okay, and the heated stare they shared before Nyssa walked off. Yeah, she totally forgot all about the notes that were secretly left for her in her locker.

"No, still no idea and haven't gotten another one yet." Sara absentmindedly took another bite from her salad.

"It's just the middle of the day. You might still get one. I'll be disappointed if you don't. He's been so consistent so far."

When they finished eating, they headed back inside to check Sara's locker for the note, and as if the person who had been writing them heard their conversation, there indeed was a note stuck in between her books. Well, not just a note, it was an envelope with Sara's name on it. Sara nervously opened it.

 _Sara_ _Lance_ _,_

 _The_ _ever_ _so_ _beautiful_ _Sara_ _Lance_ _._

 _The_ _first_ _time_ _I_ _saw_ _you_ _,_ _I_ _thought_ _you_ _were_ _the_ _most_ _beautiful_ _thing_ _that_ _I_ _have_ _ever_ _seen_ _._ _And_ _that_ _face_ _like_ _an_ _angel's_ _is_ _something_ _I_ _will_ _never_ _forget_ _._ _The_ _sweet_ _enchanting_ _smile_ _of_ _yours_ _that_ _seem_ _to_ _brighten_ _even_ _the_ _darkest_ _places_ _,_ _your_ _eyes_ _that_ _are_ _as_ _exquisitely_ _beautiful_ _as_ _the_ _clear_ _blue_ _skies_ _,_ _and_ _the_ _way_ _you_ _seem_ _to_ _get_ _lost_ _in_ _your_ _own_ _wondrous_ _world_ _while_ _you_ _dance_ _._ _They_ _have_ _captivated_ _me_ _._

 _You_ _have_ _captivated_ _me_ _._

Sara breathed out. She didn't notice that she was holding her breath. She was breathless and speechless. She just stared at letter. She never had anyone describe her like that, say such sweet and beautiful things like that. And she doesn't even have a clue who this person is.

"What did it say?" Max asked excitedly, but Sara didn't answer.

Overwhelmed, Sara shut the door of her locker, folded the letter, tucked it in her bag, and turned to walk away. She wasn't looking at where she was going and she bumped into someone. She almost fell, but a strong arm was around her, catching her. Sara looked up at the person holding her.

"Are you alright, Sara?"

"Nyssa."

Nyssa helped her stand straighter and asked once more, "are you alright, Sara?"

"I...I...Excuse me, I have to go." Sara hurriedly walked away.

Max followed Sara, and when she finally caught up with her, she was a bit annoyed. "Why the hell did you run off on me like that?"

Sara took out the letter from her bag and handed it to Max.

"Oh. Wow. I mean wow! This is... It's like a novel or movie thing. Alright, you're forgiven. But seriously, WOW! Who on earth is this guy? He's like... Oh, I can't think of a guy who writes sweet letters right now."

"I've never had anyone say things to me like that before. It's..."

"A bit overwhelming?" Max finished for her. And Sara nodded.

\--------------

The lost look on Sara's face when they bumped into each other, had Nyssa worried.

"You look troubled again, Nyssa." Alec was spinning the long wooden stick they were going to use as weapons to spar with today. The weather's good, so they decided to do it outside, so they could freely move around.

Nyssa finished tying her hair and picked up her own long stick. She ignored Alec's worrying and struck at him, which he quickly blocked.

They went at it with each other, going all over the place. Jumping over hedges and benches. Going atop tables and the bleachers. Everywhere.

Then Nyssa caught sight of Sara heading toward the parking lot with Max. She hit Alec on his side and at the back of his left knee, and made a run for it. She headed toward Sara, staff still in hand.

Sara saw Nyssa running toward them, but still continued walking. She noticed she was covered with sweat, but still looked splendid. She saw her jump over the hedge, twirl in the air, and land with ease just a few feet away from where they were, staff still in hand. The gracefulness of her movements made Sara stop in her tracks. Nyssa walked up to them.

"Hi, Sara."

Sara saw Alec, who was chasing after Nyssa, getting close and was ready to strike. "Nyssa! Watch out!" Sara shouted.

Nyssa swiftly turned and blocked Alec's attack. Alec kept on striking, taking advantage of the fact that Nyssa was a bit distracted.

"Excuse me for a while. If you could wait just a minute." Nyssa said in Sara's direction in between attacks and counterattacks.

Sara and Max were fascinated by the fight happening before them. The quick and precise movements of the two combatants. It was like watching an action movie up close.

Nyssa pinned down Alec's staff and delivered a spinning kick to his head. He fell to the ground and was clearly knocked out. Nyssa then walked back to Sara and Max.

"Sorry about that."

"What about him?" Sara asked a bit worried about the guy.

"Oh, Alec. He'll be fine. He'll be up in a few."

"Will he attack again?" It was Max's turn to ask.

"He knows he's beaten. So, no, he won't." Nyssa reassured the both.

"Why were you fighting?"

"Sparring." Nyssa corrected. "We're like partners. We train and spar with different weapons every now and then, and sometimes without one."

"That was awesome. Especially, the way you jumped over the hedge and the spinning kick." Max said not able to contain her amusement.

Nyssa smiled at her and said thanks.

"What were you going to say? Before he attacked." Sara said finally.

"Oh, right. I was going to ask if you're alright. You looked...lost earlier." Nyssa said trying not to let out much of the worry she was feeling, but Sara saw it in her eyes.

"Lost?"

"When you bumped into me earlier." Nyssa filled in.

Then Sara remembered the way Nyssa was holding her and the worry in her eyes then was more obvious than it is now, but she can still see it.

"I'm fine now, Nyssa. Thank you." Sara gave her a soft smile that made Nyssa's heart race. "We should get going, though."

"Oh, sorry I kept you." Nyssa felt a little disappointed that their conversation will be cut short.

"See you tomorrow, partner. Remember, I still haven't completely forgiven you."

That left Nyssa smiling as she watched Sara and Max walk away.

 _'_ _And_ _I_ _will_ _not_ _rest_ _until_ _I_ _have_ _completely_ _made_ _it_ _up_ _to_ _you_ _.'_ She thought to herself.


	4. Max

Max has never been in a relationship, at least not a serious one. She has never been in love. Not until that day, about a year ago.

She came to school very early to get a start with her swimming before everyone else comes. She enjoys the solitude of a morning swim alone. But that day, when she arrived, she saw someone in the pool, doing some laps.

The graceful movement of the slender body in the water was breathtaking. She's been attracted to girls before, not that she would admit, but no one has ever left her breathless.

The figure did one last lap and reached the end of the pool near where Max was standing. It came up for air and finally Max saw a face. She's seen her before, but not like this. It was like she was seeing the girl from a different angle, and what she saw was sheer beauty.

"Do you come here often?" Max queried when the girl came out of the water.

"Pardon?"

"I usually come here almost every morning and this is the first time I've seen you."

"Oh. I come here every once in a while. Is there a problem?" The girl took her towel and wrapped it around her body.

"No. None. I was just wondering." Max carefully watched the girl in front of her, forgetting that she planned to jump in the water the minute she came. "I'm Max, by the way."

"I'm Nyssa. Forgive me, I hope I didn't ruin your morning routine. I'll be leaving."

"No, it's fine."

Max was mesmerized by the look she shared with Nyssa before the other girl left. And leaving her there standing and unmoving.

\---------------

Max's heart was racing when she saw Nyssa running toward her and Sara. The breathtaking flip she did over the hedges made Max's heart do a flip as well.

She had been replaying that scene over and over in her mind like something out of a movie. Nyssa looked like a fierce female warrior off to save her damsel in distress. And Max all but hoped to be that one.

She always thought of Nyssa as untouchable and unreachable, but now she believes that it may be possible. So, it's probably a good thing that Nyssa almost shot Sara, and now that the two are even lab partners, she has a better chance in getting closer to Nyssa. But she doesn't know how to do it, without tipping off Sara, she's still not ready to come out yet, even to her best friend.

"Who are you thinking about?" Sara interrupted Max's thoughts.

"What makes you think that it's a who?" She raised her eyebrow at Sara.

"One, you were blushing. Two, you were smiling to yourself. And three, you were freaking blushing!" Sara teased with excitement.

"No, I wasn't! It's just the heat." Max countered.

"Oh, please! Who is it? Just tell me. You never tell me any of this, but you know every single detail of my love life. So, to make it even, spill."

Well, technically, Max doesn't have a love life. She doesn't consider any of the fooling around she did interesting to tell. The only spill-worthy secret she probably has is about Nyssa. And she pondered carefully if she's going to tell Sara about it now.

Then the bell rang, saving her. She said her goodbye and ran off to her next class. Thank goodness Sara wasn't in her next class. She could avoid telling her even just for another hour. And maybe Sara would forget about it.

\-------------

It was time for their chemistry class again. Max was a bit jealous of Sara because she's partners with Nyssa and would be able to spend much time with her. But she thinks she will blow it, if she switched places with Sara. She would be overwhelmed and nervous and would end up being awkward around Nyssa. _'_ _This_ _is_ _better_ _..._ _for_ _now_ _."_ Max decided, watching the two girls from afar at the corner of her eye.

Sara and Nyssa were just sitting at their table, not talking. They're intently focused on what they're doing on their notebooks. Nyssa, no doubt, would be taking notes, while Sara's probably doodling all over hers.

But Sara wasn't. She thought of a plan on figuring out who the notes were coming from. Well, not exactly. But she at least wants to reach out to the person and get something or somewhere with him, especially after the last one. The one that she can't get her mind off.

Sara thought of leaving a note herself in her own locker, so the person would find it when he leaves another one for her. But she still can't think what to write. _'_ _Maybe_ _I'll_ _ask_ _Max_ _for_ _an_ _idea_ _later_ _.'_ She thought, closing her notebook.

Sara got bored and shifter her attention to Nyssa.

"What's that?"

"It's the electron configuration of Oxygen." Nyssa replied not even looking up from her notebook.

"What about that one?" Sara pointed to the other one on her notes. "Is that also an electron something something?"

"Configuration. Yes, it's Gold's."

"Gold? Why does it say Au?"

Nyssa looked up wondering if she was seriously asking and really interested in knowing, and Sara was there looking at her innocently waiting for her reply.

"Au is for Aurum, latin of gold." She said simply and got back to her notes.

"But why use latin? Why not just use english? Don't they know it's confusing?"

Sara has a point but Nyssa just ignored her and didn't answer.

Infinitely bored, Sara leaned in closer to Nyssa, peeking at her notes. They were so close to each other, they're breathing the same air. Nyssa becoming highly aware of their close proximity finally said, "Sara."

"Hmm?" The other girl responded, unmoving.

"You're too close."

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Nyssa?" Sara turned her head to look at Nyssa. Their faces inches away from each other, it took Nyssa all of her will power not to kiss the luscious lips of the girl in front of her.

"A bit. Yes." Nyssa said, trying to keep her calm.

"I still haven't completely forgiven you, you know?" Sara moved back some distance.

"I am highly aware of that. And I believe that you'd be reminding me countlessly." Nyssa teased.

"Maybe, I will." Sara replied defiantly.

"But I don't get the point of getting so up close and personal, in you forgiving me."

Sara was surprised at the bantering she and Nyssa were having. She never thought that she could even crack up a joke. But there she was teasing with her. She never thought she'd see a lighter side of the fierce and intense Nyssa Raatko.

"Maybe it's my process of assessing you, before I consider forgiving you."

"Fine, as you wish then."

Sara was a bit disappointed that Nyssa just gave up that easily, then...

"But don't be surprised if I bite off your ear the next time you get so close." Nyssa added.

Sara looked at Nyssa incredulously with wide eyes. "No, you wouldn't!"

Nyssa just gave her a challenging smile making Sara chuckle to herself a little.

When the bell rang and everyone else have already left, Sara leaned in close to Nyssa's ear, while Nyssa was fixing her things. Nyssa froze. Then Sara blew a little in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. "Bye, Nyssa." Sara whispered, then backed away, gave her a beaming smile, then bounded up to Max, who was waiting by the door. Then Nyssa saw the look on Max's face with her eyebrow shot up and mouth formed into a thin line. Anger? Frustration? Annoyance?

"What was that about?" Max asked, trying to hide the jealousy she was feeling.

"Oh. Nothing. Do you know that Nyssa can kid around?" Sara said energetically.

"Nyssa? Not really. What did she say?" Max tried not to sound too curious.

Sara recounted the bantering events she had with Nyssa with extreme enthusiasm, not knowing it's making her friend extemely jealous. Max was just nodding off at her story.

"And oh, I thought of something and I need your help."

"What is it?"

"About the notes guy. But I gotta go to practice, tell you all about it later." Sara hurried off across the hallways.

"Eat!" Max yelled after her.

"I will!" Sara looked back and smiled adoringly.

\--------------

Max sat at one of the empty tables outside and ate her lunch. Her thoughts wandering once again to Nyssa. She did see the way Nyssa smiled when she was kidding around with Sara. She envied her friend so much that very moment. Being able to get a smile like that from Nyssa.

"Excuse me. Your name's Maxine, right? Sara's best friend."

Max looked up at the person talking to her. It was Nyssa. The very girl she was just wistfully thinking about. Nyssa. Nyssa was there standing in front of her. Talking to her. Her! And the way her name sounded when she said it. Maxine. She wanted to melt on the spot. But she had to keep cool.

"Yeah. That's right. And you're Nyssa. The lab partner and arrow shooter." She blankly said.

"Yes. And about that..."

"Please sit down." Max gestured to the seat next to her. "You can talk while I eat. Would you mind?"

"No, please do. I'm the one interrupting your meal." Nyssa carefully took a seat.

"So, what do you want to talk about?"

"As Sara's best friend, I can understand that you are also mad at me for what I did."

"And that is?" Max provoked her to say more.

"You think... Well, she thinks that I was shooting at her. I would never do so. I would never hurt someone so innocent. I was simply aiming at the football hurtling towards her."

"So, you're saying she should be thankful that you saved her life?" A bit annoyed at that, Max tilted her head to the side and gave Nyssa a stern look. _'_ _Don't_ _even_ _think_ _of_ _that_ _._ _It_ _doesn't_ _matter_ _who_ _you_ _are_ _to_ _me_ _,_ _no_ _one_ _messes_ _with_ _my_ _Sara_ _.'_

Nyssa tried to keep her composure. "That's not what I'm saying. I'm not asking for gratitude. I could only ask for is her forgiveness. I will make it my mission to make it up to her, and you for the worry I had given. I will not rest until I do so."

Max watched her carefully. She can clearly see the sincerity in Nyssa's words. And she does seem like the person to keep her word.

"I must say, I admire your determination to do so. And don't worry, that won't be a difficult thing to do. Sara's a very forgiving person." Max gave her a reassuring smile, then got up to leave.

"Thank you." Nyssa said feeling relieved.

Max paused in her tracks and turned back to Nyssa.

"We have met before, you know." Max hoped that Nyssa would remember her.

"Aside from having a few classes together the past few years? Yes, we have. Last year, early one morning, by the pool. I remember. I interrupted you then, like I did now." Nyssa gave her a small smile, letting Max know that she remembered.

Max kept her cool and just smiled back before walking away, but inside she was jumping up and down with joy.

\-------------------

"So, what do you think should I write?" Sara told Max about her plan on leaving her own notes, and was asking for ideas.

Max still thinking about Nyssa gave her an absentminded shrug and an I don't know.

Sara was getting frustrated because her friend was clearly distracted and wasn't of any help. "Who is it then? Come on spill! If you're not going to help me, at least give me something else to think about."

"Fine, I'll think."

"You're really not going to tell me, are you?" Sara said feeling a bit sad.

Max nudged Sara with her shoulder. "Don't be like that. I will tell you. I'm just not ready yet. But I will. I promise." She gave Sara a hug, feeling bad about keeping a secret like that from her best friend.

"That bad, huh?" Sara teased. "Okay. When you're ready then." Sara's smile was back on her ever so lovely face.

"Anyway, let's get back to yours. If it were me, I'd thank him and ask him who the hell he is. But that's just me. It's better if it actually comes from you though. It'd be more romantic but a bit creepy because you have no idea who he is. Like, what if he turns out to be a psychopathic stalking serial killer. Or worse, it could be your dad!" Max's ideas are sometimes out of this world, but excessively entertaining, especially with her hand gestures and all.

Sara looked at her like Max had gone crazy, and they both laughed so hard, they almost fell off their seats.

"Yeah. I think I'll write it myself. I don't want you saying 'hey, I think you're a psychopathic stalking serial killer. Thank you for the letters.'"

And they continued to laugh until everyone around them were staring at them.


	5. Dear... YOU

Before the end of that day, Sara went back to her locker to check for the note, because she still hasn't gotten one. And also to leave her note for the person to find.

_Dear_ _..._ _YOU_ _,_

_I_ _don't_ _know_ _who_ _you_ _are_ _. But_ _I_ _do_ _hope_ _I_ _will_ _know you_ _one_ _day_ _. Even_ _so_ _,_ _thank_ _you_ _for_ _all_ _the_ _notes_ _and_ _letters_ _._ _You_ _have_ _indeed_ _made_ _me_ _smile_ _with_ _them_ _._ _I_ _always_ _look_ _forward_ _to_ _finding_ _them_ _everyday_ _._ _Your_ _words_ _always_ _end_ _up_ _making_ _my_ _day_ _a_ _lot_ _better_ _._ _Thank_ yo _u_ _!_ _Til_ _next_ _time_ _._

_~Sara_

Sadly, Sara didn't find a note for her, so she just left hers there and went home. She was a bit disappointed. She was looking forward to it. Different possibilities of why there wasn't a note for her ran through her mind. Maybe he was busy. Maybe he forgot. And the last thought she had, and hoped wouldn't be the case was that maybe he was no longer interested. But those words couldn't have come from someone who would easily lose interest. _'_ _I_ _really_ _hope_ _not_ _.'_

_\--------------------_

Nyssa was out practicing archery by herself. Alec had already gone home and had some other things to tend to.

Nyssa saw Sara walking out of the building looking a bit blue. She wanted to go to her and ask if she was alright, but decided agaisnt it and just continued with her practice.

She took an arrow from her quiver, loaded it to her bow, closed her eyes, took a couple of deep breaths as she lifted and aimed. She focused more on her other senses as her eyes were closed, feeling the whispering movements of the wind. She heard a low heavy breathing a few feet away from her, closing in, she turned around, bow and arrow ready and aimed at the person creeping in on her.

"Woah! Chill!"

It was the footballer that threw the ball at Sara. Nyssa kept her aim steady and gave him a searing glare.

"Okay. I'm not here to mess with you or anything. You could put the bow down."

But Nyssa didn't move or say a word.

"Or not." The guy took a deep breath and shook his hands, clearly nervous. "I'm...Nate. I'm the guy who threw the ball at Sara. You popped my ball with an arrow."

"I recognize who you are. What is it that you want?" Nyssa said still not putting her bow down.

"I... God, I'm probably one of the most arrogant people here in school, but I'm making a fool of myself in front of you. Well, I'm here to apologize."

That finally made Nyssa put her weapon down. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"Yes, I know. And I will apologize to Sara. But that's not all I came here to talk to you about."

Nyssa lifted a brow at him questioningly, waiting for him to continue.

"I..." He swallowed hard. "I was wondering if you'd go out with me. I know it's crazy. I actually do think I'm going crazy. But what the hell. I've never been so impressed like that by a girl before. The way you carry yourself. So sure. So...badass."

Nyssa just looked at him as if he's talking in a language that cannot be comprehended. But she responded and said, "I don't go out on dates."

He stood there a bit slack jawed staring at her. Clearly, he didn't know what to say to that. But, Nate was determined.

"Let me court you. No. Wait. That still gives you a choice. I will court you. I will make you change your mind. I will apologize to Sara as many times as I have to. I will change and try not to be a big jerk all the time. I will court you, Nyssa. I won't give you a choice on that. You can't stop me." He said and smiled triumphantly, pleased with himself, before he walked away.

A bit frustrated with the encounter, Nyssa shifted and let loose the arrow at the target and said, "Don't expect anything, Nathaniel."

Nate smiled thinking that at least he has a chance to prove himself.

\-----------------

Sara arrived the next morning and found her own note gone and replaced by another.

 _Dear_ _Sara_ _Lance_ _,_

 _Forgive_ _me_ _._ _You_ _must_ _be_ _disappointed_ _in_ _me_ _that_ _I_ _wasn't_ _able_ _to_ _give_ _a_ _letter_ _yesterday_ _._ _I_ _know_ _I_ _have_ _been_ _consistent_ _until_ _then_ _._ _You_ _might_ _think_ _that_ _I_ _have_ _forgotten_ _._ _But_ _no_ _._ _I_ _would_ _never_ _forget_ _you_ _._

 _To_ _be_ _honest_ _,_ _I_ _just_ _didn't_ _know_ _what_ _else_ _to_ _say_ _to_ _you_ _._ _I_ _don't_ _even_ _know_ _what_ _you_ _must_ _think_ _of_ _me_ _,_ _of_ _the_ _letters_ _I've_ _been_ _leaving_ _._ _But_ _I_ _won't_ _stop_ _._ _I_ _won't_ _lose_ _hope_ _,_ _because_ _the_ _moment_ _I_ _do_ _,_ _it's_ _the_ _moment_ _I_ _know_ _that_ _I_ _would_ _have_ _completely_ _lost_ _you_ _._ _And_ _that_ _is_ _something_ _I'm_ _not_ _prepared_ _to_ _do_ _._ _Not_ _even_ _without_ _ever_ _having_ _you_ _._

Sara was at a loss for words. She could hear her heart thumping hard against her chest for each heartfelt word. The guy had so much as vowed himself to her. And she couldn't explain how he's making her feel.

When Max arrived, Sara told her about the letter she wrote and showed her the one she got. Like Sara, Max didn't what to say to what she had just read. She just stared at it wide-eyed and open mouthed. The emotion resonating from each statement were undeniable full of love.

"Wow! I...it's...wow. Can't we change places? I want this guy for myself. Even if I don't know who he is. I want him." Max said with a longing tone.

"Even if he's a psychopathic stalking serial killer?" Sara mocked her.

"Yeah. Why not? A guy with words so sweet that could make my knees weak. I don't care if he's your dad, I'll take him."

That comment made Sara wince a little but the two girls both laughed. The guy was indeed dreamy with his words, and Sara really wants to meet him now more than ever. But what if he's not like the way he is in his letter in person. That thought made Sara anxious.

Throughout her morning classes, she had been thinking about that letter and what to write in reply. Even until her lunch break, that's all she and Max could talk about. They sat at their usual spot under the big tree near the field.

"I still can't think of anything to reply to this." Sara said as she continued to stare at the words of her most recent letter.

"You can just profess your love as well." Max sat beside Sara, her long legs crossed, while she picked on her lunch.

"I'm not in love!" Sara said defensively.

"But admit it. It's not difficult not to fall in love with those words."

"Yeah, but like you said. They're words, just words. What if that's all there is...words." She felt a bit gloomy just by saying that out loud.

"When did you become the pessimist here? For all we know, he could be the kind of guy who would sweep you off your feet." Max thought dreamily.

"I just really want to know who he is!" The anxiousness and frustration in Sara's voice was evident.

"Then ask him! Ask him in your next reply."

As the girls were talking, a tall shadow loomed over them and said, "Hi Sara. Can we talk?"

The moment Max saw who it was, her eyes turned into a deadly glare, her jaws clenched tight. "What do you want, Nate?"

Sara noticed that Nate's stance was a bit different. It was less arrogant somehow. And he seemed a bit uncomfortable.

"Look, Max. I didn't come here for trouble. I came to apologize."

Max raised an eyebrow at him. "Why the sudden change of heart? Someone finally kicked your ass hard enough that got your head out of it?"

Sara tried to hush Max, but she knew she couldn't. Max has always been like this when she's defending her. She would only stop when the other person walks away or finally said something good.

"Yeah. Something like that." Nate shifted a little thinking of how Nyssa kind of kicked his heart upsidedown. "Anyway, I really came here to apologize. I'd do anything to make it up to you. I'd tell the boys to stop bugging you."

"What if they don't listen? And why would they? You're not really top dog here, Nate." Max did all the talking, while Sara just sat there in silence.

"I...I'll..." Nate saw Nyssa walking by and found new resolution to hold on to. "I'll make them stop. I'll do what I have to. I'll make them."

"You're willing to risk your social status for that? Just for Sara to forgive you?"

Sara caught the quick glance Nate gave to Nyssa, and was a bit puzzled as to what was going on.

"Yes. If that's what it takes." Nate declared feeling determined.

Nyssa walked up to them, Alec just a few steps behind. "Is there a problem here?" Nyssa addressed the three after seeing the annoyed look on Max's face and the confused one on Sara's.

"No, there isn't. I was just apologizing." Nate stood his ground, half wanting to leave, and half wanting to stay because of the girl standing beside her.

"I think you should just go now, Nathaniel." With Nyssa's suggestion, he left.

Sara eyed Nyssa carefully trying to figure out if there's something going on between her and Nate.

Nyssa pretended not to notice Sara's careful gaze and bid farewell before she left. She didn't want to have to explain that to Sara. Even to anyone. She didn't even know why she interfered in the first place, since Max seemed to have a handle on it, but Nate kept glancing at her, and Sara was looking at them curiously. She just wanted to stop the encounter.

\-----------------

Sara pushed back the thought of Nyssa and Nate together. It's not that it concerns her or anything. It doesn't even really bother her. She's just surprised and curious by it, because it's really strange. The last time she saw the two together, they were about ready to kill each other on the field, but now, Nate was giving meaningful glances to Nyssa. She doesn't really have anything against Nate, other than the fact that he deliberately threw the ball at her. He's actually fun to be around, and quite smart. It's just hard to see them as together.

Sara then diverted her attention to the letter she's trying to write. She didn't know how she'd fully express her thoughts and feelings, but with a pen in hand, she let it flow.

_Dear_ _..._ _YOU_

_I_ _don't_ _know_ _what_ _to_ _call_ _you_ _._ _At_ _least_ _give_ _me_ _a_ _name_ _to_ _call_ _you_ _by_ _. I can't just keep calling you, YOU. And_ _I_ _really_ _want_ _to_ _meet_ _you_ _and_ _get_ _to_ _know_ _you_ _._ _I_ _hope_ _you'll_ _let_ _me_ _soon_ _._

 _I_ _don't_ _know_ _how_ _to_ _explain_ _to_ _you_ _how_ _your_ _last_ _letter_ _made me_ _feel_ _._ _Telling_ _me_ _that_ _you_ _won't_ _give_ _up_ _on_ _me_ _._ _It's_ _a_ _lot_ _._ _It's_ _wonderful_ _._ _And_ _it_ _means_ _so_ _much_ _._ _Thank_ _you_ _._ _I've_ _never_ _had_ _anyone_ _say_ _things_ _like_ _that_ _to_ _me_ _._ _Well_ _,_ _besides_ _my_ _parents_ _._ _And_ _that's_ _a_ _different_ _case_ _._

 _I_ _really_ _hope_ _to_ _meet_ _you_ _._ _I_ _want_ _to_ _know_ _the_ _person_ _who's_ _been_ _making_ _me_ _feel_ _special_ _._ _I_ _want_ _to_ _know_ _you_ _._

_~Sara_

And with that, she folded the paper and tucked it in a notebook for safekeeping until she got back to her locker. And when her class ended, she went straight for her it. Max was there waiting for her.

"Are you ready for the chemistry test this Friday?" Max asked even before Sara got to open her locker.

"What test?"

"The test that Mr. James announced yesterday. One of the few we need to pass as to not repeat the class again next year. He said we can only fail one test this term, and we already did the last time."

"Oh!! God! I'm doomed." Sara felt a little deflated and finally opened her locker door.

"I'm studying with Ben and he's going to let me borrow his notes. We could study together." Max suggested.

"I don't know, Max. You. Me. Together. Chemistry? I don't think we'll get anywhere." Sara gave her a doubtful look.

"Yeah. We'll get frustrated, bored, and end up not studying."

Sara agreed and they both gave out a short laugh. When they were finally paying attention to the contents of Sara's locker, they saw the note and Sara almost forgot to leave hers. She took it out and placed it in before she closed her locker. She held the one for her and opened it carefully with Max beside her waiting in anticipation.

_Dear_ _Sara_ _Lance_ _,_

_Thank_ _you_ _for_ _the_ _note_ _you_ _left_ _for_ _me_ _. I_ _was_ _surprised_ _when_ _I_ _found_ _it_ _._ _A_ _good_ _surprise_ _._ _I'm_ _glad_ _to_ _know_ _that_ _my_ _simple_ _notes_ _and_ _letters_ _have_ _that_ _kind_ _of effect on_ _you_ _._ _Seeing_ _your_ _smile_ _always_ _brightens_ _my_ _day_ _._ _And_ _knowing_ _that_ _I may be the reason behind it_ _would_ _make_ _my_ _days_ _even_ _brighter_ _._

 _I_ _also_ _do_ _hope_ _to_ _meet_ _you_ _in_ _person_ _someday_ _._ _Maybe_ _when_ _I_ _finally_ _found_ _the_ _courage_ _to_ _let_ _you_ _know_ _who_ _I_ _am_ _and_ _how_ _I_ _really_ _feel_ _._ _I'm_ _afraid_ _that_ _you'd_ _be_ _disappointed_ _in_ _who_ _I_ _really_ _am_ _._ _Maybe_ _when_ _I finally have enough_ _confidence_ _in_ _myself_ _to_ _face_ _you_ _and_ _not_ _make_ _a_ _fool_ _of_ _myself_ _._ _So_ _until_ _then_ _,_ _this_ _is_ _all_ _I_ _could_ _offer_ _you_ _._ _Words_ _written_ _on_ _a_ _piece_ _of_ _paper_ _with_ _the_ _hopes_ _of_ _moving_ _you_ _._


	6. Study Buddies

The letters that Sara had received the day before has completely occupied her mind. The sweet mysterious person that's been writing to her. Those heartwarming words. They're all drowning up her thoughts. And right now, that's not what she needed. She needs to focus on her studies. She can't fail a class or else she will lose her cheerleading scholarship. And she's close to it because of freaking chemistry.

Getting back to reality, Mr. James was reminding the class to study for the test they were going to have tomorrow, and looking directly at Max and Sara. Max hadn't noticed because she was so focused on Ben's notes. At least she's getting somewhere, unlike Sara who still doesn't know how she'll pass the test.

Before Sara could get out when the bell rang, Nyssa called her, making her turn back around, trying to hide her frustration with a smile. "Yes?"

"Here." Nyssa was handing out her notebook.

"What's this?"

"My notes. You could use them to study for the test tomorrow."

"Are saying I'm stupid?" Sara raised her eyebrow and gave Nyssa a stubborn look.

"Don't play it like that, Sara. We both know that you badly need to pass the test." Nyssa waited for Sara to respond or take the notebook, but did neither. "Alright then, I guess I was mistaken." She took back the extended hand she had holding the notebook.

"I'm sorry, I'm being stubborn. Yeah, you're right I need to pass the test really bad, but I don't think your notes will help me. I still won't understand a single thing." Sara paused, contemplating the next words she was about to say. "Maybe you could teach me?"

Nyssa stared at her, her heart thumping hard against her chest because of the way Sara was biting her lower lip and her eyes wide and pleading. Nyssa was helpless against her, how could she ever say no, especially when she looks at her like that. But outside, Nyssa was still cool and composed. "Alright. Just let me know when and where."

"My house? After school?"

"Why not in the library?"

"I don't like the library, it's too quiet. And I believe it will take us a long time to get all that in my head, so I'd rather be in the comfort of my home." Sara beamed up with a smile.

"Alright." Nyssa froze when Sara gave her a quick peck on the cheek before thanking her and running off.

\---------

Nyssa could still feel the warm sensatio left by Sara's kiss on her cheek. It was sudden and quick, but it managed to make her heart skip a beat. She knew that she shouldn't be thinking much of it. Even more foolish to give any meaning to it. It was simply a sign of gratitude. A girly reflex that she wasn't used to. She lightly brushed her knuckles to her cheek, replaying the welcomed surprise kiss she got.

Nyssa's thoughts being clearly preoccupied by that moment didn't seem to mind or bother with Nate hovering around her and would randomly say something to her from time to time. And by the clearly annoyed look on Alec's face, it is safe to say that he seriously don't approve of the situation and would be happier just to pound on Nate's face. But there is nothing he can do about it. What Nyssa says goes. Though he did try to argue with her about the matter, she still just lets it be and expects him to do so as well, since Nate is not someone Nyssa can't handle.

"Are we going to train later?" Alec's deep stern voice laced with a bit of annoyance caught Nyssa's attention, making her look over to him. She bit back a smile forming because of the constricted look on his face, that even grew more pained when Nate butted in.

"Training? What do you train for?"

"Killing you." Alec merely stated as he shot him an icy glare.

Nyssa ignored them and responded to the first question. "No. I'm going to study with Sara after school. She needs help with chemistry."

With that, the image of Sara giving her a kiss flashed in her head once more, but this time it lingered.

When the bell rang, Nyssa got up and left the two guys alone.

"I know you don't like me." Nate said when Nyssa was out of earshot and before Alec got to his feet. He knew he needs to get on the other guy's good side or it would certainly be difficult to court Nyssa, when her sidekick/bodyguard/whatever his role is wants to rip him to pieces. He grabbed Alec's foreaem when he stood and tried to walk away.

"Hey!"

Which he knew was a mistake when Alec looked from his face to the hold Nate had on his arm and back to his face.

"You're right. I don't like you. And I don't like being touched. Especially by you." Alec hissed out the words and his glare was now shooting daggers at Nate.

Nate let his arm go. If he were to be honest, Alec scared the living shit out of him. Even though he towered over him be a few good inches, Alec looker meaner and more threatening, but he won't back down.

"Fine. I... I just thought that maybe... Maybe you could join our football team."

"And why would I do that?"

"You're strong. And yeah a bit mean. And I think you could use it to vent out some aggression."

"I'm doing just fine."

"Getting your ass whooped by Nyssa all the time? Yeah, you're great!" Sarcasm was evident in his voice but he stepped back a little in caution. "Besides, you'll have an excuse to get to beat on and toss around a bunch of guys with no one to stop you. And of course there'll also be ME."

He knew that got Alec thinking by the way he was wickedly smiling as if already planning on burrying him alive on the field.

"Maybe."

Then Alec walked away. At least it's a start.

\----------------

Sara didn't know why she felt so excited, even more than usual that classes were about to end. It's not like she would just sit back and relax when she gets home. In fact, she would still be studying. Chemistry. With Nyssa. She then also thought back to the moment when she kissed Nyssa's cheek on impulse. She didn't know why she did it. It registered to her after she had already did when she saw the surprise on Nyssa's face. It made her smile just thinking about it.

When her last class ended, she hurried off to her locked to put back her books. Opening it, something fell. A letter. Sara got even more giddy than she already was.

_Sara_ _,_

_I_ _don't_ _know_ _what_ _name_ _to_ _give_ _you_ _._ _I'm_ _afraid_ _that_ _whatever_ _I_ _could_ _think_ _of_ _would_ _give_ _me_ _away_ _._ _I'm_ _still_ _not_ _ready_ _for_ _that_ _._ _But_ _you_ _may_ _call_ _me_ _however_ _you_ _may_ _please_ _._

 _I_ _never_ _really_ _thought_ _that_ _I'll_ _ever_ _get_ _a_ _response_ _from_ _you_ _._ _All_ _I_ _actually_ _wanted_ _was_ _to_ _let_ _you_ _know_ _,_ _but_ _I'm_ _grateful_ _that_ _you_ _did_ _._ _Thank_ _you_ _._

 _I_ _can't_ _seem_ _to_ _get_ _you_ _off_ _my_ _mind_ _,_ _especially_ _after_ _you_ _wrote_ _to_ _me_ _._ _You're_ _in_ _my_ _thoughts_ _in_ _every_ _waking_ _moment_ _of_ _my_ _day_ _._ _Everywhere_ _I_ _turn_ _I_ _would_ _find_ _something_ _that_ _would_ _remind_ _me_ _of_ _you_ _._ _I_ _scan_ _amongst_ _crowds_ _in_ _hopes_ _of_ _seeing_ _you_ _._ _And_ _even_ _in_ _my_ _dreams_ _you_ _are_ _there_ _._ _There_ _within_ _my_ _reach_ _._ _But_ _then_ _I_ _wake_ _and_ _it's_ _all_ _gone_ _._ _It's_ _all_ _what_ _it_ _was_ _._ _A_ _dream_ _._ _I_ _hope_ _one_ _day_ _I_ _no_ _longer_ _need_ _to_ _dream_ _and_ _actually_ _be_ _able_ _to_ _hold_ _you_ _in_ _my_ _arms_ _._

Heat crept up Sara's cheek and she bit her lower lip to prevent her smile from spreading widely and making herself look like a fool. This guy's really something was all Sara could think of.

When Sara went her way out the building, she found Nyssa waiting for her. Nyssa had her back to her and she thought to take advantage of it and surprise her.

"You're not creeping up on me again."

Nyssa had heard Sara's footsteps and had caught her scent the moment she walked through the doors. She smelled sweet like dessert. Like cheesecake. Smooth, sweet, subtle, with a little citrus hint of lemon. She had long associated that smell with her.

Not even feeling a bit discouraged due, o the great day she was having, Sara simply walked to Nyssa's side when Nyssa just kept her back to her.

"Hi!" Sara then leaned in and gave Nyssa another kiss on the cheek. She beamed up a smile at her waiting for a response.

Nyssa bit back a smile and finally turned to face Sara. "What was that for?"

"Hmm? What? The kiss?"

"Yes."

Sara gave a small shrug.

"Nothing. I felt like it and thought you might need it to brighten your day."

Sara had no clue what her kiss does to Nyssa, but of course it's nothing Nyssa would like to show and admit.

"So you've forgiven me?"

Sara bounded down the steps and started walking backwards facing Nyssa as she followed her.

"Not quite. Getting there. Maybe."

Nyssa couldn't help but smile at Sara's cheerfulness.

"Do you mind walking to my house? It's kind of a long walk though. I don't have a car."

"I can have Alec drop us off."

Nyssa caught up with Sara and feel into step with her.

"Sure, if you want to, but I'm actually in the mood for a long walk."

"Then a long walk it is. Let me just inform him."

Alec was leaning on the front of a black Jeep, legs crossed and hands tucked in his front pockets.

"Hey." He nodded and Nyssa nodded back.

"Hi Alec!"

"Miss Lance." Alec smiled and gave a small bow in greeting.

"You can head on to the house by yourself. Sara and I will just walk."

"I see. Alright. Maybe I'll go check out the football team."

"You're going to join?" Sara asked curiously. She could definitely see him charging off and pummeling on some guys.

"Your friend Nate invited me." He directed the statement to Nyssa. "He said that if I join I'd get to beat the hell out of him on the field all I want. So I'm considering."

There it was again. The mention of Nate. It really made Sara want to find out if there was something between him and Nyssa. She'll ask, but not now. Maybe when it's just the two of them.

Nyssa and Sara started their long walk in comfortable silence. Both being contented with just walking alongside the other.

"Nyssa, can I ask you something?" Sara finally broke the silence, not being able to hold back the curiosity gnawing at her.

"Sure."

"What's going on with you and Nate?"

"Nothing." Her tone was clipped, clearly uninterested.

Sara whilred and started walking backwards again to get a closer look at Nyssa.

"Why does he hang around you a lot lately?"

"He asked if I would go out with him."

"You're dating?" Shock was evident in Sara voice as well as face.

Nyssa was carefully watching Sara's every backward step, ready to catch if ever she tripped.

"I told him I don't date."

"Really? At all? Or just not him? But why does he still hover if you've rejected him?"

"He said he'll try to change my mind. And I just let him be."

Sara paused awhile to think, while Nyssa continued walking.

"Is it why he apologized to me? I sae him glancing over to you when he was doing it."

Nyssa stopped as well and turned to see the soft expectant expression on Sara's face.

"Yes. I told him that it was you he should apologize to."

Sara walked closer to Nyssa and reached out for her hand linking theirs together like it's the most natural thing. She looked up to gaze into Nyssa's eyes, exchanging something that spoke more volume than words.

"Thank you."

\--------------

When they reached Sara's house, they easily settled in Sara's room to study. And so far, Sara was able to get some of it. Her brows were furrowing intently as she tried to figure out how to do the next one. She looked up and saw Nyssa staring at her.

"What?"

"You look...cute when you're serious."

Sara felt a blush creeping up her cheeks.

"Your brows furrow together and you pout a little when you're not biting your lip. I've never seen you so serious. Besides the time you were mad at me and probably wanted to kill me after I shot the arrow."

They were joking about the incident now. A good sign. They're getting comfortable with each other's company.

"So you found me cute even though you think I wanted to kill you?"

"Sara! You here?" Det. Quentin Lance boomed out through the hall saving Nyssa from answering Sara.

"Here, daddy."

"Oh. Who's your friend?"

"This is Nyssa. She's helping me with chemistry. Nyssa, my dad, Det. Quentin Lance of the SCPD." Sara beamed with pride.

"Det. Lance."

"Can I get you girls anything?"

"We're okay. We had some sandwiches earlier."

"I like her. You're studying. Nyssa. It's Nyssa, right? Make sure my baby girl gets her grades up." Quentin teased and gave Sara a kiss on her head with great affection. "Alright. I'll leave you two to your studying."

"Thanks, dad."

"If you get my grades up, my parents will love you and probably adopt you."

Sara jumped on the bed and sat next to Nyssa.

"And if I pass the test tomorrow, I might keep you as my study buddy."

Sara linked her fingers with Nyssa and cuddled a little closer to her side. Both wishfully hoping that Sara would pass tomorrow's test.


	7. Dreams

Sara almost forgot to write a reply letter the night before, after she and Nyssa had finished studying. And she almost left it at home because she was so nervous about the test. She realized how much more nerve-racking it was that she had prepared and the possibility of her failing still there. She took a deep breath to calm herself. She opened her locker and didn't find a note. Good she thought, she wanted to leave hers before the guy.

_Dear_ _..._ _YOU_ _,_

_Yeah_ _._ _I_ _also_ _can't_ _think_ _of_ _a_ _name_ _to_ _call_ _you_ _._ _So_ _,_ _tell_ _me_ _about_ _those_ _dreams_ _?_ _I've_ _also_ _dreamt_ _of_ _you_ _._ _Well_ _,_ _sort_ _of_ _._ _Cause_ _I_ _still_ _don't_ _know_ _what_ _you_ _look_ _like_ _,_ _you're_ _kind_ _of_ _like_ _a_ _shape shifter_ _in_ _my_ _dreams_ _._ _I_ _imagine_ _different_ _types_ _of_ _you_ _trying_ _to_ _guess_ _._ _Maybe_ _one_ _of_ _those_ _guesses_ _might_ _be_ _close_ _to_ _the_ _real_ _one_ _._ _I_ _hope_ _I_ _don't_ _have_ _to_ _imagine_ _anymore_ _._ _Soon_ _._

_~Sara_

"Hey! God! I've been studying all night and I don't know if something did get stuck in my brain. I think I'm going to be sick. I don't want to take the test."

Max walked up to Sara by her locker being dramatic and feigning sickness.

"You look awful."

Max had dark circles under her eyes.

"I know. And you look...nervous. But other than that you look...great. I hate you. What did you do? Didn't you study?" She was giving Sara an accusatory look.

"I did. With Nyssa."

"Oh. And?" Max tried to mask the jealousy with disinterest.

"I think I understood some. I just hope I don't forget."

"Oh. I hate you."

"You love me. And I didn't tell you to figure all those out on your own."

"Yeah. My mistake. Ben's notes are neat and very organized. He even put sticky papers to guide me."

"But?"

"It's freaking boring and difficult to understand nonetheless!"

"You should ask him to teach you. He'd do that. He likes you."

"Maybe. Or can't I just group study with you and Nyssa? It'll be more fun?"

Max was hoping. It will be like killing two birds with one stone. She'd get her studying in and get to spend time with Nyssa...well, and Sara. She loves her best friend and she knows she'll have to tell her eventually, so whatever goes.

"I don't know. It's kinda off when you put studying and fun together. It mostly ends up fun with you." Sara was a bit hesitant. She'd want to help Max but she considers those study sessions, if they were to continue, to be her and Nyssa's thing. It's weird that she's feeling kind of possessive about it. She just really enjoyed spending time with Nyssa. Just the two of them. "But, sure, I'll ask Nyssa."

As if on cue, Nyssa walked by them and heard her name being said.

"Ask me what?"

Feeling a bit shy and not wanting to be part of the conversation, especially in case Nyssa says no, Max excused herself. Nyssa on the other hand was just looking at Sara waiting for the question.

"Walk with me."

Nyssa obliged even when Sara took her hand in hers.

"What is it about?"

Max saw them walking through the hallway hand in hand, and couldn't help but feel envious. But at least they are close enough that maybe Sara could persuade Nyssa to let her join their study sessions.

"Sara." Nyssa held her ground with Sara's hand still in hers to keep her from walking and avoiding the conversation. And she can clearly see the hesitation in Sara's movements.

"Nothing. It's just... Max was wondering if you could also help her study. If she could join our study sessions."

Sara was nibbling on her lower lip and wouldn't look at Nyssa.

"I see. Why do I get the feeling you don't want me to?"

Sara's head snapped up to look at Nyssa. The frankness of Nyssa's words had caught her off guard.

"It's not that. I... Ah... Nevermind."

Sara tried to walk away but Nyssa's firm grip kept her in place.

"Sara. Look at me."

But she wouldn't look.

"If you don't want it, then we won't do it."

"She's my friend. I want to help her. Is it okay with you?"

"Is it okay with you?"

"Nyssa."

"Sara, you got me first. To be honest, I don't even do this at all, but I'm doing it for you. I'm making it up to you, aren't I? This is all you. It's your call. If you're not comfortable with it or you think you won't be able to concentrate with her around, then we won't do it."

Nyssa was hoping that Sara won't change her mind and insist on Max joining them. She too doesn't want to share her time with Sara.

Sara finally looked at Nyssa.

"Why do you have to be so nice?"

To that, Nyssa just smiled.

"But I don't know what to tell her."

"Then let me."

They started walking again, hands still linked together.

"No, she's my friend. I should tell her."

"Okay."

When they had to part ways for each of their classes, both were reluctant to let go of the other, but they had to, so they just lingered a little longer.

"I'll see you later. Thanks, Nyssa."

Nyssa gave her hand a slight squeeze before letting go.

"Of course."

\---------------

Sara was still thinking about how selfish she was being trying to keep Nyssa to herself, when wasn't even hers to keep. It's stupid really, she thought, added to the fact that not just long ago she was so pissed at Nyssa when she almost drilled an arrow through her head, and now she's being possessive of her. She can't think about it now. She really shouldn't, especially since chemistry was her next class. Fog-headed, she hadn't realized thay she had gone to her locker and opened it. When she did, she found a beautiful lively sunflower and a note.

 _Thought_ _this_ _would_ _brighten_ _your_ _day_ _._ _The_ _liveliness_ _of_ _sunflowers_ _always_ _remind_ _me_ _of_ _you_ _._ _Good_ _luck_ _on_ _your_ _test_ _._

_~ME_

Sara let out a small giggle. _'_ _ME_ _._ _That's_ _cute_ _.'_ Sara thought to herself as she took both the note and the flower and tucked both carefully in her bag.

Sara sat beside Nyssa in class as they waited for the test papers to be handed out.

"You're happy." Max wad seated just in front of them. "Who's that from?" She pointed to the sunflower hanging on Sara's bag. "Is it from him?" Max gleefully asked.

Sara blushed a little and hoped Max wouldn't make so much fuss about it. "Yeah, it is."

"It suits you." Nyssa commented which made Sara blush even more.

"Thanks. You think I could pass this?"

"You can do this." Nyssa reached out for Sara's hand under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It eased Sara's nerves and was able to answer the test with extreme concentration and clamness.

"Oh, that was hell! I don't want to do that again. I need to eat something good. Burgers or pizza later?" Max kept on complaining after the test, she was mostly confused about everything, but Sara thought it wasn't that bad, she remembered some and hopefully she'd get a good grade.

"Sure. Hey, Nyssa! We're going for pizza or burgers later after school. Would you like to join?" Sara hurried off to Nyssa when she saw her. "It's just me and Max. She's stressed, she wants to eat. A lot. You can bring Alec...or Nate."

She deliberately mentioned Nate to tease her and got a small in return.

"I would love to, but I actually have plans for later."

Sara was a bit disappointed which she tried not to show but Nyssa caught on.

"Oh. Alright. You going out with Nate?" She tried again to be playful.

"Not a chance. Anyway, I have to go. And Max is waiting for you."

Max was impatiently looking around and glancing back at them.

"Have you talked to her?"

"Not yet."

Now, it was evident that Sara was a bit uncomfortable about it and was chewing on her bottom lip again.

\----------

Sara and Max were walking by shops choosing where to eat.

"So, you haven't told me. What did Nyssa say?"

Sara's mind was else where. "Say about what?"

"The group study thing."

"I...I don't know. She's not sure about it."

Sara's been trying to avoid having the conversation the entire day and now she still doesn't know what to say

"You two seem close already and she kinda owes you, right? Can't you persuade her?"

"Don't you think that's imposing too much?" Sara's tone came out a little harsher than she had intended.

"Woah! Okay. Maybe I'll ask her myself. Cranky much? Anyway, let's eat here."

They entered the small pizza place and were looking for empty seats, when they spotted a beautiful blonde girl waving and calling out to them.

"Sara! Max! Hey!"

They walked over to her and didn't notice the other girl sitting across from the blonde.

"Hi Rebecca!" Sara greeted her with a warm smile and a hug lifting her cranky mood a little.

Rebecca's like an older sister to Sara. Sometimes even more than her actual sister, Laurel is. She was the captain of the cheer squad before she graduated the year before and had always looked out for Sara.

"It's been a while, huh? It's great to see you two. Oh, by the way. I don't know if you know each other she also goes to school and is the same year with you guys..."

It was just then that Sara and Max noticed the dark-haired beauty sitting across from Rebecca.

"Nyssa?" Sara said with a bit surprise.

"Hi Sara."

"Good! You know each other. Join us. I already ordered if you don't mind."

The two girls slowly slid into the booth sitting beside the other two. Max beside Rebecca. And Sara beside Nyssa.

"So, how do you know each other?" Max asked while Sara just sat silently.

"Well..." Rebecca adjusted herself in her seat trying to get more comfortable.

"Nyssa and I..." She looked over to Nyssa as if asking permission, and Nyssa just shrugged her shoulders giving her one. "We...dated."

Max and Sara went wide-eyed in shock.

"You dated? As in each other?" Max asked and couldn't help but gape at them.

"Yeah. That's how it works."

"You're gay?"

Rebecca gave out a hearty laugh.

"God, Max! That wasn't a secret. I can't believe you didn't know."

Sara looked at Nyssa accusingly. She didn't exactly know how she felt about the information and what to say or how to react to it.

"You said you don't date." She finally said to Nyssa.

"I don't." Nyssa answered flatly. She could feel the stares of the three girls, all full of question, which she just ignored.

"Then... Why? I'm confused." Sara huffed out a frustrated breath, straightened in her seat, and paid no attention to the curious looks of Max and Rebecca.

"What is she talking about?" Rebecca asked Nyssa, but Nyssa didn't answer.

"Nyssa. Sara?" Rebecca's tone became more serious.

Nyssa gave a quick glance at Sara, waiting if she was going to tell the story. Nyssa really wanted to reach over to Sara, hold her, tell her what ever it is she wanted her to say, wipe away the pissed off look on Sara's face, and make her smile, but she clamped down the urge to do so.

Not being able to take Sara's silence any longer, Nyssa spoke up.

"Nathaniel. Remember the guy I just told you about?"

Max's brows drew closer together in confusion, not being able to follow through with the conversation, while realization dawned on Rebecca's face.

"Oh. The one who asked you out."

She looked closely at Sara trying to get a read on her reactions.

"In all technicality, Nyssa doesn't date. We were together but we didn't actually date. We sort of just happened. We were together for months already before I was able to get her to go out on a date with me. I know it's confusing. Basically, she doesn't like labeling things. If it happens, it happends. No need to define it. And no offense to Nate, he's cute and nice, but he's not Nyssa's type."

"But it's okay if you label it?" Max added.

"Yeah! Of course. She'll agree to anything I say. Not really. Almost. She loves me that much to let me define us."

"Then why did you two break up?"

"I graduated. We agreed to giving each other the chance to see someone else."

Nyssa and Sara were just silent at their side of the booth as Max and Rebecca talked.

"Drifted apart?"

"No. We still love each other." Rebecca longingly looked at Nyssa pausing a while before she continued. "But I knew Nyssa was in love with someone else."

Any other thought on the subject was cut off when their pizza arrived. Other topics were discussed, but Sara just sat their silently as she ate her pizza slice.

They finished and said their goodbyes, with Sara not saying another word throughout.

\-----------

Sara was lying asleep on her bed. She twisted and turned a little, and felt slim strong arms wrapping her in a tender embrace. She carefully turned to face the person beside her, wanting to keep the warm touch on her.

"Nyssa?"

Nyssa opened her eyes and lifted her hand to brush Sara's cheeks.

"I'm here, Sara."

Sara drew her body closer to Nyssa's, wanting to feel her warmth. She looked back at Nyssa's face, taking in the beautiful woman lying beside her. She could feel her heart racing as she leaned in closer. Inches away from touching her lips to hers. She took in a shaky breath...

Sara opened her eyes finding her heart racing from the dream she just had. She turned in her bed and there was no one there with her.

"What the hell was that?"

\----------

_Sara_ _,_

_In_ _my_ _dreams_ _,_ _I_ _often_ _find_ _myself_ _running_ _._ _Running_ _from_ _something_ _._ _Running_ _after_ _something_ _._ _Sometimes_ _after_ _you_ _._ _Each_ _time_ _along_ _the_ _way_ _,_ _I_ _would_ _find_ _you_ _._ _We_ _normally_ _don't_ _talk_ _._ _I_ _just_ _walk_ _to_ _you_ _,_ _hold_ _you_ _,_ _and_ _hope_ _I_ _would_ _never_ _have_ _to_ _let_ _go_ _._ _There_ _are_ _times_ _that_ _I_ _would_ _find_ _you_ _,_ _I_ _would_ _run_ _to_ _you_ _but_ _you_ _seem_ _too_ _far_ _away_ _,_ _then_ _you_ _would_ _smile_ _at_ _me_ _,_ _and_ _nothing_ _else_ _would_ _matter._ _I_ _would_ _wake_ _up_ _with_ _a_ _smile_ _on_ _my_ _face_ _._

 _There_ _was_ _a_ _time_ _that_ _I_ _was_ _chasing_ _after_ _you_ _._ _I_ _was_ _running_ _down_ _stairs_ _,_ _jumping_ _over_ _things_ _._ _You_ _weren't_ _going_ _that_ _fast_ _but_ _I_ _felt_ _I_ _had_ _to_ _do_ _all_ _those_ _things_ _just_ _to_ _catch_ _up_ _to_ _you_ _._ _And_ _when_ _I_ _did_ _,_ _I_ _found_ _you_ _crying_ _._ _It_ _broke_ _my_ _heart_ _._ _I_ _asked_ _you_ _why_ _but_ _you_ _didn't_ _answer_ _._ _I_ _held_ _you_ _close_ _to_ _me_ _._ _I_ _told_ _you_ _it_ _will_ _all_ _be_ _okay_ _._ _I'm_ _here_ _for_ _you_ _._ _And_ _I_ _told_ _you_ _how_ _I_ _feel_ _about_ _you_ _._

 _I_ _want_ _to_ _be_ _that_ _for_ _you_ _._ _The_ _one_ _to_ _make_ _things_ _okay_ _for_ _you_ _._ _The_ _one_ _to_ _make_ _you_ _smile_ _and_ _make_ _you_ _feel_ _better_ _when_ _you_ _cry_ _._ _But_ _I_ _guess_ _I_ _have_ _to_ _let_ _you_ _know_ _who_ _I_ _am_ _first_ _._ _In_ _time_ _._

_~Me_

The letter and the dream she had of Nyssa the other day had left Sara's thoughts floating. She wanted to apologize to Nyssa for how she acted the other day with Rebecca. She still hadn't talked to her. Hadn't thanked her for helping her get a C+ on her chemistry test. Her mind had just been somewhere else all day.

She looked all over for Nyssa when classes ended. She found her fixing her things by the archery range.

"Nyssa, can we talk?"

Nyssa was getting her gear ready for a practice. She put everything down and turned to Sara.

"Are you still mad at me?"

Sara bit her lip feeling embarassed by her actions.

"I wasn't mad at you. I actually don't know how I felt then. Most likely stupid. I guess. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize."

"I also wanted to thank you for helping me study and I thought maybe you'd like to go buy some ice cream or what."

Nyssa walked back to her things without saying a word, making Sara think that she was shooting her down.

"I'll just put these back."

When she finished putting away her gear, she walked over to Sara. She lifted Sara's chin a little with her finger to make her look at her straight in the eyes.

"We're not going anywhere unless you smile for me, Sara. I feel you're still mad at me when you don't."

Sara blushed a little and smiled.

"Better."

\-----------

They went to a cozy pastry shop for some cake. Sara bought them a slice each. A decadent chocolate cake for herself and a creamy cheesecake for Nyssa.

"Of course." Nyssa smiled to herself.

"What?"

"Nothing. Do you know you smell like cheesecake?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I caught your scent when you were getting too close to me in chemistry. Sweet, subtle, and a touch of lemon."

"Oh. Maybe my soap." Sara was surprised and touched that Nyssa noted little details about her like that.

They fell in silence for a while. Just taking small bites off their cakes and glancing up at each other.

The image of her dream still vivid in her mind and the one that the guy had painted in her thoughts from the note, Sara got curious about Nyssa's dreams.

"Nyssa. Can I ask you something? I know it's strange, but..."

"What is it?"

Sara put down her fork and looked at Nyssa straight on.

"What do you dream about when you're sleeping?"

The oddity and randomness of the question made Nyssa smile and think.

"Mostly, it's darkness. There are times that I would see a light. Sometimes faint, sometimes bright. But there's always darkness."

Nyssa looked out to the distance as if she was dreaming while awake. What she left out to say was that in her dream, the light was Sara.


	8. Beauty Beyond Clear Blue Skies

Max was doing laps in the pool early in the morning at school. She was surprised when she resurfaced. She found Nyssa standing by the edge of the pool waiting for her with a towel in hand. Max took the towel and wrapped it around her sleek body.

"Hey. Thanks."

Max waited for Nyssa to say something as she went to fix her things.

"I know Sara has probably talked to you already about the group studying. I hope you take no offense on it. It's just that I don't really do that kind of thing."

Max looked at Nyssa curiously as she toweled off her hair.

"But you do it with Sara because you owe her."

"Yes."

"Okay. Nothing to worry about anyway. Got talking to Rebecca and she offered to teach me. She's kind of a chemistry nerd."

"Yes, she is." Nyssa smiled as she remembered the times she and Rebecca would study and Rebecca would just scoff at her chemistry works.

Nyssa was on her way out when Max called out to her again.

"Hey! Rebecca and I are hanging out this Saturday. I haven't asked Sara, but would you like to come with us?"

Nyssa thought for a moment which made Max nervous that she would refuse.

"Sure. I'll be there."

Max bit her lips together to stop the goofy grin that was forming.

\------------

"By the way, we're going out on Saturday. You, me, Becca, and Nyssa."

Sara and Max were at the cafeteria line getting their food.

"Really?" Sara was surprised at the arrangement.

"Yeah. Rebecca asked me if I...we want to hang out, and I said sure." Max shrugged her shoulders for emphasis as they looked for empty seats.

"So, she and Nyssa are going and they invited us?"

"Technically, Becca invited me. I said I'll bring you along, then Nyssa talked to me, I ended up inviting her. Already told Becca."

Before Sara could answer, she was tripped by someone, making her drop her tray and falling on the floor.

The guys at the table snickered finding it funny, obviously one of them did it.

Max offered Sara a hand to get up, but Sara didn't take it, instead she knelt down and picked up the remnants of her fallen tray.

"What the hell's your problem?" Max shouted at the guy.

"You should watch where you're going."

"You did that on purpose."

The guy got up and stood face to face with Max.

"Can you prove it?" He challenged.

"Back off, man." Nate was suddenly standing next to the guy. "They didn't do anything to you."

The guy then turned to Nate and shoved him a little. "So, you're friends with these bitches now, Nate?"

"Oh just shut up!"

Annoyed, the other guy pushed Nate hard that made him trip on one of the chairs to make him fall on his ass.

"What are you gonna do about it?"

Nate tried to get up, but by the time he did, a strong arm was holding him off before he lept at the guy. He saw Alec with a stern face holding him.

"Not worth it."

Nyssa then walked past Nate and Alec. She knelt down in front of Sara, who stopped picking things up when Nate fell.

"Are you alright?" Nyssa looked straight into Sara's eyes. She saw embarrasment there, but Sara nodded okay, so she let it pass for now.

She helped Sara to her feet then turned to the guy. Sara reached out for Nyssa's hand trying to stop her.

"Nyssa, no."

She wasn't planning on doing anything rash, but it helped keep her calm.

"You're lucky I had him held off."

The guy scoffed. "He can't take me. Even you can't. You gonna shoot me with those arrows of yours? "

Nyssa gave him a grim smile and a deadly stare. "Don't test me."

"I ain't scared of you."

It was Alec who answered next. "You should be."

"Take him." Nyssa said to Alec referring to Nate.

"Sure. I'm getting quite fond of this ugly fellow."

"I'll be fine." Nate protested, but Alec dragged him off.

"You don't argue with Nyssa. She's looking out for you. If I left you there, you'll get beat up by the time I get out the door."

Nyssa and Max took Sara to the bathroom to clean her up. Sara had scraped her hand a little when she fell, and got some food on her clothes. Nyssa tended to her hand, while Max tried to wipe off the stains. Sara just sat by the sink and let them.

"Do you have an extra shirt? I can't get the stains out."

"I think I have one in the locker room."

"Okay, I'll get it."

Max rushed out the bathroom, leaving Nyssa carefully washing Sara's scraped hand.

"How did you get this?"

"I'm not sure."

Nyssa then patted Sara's hand dry. She looked at her carefully, then lifted her chin to make her look at her eye to eye.

"I'm okay." Sara said weakly as she tried to look away.

Surprising Sara and herself, Nyssa leaned in and gave her a light kiss on the cheek, just a brush away from the lips. When she pulled back, she saw the sheer astonishment on Sara's face and the blush creeping in on it.

"What was that for?"

Nyssa let go of Sara's chin and took both of her hands, that was laying on top of Sara's lap, in hers. She looked solemnly deep into her eyes and smiled.

"I thought you might need it."

Sara smiled back.

They both looked by the door, when Max entered, and didn't even think to pull apart.

Max looked at each one of them, their linked hands, then back. She felt like she was intruding on something, but she proceeded to hand Sara her shirt.

"Here."

"Thanks."

Sara took the shirt with one hand, the other still holding onto Nyssa. She turned back to Nyssa and hesitated a little before saying, "I'll just go change."

"Okay."

Sara slipped her hand away from Nyssa's and went into a stall to change.

Max carefully examined Nyssa with a steady gaze, which didn't go unnoticed by Nyssa.

"Is there something you want to say?" Nyssa said without even looking. She was staring blankly at the door of the stall Sara was in.

"Nothing." Max replied and kept to herself her own thoughts that she definitely has to do something before she loses all her hope with Nyssa, because she could see whatever it is that is going on between Nyssa and Sara in bound to get somewhere. She needs to do something while nothing serious is going on between them. She knew she could just be being paranoid, but the way they look at each other, hold each other's hands, linger on every moment together, she can't help it. She should at least give the matter with Nyssa a try. Soon.

Sara went out of the stall with her stained shirt in hand, still feeling a bit embarrassed, but she tried to force a smile.

"Thanks. I know that I must be a bother to the both of you by now, especially to you, Nyssa. I appreciate you being here with me."

"Bother?! Who the hell do you think I am? I'm not some random kid lending you a hand! I'm your freaking best friend! You're never a bother to me, so cut that out!"

Max raised her voice a little, feeling hurt and offended by Sara's words. Then, she looked at Sara and softened her disposition.

"Come her." Max pulled Sara in a hug wanting to comfort and protect her friend. "Never think that, okay?"

Sara nodded her head in response.

"I guess I'll go ahead now. You'll be okay?" Nyssa interrupted. She wanted to stay by her side, but knew she shouldn't.

"Yes. Thank you, Nyssa. We'll still study later, right?"

"Of course, if that's what you'd like, but I'll just meet you there."

"I'll drive her home later." Max suggested, thinking it would give her time to talk to her friend to get her thoughts out and preoccupy Sara's.

"Yes. I think that's best. I'll see you later." Nyssa walked up to Sara again and lifter her chin to make her look at her, but Sara diverted her gaze elsewhere.

"Smile, Sara." When all it got her was a sigh, she added, "for me?"

And a small smile did bloom on Sara's lips, then looked Nyssa in the eye.

"Thank you." Nyssa smiled in return before she headed off.

\---------------------------

Time flew by for both Nyssa and Sara. All Nyssa could think of was how would she comfort Sara to see a bright smile back on her face.

She let out her frustration in a sweaty sparring with Alec. Throwing and receiving blow after blow. She couldn't get the sadness she saw in Sara's eyes out of her mind; she didn't notice that she had beaten Alec unconscious to the ground, until Nate pulled her off him and she almost swung a fist at him for even daring to do so.

"Sorry." Nyssa's chest was heaving and she wiped some of the sweat pouring on her forehead with the back of her hand.

"It's okay." Nate was dumbfoundedly staring at Alec's unconscious form.

"Don't worry about him. He'll be fine."

Nate looked at Nyssa, quite astonished by what she did.

"Oh. Not worried about him even a little. Amazed that he's still breathing after what you did to him though. And it's good to see him like that sometimes. He seems...harmless." He grinned at Nyssa and Alec's lying body.

"Yes. It appears so." Nyssa took the water Nate handed her and downed half the bottle. She grabbed a towel and wiped at the sweat dripping out of her skin.

"I would like to drive you home." Nate was standing nervously and was a bit surprised with what he had blurted out, but it's out there, and he actually does want to do it. It would give him some time with her.

"I'm not going home yet after this. I'd be heading to Sara's."

"I'll drive you there. Please."

Nyssa wanted to decline, but the pleading look on him as if he didn't just want it but needed it, made her say yes.

"I'll just take a quick shower."

Nate was anxiously waiting for Nyssa by his car. He left the gym the moment Nyssa went for the showers. He didn't want to be there alone when Alec wakes up. He might get beat up if ever the other guy wakes up in a foul mood.

He opened the car door for Nyssa to get in when she arrived outside.

Nyssa cautiously slid into the passenger seat, then Nate quickly strided to the driver's side. They pulled out of the parking lot in silence with only the low hum of the air-conditioning heard in the background.

Nate looked over at Nyssa, who was looking out the window. He wondered what thoughts would occupy the mind of such a person. What would put the longingness in the eyes of a person with such strong character?

"How's Sara, by the way?"

Nyssa took a huge breath of air in before answering.

"She's tough. She'll be alright."

"I really wish you hadn't stopped me."

"You couldn't have taken him. And the other guys would have ganged up on you, if you had."

"At least I wouldn't feel so useless and pathetic."

Nyssa's head snapped to look at him and saw how bad Nate was feeling.

"That wouldn't have avhieved anything and would have only gotten you in trouble. I don't take back what I did. But know that you standing up to that guy like that is much appreciated."

"Sorry about them. I don't know what on earth's wrong with them."

"Why are you friends with them?"

"I don't know. It's just the way it is, I guess. Being on the same team and all."

"You might be on the same team, but it doesn't mean that you should be friends."

Nate looked at Nyssa and back at the road. He knew she had a point, but he couldn't help but feel that he is one of them.

"I know what you're thinking. You're not like them, Nathaniel. You're better, so do better."

"Can I just tag along with you and Alec then?"

He gave Nyssa a wistful smile which she returned with her own.

"It's fine by me. I just don't know with Alec."

"I think I'm growing on him...and on you."

Nyssa shifted in her seat a little, preparing herself for where the conversation was heading.

"Yeah, I guess."

"I told you I'll change your mind. And be honest, I am getting there."

"About that..."

Nate braced himself for the rejection that he knew was coming.

"You are turning out to be quite different from what I had assumed you to be, and I do enjoy your company from time to time, but this won't be going anywhere. There won't be anything more between us."

"Is there another guy? There has to be another guy for you not to be interested in me, if you're saying those things. Or I'm just full of myself to even assume that I can convince you."

"There is no other guy."

"So it's just me. I'm not exactly what you're looking for."

"As a manner of speaking, yes. To tell you the truth, it's not just that I'm not interested in you, well in any guy for that matter. I'm actually more interested in women."

The admission had caught Nate off guard that he had almost swerved to a lamp post.

"What?!"

Nyssa had expected a reaction such as that, but still didn't know what to say in return, since she had never really said it out loud to anyone. Nonetheless, she decided to continue telling him the truth.

"I've never actually admitted that to anyone. I never thought that I have to explain myself to anyone. Explain who I am.  I don't care what others think of me. But you, you're like...a friend. And I think you deserve to know."

Nate just looked straight on at the road ahead, trying to digest the information and contemplating on how to respond to it.

Nyssa didn't want care about what Nate would think, but somehow, it means something. She really does have considered him a friend. A luxury she had denied herself of, because it is also a weakness for someone like her. She just hopes he would understand. If he doesn't, she would be disappointed, but she will accept it. At least she wouldn't have to worry about him being a part of her life.

Nate didn't speak for a while. His face painted with frustrated confusion, then it relaxed a little with a sigh, and broke into a smile.

"That's quite something. I thought you were going to tell me some shit that I'm just not good enough or whatever. But that's...yeah, something."

He took a quick glance at Nyssa and saw that she was smiling as well. She was glad that he was taking it well.

"So, I guess I've never really had a chance, huh? What if I was a girl? Would it have had a difference?"

"I don't know. Maybe, if you were pretty and not so full of yourself like the first time I met you."

Nate laughed. He was glad that even though he doesn't have any chance with Nyssa, he knew that they could be good friends. And he knew it would be interesting.

"I think I'll be pretty."

"See, I told you, you're full of yourself."

And they both ended up laughing. Nyssa also thought the same about them being friends. She already feels that she could trust him, which isn't something easy for her to do.

"Hey. Why don't we stop by for some ice cream? I really could use some. A great way to cool off and take the edge off the day."

He knew that she might be considering it, but he also knew that she already had  plans. He continued on, when Nyssa didn't say anything.

"We won't eat there. Just buy some. Maybe you could buy some for Sara. It would sure make her feel better."

With the mention of Sara's name, Nate saw a glint of light in Nyssa's eyes. And right then, he knew that there may not be another guy, but there definitely is someone else.

"Sure. I think that'll be great."

\--------------------

Max and Sara arrived at Sara's place after a long quiet drive. Max was worried about her. She had looked a bit glum all day. Max had offered to grab some pizza or ice cream before they left school, but Sara refused and just sat quietly at the passenger seat of her car, while distantly looking out the window.

They entered the house and went straight to the kitchen, where Sara plopped herself down on one of the chairs by the counter, while Max rummaged through the cupboards to get some glasses and went to get some juice from the fridge, feeling quite at home.

"So, what's the deal with you? You don't normally let those things get to you." Max poured juice into the glasses and handed one to Sara.

"I don't know. Getting tired of it, I guess. Can we not talk about it?"

Max looked closely at her sulking friend and decided that it was better to just talk about something else.

"Can I ask you something?"

Sara didn't answer, but Max took it as a sign to continue. She took a deep breath as she gathered courage for what she was about to say.

"Do you like Nyssa?"

Sara swiftly whipped her head up to stare at Max, wondering where did that all come from all of a sudden.

"Of course, she's great!"

Sara stated as if she had been asked the most absurd question she has ever heard.

"No. I mean, do you LIKE her?" Max repeated, giving more emphasis on the word 'like' as if that would stress her point.

"Where are you getting at?"

Sara deflected, not know what to answer to the question herself.

Max started pacing back and forth, trying to figure out how to tell her friend what was on her mind.

"Remember that I promised to tell you about the person I really like?"

Sara didn't say anything and just nodded in response, still a bit confused where it was heading.

"The truth is..." Max let out a breath that she hadn't realized she was holding and looked directly at Sara. "I like Nyssa."

Sara was stunned. She didn't know how to respond to Max's revelation.

Max took her lack of response negatively, and she also kept quiet while fidgeting.

"Really?" Sara finally said. "Nyssa?"

"I kind of have had a crush on her for a year or so."

"Really?"

"Are you mad?"

"Mad?! I'm pissed!! Sara raised her voice that made Max cringe. "How could you keep something like that from me?! You preach about being best friend and all, yet you're the one keeping vital information!!"

Sara was steaming a bit, but Max was relieved. She thought she was mad about her liking Nyssa, but it was only because she didn't tell her. It was still a big deal, but it's easier to get over with, as long as you tell her everything now.

When Sara had finally calmed down, she smiled and said, "Now, tell me all about it."

Max told her about the story they first met by the pool. How it was like. How it made her feel. And about all the other encounters she had with Nyssa, whether when she was with Sara or not.

By the end of the stories, Sara's eyes were filled with amusement she could barely contain. She was happy for her and was glad that she finally told her. It was like seeing her friens in a new light. Max had never seemed the gushing type over anyone, but when she was talking about Nyssa and had finally let her guard down, Sara could see that maybe she was, even a little.

"So when you asked me if you could study with Nyssa..." Sara left the statement hanging.

"Sort of. You know I really need help in studying, but spending some time with her would have beena great plus."

Sara then boomed out laughing, and Max followed suit.

Nyssa had heard their loud laughter even before she reached the front door of Sara's house, and it made her smile, knowing that Sara must be feeling better now. She knocked and the laughter stopped. The two girls stared at each other like they were about to be caught doing something bad.

"That must be Nyssa."

They both smiled and were laughing again, when Sara got up and went to get the door.

"Hi!" She beamed at Nyssa and held the door open to let her in.

They went to the kitchen to find Max cleaning up and gathering her things.

"Hey, Nyssa."

"Maxine."

"I gotta go ahead."

Sara was biting back a smile, knowing that Max was trying to avoid the confrontation, especially after what he had just confessed.

"I bought some ice cream. Please join us."

Nyssa took out the small tubs of ice cream she bought.

"Yeah. Even just for ice cream." Sara's tone had a hint of teasing, which got her a threatening look from Max.

"Really can't, but since you offered, maybe I'll just take one. Ooh! Choco chip cookie dough."

She grabbed it and thanked Nyssa before walking away.

' _I'm_ _going_ _to_ _talk_ _to_ _her_ _.'_ Sara mouthed off to her before she got out the door.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing."

"Okay. I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Yeah, I am. What else do you have?"

"Mint choco chip and brownie fudge."

"You bought a lot."

"Didn't know what you like. I almost bought every flavor they had."

Sara laughed imagining Nyssa in the ice cream store relentlessly pondering on what flavor to buy.

"Nate said these were really good."

"You were with him?"

"Yeah. He drove me here. Let's start?"

Sara didn't know what to feel especially for her friend. She just grabbed a bowl and two spoons, then scooped up some ice cream to the bowl.

"Thank you for bringing this. It's soothing."

They were seated on Sara's bed with books all around, and were eating the ice cream. Well, mostly just Sara.

"It's nothing. Can you hand me your chemistry?"

Sara handed it to Nyssa. She then took a spoonful and offered it to Nyssa.

"Here. I've been eating almost the entire thing."

Nyssa was reaching out to get the spoon from Sara, but Sara insisted on her doing it. Nyssa hesitated a bit, but opened her mouth so Sara could feed her the ice cream. She could feel a knot forming in her stomach because of the small sweet gesture. She ignored it and went back to opening the book.

She flipped through the pages and found a paper stuck in it with Sara's name written on the outside.

"Do you know that there's a note here for you?"

Sara's eyes went wide in excitement, she had almost forgotten about those things.

Nyssa handed it to her. She thought for a moment and asked Nyssa to read it to her, which she obliged.

 _ _Sara__ __Lance__ _ _,__

__You're beautiful. You may not know it, but you are_ _   
__You're the most amazing person I know by far_ _   
__Your adventurous spirit intrigue me the most_ _   
__But beside all you can do, you dare not boast_ _

__Your eyes,__ _ _oh__ __those__ __precious__ _ _eyes__  
 _ _Captures so much beauty beyond the clear blue skies__  
 _ _They're all I can think of day and night__  
 _ _As wonderful and stunning as the stars shining bright__

__These words, this poem, they're not enough to capture the sense of your beauty_ _   
__It would take a lifetime to do that fairly_ _   
__I hope this simple gesture would make you_ _ _smile_   
__It would make all my efforts worth while_ _

_~_ __Me_ _

While Nyssa was reading the poem, Sara couldn't help but get captivated by the way she was saying those words. She had drifted off and hand imagined Nyssa putting down the paper and driven by the emotion radiating from the poem, had grabbed her and kissed her. The kiss was fierce and passionate. Her lips parted, offering entrance for Nyssa's tongue. Then...

"Sara."

Nyssa had finished reading and was still seated at the other side of the bed opposite her.

Sara blushed.

"Wow. That was..."

She didn't know what to say. She had barely heard anything Nyssa was reading after she started daydreaming of them kissing.

"Beautiful." Nyssa finished for her. "Like you. And just for you."

Sara was feeling breathless with the way Nyssa was looking at her. She put the bowl she was holding aside and also took the note and book from Nyssa.

"I don't feel like studying today."

Sara sat herself between Nyssa's legs and leaned her head back on her shoulders. She grabbed Nyssa's hands and wrapped them around her, but she could still feel the stiffness of Nyssa's posture.

"Relax. I can't, if you don't."

Nyssa's body slowly relaxed and was surprised by the way Sara's body fits with hers.

"Tell me about something."

"About what?"

"Anything."

Nyssa thought for a good story to tell. She remembered one that her father had always told her of when she was little.

Halfway through the story, Nyssa noticed that Sara had fallen fast asleep. She stayed there, not wanting to disturb the beautiful girl she was holding in her arms.

Sara was having a dream. Nyssa was lying on top of her, looking deep into her eyes and then was kissing her. Slow and tender. Her hands were also on her. On the back of her neck to deepen the kiss, and on her hip gently caressing the exposed skin between her top and shorts. She moaned which gave Nyssa the opening to push her tongue in. There was no battle for dominance. It was like a sweet sensual dance in her mouth.

Nyssa's hand was gently moving up and down her side. It would stop by the side of her breast and gently caressed it there and then move back down to her hip and thigh. Everywhere she touches were sending intense heat through her body.

Sara was moaning in her sleep, which was doing so much to Nyssa to stir her desires. If she doesn't stop her and wake her, she might end up grabbing her for herself.

"Sara. Sara. Wake up."

Sara stirred a little and opened her eyes. Her heart was still racing after that dream. She can't believe she was having that dream. About Nyssa. She felt her heart go faster, if it was even possible. And she felt her cheeks heat up.

"Sorry. I must be very tired."

"It's alright. It was kind of nice to watch you sleep. You seemed so relaxed and peaceful." Nyssa could see Sara's flushed cheeks and feel her heart pounding, and wasn't able to resist to tease. "And you also seemed like you were enjoying it."

Sara raised her brow in question of what she meant.

"You were moaning."

Her face then went red and her eyes wide in embarrassment and horror.

Nyssa slipped out from behind her and off the bed.

"It's getting late. I should go. Rest, Sara."

Sara thought and decided that she wouldn't let her leave like that. She wouldn't be the only one sleeping restlessly that night.

"Nyssa, wait."

Nyssa turned back and before she knew it, Sara was holding the side of her face and was kissing her on the lips. She then placed her hands on both sides of Sara's hip. And they stood there unmoving for what seemed like forever, but was just really a couple of seconds.

Nyssa pulled back and just rested her forehead on Sara's with their eyes still closed, not trusting that she'd be able to stop herself if it continued. Even if it was just a simple touch of the lips that lasted a couple of seconds.

"What was that for?"

"To light up the darkness of your dreams."

They both smiled, and when they opened their eyes to find the other's staring back, they realized that it was much harder to pull back from than the kiss they shared.

Nyssa used all her strength and control to do just that, after she placed a light kiss on Sara's lips.

"Goodnight, Sara."

"Goodnight, Nyssa."

When Sara plopped down on her bed with her head still spinning from what had just happened and what her thoughts were going, she saw her phone blinking. There was a text. From Max.

 _So_ _,_ _did_ _you_ _tell_ _her_ _?_

Sara couldn't help but feel bad about her thoughts and actions. It was totally uncalled for, especially after her friend had just told her that she had feelings for the person she was just kissing and erotically dreaming about.


	9. Do It for You

"You didn't reply to my text last night." Max said in a bit of panic. "What happened? Did you really tell her?"

Sara still felt a bit guilty that she had totally forgotten and of the events that had transpired last night, even if some of those were just in her dreams.

"No. I fell asleep."

"The whole time?"

"Sort of. We were eating ice cream, then she found a letter in my book."

"Really? What did it say?" Max asked, curious. She had forgotten the real reason she wanted to talk to Sara.

Sara can't remember as her thoughts were wandering when Nyssa was reading it to her, but of course, she doesn't have to tell Max about that. Of how soothing and sensual Nyssa sounded as she read the poem. How it made her insides flutter and turn. She had kept telling herself that the only reason she had pictured Nyssa in her dreams was because her voice was all she could hear everytime she thinks of reading the letters. She also thought that she might be in denial, but what the hell, her friend just told her about her long life crush and she can't and shouldn't screw it up.

"It was a poem. Can't exactly remember the words. I'll let you read it at home next time."

"A poem? Wow! He's sweet, thoughtful and poetic! Can't wait to read it. Just tell me if it's good."

"Yeah. It's..." Sara paused thinking of a safe way to describe the poem she barely recalls.

"Wow! It's leaving you speechless. It has to be good. Anyway, I'll see you later."

Sara had been thinking about Nyssa all day. She had also been looking for her so she could talk to her about the kiss and about Max, but Nyssa was no where to be found. A number of thoughts came rushing through Sara's mind as to why Nyssa could have been absent.

She could just be sick, even thought Nyssa doesn't seem to be the type to be fazed by any sickness, maybe unless it was life-threatening. With that thought in mind, Sara's heart sank as panic came kicking in. Then the thought that maybe she had gotten into some accident or something added. Sara was really starting to get worried. She knew that those things are less likely to happen, but she couldn't help but worry. Then there was one more thought that has been bothering her. And it was the one that hurt the most. It's that maybe she had driven her away after what she had done, but she kissed her back right after, or she was just being polite and was too nice to say otherwise.

It hadn't helped any of Sara's worries when Nyssa was still gone the next day. And the only person she could think of that might know where she is and how she is, which is Alec, is also not around. It relieved her a little though, that maybe since Alec was also not there, he might be with Nyssa. At least she not alone. And it does seem to her that Alec would make sure nothing bad would happen to Nyssa by the way her hovers and guards her.

Max had noticed and called her on her strange paranoid behavior. Of course she can't tell her why without letting her know that she had basically screwed her over with Nyssa. She tried telling her some lame story, and knew that Max didn't buy it, but at least she would leave it alone for a while.

And it wasn't only Max who had noticed Sara's odd behavior. Nate had seen her incessantly looking around like she was in grave search of something or someone the past two days. It was only then that he realized that maybe she's looking for Nyssa. Of course she wouldn't think of asking him. He's not exactly someone relevant to Nyssa for him to know all her plans, but he has an idea where she is. And it wasn't ever her who had informed him. It was Alec who told him about the unexpected trip because he said he was going to miss a couple of football practices.

Nate walked up to a seemingly stressed out Sara. She was again looking through crowds, waiting for Nyssa to magically appear there.

"Hey."

Sara hadn't noticed him and was startled by his greeting, she almost jumped out of her skin.

"Oh, Nate. Hi."

"How are you?"

"I'm good." Sara lied, wanting him to just go away and leave her alone. She didn't take her eyes off the passing crowds.

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

"It wasn't your fault."

Nate could see that she was starting to get annoyed and clearly wanted to be left alone, so he just had to get straight to the point.

"Looking for Nyssa?"

Sara whirled to look at him and eyed him cautiously. Was she being too obvious, she thought, and just stood there without any answer.

"Okay. If you are looking for Nyssa, you should know that they'd be gone for about two weeks."

Sara wanted to ask more. She wanted to know how and why he knew. Where exactly did she go? What is she doing? How is she? Is she okay? Is she really going to come back? But she didn't want it to look like such a big deal to her, so she pretended like it was trivial information.

"Okay. Thanks."

She badly wanted to call Nyssa to ask her all those questions herself, but she remembered that she doesn't have Nyssa's phone number. She doesn't even know if Nyssa has a phone. She hasn't exactly seen her using one.

Sara was starting to get frustrated that she was fretting over Nyssa so much. She doesn't even know why. She knew she's starting to care about Nyssa but she's not even like this when it comes to Max. She's really getting confused with what she's feeling.

\-------------

Nyssa was walking on her way home from Sara's when a messenger of the League approached her and told that she was being summoned to Nanda Parbat. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave Sara even if she knew it was just going to be for a week or two. She definitely didn't want to go without letting her know, but she couldn't just turn back around to her house to tell her. Time is essential. And if she is being summoned to Nanda Parbat, she couldn't waste any time. She knew she shouldn't make her father wait. She doesn't want to give him anymore reason not to let her go back to Starling City; back to Sara. He already doesn't approve of her staying there, especially for her reasons, but he still lets her.

When she had arrived to Nanda Parbat, there was no warm welcome for the daughter that had been gone for quite a long time. She had long accepted that she would never have a normal relationship with her father, the way fathers and daughters are as she had seen during her stay at Starling City. She doesn't resent it, but she just wishes for it even a little bit. However, she knew that it would never happen, her father is not like those other girls' fathers. Theirs may be a head of a corporation, but hers is the Head of the Demon, Ra's al Ghul.

She was given a mission along with Alec and two more members of the league. She couldn't wait to get it done. The time couldn't move fast enough for her to finish it and get back to Sara. A bit distracted with thoughts of Sara, she wasn't able to react fast enough and a bullet grazed her on the left arm, which she tended to when the mission was done.

"What were you thinking?" Alec reprimanded as she stitched herself up.

She just looked up at him and continued tending on her wound.

"You weren't thinking clearly. You could have gotten yourself killed."

"Well, I wasn't. I am not easily killed."

"You know that your father is right. She is a weakness."

Her gaze grew deadly that warned him that if he dared say more, he would be the one needing stitching, so he just left her alone.

The journey back to Starling City seemed faster than it actually was, as she took that time to rest. As Nyssa slept, Sara flooded her dreams. She had brought light to the darkness, as she had said. And before Nyssa knew it, she was back at Starling. She wanted so badly to go directly and see Sara, but it was in the middle of the night. She didn't want to disturb her sleep, so she just stayed at her house thinking of seeing Sara again.

\------------

The two weeks have passed, and Sara was less paranoid about Nyssa, but she still worried a little. She would sit down at chemistry with a longing look at the empty seat beside her. She would do the same every time she passed by the archery grounds. And she hoped that it would be different that day. She hoped that Nyssa would finally be back.

She thought she was dreaming when she walked in her chemistry class and saw Nyssa at their table looking out the window.

"Is it really you? Or am I dreaming?" Sara cautiously asked. She didn't want to get her hopes up.

Nyssa turned and smiled at her, but it faded a little when she saw the worried look on Sara's face.

"It's me. I apologize if I had worried you for leaving like that."

Sara tried to contain the turmoil of emotions wanting to explode inside her. She didn't know if she was trying to deny how much it affected her to Nyssa or to herself. Either way, she didn't want to let all those confusing emotions out, so she just sat down next to Nyssa and didn't say anything else.

"Would you still want me to come over later?" Nyssa asked when the class ended.

"I...I'll think about it." Sara replied. She wants to spend some time with Nyssa now that she's finally back, but she doesn't know if she could deal with it yet.

Even though Sara was conflicted with Nyssa's return, she could see how excited Max was to see her back. She couldn't stop talking about her. More now that she's back. Max pleaded with her to go meet with Nyssa and talk to her like they normally do. She tried to refuse, but she would have to explain her reasons why she didn't want to. Reasons that aren't even clear to herself.

Sara caught up with Nyssa at the parking lot when the day ended.

"Hey." She said somberly.

"Hey."

"I know we need to do this. We definitely need to study since I understood absolutely nothing when you were away. And I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay."

"But can we do it at your place?"

"Alright. Let me just get the extra helmet in Alec's jeep."

"Helmet?"

"I brought my bike today. Or would you be more comfortable riding the jeep?"

"No. It's okay." Sara was a bit nervous. She hasn't ridden a motorcycle before.

Nyssa helped her put on the helmet and hopped on the motorcycle. Sara was standing beside her, staring at the thing in front of her.

"Have you ridden one of these before?"

"Yeah. Totally."

Nyssa raised her brow at her, clearly not believing her lie.

"No."

"You sure you don't want the jeep?"

"Yeah. This would be...fun."

She finally hopped on and put her arms around Nyssa in a tight embrace. They whirled through the streets and Sara realized that she was enjoying it. She hadn't noticed that the ride was over until she saw the huge house standing in front of her. It wasn't as big as the Queens' house, but it was still big.

When they went inside, she was in awe of he amazing architecture, but was a bit sad about the lack of personal touches, well lack of furniture even, in the beautiful spacious house.

"It's beautiful, but it looks so empty."

"We don't need much things and we need the space to train."

"Oh."

Nyssa led her to her room which was equally as empty and plain as the other rooms of the house. Everything was neatly tucked in their own places. They began to study in silence, which grew a little awkward, so Nyssa spoke.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving. It was unexpected."

"It's fine."

"Are you mad?"

"No." Sara said without even looking up from the book she wasn't even reading.

"Really? You can't even look at me right now."

She finally looked up and saw the sincerity on Nyssa's face. She put the book down and crawled to sit on Nyssa's lap. She placed her arms around Nyssa's neck and leaned her forehead to hers.

"Oh Nyssa. I'm not mad at you. I'm hurt though, but now I know that you would have told be if you could have."

"I'm sorry."

"To be totally honest, I thought you left because of me."

"Never. I missed you every single moment that I was away."

Nyssa put her hands on both sides of Sara's hip, pulling her closer to her.

"Please. I doubt that." Sara said more at ease, then she saw the healing wound Nyssa had on her arm. Nyssa followed where she was looking.

"I told you."

"What the hell were you doing?"

"Nothing I couldn't handle and nothing that you should worry about."

"Okay. I trust you."

"You haven't told me how much you missed me." Nyssa said with a smile to lighten the mood again.

"Who said I did?"

"There I was thinking of you day and night, and you could even bother to give me a second of your day?"

Sara threw her head back and let out a hearty laugh.

"Oh, I missed you so much, Nyssa."

"I'm glad."

"Wait. Why is that Nate knows about your trip though?"

"Alec. He was here waiting for me and had the time to call him about missing practices."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I don't have your number. And I rarely use my phone."

"Give it to me." Nyssa handed her her phone and Sara typed away on it. "Now you have a reason to use it more."

Nyssa just smiled at her and took her phone back.

"How are you and Nate anyway?"

"I already told him that we can only be friends."

"Oh. So, are you just not interested in him or all guys in general? Are you really more interested in women?"

"Yes."

"Are you interested in me?"

"I'd have to be stupid or blind not to be."

"Are you flirting with me?"

"I think you're the one flirting, and I'm just responding. And trust me, you'll know when I am. If not, I'll tell you."

That got another generous laugh out of Sara.

"Not what I need to be doing." Sara remembered that she had to talk to her about Max. "You know Max, right?"

"Your friend. Yes."

"Do you like her?"

Nyssa could sense where it was going and didn't answer.

"You see. She has this huge crush on you. Doesn't seem like it, I know. But I need a huge favor. Can you ask her out?" Sara said as quick as she could so she would lose the courage to do so.

"You're asking me to go out with your friend." Nyssa was a bit disappointed and hurt, but she wouldn't show, and decided to be a bit playful again. "While you're sitting on my lap and our arms wrapped around each other?"

Sara became hyper aware of how they might look at the moment and tried to move back, but Nyssa held her in place.

"Don't. If I'm going to do that, I don't want how we are together to change."

"You're going to do it?"

"Yes."

Sara didn't know why it pained her so much to hear Nyssa say that.

"Thank you."

"I want you to know that I'm doing it because you asked. If I do end up liking her, we'll see. But now, I'm doing it only for you."

Sara didn't know what to do. Her heart welled with emotions. Part of her wants to run off as far and as fast as she could. And another wants to hold Nyssa even closer to her and never let go.

If only she knew how much more Nyssa was willing to do just for her.


	10. Taking the Leap

"Has Nyssa asked you out yet?" Sara asked when she had finally caught up with Max to chat the day after she asked Nyssa for the favor.

"No. I haven't seen her." Max said casually, then her expression changed to being a little mortified when it dawned on her what Sara actually said. "You told her to ask me out? Are you kidding me?"

"Yeah. She said she'd do it." Sara shrugged as if it was no big deal, but inside her there's a battle whether she should be disappointed or relieved that Nyssa still hadn't asked Max out.

Max was overwhelmed with countless emotions: excitement, panic, extreme happiness, horror, and so much more. "Seriously? I won't forgive you if you're messing with me."

"And you're gonna owe me big time if I'm telling the truth. But I only asked her to go out with you, what happens after that would be totally up to you."

"That's more than I could ever hope to achieve by myself, so if you'r really not messing with me, I am so gonna love you even more."

"That's not good for me. I don't need your love. I know how much you love me already. You have to do better than that." Sara feigned disinterest with exaggerated hand gestures.

"Sure. I'll think of something. God! You're so demanding. My love can never be enough for you. You'd rather have me slaving around."

Both girls were laughing so hard when they parted ways.

\------------

That day, Sara found a box inside her locker with a note attached to it.

_Sara,_

_I know_   _that it's a bit early for this. For your birthday. But this is like a preparation of some kind for that special day of yours._

_Inside this box are letters. Each letter corresponds to the number of days there are until your birthday. You may open any of them as you may like. Open them one at a time, or all at once. It's all up to you. I would just ask that you open the last one on your birthday itself. It's the one stuck at the bottom of the box._

_I wouldn't want to spoil anything that's written on the other letters, so I'll just stop myself here._

_See you soon._

_~ME_

Sara was at a loss for words as to how to describe it other than sweet, but it definitely is more than that. And the 'See you soon.' gave her hope that maybe she'll finally be able to meet this person. She opened the box and counted the letters folded into heart origami's, which she found so endearing. There were 50. 50 letters for the 50 days, including that day. She took one and nervously and excitedly opened.

_I never thought I had ever fallen in love or wanted to be with someone more than anything until I saw you dance for the first time. It's funny because I don't dance. I know nothing about it. I have always wondered what it is so fascinating about it that people enjoy doing it, watching it. Then I saw you. The way you moved; so graceful, so beautiful, so perfect that I was captivated.Then and there I guess somehow I understood. You have opened up a whole new world for me._

Sara never thought how much her dancing affected anyone. She only ever danced for herself, because she loves it. Yet, without knowing, she had inspired someone and had showed them something beautiful. She wanted to open another one but stopped herself and just neatly folded the one she had just read into a small square to distinguish it from the ones she still hasn't read.

 "What's that?"

Startled, Sara dropped the box and the letters fell out onto the floor. She hurriedly knelt down to pick each of them up. Nyssa knelt down beside her to help.

"I didn't mean to startle you." Nyssa picked up the last folded letter and handed it to Sara.

"It's okay." Sara felt shivers go up and down her spine when her eyes met with Nyssa's.

"I just wanted to ask you where would you like to study today."

"Your place seems ideal. It's more quiet there."

"Alright. Are you ready to go then?"

"Very much." Sara tucked the box safely inside her bag and took the hand that Nyssa had offered.

They took a ride with Alec which was mostly composed of nothing but silence. Sara looked out the window of the jeep counting down the days until her birthday; until the last letter in the box; and maybe the fated day to meet the writer of those sweet and beautiful letters.

They arrived at Nyssa's and would have gone straight to her room, if Sara hadn't stopped to watch the number of League members training all around the place.

"Sorry. I forgot to mention that there were some people here."

Sara continued watching as Alec took out a weapon and joined the others. She was in awe with all that she was seeing. She had learned self-defense, but she would love to know how to fight like that.

"I could tell them to stop if you want."

"No, it's okay. It's just fascinating. Who are all these people?"

"They...they work for my father." Nyssa didn't want to open a conversation that would lead to questions about that side of her life. The dark and lonely side.

"And what does your father do exactly?"

"I think that's a conversation for some other time. How about we head up stairs already."

Nyssa wants to keep Sara out of that as much as she could for as long as she could. She doesn't want the purity of Sara's goodness be tainted by her darkness. She knew that the best way to do that is to just stay away completely, but that's something she no longer can't do.

Sara put her things down on the edge of the bed, kicked her shoes off, and lied down in the middle of the bed, where Nyssa joined her.

"You haven't asked Max out."

"No, I haven't"

"She thinks I'm just messing with her."

"I told you I don't do things like that, but I'll do it this time for you, so please just let me get in on my own pace."

"Alright. How about we just all hang out together first, so you won't feel...pressured? obligated? Whatever. What's important is that you get to know her? I know you'll like Max, Nyssa."

"I don't doubt that, Sara. She's your friend, so I like her already."

Sara blushed. She wondered why when they talk about this, it always goes back to being about her.

"I don't want you to just like her because of me. I want you to like her for herself and because you do."

"We'll see. Let's just not rush things."

"Alright."

"And here I was thinking you just want me for yourself, but all you do is push me towards someone else."

A tender smile formed on Sara's lips.

"You're flirting. Geez."

"Why? Is it so bad?"

"No. It's nice." It's more than nice. It's sending butterflies in Sara's stomach in a frenzy. Even if Nyssa hadn't meant what she had said, but the thought of Nyssa wanting to be with only her is enough to make her fantasize a whole lot of different things.

"Nice enough that you'd give me a kiss?"

Sara just stared at her. Was she seriously asking for that? For her to kiss her? Sara's heart was racing. If she did it, it won't be some impulsive action that one or both have no idea was going to happen, it would be something both are highly aware of. Part of her, one she wouldn't even acknowledge existed, definitely wants to kiss Nyssa. Another part of her is telling her that she shouldn't, because she was just setting her up with Max and it would be totally wrong if she went along kissing Nyssa, which would make things seriously complicated.

"So if you feel like it, it's alright. But if I ask for it..." Nyssa said it as light and cheerful as possible to make it pass s if she was just playing around, but the words still hit Sara like a brick.

"Nyssa. It's not like that." Sara was starting to feel bad that she even hesitated; that kissing Nyssa means more to her than it should be. Maybe it was just getting to be a normal thing for them, but she was making a big deal out of it. She doesn't want whatever she has with Nyssa to change, but she's the one making it happen.

"I know. I was just kidding, Sara. But if this is what's going to happen when I go out with Max, I don't know if I want to do it."

"What do you mean?"

"If going out with her will make you uncomfortable being around me, I won't do it. But if I don't do it, you might end up getting mad at me and not wanting to even be around me. Wow. Whichever I do, I could lose you."

"You won't. You're not going to lose me, Nyssa. I promise." Sara then gave her a gentle kiss on lips, wanting to take all her worries away.

Nyssa hoped that it would really be true, even for a little while; even if it's just for this part of her life.

Sara looked at Nyssa and saw that she wasn't convinced by her promise.

"You don't believe me."

"You don't know me well enough to promise that."

Sara didn't know what else to say. She knew Nyssa had a point. They've only known each other for a few months. She can't assure her anything. But deep down she knew that knowing all of Nyssa won't make any difference. She would make the same promise. Nyssa won't lose her, because she wouldn't want to lose Nyssa. She want her to know that, so she kissed her again, held it for a moment, then deepened it.

Nyssa responded by putting her hands on the back of Sara's neck and on her hip to bring her even closer to her. When she grazed her tongue on Sara's lower lip, she was granted access and their tongues danced together with the heat of passion building up within them. They broke apart to catch their breaths with their foreheads resting against each other.

"Do you believe me now?"

Nyssa gave her another gentle kiss on the lips. And it told Sara that Nyssa wants to believe her but still doesn't. She'll have to settle with that for now, but she's not giving up until she does.

 -------------

Sara opened another letter the very next morning, even before she got ready for school.

_Taking the Leap_

_This feeling I''m feeling is so brand new_

_But I know in my heart that it is true_

_I'm scared, I'm terrified to take the chance_

_But maybe it's time for me to learn the dance_

_Here I am, finally taking the leap_

_Won't make any promises I can't keep_

_If you'd let me, let me show you_

_My words and intentions are sincere and true_

_I'd understand if you'd rather be friends for now_

_But I'd still be hoping to be more somehow_

_I cannot promise that I won't fall_

_You're the most beautiful thing I've seen after all_

_If you're not ready, know that I'd wait_

_Cause like I said, I'm taking a leap of faith_

_Months, years, it doesn't matter how long it'd take_

_Cause you're worth every effort I make_

Reading through the poem, Sara could hear Nyssa's voice saying each line, each word, to her. She knew it was insane to hope for that, but somehow, each word rang true for her. She wants to hear Nyssa say those words to her as much as she wants to say those words to Nyssa herself. She also knew that she was being unfair to the person writing to her. There he was giving all his time and effort to her, and she can't even fully appreciate it, because she has someone else in her mind. Someone she shouldn't even be thinking of in that way. What kind of friend would she be to Max, if she were to act on the growing feelings she was having for Nyssa? But she can't just avoid Nyssa altogether. She promised her she won't lose her, and she intends on keeping that promise. She just needs to find a way to keep that without complicating things.

Sara took a quick shower and got dressed for school. She paused when she was putting on lip gloss. She touched her fingers to her lips, remembering the lingering sensation of the heated kiss she shared with Nyssa. A real one. Not just something she conjured up in her dreams. Her phone buzzed, interrupting her reverie.

_From: Nyssa_

_Good morning,Sara._

It was the first time she had ever gotten a text from Nyssa ever since she took her number. Well, she hadn't texted her either. And the thought of Nyssa thinking about her as she woke up was enough for her to smile and send the butterflies in a frenzy once more. She then typed and sent her reply.

Nyssa just got out of the shower. She hadn't had much sleep. She can't stop thinking about Sara. The way they seemed to fit perfectly when they kissed. And when she was taking a shower, she thought how nice it would be to have her there with her. Holding her close to her, under the warm spray of the water. Kissing her there. Touching her. She can't seem to get enough of Sara, so she texted her to let her know she was thinking about her. And moments later, her phone buzzed with a reply.

_From: Sara_

_Good morning, Nyssa. I was just thinking about you. :)_

Nyssa smiled. She was glad that Sara was also thinking about her. And she was relieved that Sara wasn't one of those girls who shorten the words or use abbreviations that she barely understood.

_From: Nyssa_

_That's nice to know. I was also thinking about you. Can't seem to stop doing it._

_From: Sara_

_I know you were and are thinking about me. How could you not? I'm awesome and quite unforgettable._

_From: Nyssa_

_Yes, you are._

_From:Sara_

_Oh, God. Please tell me you weren't just thinking about that._

_From: Nyssa_

_About what?_

_From: Sara_

_You know what I'm talking about._

_From: Nyssa_

_I'm not sure I follow._

_From: Sara_

_I can't believe you. You just want me to say it._

_From: Nyssa_

_Maybe. Why are you so uncomfortable to even mention it?_

_From: Sara_

_I'm not._

_From: Nyssa_

_Then say it._

_From: Sara_

_You weren't thinking about the kiss, were you?_

_From: Nyssa_

_Even if I wasn't thinking about it earlier, I am now._

_From: Sara_

_You're enjoying this. I'll see you at school._

_  
_Nyssa couldn't stop herself from smiling. She was really enjoying the playful bantering she and Sara was doing. She liked teasing her. She wondered if the kiss had meant more to Sara the way it meant to her, that's why she was a bit uncomfortable about it.

Nyssa found Sara and Max talking by Sara's locker, when she arrived. She decided to get on with the promise she made to Sara.

"Hi, Sara. Maxine."

"Hi, Nyssa." Max replied for both of them, while Sara was trying to clamp down a laugh that was threatening to burst. Max raised an eyebrow at her.

"Nothing, Maxine." Sara couldn't hold it any longer and bursted out laughing. She hadn't heard anyone call her that for ages. Even her parents only call her Maxine when they're really mad or disappointed at her. Max had always hated being called that. And seeing her friend letting Nyssa call her that was priceless. She really must like Nyssa.

"Oh shut up. Anyway, I gotta go. I'll leave you two to talk."

"I actually wanted to talk to you."

Max stared at Nyssa as if she said something alien, then she looked at Sara who was smiling knowingly at her.

"Oh. Okay."

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out somewhere this weekend."

Max can't believe that it was actually happening. Nyssa was really asking her out.

"But I'd have to be honest, I don't really do this kind of thing. I'm willing to give it a try, but don't keep your hopes up at having me as an entertaining company."

Max still couldn't respond and she just turned to Sara for help.

"Maybe we could all hang out together. Less pressure. And it would let both of you get more comfortable spending time with each other a little easier."  Sara suggested.

"What do you think?"

"Sure." Max still couldn't wrap her brain around the thought of spending some time with Nyssa like that.

"Alright. See you."

"Wow! You're speechless. I told you, didn't I?" Sara said when Nyssa had already left.

"I can't believe that actually happened. I'm no longer going to doubt you. I love you so much."

Nyssa was seated at her next class, waiting for it to begin, when she got a text.

_From: Sara_

_Thank you. I owe you._

To which she replied,

_Anything for you._

\------------

That weekend, Sara, Nyssa and Max, together with Rebecca, went out and spend some time at the mall. They went to see a movie about a sappy love story, which everyone, except Nyssa, clearly enjoyed.

"You didn't like it?" Max asked her.

"It was fine. I also don't watch much, that's all."

"You don't like watching movies. Okay. So, what do you like?"

"I prefer reading books."

"I see. What kind of books?"

"Different kinds. What suits the mood at the moment."

Sara stayed a little bit behind them as they were walking to give them a little space. She was happy that Max was finally getting to spend some time with Nyssa. Something that she obviously has wanted for quite some time. Yet, she also feels a bit jealous that they are getting along quite well. But she's not sure of whom she is jealous of.

"I'm a little disappointed that you got them set up." Rebecca interrupted Sara's thoughts.

"Why? I think they're nice together."

"I like Max. I told her that, then she confessed that she liked Nyssa. I told her I'll give her time to sort that out. If she can't get the courage to tell her, or it doesn't work out between them, I'll be there to take the chance."

"And I ruined your chances. Sorry, Becks."

"It's alright. It's nice to see Nyssa going out with someone though."

"Same with Max."

"To be honest, I thought you and Nyssa would be together, not with Max. Well, I was hoping it was you, rather than Max." Rebecca gave out a small laugh, making Sara smile.

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know. Maybe the way Max talks to me about the two of you. Or the way Nyssa talks about you."

"She talks to you about me?"

"Yeah. She isn't much of a talker, but I can get her talking if I want." Rebecca said, leaving no room for question that could lead to Sara knowing how Nyssa really talks about her.

Sara felt a warm sensation wash over her at the thought of Nyssa talking to other people about her.

They finished the day with dinner at the pizza place they all went to the first time they were all together. They chatted over about a lot of things. Most things Nyssa didn't even know what to say to, so she just kept quiet, sitting next to Max. From time to time, she would look at Sara, when she knew no one was paying attention to her, and Sara would just smile at her when she catches her looking. It was funny that they were exchanging text messages even though they were just sitting across from each other.

_From: Sara_

_You okay?_

_From: Nyssa_

_Yeah. I'm good._

_From: Sara_

_You look bored._

_From: Nyssa_

_Maybe because I don't know half the stuff you're talking about._

_From: Sara_

_Thank you for this._

_From: Nyssa_

_You already thanked me. It's nothing._

_From: Sara_

_I know. But still, thanks._

_From: Nyssa_

_I promised I would._

_From: Sara_

_And you kept it. I'll keep mine._

_From: Nyssa_

_We'll see._

_From: Sara_

_You still don't believe me. I'm kinda hurt._

_From: Nyssa_

_I'm sorry. It's just difficult to believe something so uncertain._

_From: Sara_

_I understand. But I hope one day you'd be able to believe that._

_From: Nyssa_

_I hope so too._


	11. No Holding Back

It's been a couple of weeks since Nyssa and Max had started going out. They mostly go out during the weekends. Sometimes with Sara and Rebecca. Sometimes just the two of them since they've been comfortable enough to just be with each other around.

Nyssa must admit that it's still not the same as the times she spends with Sara, but she does enjoy spending some time with Max. She doesn't push or ask for too much,she's just contented with what Nyssa was giving. At least for now. And Nyssa is good with that. She still doesn't know if what they have is going anywhere, or even if she wants it to, but she'll just let it ride for now. It still hasn't changed her relationship with Sara that much. They're still really close. Sara would still kiss her and cuddle with her when they're alone, but she keeps a little distance when they're not. It's great, since they still spend a lot of time together. Added to the study sessions they do, Sara asked her if she could teach her how to fight the way she had seen those other guys do at her house, and she would sometimes come over to train for that.

"You're holding back." Sara whined.

"I don't want you getting hurt."

"I'll be fine. It won't help me if you're holding back."

"You can barely keep up with me, how else if I don't hold back."

"I'm not some fragile girl that will get broken if you hit too hard. I'm stronger than you think."

"You see what I do with Alec and the others. I can't fight like that with you."

"Why not? Cause I haven't been doing this longer than they have?"

"It's not that."

"Yeah, it's not because you fight like that even with Nate. So because I'm a girl, you think I can't handle it? You're a girl."

"I grew up with this, Sara. It's different."

"I grew up with a cop as a father. I've been learning self-defense since then. It's no big difference."

"You're being difficult." Nyssa was getting frustrated and wanted to walk away.

Sara crossed her arms and just pouted at Nyssa, blocking her way.

Nyssa sighed and put her hands on both sides of Sara's shoulders. She calmed herself and looked at her directly in the eyes.

"Don't you get it? I can't do it because it's you."

Sara looked a bit confused.

"I care about you, Sara. I don't want you getting hurt, especially by me."

"I might get bruises or whatever but I'll be fine, but you treating me like that, like I can't handle myself, it hurts more, Nyssa."

"Okay." Nyssa said, feeling defeated. "We'll continue tomorrow. Just promise me you'll tell me if it's too much."

"I promise." Sara smiled.

Nyssa placed her forehead on Sara's before giving a kiss there.

"We should get cleaned up."

Sara knew she shouldn't do or even think what she was going to say next. She should be the one holding back in this area for the sake of everyone. But she couldn't keep down the wanting at the moment.

"Can I join you?"

Nyssa blinked at her twice to make sure she heard her right.

"Are you sure?"

"Not really."

"Won't that complicate things too much for you?"

"You know it's difficult when you're the one reasoning out."

"I'm just saying that'll be..."

"Don't you want me to join you?"

"More than anything. I want you to be sure though. I'll leave the door open."

Nyssa left Sara contemplating whether to join her or not. Sara was seriously conflicted with what she would do. Should she give in to her emotions and join Nyssa, or should she do what’s right? Right for whom? Right for Max? For her? For Nyssa? It was seriously confusing.

Nyssa opened the shower, removed her clothes, went in and let the gentle spray of water cool her body. She wanted Sara to join her. She wasn’t trying to discourage her, but she wanted her to be sure. This would undoubtedly change things for them, because it is something so intimate. She wants to share that moment with her, but not if she will be burdened by it. She can already see that she is starting to feel guilty of all the time they have been spending together, without even any consideration of Max. True enough, she left the door open to let her make that choice.

Sara saw the light pouring in from the bathroom door with the light pattering of the water echoing through. She was hoping that Nyssa would already have finished to save her the guilt of doing something that would betray her friendship with Max. Not that she hadn’t been doing that already. But this would definitely take it to the next level.

Sara moved a little closer to the door and saw Nyssa’s silhouette through the translucent glass doors of the shower. She was just standing there in the spray of the water with her head tilted up and her arms lightly wrapped around herself. She took Sara’s breath away. She looks so beautiful. She looks like an enchanting goddess bathing in the light pouring rain. No worries. No cares. Just basking in the sensation of the water trickling down her skin. She wanted to wrap her arms around her or be wrapped in those arms of hers.

Sara was at a loss at the sight of Nyssa looking like that. She can no longer just stand there and do nothing. She slowly made her way in the bathroom and took off her clothing. She took a deep breath and nervously went in and joined Nyssa under the spray of water.

Nyssa turned to look at her. Sara’s heart was racing with the way Nyssa was looking at her, just after her heart had fallen at the sight of Nyssa so beautiful and bare standing right in front of her. They made no move to reach for the other. They just stood there taking in the moment and the person right in front of them.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Oh shut up. I’m here, aren’t I?”

Sara took a step closer and placed her arms around Nyssa’s neck.

“I’m glad you are.”

Nyssa placed her hands at both sides of her hips, pulling her closer until their bodies were perfectly pressed against each other.

“You’re beautiful.”

Sara’s breath caught and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. She could also feel the heat building up inside her and the one radiating from Nyssa.

“You’re just saying that so I’d give you a kiss.”

“No. I said it because it’s true. And I don’t need that to get a kiss from you. If I want one, I’d just take it.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“I just wanted to tell you you’re beautiful first.”

Then Nyssa crushed her lips to Sara’s. Sara responded with a low moan. Nyssa placed her hand behind her neck to deepen the kiss. She also started moving her other hand up and down Sara’s side, leaving a trail of heat wherever she touched, caressing the sides of her hips and breasts. She nipped at Sara’s lower lip making her moan again, which she caught with her mouth and taking the opportunity to get their tongues involved with the kiss. It wasn’t like their first kiss, which was slow, sweet and sensual. And their other kisses that were a bit restrained. This one was full of heated passion, of battling emotions waiting to burst into the surface.

Nyssa can’t get enough of Sara. She wants to touch her. Explore every part of her. She pulled away from the kiss and started kissing her way down Sara’s neck. Sara threw her head back with another moan that gave Nyssa more access, which she took advantage of. She nipped, sucked and licked at her throbbing pulse, which drove Sara crazy. Her arms fell limply at her sides as she enjoyed all that Nyssa was doing to her. Her brain was clearly not functioning because she doesn’t even know what to do with her hands.

“Let me know whenever you want me to stop.” Nyssa breathed into her neck in between kisses.

Sara quickly took her face in her hands and made her look at her.

“Hell no. Don’t you dare hold back on me here.”

She was rewarded with a smile and another passionate kiss. She wanted to make Nyssa feel what she was making her feel. Make her feel the pleasure. She wants to share that with her. She slowly moved her hand up and down her side, and gently caressed the side and underside of her breast. Then she deliberately grazed her thumb over her soft peak making if stiffen. Nyssa continued kissing her with more urgency, while she kept on teasing that sensitive peak. Nyssa then buried her face in the crook of Sara’s neck and gave out a small growl.

“Sara, you’re killing me.”

“Is that all you can take, Nyssa? I thought we were just getting started.” Sara challenged.

Nyssa then looked her in the eyes, and Sara saw a spark and something come alive inside them.

“Do you know what you’re asking for, Sara?” She smiled wickedly at her.

Sara didn’t know why she found that look so sexy and erotic.

“Are you going to let me know? Or are you gonna make me beg for it?”

“Why not a little bit of both?”

Sara laughed heartily, which made Nyssa smile and her heart flip a couple of time. No other person has ever had an effect on her the way Sara has. She makes her feel alive. They tell her that allowing herself to have feelings for her is a sign of weakness. If it is true, then it is a weakness she is willing to have. And right now, she will enjoy delving into that weakness.

She took her hand and placed it between Sara’s legs. Sara moaned and dug her nails in Nyssa’s shoulder. She could feel Sara’s wetness in her hands. She teased her and stroked her sensitive nub a little, making her shudder. She was loving the ecstatic look on Sara’s face. She wants to drive her over the edge. She continued to tease her down there, as she kissed her madly, and her other hand caressed her breasts.

Sara started panting, her fingers digging even deeper into Nyssa’s skin. Her legs were about to give, with only Nyssa’s hold supporting her up.

As if she knew what Sara was just thinking, Nyssa pinned her back to the tiled walls of the shower. She lifted Sara’s leg up and wrapped it around her waist to give her more support. It also gave Nyssa better access to her core, which her other hand never left. She could feel that Sara was getting close, but she wants to be true to her word and make her beg for her to finish, so she removed her hand from Sara’s core.

Sara grunted and whimpered in protest. She wiggled closer to Nyssa seeking for the touch, but Nyssa wasn’t giving.

“You’re really gonna make me beg for it?”

Nyssa didn’t answer or move, but just looked at her, waiting.

“Geez. Fine. Nyssa, please.”

“Please what?”

“You’re impossible, you know that?” Sara grabbed Nyssa and dragged her closer to her, and whispered in her ear. “I need you, Nyssa. I need you to pleasure me like no one has ever done. I need you between my legs. Within me. I need you to drive me over the edge.” For more assurance, she blew a wisp of air into her ear, nipped and licked her earlobe.

It drove Nyssa crazy, all she could do was oblige. She locked their lips once more in a heated kiss. Her hand back in between her legs playing with her delicate core and teasing her entrance.

Sara could feel the impending intrusion, and couldn’t wait any longer. She bucked her hips forward, letting Nyssa know how much she wants it. She pushed a little more, then moaned out load when Nyssa finally gave in to her plea.

Nyssa moved her fingers in and out of her, while her thumb still played with sensitive button. She would curl her fingers, which would cause Sara to moan even louder each time. She could feel Sara’s walls tightening around her fingers. She was close.

She tore her mouth away from Sara’s, which Sara didn’t mind as she kept moaning, and bent down. She removed her fingers from Sara’s core, which Sara surely minded because she was really close to coming, but it was quickly replaced by Nyssa sweet, soft and impressive mouth. She pierced her tongue into Sara, which drove her over the edge. She kept her hold on her hips to keep her from falling as she continued her way with Sara to prolong the pleasure. She pulled back and wiped at her mouth when she knew Sara was already spent. She held her close in soft embrace as the water continued to drizzle on them.

“Thank you for not holding back.” Sara tilted her head up and gave Nyssa a small kiss on the cheek.

Nyssa let out a small chuckle. “I’m sorry, but I still held back a little.”

Sara laughed as well. “Next time then?”

Nyssa just looked at her.

“Don’t ask me if I’m sure about it. You’re just making it more difficult for me. I know I’m being such a bad friend to Max, but…”

“Why don’t you just tell her?”

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Then should I?”

“No! I want you to keep seeing her. See where it goes. Please?”

“Of course.”

“Then I guess we should lessen our encounters like that.”

“I’m not sure I want that.”

“Nyssa.”

“Alright.”

They went out the shower and dried themselves. Nyssa wrapped her towel around herself, which Sara swiftly yanked off her then ran off. Nyssa chased after her with nothing on her bare skin, and with her dark locks still dripping. They both stumbled onto the bed when Nyssa finally caught her. And they were both laughing. Nyssa’s phone buzzed interrupting them.

_From: Max_

_Hey, Nyssa. Are you free? I was wondering if you’d want to go somewhere tonight._

Nyssa read the text and handed the phone to Sara to let her see.

“Go.”

Nyssa leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.

“You’re amazing, you know?”

“No, I’m not. I’m a horrible friend. Look at me. Us.”

“No. You’re a great friend. You’re letting her have this, even though you want it as much. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Sara wanted to say she was wrong but she won’t just be lying to Nyssa but also to herself. And there was no use for it, clearly Nyssa could see right through her.

“Just go.”

Nyssa got dressed and replied to Max, _Sure. Where would you like to meet?_

_From: Max_

_How about the yogurt place? I kinda want some._

_To: Max_

_Okay._

Nyssa dropped Sara off at her place before heading to meet Max. She was disappointed that her time with Sara was cut short. She had a feeling that they would have done a repeat of what happened in the shower if they hadn’t been interrupted. But it’s Max. She’s important to Sara, so she should also care for her.

 “Hey.” Max waved at her when she entered the store. “You look tired.”

Nyssa took a seat across from her. “Oh. I’m fine. I just finished training when I got your text, that’s all.”

Nyssa was surprised that she looked tired. She doesn’t even feel tired. Maybe it was because she’d rather be somewhere else and with someone else.

“Okay. So, what would you like on yours?”

“You choose for me.”

“Alright. I’ll be back.”

Max left to order their yogurt by the counter. Nyssa took that time to text Sara.

_To: Sara_

_Hey. I miss you._

_From: Sara_

_You’re cheesy. We were just together not more than an hour ago. But, yeah. I miss you too. Are you with Max now?_

_To: Sara_

_Sorry. You just bring that out of me. Yes. She’s ordering yogurt._

_From: Sara_

_Haha. If you’re trying to be cute, congrats. It’s working. So, you’re using the time to text me? Do you really miss me or are you just bored and are using me to relieve that boredom?_

_To: Sara_

_Yes, I miss you._

_From: Sara_

_So, you’re just being sneaky._

_To: Sara_

_Maybe._

_From: Sara_

_And she’s also texting me._

_To: Sara_

_Really?_

_From: Sara_

_Yes. And you’re not helping me trying to be a good friend. Bye. Enjoy your time with Max. And yes, I really do miss you too._

Nyssa smiled and didn’t reply because she knew Sara wouldn’t want her to.

Sara couldn’t take the smile off her face. Nyssa was already missing her. But she wouldn’t want to get in between Max and Nyssa’s time together, even though she’s not there, when she had already spent an unforgettable one with Nyssa.

Max came back with their frozen yogurts. She handed Nyssa the one with little pieces of cheesecake, which made Nyssa smile, thinking of Sara.

“By the look of your smile, I got it right.”

“You did. Thanks.”

“Sara just told me that you were together.”

“Yeah. I was training her.”

“Why didn’t you ask her to come?”

“I thought you wanted it to just be us. And if you wanted her here, you would have invited her yourself. And she does need to rest, so I dropped her off already.”

“So, how does your training go? What do you do?”

“We just started a couple days ago. We’re developing her endurance first. And I’m teaching her some basic hand to hand skills.”

Nyssa smiled at the thought that popped into her head. What they did in the shower would really have helped in developing her endurance.

“She’s done martial arts before.”

“I know, but there’s still some difference with what she’s learned and what I can teach her.”

“I see. Can I watch sometimes?”

“It’s fine by me, but I think you should also ask Sara.”

“Okay.”

They continued talking about a bunch of different things. Well, Max talked most of the time, while Nyssa listened. They walked around some after they finished with their yogurts.

“Can I ask you something, Nyssa?”

“Sure.”

“Do you like me? Or is it at least possible that you’d like me that way?”

“I do like you, but the way you’re asking, I don’t quite know yet. Maybe.”

“So this is okay with you, even though you don’t really date?”

“Yes.”

Max looked at her closely, weighing her chances with what she was about to ask.

“I know this may sound pathetic, but can I kiss you?”

Nyssa paused a while, which caused Max to panic that she said the wrong thing, so Nyssa leaned in and gave her a kiss on the lips to calm her.

Max almost lost her balance when Nyssa ended the kiss. Only Nyssa’s firm hold on her arm was keeping her from toppling over. She was beginning to blush.

“I…wow. Thanks?”

“You’re welcome.”

Nyssa just didn’t have it in her to decline, because if she did, it would break Max’s heart, and could lead to breaking Sara’s. And she wouldn’t want that. But she also knew that she had lit a fire that doesn’t want to be burning.


	12. Pour My Heart Out

Nyssa wanted to go to Sara’s house and just be with her after her date with Max. She wants to talk to her and hold her, but that would be too much. She doesn’t want to impose herself on her and make her feel suffocated, so she reverted to texting her, which has been a normal thing between them when they are not together.

_To: Sara_

_Hey. Are you still up?_

_From: Sara_

_No. This is me, sleep texting you. How was your date?_

_To: Sara_

_Wow. Even in your sleep, you’re thinking about me._

_It was nice._

Sara smiled. She was really glad that Nyssa is getting comfortable to be making jokes with her. She likes where their relationship is at the moment, even if it is very complicated. She has gotten to know Nyssa quite well.

_From: Sara_

_You’re the one who’s clearly thinking about me. Nice? Just nice? I’ve come to learn that that’s not always a good thing coming from you. Sometimes, it’s you just being polite._

It warmed Nyssa that Sara would notice such small things about her. She liked how much she was getting comfortable with her. It’s not easy for her to trust just anyone. But with Sara, it seems the natural thing to do.

_To: Sara_

_I’m not denying that I’m thinking about you._

_I kissed Max._

The heat that started rising to her cheeks, when she read the first line of the text, drained out of her the moment she read the next line. Everything stopped around her. She couldn’t stop staring at the words staring back at her. She wished they would just go away. She wished Nyssa was just kidding. What the hell is she doing? She wanted this for her friend. But why does she feel like she was run over by a truck a dozen times.

_To: Sara_

_I’m sorry._

Now, that just confused Sara even more. Why would she apologize? She needs to get a grip at herself. She took a couple of deep breaths before typing.

_From: Sara_

_Sorry? What for?_

_To: Sara_

_For kissing Max._

_From: Sara_

_Why would you apologize to me for that? Did you accidentally impregnate my friend?_

_To: Sara_

_You’re upset. I’m sorry, Sara._

_From: Sara_

_I’m not upset._

_To: Sara_

_Yes, you are. I had a feeling you would be._

_From: Sara_

_Then why tell me?_

_To: Sara_

_So, you are upset. To be honest, I don’t know. I felt like I had to._

Sara was indeed upset about the matter, but the way Nyssa was going on about it has slowly eased it away. She was thinking about her. She was thinking about what she would feel. Then she went back to feeling upset when she realized that was the exact opposite of what she was doing to her best friend, Max.

_From: Sara_

_Thank you for telling me. So, who’s the better kisser?_

_To: Sara_

_Really? You’re asking that?_

_From: Sara_

_Yeah. Why not? Humor me. You’ve upset me enough._

_To: Sara_

_Are you asking me who’s the better kisser? Or who I’d rather kiss?_

_From: Sara_

_Just answer. Be honest._

_To: Sara_

_YOU_

_From: Sara_

_Good night, Nyssa._

It was typical for Sara to end the conversation if she wasn’t sure about where it would eventually head to. That was something Nyssa had already observed about her, so she just let it go.

_To: Sara_

_Good night, Sara. Sweet dreams. I’m sure I’ll dream of my light in the darkness._

My light. Was that a reference to her? Sara thought. Something warm blossomed inside her. She dreams of her like she does. She refers to her as hers. Sara doesn’t want to read too much into it, but she can’t help it. It was such a sweet thing.

That night, Sara once again dreamt of Nyssa, but this time, there was Max as well. They were there together, and Sara was just an onlooker. She watched as Nyssa would look and touch Max the way she would with her. She wanted it to stop. She wanted to shout at them, but no words were coming out of her mouth. And they would just laugh together, while Nyssa held Max in her arms. Then Nyssa started leaning in…

Sara forced herself to wake up. It wasn’t something she wanted to see. It felt like her heart was yanked a hundred times, and it was pounding really hard with an unusual ache. She can’t comprehend why she was feeling that way. Is there something that she wouldn’t acknowledge? A feeling that she’s denying exists? She can’t deal with that now. She can’t just think of herself. Not when it comes to Max, who has always been there for her.

The rest of the night, Sara couldn’t get back to sleep. She just stared up the ceiling, contemplating what she really has to do about her, Nyssa, and Max. She sat up and looked around in her room. She spotted her box. The box of letters. She took one out to read for the day. Letter 26. She unfolded the origami and read.

_Hey Sara,_

_There are times that I wonder, what if I hadn’t had the courage to even send you a letter would you ever have noticed my existence? I can no longer imagine what my life would be without even a simple connection like this with you. I don’t even know why I was so afraid to even introduce myself to you then. You’re nice, sweet, and simply amazing._

_What I think of right now is what would it be like when you find out who I am? Putting all the notes, letters, and poems aside, who would I be to you? Would I still be a stranger? A friend? Or something more? I’d rather be a friend than being nothing at all to you. I’ll be whatever you need me to be. I’ll be here for you._

_~ME_

Sara felt bad once more as she realized that she hasn’t been considering what this sweet writer would feel. Given that they don’t exactly know each other yet, but it’s like she has already closed out all the possibilities from him. She was seriously conflicted and in need of someone to talk to, but she had no idea who.

She went to school trying to avoid any encounter with Max or Nyssa, while she tries to figure things out. She would quickly turn the other direction whenever she sees them coming. She knew she was being absurd but she doesn't know what else to do for now. She got herself out of study session with Nyssa that day, telling her that she doesn't feel like it.  Good thing that Nyssa didn't press on more on the matter.

She went walking around the streets trying to pass the time after school. She still didn't feel like going home. There, she ran in with Rebecca.

"Hey, little sister. How you doin'?" Rebecca cheerfully greeted her.

"Oh, hey, Becks. I'm good. How are you?"

Rebecca observed her disposition carefully.

"I'm great. You do know you can't hide your feelings from me. Max may try to ignore them when you say you're fine, but you can't fool me."

Sara knew that. Rebecca had always been one of those few people she could always go to with anything, but she was hesitant. She also has a close relationship with both of the people she is being problematic about. And that makes talking to her a bit complicated too.

"I'm fine. Really."

Rebecca knew just what buttons to push when it comes to making Sara talk. And she knew that she needs someone to talk to or at least someone who'd listen with whatever it is troubling her.

"No, you're not. Let's go grab something to eat and talk to me."

Rebecca dragged her inside a cozy diner. She ordered burger and fries for both of them.

"So, are you gonna tell me or should I call Max?" Rebecca said as they waited for their orders.

"No need for that. I said it's nothing." Sara tried to fake a smile which she hoped would pass as a real one.

"Should I get Nyssa, then?"

"Rebecca." Sara felt deflated. She knew there was no going around her. If there's one thing Rebecca is really good at, it's getting you to tell her what's troubling you. She listens well, doesn't judge, and often gives good advice.

"What's the matter, Sara?"

Sara sighed. "I don't know what to do, Becks."

Their food arrived and Rebecca smiled at the waitress in thanks. She looked at Sara, waiting for her to continue.

"Max really likes Nyssa and things are going really well between them. I should be happy for her. I should be happy for my best friend. I even helped her get things going with Nyssa. But..."

She stopped herself, not sure if she even wants to hear what she was about to say. She doesn't want that feeling to be real, yet there it is.

"But you're not." Rebecca finished for her. "Why do you think is that?"

"I don't know, Becks. I really don't know." Sara picked up a fry and took a small bite of it even though she really wasn't hungry, she just needed something else to do with her mouth other than talk about how horrible of a friend she is.

"Are you jealous of Max or Nyssa?"

Sara's gaze swiftly snapped up to Rebecca. How could she know? She shouldn't be surprised. It's Rebecca. She's very observant and seems to know what's going on with you even before you yourself do.

"Are you afraid you'd lose your best friend? Or are you afraid to lose what you have with Nyssa?"

"I love Max. I want her to be happy. But seeing her with Nyssa..."

"Do you like Nyssa, Sara?"

"Of course."

"You know what I'm asking."

"That. I don't know. I enjoy spending time with her. Even if we were just together, I'd miss her and would want to be with her, when we're not. When we're together, it's like nothing else matters."

"Then, I think you know. You just don't want to admit it to yourself."

"I don't want to. I don't want it. I can't screw this up for Max."

"You're willing to give up Nyssa for her?"

"I..." Sara doesn't know. She wants to say yes, but she knew it isn't true, and she also made a promise to Nyssa.

"You can't decide for all of you. What about what Nyssa wants? Do you think Max will be okay with that? Wouldn't she be happy for you if in case you and Nyssa get together?"

Of course Rebecca has a point. She was just worrying too much and not even thinking that it's not just about her.

"You should talk to them."

"Maybe." She knew she should but doesn't know how and if she could.

"Can I ask you a favor though? Be careful with Nyssa. She doesn't easily open her heart to anyone, but when she does, she give her all."

Rebecca can see that Sara is still confused with what to do and how she really feels, and she has confused her even more. But she needed to say it, she cares about Nyssa, she's one of the few people she truly cares about, even if that includes Sara and Max as well. She doesn't want to see Nyssa get hurt, especially that she knows Nyssa has already opened her heart to Sara.

But all that talk about it is enough for now, and it's not something that should come from her, so she decided to change the topic.

"So tell me about that secret admirer of yours."

Sara smiled at how much Rebecca knew her to consider changing the topic at that moment. She told her about the notes and letters. Her feelings and hopes to meeting him. Or her, as Rebecca pointed out. There is a possibility of that, she said, as thinking about it she would like to try doing it herself.

She went home feeling a little bit lifted. Her talk with Rebecca reduced the worries even a little. When she got home, she found Nyssa sitting in the middle of her bed with a single red rose in her hand. She looked up at her with a somber expression.

"I'm sorry." She stood, walked up to Sara and handed her the rose.

"What are you doing here?" She asked without even bothering with the rose.

"You were avoiding me, I know."

"And you're making things seriously difficult for me."

"You said I won't lose you."

"You won't."

"But you want me to back off. You want me to pretend that there isn't anything between us."

"Please, I can't deal with this."

"Is that what you really want, Sara?"

Sara was feeling drained and sat down at the side of her bed, where Nyssa kneeled down right in front of her.

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know. It's what I want for now."

Nyssa wanted to protest. She wanted to tell her about her feelings. That she's not the only one hurting or uncomfortable with the situation. But it's what Sara thinks she needs for now. And for her, she'll bear with the pain of her pushing her away.

"Okay. For now." Nyssa said with much reluctance. She made her way to the window and prepared to jump.

Sara's heart sank when she noticed what Nyssa was about to do. "What are you doing?"

"They don't know I'm here." Then she jumped out the window and landed square on her feet. She looked up to see the horrified look on Sara's face.

It scared the living hell out of Sara. The thought of losing Nyssa forever like that. And it would all be because of her. She shouldn't be surprised after seeing what her friends can do, and Alec says that she's the best among them, but it still frightened her to her core.

\---------------------

_Danced Her Way to My Heart_

_Here I am writing notes, letters, and poems_

_In hopes to let a beautiful girl know_

_How much she has changed my life_

_How much she's lit up my darkest nights_

_I pour my heart out on a piece of paper_

_Having no clue on how to tell her_

_That I've fallen fast and hard_

_When she danced her way to my heart_

_She's become my inspiration, my passion_

_Close to becoming my obsession_

_I don't know if this is right_

_But she's made something in me come alive_

_A burning ember I never knew existed_

_Even though how much I resisted_

_It all comes back to that girl_

_Who danced her way to my heart_

Letter 27. 23 more letter. 23 more days. This is what Sara thought she needed. Who this person is may still be a mystery, but at least it's less complicated. She promised to pay more attention and appreciate it more. All the letters and efforts.

She wanted to give him/her something in return. A thank you gift for how special he/she had made her feel. It made her smile on how she's refering as him/her because of Rebecca. She checked the time and saw that it was still early before she needs to go to school. She looked for a song that won't imply too much, but would still convey what she wants to say.

"Hey! This is for you. This about sums up how you've been making me feel. And I really want to thank you. So here it goes." Sara said to the recording camera then she played and danced to the song, 'Just The Way You Are'.

She danced through the first verse and a chorus, then stopped laughing.

"Okay. I think I'm done making a fool of myself. I hope you enjoy this. Bye." She waved and blew a kiss to the camera.

She saved it to a CD and left it inside her locker with a note saying,

_This is to thank you._

_xo Sara_

Within the day, Sara had a realization that he/she hadn't been leaving notes in her locker lately, since all the letters were already in the box. How would he/she know to look and find that she left something there for him/her? But when she checked, she saw that the CD was already gone, and in it's place was a small note saying,

_Got it. Thanks._

Sara was relieved that her effort was not for nothing. It made her smile remembering how foolish she might have looked when she was making the video.

"Hey! It's like I haven't seen you for forever."

"Just been all over the place I guess." She smiled at Max.

"Are we okay?"

"Yeah. Of course."

Max's worries washed away with Sara's cheerfulness.

"Good. So, what did you give him?"

"I made a video of me dancing."

"Really??"

"Yeah." Sara bit her lower lip, second guessing what she did.

"You really like him, don't you?"

"He's made me feel special. I want to meet him. See where it goes. You know?"

"Yeah. I get it. I'm happy for you."

"I am too." And for quite a while, she does feel happy for herself. Even for Max and Nyssa. Maybe she can actually detach herself from that and find something less complicated.


	13. Hurt, Loved, Confused

_Sara Lance. Who does this girl think she is? Barging in on my life like that. Turning everything around and upside down. Drowning all my senses with all she is. Everywhere I turn, she's all I see. She's all I hear. Her scent wafting through every inch and every corner of the room. I can't seem to escape her. Well, why would I want to? Her flowing blonde hair, her thousand watt smile, and her eyes. Those eyes that seem to reflect all the beauty there is in life. They're simply perfection. Her laugh, so intoxicating. Her movements, so graceful. Her heart, so gentle and kind. Why would anyone want to escape such breathtaking beauty? Beauty resonating inside and out._

_You are beautiful in every way, Sara. Never think otherwise._

28\. He definitely made Sara feel beautiful. Reading throughout the letter, Sara wasn't able to stop giggling. The way he wrote it, as if he was proclaiming it to everyone, it made Sara's heart swell. She wouldn't let any problem ruin this for her. She was genuinely enjoying it, when she finally tucked away all her worries about Max and Nyssa in her mind.

She went to school and found another note inside her locker, making her smile.

_I don't know what to say. It was fascinating to watch you dance as always. I was surprised when I played it. You were so sweet and cute being so shy when you were filming it. Thank you, Sara. I would treasure that gift._

_~ME_

Sara was blushing and butterflies were flying around in her belly. She can't remember anyone that had ever made her feel like that other than Nyssa. And now, him. The intensity of the feeling is not as enormous as with Nyssa, but she'd rather have the simplicity of it now, than the glorious feeling she gets with Nyssa accompanied with same intense complications.

"Sara, can we talk?"

She closed her eyes, thinking that she just said she doesn't want the complication, yet here she comes. She turned around and smiled. She wouldn't let her faze her beautiful morning.

"Hi, Nyssa. What about?"

"Are you still upset with me?"

"No. I'm over that."

"Will you still be avoiding me?"

"I'm standing here talking to you, aren't I?"

"I miss you, Sara."

Nyssa wanted to reach for her, hold her hand at least, but she restrained herself. She doesn't want her to pull away from her completely.

Sara sighed deeply, trying to contain the growing frustration.

"Stop, Nyssa. I can't do this."

"Okay. Max is worried about you. So is Rebecca."

"You talked to Becks? What did she tell you?"

Sara knew Rebecca wouldn't tell anyone what they talked about the other day. She knew she could trust her, but it doesn't hurt to be cautious.

"Yeah. She told me that I need to talk to you."

"Of course. There's nothing to worry about. I'm fine. But this incessant worrying from you guys is starting to annoy me."

"I'm sorry."

"If I need to talk to you, I will. For now, just let me be."

Distancing herself from Sara has been so difficult, especially knowing that they are not in good terms. But if she kept pushing on, she might just close out and run off completely. She'll wait for her. She'll wait until she's ready.

Max arrived in the middle of the awkward silence simmering between them.

"What's the matter?"

When neither of them answered, she turned to Nyssa.

"Nyssa. Is everything okay?"

Nyssa forced a smile.

"Yes. Let's go. I'll walk you to your class."

Nyssa offered her hand to Max, which she took, and they walked hand in hand to her class. Max glanced back to where Sara was standing. She was just there watching them walk away, her expression quite unreadable to Max.

Sara was annoyed that she let her get through her again. She let Nyssa make her second guess her choices once more. She let her ruin her perfectly beautiful day.

\-----------------

"What really happened earlier? Did she talk to you?" Max distractedly picked on the loose thread of her skirt.

"No, she didn't."

"She says she fine, but I can tell something's bothering her. I'm really worried, Nyssa. It's not like her not to be telling when she has problems."

Nyssa took Max's hand in hers to soothe her building nerves.

"She'll talk to you when she's ready. Remember that you didn't tell her about liking me right away. So just give her time."

"Okay. No need to bring that up."

Nyssa smiled. She knew talking about the time when she was trying to hide her feelings for her makes her uncomfortable. "Don't worry. I know I can be intimidating."

It was true. People rarely approached Nyssa, even when Alec is not with her. That's why Max still can't believe that she's there talking to her, what more that she is dating her. She gave her a quick kiss on the lips, which Sara witnessed.

Sara quickly turned and walked as fast as she could to the other direction. She wanted to cry. She wanted to throw something. Hit something. Not looking where she was going, she bumped into Alec and she fell on the floor. Alec just looked at her at first, shook his head, then helped her up.

"I'm sorry." Sara apologized as she tried to gather herself up.

She looked at Alec and thought of an idea let off some of her frustrations.

"Are you training Nate?"

He looked at her like she had gone crazy.

"Today? Yeah."

"Can I join?"

"Seriously? I don't even know why I'm training that wuss, and now you?"

Sara didn't waver and just stood there in front of him.

"You're a fighter. I see. Sure. Just ride with him. I don't want any passengers."

"Thanks."

\---------------------------

Nyssa got home to find Sara sparring with Nate and Alec. She was covered in cuts and bruises. It broke her heart to see her like that. She kept her calm but got in the middle of it. She swiftly took the short stick Nate was holding and landed a couple of blows to Alec's midsection.

"What do you think you're doing?" She asked, pointing the stick at Alec. Ready to give another hit, if she didn't get a good answer.

"We were just training, Nyssa." Sara answered for them.

"I wasn't talking to you." Her tone was cool, harsh, and clipped. It frightened Sara a bit to hear Nyssa talk like that, especially that it was directed at her. "I didn't approve of this."

"She asked me." Alec answered back.

Nyssa hit him again in the abdomen, making both Nate and Sara wince for him.

"Out of the question. This is done. You know the punishment. Nate, go home." She then grabbed Sara's arm without even looking at her. "You come with me." She dragged her through the house, to her room. She told her to sit and be still on the bed, while she took the first aid kit. Sara wanted to leave, but she was so scared and angry to even move.

Nyssa came back to the room with the kit and she kneeled down in front of Sara to check the cuts and bruises on her face and body. She clenched her teeth in frustration.

"What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I wanted to train but I didn't want to do it with you."

That hurt Nyssa more than she would want to admit. She just busied herself by tending to Sara's wounds and not mind her superficial one.

"You know why I don't let you train with those guys? Even with Alec? Because they have no self-restraint."

"But it's okay with Nate?"

"I don't let him train with them without my supervision."

"Whatever, Nyssa. I can handle myself."

"Do you plan on getting yourself killed? Stop being so stubborn, Sara. I'm just trying to keep you safe."

"Why do you care?" Tears were starting to well up in Sara's eyes, which she is trying her best to fight back.

"I care about you, Sara." She tilted her chin up to look into hers. And a small tear fell down Sara's cheeks. "When would you see how much I care about you? I'll do anything for you, Sara. Don't you see that? I let you push me away to someone else because you said that's what you want, even though I'd rather be with you."

Sara could no longer hold the tears from flowing. She pushed Nyssa aside and ran out the room and out of the house. She just wanted to be alone. She just can't be around Nyssa right now or she would completely break down.

Nyssa chased after her. She would never let her run off like that. Feeling like that. And running all by herself in the dark hour. She hated to see her cry. She wants to make it all go away. Make it all okay again. She just wants them to get back to how they were before.

Sara had already reached the front lawn when Nyssa had caught up with her. She wrapped her arms around Sara. She wriggled and tried to break free of the hold, but Nyssa just held her even tighter. She buried her face in Sara's hair, whispering reassurances.

"I'm sorry, Sara. I'm sorry. I'll make this okay. We'll make this okay."

When Sara had stopped fighting and had calmed down, she loosed her grip and turned her to face her. She looked deep into her eyes, and what she saw that reflected in them broke her heart. Hurt and anger at war. She gathered her close to her.

"Let me take you home."

Sara was too tired to protest. She had fallen asleep even before they reached her house. Nyssa carried her up into her room and tucked her in. She looked so vulnerable and broken with all those cuts and bruises and just lying there on her bed. She looked at her tired and worried face.

"I'm sorry, Sara." She brushed a strand of hair off of Sara's face and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I love you."

She waited a beat to see if she would open her eyes and if she had heard what she said, but Sara stayed there unmoving. She doesn't need her to say it back to her. She just wants her to know. But it doesn't seem like the right time.

\-----------------------

_Life is strange, isn't it? When you're out there trying to figure things out or when you're looking for something, you can't seem to find what you're searching for. Then when you stop and you let life take you for a ride, all that you've been searching for and sometimes even more comes slamming down on your front door. I know I've told you about when I first saw you, but just let me say a little bit more about it._

_I wasn't even supposed to be there at that place, but I decided to bail on all of my plans that day and just went walking around. I wasn't looking for anything. I just wanted to get away from everything. Then it was like someone threw a brick at me and told me to look that way. To where you were dancing with your other teammates. But to me, you stood out from the rest. I found myself watching your every move. I wanted to walk up to you and ask you your name, but I was too shy to actually get on with it. I was able to find out your name eventually, but I never got the courage to walk up to you and say hi._

_But don't worry. I think I've built up enough courage to do at least that. Soon._

_~ME_

Sara agreed that life is indeed strange. Just months ago she was going out with guys she didn't even particularly cared about. She went out with them because she enjoyed their company. But now she has this secret admirer and Nyssa that she is falling for. She caught herself with that thought. Falling? Did she seriously think that? God, she's actually falling for them. The thought is tearing her apart. She can't believe it. She really has to figure out what to do.


	14. Can't Stay Away

It killed Nyssa to have seen Sara hurt and being the cause of it. She drowned herself in rigorous training since she got back home that night and hadn't stopped since then. Her body was sore, aching and covered with bruises all over, but it was all nothing compared to how terrible she has felt. She promised herself she'd protect her, yet she's the one causing her pain. She's thought of the perfect punishment to give herself. She will distance herself from Sara until she comes to her herself. She will keep watch of her from afar, knowing she can't come close to her, hold her, be with her.

She took a quick shower to ease some of the ache and wash off the sweat and blood clinging on her skin before she went to school. She rode her motorcycle. She just wanted to be alone. She still hasn't talked to Alec since he started with his punishment. But Nate had tried to talk to her, but she ignored his text. She was in no mood for any of that.

Nyssa avoided any encounter she could have with Sara, even skipping their chemistry class. It's funny that she was getting upset with Sara avoiding her, now she's the one doing it.

Sara noticed that Nyssa wasn't in class even though she just saw her earlier. Maybe she's the one avoiding her now. It's fine with her. The distance would make it easier for her to think. Sort her feelings out.

During practice, she caught sight of Nyssa sparring against Alec. Both of their bodies covered with bruises. Worse that anything she has ever seen, yet there they were giving each other new ones. She doesn't get how they are able to continue like that. Don't they feel the pain? Are they just punishing themselves?

The day ended with Nyssa not even giving her a quick glance. Sara didn't think it would hurt as much as it did. She thought she could be okay with it. She thought it's what she wanted. When she was the one doing it, she thought it was okay, but now that Nyssa's doing it, it just hurts like hell.

But that wasn't true. Nyssa was watching her carefully at the corner of her eye. She was well aware that Sara was watching her, but she couldn't do anything about it. So she just pretended not to notice her, even if it hurts to do so.

\--------------------------

_"God Damn You're Beautiful To Me"_

 

_On the days I can't see your eyes_

_I don't even want to open mine_

_On the days I can't see your smile_

_Well, I'd rather sit and wait the while_

_For the days I know you'll be near_

_'Cause a day without you just isn't fair_

_See the days I can hear your voice_

_I'm left without a choice_

 

_Plus I get weak in the knees_

_Fall head over heels, baby_

_And every other cheesy cliché_

_Yes, I'm swept off my feet_

_Oh, my heart skips a beat_

_But there's really only one thing to say:_

 

_God damn, you're beautiful_

_To me, you're everything,_

_Yeah, that's beautiful, yes, to me._

 

_I can't find the words to explain_

_Just how much you got me going insane_

_When you speak to me sometimes we fight_

_Oh, I stutter my words, I say nevermind_

_'Cause even when you just walk by_

_Well, I look around to seem occupied_

_'Cause I'm trying so hard to hide_

_Yeah, all of these feelings inside_

 

_'Cause I get weak in the knees_

_Fall head over heels, baby_

_And every other cheesy cliché_

_Oh, I'm swept off my feet_

_Oh, my heart skips a beat_

_But there's really only one thing to say:_

 

_God damn, you're beautiful to me,_

_oh, you're everything,_

_Yeah, that's beautiful, yes, to me._

_Yes, to me._

_No. I didn't write this. I wish I did though. When I heard this song, you were all I could think of. How you make me feel. How beautiful you've always been to me._

_Yes, you're beautiful. I'll say it over and over. As many times as you'd like, until you know that it is true._

_~ME_

It struck Sara how much that was exactly how she was feeling at the moment. About Nyssa. She had dreamt of her again. Nyssa was standing in the middle of the darkness with just a luminescent light shining behind her, looking at Sara, waiting for her to come to her. Sara wanted to run to her, wrap her arms around her, kiss her, but she couldn't even move. She just stood there as she watched the image of Nyssa fade.

"Why can't you just introduce yourself to me right now? So I can stop mooning over words on a piece of paper. Or someone who's conveniently here because I don't have a freaking clue who you are."

Sara counted the days left. 20.

"Yeah. I do hope I'll finally meet you then."

The days flew by with her and Nyssa trying to avoid each other. She's learned how to deal with it without letting it bother her. She just focused more of her attention on the letters. It had been a routine for her to open one by the time she gets up.

There was one with a drawing of her in pen. Though she was colored in, the rest of the picture were left untouched. It was beautiful. There was also a note written below it.

_This is how I see things. You standing out, colorful and vibrant, while the rest just fades away in the background. You have brought out a different perspective in me. You have brought color to how I see things. You've brought color to my life._

Then another one of a blooming yellow rose.

_This has got to be the first drawing I've ever added color to. Thinking of you, I just had to. A yellow rose not fully bloomed that shows that you haven't even reached the peak of your beauty. Just wait and see._

Day after day. Letter after letter.

33.

_I know I always write about you, and that you'd want me to write something about myself to at least give you an idea who I am._

_I love to read. Novels. Poems. They interest me more than the colorful pictures in movies. To me, they reveal more. More of the writer. More of the reader. More of life and everything beyond and within. And as you can see, I also like to write. I mostly write things that I like to let out but still keep to myself. I've never had anyone read any of my personal writings, aside from you. You've inspired me to write poems, not that I haven't tried before, but they're not the same when you came along._

_I like to travel. I would want to go up and leave. Leave everything behind and just see what the world has to offer. Well, maybe not everything, I'd want to take you with me. Wander every corner and share every wonderous experience with you._

34.

_I don't know why I decided to write 50 letters. I'm running out of things to say. But here it is, I've got to push through._

_There are times that I wonder what would you think if I suddenly stop writing. Would you miss it? Miss me? Or would you just brush the thought away and move on with your life? I wonder if you wait to find these notes and letters. Have my letters become part of your daily life? Or are they just a passing thought? Do you also think of me even for a short while?_

_I know I'm just being crazy trying to put myself down. I'm just nervous and scared I guess, of what you might be thinking._  

Inspired by the simple letters, little by little, Sara has learned to be okay with seeing Nyssa and Max together, even being in the same room with them, and talking and spending some time with them. But she still hasn't gotten around being alone with Nyssa. In time, maybe they'll be able to go back to the way things were.

\----------------

Things have been going real good between Nyssa and Max, but it still doesn't mean much to Nyssa. It's still not the same as with Sara. She knows she's being unfair to Max, but that's just how it is. She's happy that she and Sara are starting to get back on the same page, but it also pains to see that she is okay with seeing her with Max together. She's rather have her mad at her, than being okay with seeing her with someone else.

"What would you like to do this weekend?"

"I don't know. You decide."

"How about the theme park?"

"Sure. If that's what you want."

"I invited Sara and Rebecca to join us. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Of course."

\-----------------

_Live life with no regrets. It's better to give things a try, fail, and learn from it. Than always wondering what could have been._

_I'm glad I was able to convince myself to do this. I would accept whatever comes out of it._

_~ME_

Nyssa arrived at the theme park to find Sara standing by the entrance alone. She hesitated to walk up to her, but decided it's more foolish not to.

"Hey. So, where are they?"

"Would you believe me if I tell you they're not coming?"

"What do you mean?"

Sara showed her the text she got from Max.

_Sorry, Sara. I don't know what's going on between you and Nyssa, but I see that you haven't even acknowledging each others presence. I thought maybe spending some fun time together would help. I love you. Be good._

Nyssa smiled and handed her back the phone.

"Don't."

"I didn't say anything." But Nyssa's smile grew. "So are we going to do this?"

Then Sara's phone beeped again with another text.

_From: Max_

_Don't even think of bailing! Do this for me. Please?_

Sara rolled her eyes in response. Of course Max would know that she'd want to bail. Of course she'd notice the sudden change between her and Nyssa, though she doesn't seem to have a clue about what.

"Don't have a choice. I'm doing this because Max asked, so as we're clear."

Nyssa was glad to have been able to spend some time alone with Sara. Given that it's at a public place, but it's just the two of them.

They were able to ease in to a comfortable dynamic and started to enjoy their time together. They went around trying different games and avoided certain topics that would make each other feel awkward. They came across an archery game, where the player should at least get an arrow out of three in the bullseye to get a prize, and when you get all three in, you'll get the grand prize. The trick is, the target's moving and you only have 90 seconds to get all three shots over with. Sara looked at Nyssa and gave her a challenging smile.

"You want it?"

"Can you do it?"

"Are you doubting my skills, Sara Lance?"

Nyssa paid for the game and the guy managing it handed her the bow and three arrows. Nyssa tested the pull of the bow and got in position.

"Which one would you like?"

"The big one, of course."

"How many?"

"What do you mean?"

"How many shots? One at a time? All together?"

"Cocky much?"

Nyssa took all three arrows and pulled them back with the string. She looked at her target and took a steady breath. She glanced at Sara and smiled. Then she let go with all three hitting right on the spot.

The guy reluctantly handed her the big stuffed bear. She took it and walked closer to where Sara was standing.

"Show off." Sara said while she tried to bite down a smile.

"This is for you." Nyssa had the bear in front of her as she peaked from behind it, which Sara found adorable.

"Thank you." Sara took the bear and snuggled close to it, then looked up at Nyssa. "Jealous of the bear?" she teased.

"Maybe."

They began walking in comfortable silence hand in hand with Nyssa carrying the bear at her side.

"I really missed you, Sara."

Sara pulled herself closer to Nyssa and leaned her head on her shoulder.

"So did I, Nyssa."

Sara saw a photobooth before they left the park, and dragged Nyssa there. They took the first shots with Nyssa hiding behind the bear or not even looking at the camera and smiling.

"Come on, Nyssa. Just smile."

Nyssa shook her head no.

"We're not getting out of here until I get a good picture out of you."

"This is a waste of money, Sara."

"Then look at the camera and smile."

Sara was making faces beside her, and she just sat there smiling to herself as she watched Sara's face light up in delight. And not being able to resist, she placed a quick kiss on her cheek that was caught on the last shot. Sara took the printed photos. It was nice. The way Nyssa was just staring at her with a small sparkle in her eyes. And the last one that caught her by surprise.

"Another one."

"What? I was smiling."

"You weren't looking at the camera. And make some faces."

Nyssa tried to protest.

"Come on. Even just one."

Nyssa gave up and just did what was asked of her. She would just copy whatever expression Sara was making. As payback, Sara wanted to surprise Nyssa with a kiss of her own, but Nyssa turned the same time she was leaning in, and their lips met in a sweet subtle kiss.

"That was..."

"Don't say nice."

"Unexpected." Nyssa smiled and Sara returned it with her own.

They took the photos and got out of the booth. Sara was laughing so hard at Nyssa's cute facial expressions.

"I'm keeping this one. Which one would you like?"

"You can have them all."

"No. I want you to have one."

Sara looked at the pictures carefully, deciding which one she wants Nyssa to have.

"Here." She handed her the second batch they took. "I don't know what you were thinking of, but I really like your smile here. I want you to remember yourself like that. When you're feeling down, remember whatever it is you were thinking of here. Whatever you're seeing in me. And smile like that for me. Whenever you look at this, remember that we have moments like this. Just us."

"I can't pretend that it doesn't hurt to see that you're okay with all this. It hurt when I see you being bothered by it, but you being okay with it is much worse. And I can't stay away from you anymore. Pretending that I don't want to be with you is the hardest thing I ever had to do."

"I know, Nyssa. Believe me, I know." Sara tried to fight back the tears welling up in her eyes with a smile. "But it's too complicated. We'll be okay though. I know we'll be."


	15. Lost to Her

_Nothing could compare to thy beauty_

_Not even the Greek goddess Aphrodite_

_No words to explain it_

_It is the truth that I see_

_The gods may strike me_

_I shall not bow to thee_

_They cannot change my heart's beat_

_That will love you eternally_

"It's no wonder you're falling for this one." Max chided Sara as she finished reading through all the other letters until this last open one.

"But isn't it crazy to just fall for someone's words?"

Sara had told her best friend about her growing feelings for her secret admirer, but of course she left out the part about being confused with her feelings about Nyssa. She and Nyssa are slowly getting back to their old ways and are getting more comfortable being around each other again. They have also begun studying and training, with some laughter, teasing, and flirting added to the mix every now and again.

"You're thinking about it too much. Just wait until you meet. Just a couple days more." Max seemed even more excited than Sara. Sara was excited but also as nervous as one could be in a situation like that.

"Yeah. You're right."

"So what's your plan on your birthday?"

"I don't know." Sara haven't been thinking about what to do on her birthday at all. She normally has plans already at this point, but her mind has been floating around lately, she hasn't gotten around on it.

"Can I have a go at it?" Max was hopeful that Sara would let her plan a party for her or maybe just a small get together. She wants to do something for her after how much she's helped her with Nyssa.

Sara looked at her suspisciously, then smiled. "Sure. Just make sure I don't regret it."

"I'll make it unforgetable." She hugged her friend in excitement.

\------------------------------

Max met up with Rebecca and Nyssa to plan for Sara's party. Though Sara mostly spends the day of her birthday with her family, it doesn't mean they can't celebrate it some other time or day.

Nyssa didn't know why she was even there. She doesn't like parties or any type of social gatherings. And she has no idea what they were talking about.

Max and Rebecca fought over whether to make it big and grand or just intimate and simple. Max thought that a big glamorous party would take Sara's mind off things and would allow her to have fun, but Rebecca believed that a small intimate one is all that Sara needs right now. She doesn't need to be around a bunch of people who doesn't really care about her and some who she doesn't even know of. After making her point, Max agreed with her and so did Nyssa.

They quickly went through with the planning with ease, making compromises on things they don't actually agree on. They said their goodbyes and agreed to meet up again to make the final preparations.

Max walked alongside Nyssa as they made their way to their rides.

"Heading home?"

"Yeah. Sara's waiting. We have training today."

"Oh. Do you mind if I watch?"

Nyssa just wanted another chance to be alone with Sara. Just the two of them. Though there are times that they don't talk, knowing that the other is there with them, at their side, was enough for both. She really wanted to say no, but didn't want to seem rude or anything.

"Sure."

They made their way to Nyssa's house with Max following behind Nyssa's bike. Sara was sitting by the front steps of the house and was smiling when she saw Nyssa coming down the road, then her smile dimmed a little when she saw Max's car. She tried to smile again and just be cool with it.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Sara greeted Max with a hug.

"Nothing. Just thought of watching you kick some ass."

"Nyssa's? I wish. Not even close to it."

"True. So shall we start, Sara?"

Nyssa didn't have to change. She was wearing comfortable pants that she can move in on, and though her boots are a bit high, she's used to moving and jumping around in them. She removed her jacket and went to get some weapons.

"You've warmed up already, right?"

"Yeah."

Nyssa threw a long staff at her, which she caught. They started going at each other without any warning to Max who was shocked with the sudden action unfolding in front of her. Nyssa would go on offense and criticize Sara on her bad defense. When she tells Sara to go on offense, she would point out her flaws and tell her to try harder.

They were lost in their own world, which Max could see. It was as if she wasn't even there. The intensity of their stares, she was surprised they weren't burned by the heat coming from it. The way they would smile at each other as if sharing a secret. Nyssa had never looked at her like that. Never smiled at her like that. She didn't know why she didn't see it before, there had always been something different in the way everything about Nyssa lighten up whenever Sara was around. And that Sara looks at Nyssa the same way. She left without any of them even noticing that she did.

\--------------------------

Max didn't know what to do with the sudden realizations she had. She thought of talking to Sara, but she decided against it. She knew she would just deny her feelings. Feelings that maybe she hasn't come to terms with herself. She helped her out with Nyssa, even though, as Max could see now, she has even deeper feelings for her.

She went to Nyssa. It hurts that maybe the only reason she stayed with was because of Sara. To be closer to Sara. To keep a promise or whatever. She wanted to be mad at her, but the way she's always been nice to her and sometimes sweet, she couldn't. After seeing what Nyssa and Sara share with each other, she felt terrible that she got in between.

"Nyssa, can we talk?"

"About what?"

"What are we to you?"

"I..." Nyssa didn't know what to answer. It was the reason why she never liked to label things. You'd have to live up to whatever you define it to be.

"It's okay. I get it."

Max smiled at her, leaving Nyssa confused.

"I guess I've known from the start that this was never going to work out, but it ain't bad to hope. Sure hurts though."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Are you in love with Sara?"

It wasn't how Max wanted the conversation to go, but it was what's been punching holes in her head, so when it suddenly came out, she didn't do much to stop it.

Nyssa debated with herself whether to tell her or not. Max's warm and accepting smile decided for her.

"She's the reason I stayed in Starling City."

"Wow. Tha's big. I see I never really had a chance. I've already lost to her before it even started."

Nyssa didn't say anything. There were no right words that she can think of to say in that situation.

"Take good care of her. If you break her heart, I don't care how badass you are, I'll find a way to kick your ass."

"And I will let you."

Max was comforted at how deeply Nyssa cares for Sara. It hurts, but she knew that they were better off together. She'll find her own.

"Does she know?"

"If you're asking if I've told her, no, she doesn't."

"I made it complicated, huh?"

"Maybe, but we'll be fine."

"You and Sara? Or you and I?"

"I'm hoping for both."

\---------------------------

_There she was walking in the middle of a beautiful green meadow. Her long lustrous golden locks flowing down her sides. Her eyes lighting up in joyful bliss. Then suddenly she smiled, laughed so happily, and twirled around. She painted such a beautiful picture in my mind that I could have sworn my heart had stopped beating seeing her like that. And as if noticing my presence for the first time, she paused and gave a shy smile, then said, "join me." She kept laughing, twirling and gliding through the vast meadow. I started walking closer to her, and she laughed even louder. Her laugh was so beautiful, I could listen to it for a lifetime. She quickly sped off, glancing back to see if I was chasing after her. Every time she does, I would see her smile, and I was lost. Lost to her. I caught up to her and grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up high, spinning her around with me, making her laugh even more. I put her down and just held her tight. Cherishing that moment, I placed a soft kiss on her shoulder. She turned around, placing her arms on my shoulders, looked deep into my eyes with a sweet smile and said, "Hey, you." Then and there I knew that I was hers for the rest of eternity._

Sara can't believe that after how much letters, poems and notes she's received from this person, every word stil has the ability to make her knees go weak and her heart melt. He painted a picture of her in her own mind of something so beautiful. Something she hoped would be true. She liked the idea of laughing and playing around in a beautiful place like that. Enjoying every moment. Not thinking about anything else other than being in that moment with that someone very dear to you to share it with.

Her phone buzzed, ending her day dreaming.

_From: Max_

_Hey. Need to talk. Nyssa and I are over._

Sara didn't know what to feel. Should she feel sad, angry, hurt, happy, relieved, confused? Here she was dreaming of another person she's falling for, then she'll find out that she can now be with Nyssa. Could she really be with her? Not just because she was no longer seeing Max, but was she certain that she wants to have that, share that with Nyssa? For real?

_To: Max_

_Are you okay? What happened? Should I come over?_

_From: Max_

_No need. I'll be fine. Too lazy to talk anyway. I ended it._

Sara was really suprised. Max ended it? Why? Could it be because of her? Sara started to panic, then she realized that Max didn't seem like she was angry. She shouldn't be jumping into conclusions.

_To: Max_

_Why?_

_From: Max_

_Realized it wasn't really going to work out. Thanks though_

_To: Max_

_You're really okay?_

Max being totally okay with it also made Sara nervous, but she didn't know why.

_From: Max_

_Yeah. I don't want you to stop being friends with her for my sake. You were friends even before you got us together. And she and I are cool._

Sara was seriously confused. But it was obvious Max was not going to tell her much of the details, so she'll get it out of Nyssa.

She borrowed her mom's car and hurriedly drove off to Nyssa's house to confront her. She passed the huge lawn and saw herself in that same scene in the letter. Running and laughing around, with a familiar face chasing after her. Nyssa.

"Geez! Brain, you're not helping!"

She got out of the car and went looking for Nyssa. Oddly enough, she found her in the bathroom, soaking up in the bathtub. Her heart skipped a beat seeing her like that. Her head tilted back as if she was sleeping. Her naked body deep underwater but still exposed to her. But she didn't let it distract her from her purpose of coming.

"What happened?"

Nyssa looked up. She had noticed her presence even though she still hadn't spoken. She felt her eyes gazing up and down her body when she wasn't looking. And now she tried so hard to look at just her face. And it made Nyssa smile to herself a little.

"About what?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"I'm afraid not."

Nyssa did, but she just wants to hear Sara say it.

"Why did Max break up with you? What did you do to her? What did you tell her?"

Sara was annoyed that she has to ask. She felt like she was meddling with their business.

"I don't like the accusatory tone in that. I didn't do anything. She's the one who just told me that she wants to end things."

Sara looked at her still unconvinced.

"I told her I have feelings for you."

It took Sara a couple of minutes to process what Nyssa had just said. She told Max that she has feelings for her? Was she hearing it right?

"You did what?"

"I told her I have feelings for you. Well, actually she asked me and I confirmed it."

"She asked and you said yes?"

Nyssa started to get out from the tub and walk up to Sara. She made her way to her with no effort of hiding herself, water still silking of her body.

"How many times do I have to repeat it? I have feelings for you. She's okay with it. Are you?"

"I...I..." Sara stuttered, not knowing what to say and becoming highly aware of Nyssa's close proximity with her body still naked. Heat was once more rising in her body.

"I have feelings for you, you got that?"

Nyssa closed out the distance between them and pulled Sara even closer to her.

"I'm falling for you, Sara Lance."

Then she crushed her lips to Sara's in a heated kiss that melted all thoughts from Sara's brain, making her forget about everything else and just lose herself to Nyssa and that kiss.


	16. Here With Me

Trying to get a hold back of her senses, Sara pulled away from the kiss. She didn't move, run or whatever, she just stood there trying to steady her breathing, and Nyssa holding her so close with their faces still inches apart is not helping.

"I need to think."

"Just be here with me, Sara. Even just this moment. Stop thinking about anything else. Just be with me." Nyssa pleaded with her.

"I can't deal with this right now."

"Then we'll deal with it later. Just stay here with me."

"I...okay."

Nyssa smiled and gave her a soft kiss.

"I haven't quite finished my bath. Would you care to join me?"

Nyssa stared deep into Sara's eyes, not taking a glance away even for a moment as she carefully undressed her. She led her towards the tub. They sat there holding each other in their arms, relishing in the moment that they can have together. Nyssa then kissed Sara's shoulder and the side of her temple.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here with me."

Sara turned around on Nyssa's lap so she would be facing her. She cupped her face with both of her hands and planted a sweet kiss on her lips.

"There's no place I'd rather be."

They shared a slow, sweet kiss but still with a burning passion. Nyssa pulled Sara closer to her. The feel of their bodies touching made the need and want for each other even greater.

"Let me take you to bed."

Not trusting her mouth to form any coherent words, Sara simply nodded.

They rose from the tub, wrapped themselves in robes to prevent themselves from getting cold, though they're just going to remove them from each other by the time they reach the bedroom.

Sara laid herself on the bed and opened her robe to expose herself to Nyssa. Standing there and taking in the glorious beauty of Sara, Nyssa let her robe fall to the floor. She laid herself on top of Sara and trailed kisses down her body. Her forehead, her eyes, her nose, her lips. Down to her neck, shoulders, arms, torso, thighs, legs and in between. Everywhere her lips touched, there blooms a warm sensation like no other. She could feel Sara's heart beating in rhythm with her own. They made love to each other for what seemed like forever and did so again when they finally caught their breaths.

Nyssa gathered her close to her. Not ever wanting to let go. She's afraid that when the heat of the moment has passed for her, she would up and leave and see it as a mistake that would only make things complicated. But won't worry about that now. She would just savor every moment she has with her.

"I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat."

Sara was playing with their twined fingers.

"Sure. Let me get us something to wear."

Nyssa took some of her oversized shirts and a couple of comfy shorts for her and Sara. They got dressed and went downstairs.

Sara heard female voices coming from the kitchen and stopped at her tracks when she recognized them. Nyssa looked at her. She looked like she's seen ghosts.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me they're here?"

"Who? Max and Rebecca?"

"Yeah."

"I forgot. As you see, I was distracted by you."

"I can't be here. They can't see me like this."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"No. I don't. They both know I have feelings for you and they're okay with that. It seems that you're the only one who's not. What's so wrong with us being together?"

Nyssa was getting tired of always trying to convince Sara.

"If you want to leave, fine."

Nyssa didn't even try to mask the hurt she was feeling and it pained Sara to see her like that. She entered the kitchen to join the other two girls, leaving Sara by the stairs contemplating why she really wanted to leave and whether to do so.

"Hey. We raided your fridge." Rebecca announced in greeting.

"I can see that."

The two girls had the apple pie she made the other night out and were eating a slice each with some vanilla ice cream.

"Who were you talking to?"

Nyssa didn't answer and just took a plate for herself and a slice of pie.

"Okay." Rebecca could sense there was something but didn't push.

"This is good. Did you make it?" Max asked as she took another bite.

"Yeah. I could make one for you, if you like."

"That'd be great. My mom would definitely love this."

Nyssa paused and looked by the entryway when she saw Sara there. The other two also looked at her.

"Hey." She said shyly.

"Hey. Would you like some?" Nyssa offered her some pie.

"Sure."

Rebecca and Max shared a knowing look and smiled at each other. They were just talking about them before they came down. They weren't aware that they were together upstairs, but it just confirmed what they were just discussing.

Max told Rebecca about what she realized about Nyssa and Sara. That she thinks they both have feelings for each other. She also told her about how she ended it with Nyssa. And Rebecca told her that she knew about Nyssa having feelings for Sara. Max almost got mad for her not saying anything to her, but she explained that it wasn't her place to tell and that it's better that she was able to get to know Nyssa in that way, which she agreed to.

 Sara sat awkwardly silent next to Max. She took the plate of apple pie that Nyssa handed her.

"Hey, isn't that Nyssa's shirt?" Max asked Sara, which got her a kick from Rebecca. "Ow."

Max knew that Sara must be feeling guilty with what happened with Nyssa, but she doesn't want it to be so uncomfortable between them. She gets it. She loves her more than she likes Nyssa, anyway. So for her, she'll give way.

Max rubbed at her shin where Rebecca hit and mouthed a 'what' to her.

"Okay, I'm just gonna say it."

"Max!" Rebecca warned her.

"I'm sorry, Max." Sara said on the verge of crying. She really felt terrible after what happened between her and Nyssa earlier and sitting there in Nyssa's shirt next to Max, who just broke up with Nyssa.

"Woah. Wait up. Sorry for what?" Max looked at her as if she's lost her mind. "I don't want an apology. You're my best friend. I don't want this to get in between us. I love you and I'm okay with it as long as it's what you want. And by the looks of the both you, I'm saying you both do."

Tears started flowing from Sara's eyes. Max held her close to her and tried to soothe her.

"It's okay. Really. I know how much you love me, you let me be with her even though it seems hard for you. Now I get the cranky, distant thing you had."

That got a laugh out of Sara, which made everyone smile.

"You're really okay with this?"

"Yeah. I'd rather have my best friend who I know loves me to bits, than be with someone I've had a huge crush on who I know has feelings for someone else. With that someone being my best friend. Wow. Saying that out loud sounds totally..."

"Complicated." Nyssa finished for her.

"Just enjoy this. If she breaks your heart, we'll plan on what to do with her later."

Everyone felt more at ease and they enjoyed their meal while talking about plans for Sara's birthday and laughing of some other things.

Max and Sara went to walk aroung the place while Nyssa and Rebecca cleaned up.

"Have you told her?" Rebecca asked, putting the plates in the sink, while Nyssa washed the glasses.

"No."

"Not any of it?"

"I told her I have feelings for her."

"But you didn't say how much."

"No."

They continued washing, drying and putting the dishes back in their places.

"When will you tell her? At least how you really feel."

Nyssa sometimes hated how much Rebecca knew her and how much she probed at times.

"I can't."

"Why? Are you afraid she'll run off scared if she finds out? And I'm not talking about your feelings."

Nyssa looked at her with warning, but it never fazed Rebecca to say any more.

"I know about you, yet I'm here."

"You know a glimpse of some stories, Rebecca. You don't know all."

"Okay fine. But if she does end up feeling the same way as you do, she'll accept that."

"We'll find out when that time comes."

Nyssa was relieved when Rebecca seemed to have let go of the topic. She doesn't want to discuss any of that. She's scared of the what if's and might be's. She just want to be here at this moment with Sara.

Max and Sara sat down on the grass by the back of the house. The space was still very vast from where they were looking.

"So, what about your pen pal?"

"I don't know. I still want to meet him, but I don't know."

"It sucks for him, 'cause Nyssa's here and he's just words on a paper."

"I guess."

Max looked at her friend and saw there was still some sadness in her features.

"I wanted to be mad at you, but I just can't. Seeing you two together. It's different. Like in a whole lot better kind of way."

She smiled and gave Sara another glance but she just stared far out.

"You wanna know what she told me when I asked her if she was in love with you?"

When Sara didn't answer, she continued.

"She said you're the reason she stayed in Starling."

That caught Sara's attention. She looked at Max questioningly.

"Don't look at me. I have no idea. But it seemed like a big thing, and the way she said it..."

Sara leaned on Max's shoulder.

"I don't know what to do, Max. I think I'm falling for her. But I also want to give my 'secret admirer' a chance."

Max laughed a little.

"Sorry. I know you were being serious but hearing you say 'my secret admirer' was just weird and funny."

"I'm glad I seem to be amusing you."

"I hope we can go back to normal then?"

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's good. We'll be fine."

Nyssa and Rebecca joined them to sit by the grass. Nyssa sat beside Sara and held her hand. Sara pulled her closer to her side. Rebecca sat beside Max and looked at the two then to Max.

"Is there any objection if I ask Max out on a date? I know things are kinda weird now, I just thought let's keep it coming."

"If she's okay with it, fine by me." Sara gave her approval. She knew how well they were getting along lately and how much they were spending time together, it wouldn't hurt to try. She smiled to herself as she realized it also applies to her and Nyssa.

"Nyssa?"

"No objection here."

"What do you say, Max?"

"I think I just went through a very complicated break up with a girl who is now together with my best friend, but what the hell. Yes."

They all sat there contented with where things are with the person sitting next to them.

\--------------------------

_I lie awake at night wishing that you were there right beside me. I wake up in the morning wishing it's your face I see. I look myself in the mirror and ask, "Could it ever be?" Could she ever love me for me._

_~ME_

Sara read it together with Nyssa. She had spent the night there with her and was glad that she brought the letters with her. She wouldn't have been anxious to read the next one when she wakes up and didn't have them with her.

"Aren't you jealous?"

"Of this?"

"Yeah."

"Should I be?"

"Why don't you just answer? What if I say yes, you should be."

"Then okay, maybe."

"Only maybe?"

"What do you want me to say? I can't bear to see you with anyone else other than me? I'm scared that you'd realize that there's someone out there better for you and you'd leave me?"

Sara was touched with all the heart bearing words Nyssa had said. She smiled and gave her a kiss.

"A 'Yes, I'm jealous' would have suficed. But that works too."

Nyssa smiled herself and returned the kiss.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"What do you mean by I'm the reason you stayed in Starling?"

"It means what it means. It's a long story, we'll get to that some other time."

Nyssa didn't want to discuss that yet with her, because discussing that means delving deeper into her feelings, her story, her true self. It's something she's not ready to do yet.


	17. Fallen for an Angel

_Fallen for an Angel_

_Flying high up in the sky_

_That's what I'm feeling when I see your smile_

_You take my breath with just one 'Hi'_

_Your beauty is undeniable_

_I just can't keep you out of my mind_

_I never want to see you cry_

_It's such a waste with those precious eyes_

_It breaks my heart, eats me alive_

_That's how much you mean to me_

_Oh darling, if only you could see_

_I've fallen for an angel_

_Falling, it's scary but I love you_

_I've fallen for an angel_

_Wake me if I'm dreaming_

_'Cause it's like it's too good to be true_

_I've fallen for an angel like you_

_I'm scared to death if you'd be mine_

_Forbidden love, Oh what a crime_

_But I'll wait 'til the end of time_

_Taking all that comes my way_

_Well, it's gonna be a leap of faith_

_I've fallen for an angel_

_Crazy, crazy in love with you_

_I've fallen for an angel_

_Don't wake me if I'm dreaming_

_If it's the only way that I'd be with you_

_I've fallen for and angel like you_

 

_I've fallen for an angel_

_Frightened, frightened I can't have you_

_I've fallen for an angel_

_Don't wake me if I'm dreaming_

_'Cause it's like it's too good to be true_

_I'd give anything to be with you_

Sara smiled at the beautiful greeting to start her day. It still makes her feel special, but it's different now that she's with Nyssa. Nyssa's words affect her infinitely more. It's strange really, she fought her feelings for her for quite some time yet here they are.

It was the day before Sara's birthday and they were celebrating at Nyssa's. They all slept over there the night before to make the most of the day. When Sara woke up, Nyssa was already up and probably downstairs preparing something. Sara went down to join Nyssa and help out. She helped her prepare the food and make a cake. They made cheesecake together. It's both their favorite dessert and Nyssa had attributed it's smell to Sara, so they thought it would be the perfect cake to make. _  
_

"Is there anything you can't do?"

Nyssa didn't answer but just gave her a kiss and a smile as a response. There are things that Nyssa would never admit to Sara that she is capable of doing and there are things she is frightened of not being able to do.

Watching Nyssa move around in the kitchen, very efficient there like the way she is when she's fighting. The difference being she's calmer and more peaceful in the kitchen, while she's very intense in her battles. She still has no idea why she trains as much as she does and what do the other people in her home do. Whenever she asked, she seemed to just brush it off.

She had put all those aside. She believed it wasn't that important, that Nyssa would tell her about it in her own time. They weren't in a rush with whatever they are. There is no requirement to disclose everything. They will take their time getting to know each other. And she knew that whatever she finds out about her wouldn't matter, she had already fallen deeply for her. She's scared of course and still wouldn't tell her that, but she has finally accepted that fact to herself. She has fallen in love with Nyssa.

She wants to know where things are going between them, what she means to her, but she's afraid that when she asks her to define whatever they are, things would start to go bad. True that Nyssa had told her countless of times that she has feelings for her, that she deeply cares for her, but those are not necessarily the words she wants to hear. They're nice to hear, but still she wants the one that means more. She hoped that Nyssa would be more like her secret admirer, more expressive with his feelings the way they are, even if they're just in letters. For now. At least that 's what she has led herself to believe. She is very much hoping that she will finally meet this person on or after her birthday. That would be a splendid gift.

Everybody else finally joined them and helped in the preparation while each grabbed their own breakfast. It was just a few of them, her, Nyssa, Max, Rebecca, Nate, and Alec, though she doubted Alec would help.

"Did you invite Laurel and Oliver?" Max asked adding more emphasis on Oliver's name.

"No. I don't want my sister here. And inviting Oliver would mean inviting everybody in town."

"Okay."

"So, who else are coming?" Nate asked curiously.

"No one else. Just us. Can't stand any of those pretentious people." Max supplied in.

"Oh. Okay. I'm glad I'm no longer considered as one of those pretentious people." Nate smiled.

 "Are you sure about that? Maybe we're just trying to plot against you by befriending you."

"Nah. You enjoy my company too much for that."

Everyone laughed. They enjoy ganging up on Nate from time to time as he's the only guy in the group, in exception to Alec of course, since they can't even hold a long conversation with him, let alone crack jokes with him.

"Yeah. Why don't you guys go get things set up for later, so I can finish up here?" Nyssa said when the laughter has subsided.

Sara was about to walk out the kitchen with the others, but Nyssa pulled her by the waist.

"No. You stay here with me."

Nyssa kissed her cheek from behind and held her closer to herself. Sara turned around and wrapped her arms around her as well.

"You okay with this? Just us?"

"Yeah. I'd rather stay in bed cuddled up with you, but this works too. This is all I need right now."

"Okay."

"I'm serious about staying in bed though."

"We have plenty of time for that. Everyone prepared this for you. Enjoy it."

"Okay. Thank you by the way."

"For what?"

"For letting us do this here. And being here with me."

"It's not an actual party, so I'm okay with it. And I'd do anything for you. You know that, right?" Nyssa kissed the tip of her nose. "And I'm right where I'm supposed to be."

Sara teared up and she pressed her head in the crook of Nyssa's neck.

"What?"

She shook her head, looked up and smiled at Nyssa.

"Nothing. It's just that when you say those things..."

Sara wanted to tell her how much she makes her feel loved. She wants to tell her that she loves her, but she wants to be sure. She's scared. She has never felt something so overwhelming. Looking into Nyssa's eyes, she knew there was nothing else she could want more than just to see her looking at her like that. Like she's all the world to her. Like she's all she sees.

Nyssa could see in her eyes all that she wants to say to her. All the longing to hear those words. She wants to tell her she loves her. At least let her know. She doesn't need her to feel the same. It doesn't matter if she loves her back or not. She just needs to let her know. Let her know how much she love her. And that she is everything to her.

"I love you, Sara."

Sara was overwhelmed in shock that she couldn't get a word out. Did she hear her right? Did she just tell her she loves her? She couldn't wrap her brain around it? Is this real?

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that." She gave her a sweet kiss and smiled. "I love you."

"Okay, love birds. Are you going to join us? Or just coup up upstairs?"

"I told you they'll let us do that." Sara teased making Nyssa's smile wider.

"We'll join you in a minute."

She took Sara's hand in hers and went to join the others for preparation. They were setting up some entertainment system, because Nyssa's place seriously lacked any modern form of entertainment. When they finished setting up, they started with their party. They ate, talked, laughed, sang and danced.

Sara tried to get Nyssa to dance with her, but to no avail.

"I don't want to make a fool of myself." She said.

"Are you saying I'm making a fool of myself?"

"No. You're beautiful and you're great at it. I'm not."

"Thank you. Don't worry, you're also beautiful and I promise not to laugh. Please? For me?"

Nyssa rolled her eyes and gave in to her request. It was never easy for her to refuse any of Sara's requests. She wasn't even actually dancing. She just stood there while Sara danced around her. She loved seeing her like that. Being lost into the music.

Sara loves the way Nyssa looks at her while she dances. Like she's the only one there. And after she told her that she loves her. It meant so much more.

She excused herself to go to the bathroom, and maybe get herself together. It was all so overwhelming for her. Nyssa loves her. And she loves her back. She took the time to look around Nyssa's room. She found their picture from the day they went to the park wedge in between a book she must be reading. The thought of Nyssa thinking of her while reading, imagining her to be in those books, made her smile to herself. She wanted to know more about Nyssa, even through the books she likes to read. She wants to know the woman she's falling deeply inlove with. She reached for another book and something fell from it. What she saw made her freeze where she stood.

Her knees gave out and she had to sit on the floor, still staring at the object. Millions of explanation for millions of questions ran through her mind. She still can't fathom the possibility of those being true. She took it and rushed down to where Nyssa was.

She stood there with her heart pounding so loud she didn't even hear the thumping of the loud music.

"Why do you have this?" She asked raising the CD that was in her hand. It was the CD that she made. The one with the video of her, for her secret admirer.

Nyssa didn't want it to happen like this. She should have kept it in a much better place, but she liked watching it from time to time, except lately when she and Sara were already together. She had forgotten that she kept it there. Easy to be found.

"I said why do you have this."

Everyone else stopped whatever they were doing and looked at them.

"You know why."

"Are you playing with me?" She threw the CD at Nyssa which hit her on the head. It wasn't something that she couldn't dodge, but she let it hit her. A trickle of blood started to flow from the cut, but she didn't mind. She doesn't feel the pain. It's a physical one, which is easy to block. But the emotional one that she is not accustomed of having is way worse.

"You see me reading them, how I react to them, how I feel about them, yet all along it was you?"

She waited for Nyssa to say anything, but nothing.

"You say all those nice beautiful things, but you've been lying to me. You tell me you love me, but it's all... What kind of game were you trying to play?"

Nyssa tried to reach for Sara but she moved away.

"Don't touch me."

"All the things I told you were true. I may have kept things from you but I never lied to you. What we have is real. I do love you."

"Is it really? Do you really love me? I don't even know who you are. You've spun me around with all your words. I don't know what to believe."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. I have to go. I can't do this. Were you ever planning to tell me?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

Sara rushed off to gather her things upstairs. She reached the room and closed the door. She broke down in tears, feeling all the hurt and confusion. She found Nyssa waiting outside the door, when she got her things together and had calmed down. It broke Nyssa's heart to hear her crying like that and knowing it was because of her.

"I'm really sorry, Sara. How can I make it up to you?"

"I don't know, Nyssa. I honestly don't know. You broke my trust. And my heart."

It was the worst pain Nyssa could ever imagine. Doing the last thing she would ever have wanted to happen.

"At least stay for the party. Everyone did it for you. I'll leave if you want me to."

"I'm in no mood for any of that now."

"Please stay, Sara. Don't go."

Nyssa wanted to hold her. Just hold her. Even if she fights back, she knew she could hold her until she calms down, but she didn't.

Sara ignored her plea and walked past her.

"At least let me get someone to drive you."

"I'll be fine on my own."

Everyone was still in shock to move or even say anything with all the drama that was unfolding in front of them until Sara went past them.

"I'm sorry, guys. I can't stay."

"Max, please make sure she gets home safe." Nyssa said from the top of the stairs.

Sara left without another word with Max trailing behind her.

Out of frustration, Nyssa kept punching the wall until it was cracked and her hand was bleeding. She needed something to buffer the pain she was feeling. She wanted to cry. She has never felt like that before. She never had the need to cry. She knew it wouldn't do her any good. To let it all out, she just kept hitting things.

"I'll clean things up." Nate offered.

"I told you it won't end well." Alec said from behind them. Apparently he was somewhere hidden but has a great view to see everything that was happening.

"Not now, Alec." Rebecca dismissed him and he left. He has made his point anyway.

"What happened? What was all that about?"

"She knows about the letters. She found the CD." Blood was dripping from the cuts on her knuckles, but she didn't care. "And I told her I love her."

"Before or after?"

"Before."

"I see. You have to talk to her. Explain things to her."

"If she'd ever want to talk to me."

Nyssa felt at a loss, and Rebecca could see that. She knew how much Nyssa loves Sara, and could tell how much pain she must be feeling. But there isn't anything she could do about that for now, so she just helped her clean and bandage up her hand.

Sara had felt betrayed. She was about to offer up her heart to someone who has been making a fool out of her. She tells her she loves her, yet she lies to her. She doesn't know what to believe. She can't tell if there was anything real in what she has said to her ever since they've met. Or if everything was planned out from the beginning. It hurt. It hurt a lot knowing how deeply she has fallen in love. Yet, she doesn't really even know her. She knows nothing about her. But she still couldn't shake the feeling that she loves her, yet at the same time, she also hates her so much at the moment.

_From: Nyssa_

_I'm really sorry, Sara. I never intended for you to find out like that. I know I'm the last person you'd want to hear from right now, but please still read my last letter. I put everything there. It was all real, Sara. I really do love you. I will make things right with you. I'm sorry._

Sara wanted to believe her words, but she couldn't wrap her mind around everything. She thought it was all going to be just fine now that they're together. But she's not sure about that now.

_To: Nyssa_

_I don't know if I could ever forgive you. Or trust you. I don't want to hear from you. I don't want to see you. Please just leave me alone._


	18. Conflicted

"Have you talked to her?" Max was worried about Sara. She knows she's hurting and is just trying to hide it and be strong, but she doesn't have to be. Not around her best friend. She prefers that she just let it all out and talk about it, than being so contained. She also knew how much Nyssa was hurting and had heard about the incident she punched the wall. Her heart ached for both of them.

"No." Sara answered in a clipped tone.

"Have you at least read the last letter?"

"I don't see a reason to." If Sara were to be honest, she's scared to read it because she knows that her words, no matter how deceitful she may think they are, can still make her heart melt, and she is too angry and hurt to let her do that to her again. Yank her around with words and promises of love.

"Why don't you just let her explain?" Max tried to reason with her.

"There is nothing to explain. She lied to me. She played with me. She hurt me. She..." _Broke my heart,_ Sara thought. At least she hadn't given her the satisfaction of professing her own freaking love. Damn. She feels so stupid. She should have listened to her first instinct to stay away from her. She knew from the beginning that she was trouble, but somehow, something had pulled her to her.

Then from across the field, she saw some girl walk up to Nyssa while she was preparing her bow. The girl kept tucking her hair behind her ear; she would look down, bite down at her lip, and smile while talking to Nyssa. God! She was flirting with her! How dare she flirt with her? Sara's jaw was clenched so tight. She shouldn't even be caring about that but it was seriously getting on her nerves. Not just a while ago, Nyssa was confessing her love to her. Yeah, it turned out to be some grand scheme in Sara's mind, but still. Now, she's already flirting with some...bimbo. Okay, she doesn't look like one, but Sara was trying to make a point to herself that Nyssa was just playing with her.

Nyssa could sense the intense and deadly glare Sara was sending her way. The girl who's talking to her had tried to approach her before but she just dismissed her. She knew the girl was flirting with her. Now she thought of entertaining her in hopes of getting Sara jealous or any response from her at all. Though it was like she was shooting daggers at her, at least she was getting something; at least it wasn't totally over. She just has to win her back, and think of a way to do that.

She took a chance and looked directly at Sara. She held her gaze for a moment until it was Sara who looked away. She went back to her training after the girl left.

Sara once again watched her. Seeing her pull on that bow, all she could think of was the time Nyssa tried teaching her how to use one. It was at her house. It was just the two of them there. At first, Nyssa gave her instructions and just let her try it out. She only hit the target once and was nowhere near the center. Nyssa enjoyed watching her try.

"I'm not getting this right."

"I can see that."

Sara raised her eyebrows at that and made Nyssa smile. She finds Sara adorable when she gets mad. Well, it doesn't matter how she feels, she would always look so lovely to her.

"Why don't you get off your butt and show me how?"

"I did show you how. You're rushing it and you're not concentrating well."

"Then just help me out. I'm not leaving until I get at least one good shot."

"That's fine by me. I love having you here and I'm enjoying watching you."

"So you're not going to help me?"

Nyssa stood and went to her side.

"As much as I adore your cute angry expressions, I don't like you getting mad at me and end up not talking to me."

She wrapped her by the waist from behind and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. She gave her more instructions and fixed her stance.

Sara's heart started to race. Being so close to Nyssa, with her holding her like that, it makes the heat rise and go round and round her entire system.

"Steady." Nyssa said so close to her ear, it made her inside tighten. "Your heart's racing. Am I making you nervous?" Nyssa was about to step back.

"No. Just stay there."

"Okay." Nyssa pressed her body even closer to Sara's, with her one hand still on her hip and the other she gently placed where her heart was rapidly beating in between her breasts. "Relax."

Sara took a deep breath, then laughed heartily, tilting her head back to Nyssa's shoulder, making Nyssa smile.

"You can do this." The belief those words resonate made Sara's heart swell. They made her want to believe that she really can do it. She composed herself and tried again.

"Imagine you're looking out into the horizon, where waters meet with the sky. The setting sun casting a red gleam of light, illuminating everything. You're just there, standing and taking in the beauty of the sight."

"Are you there with me?"

"Do you want me there with you?"

"Yes."

"Then, I am. I am always with you, Sara. I am there, with you wrapped tightly in my arms. We're content with just being there, looking on ahead, not seeing the end of that wondrous horizon. Breath-takingly beautiful like the woman I'm holding in my arms. That's what I see when I think about us. Endless. Inevitable. No matter what, the waters and sky would be meeting somewhere, somehow."

The story was able to calm Sara's heart. She never thought of it like that, but the picture Nyssa had painted of them was indeed beautiful. She would drop everything just to have that lovely picture of them together.

Each word rang true for Nyssa. It may not exactly be what she sees things are heading, but it's what she wants and hopes for.

"Now, let go."

With that command, Sara did and she was surprised where the arrow shot through. It hit the target squarely.

"I told you, you can do it."

Sara turned around to face Nyssa and placed her arms around her neck.

"I couldn't have done it without you."

"Of course you would have. It might have taken some time, but I know you'd be able to do it on your own."

"Your undoubtable belief in me is just...unfailing."

"Always."

Nyssa gave her a light kiss on the lips.

"You're amazing, Sara. You should always remember that."

The look they shared spoke the words that both their mouths won't let out. Those three words that both of them want to share, yet hold back the same time. They can both feel it, but neither is ready to lay everything out.

From across the field, coming back from her reverie, Sara found Nyssa looking at her as if she knew what had crossed her mind and that she too remembered it and missed it.

\--------------

Nyssa tried leaving notes again for Sara. She thought that maybe it would remind her that there was a time when those simple gestures made her smile. But her hopes were shoved away, for Sara doesn't even bother taking a peek at what's written. She ignores them and just throws them away.

She has also tried talking to Max and asking her for help, but Max couldn't give her anything. She had told her that Sara wouldn't even want to talk about the whole situation.

Nyssa was starting to lose hope but she wants to at least let her know that all that she felt for her were, are real. She truly does love her.

She was tired of just waiting until she comes around and would at least feel comfortable being in the same space as her. She just has to take matters in her own hands. She just has to make her listen. If she still doesn't want her, then at least she has laid it all out there.

She had followed Sara home after school. She went in through the window of her bedroom and hid in the shadows for a while. There was no one else in the house. It was just her and Sara. Sara went in her bedroom, dropped her bag on her bed and went to the bathroom. Nyssa could hear her turning on the shower and her clothes dropping to the ground.

Nyssa waited a moment before she went in after Sara. She shed her clothes and was about to go into the shower with her, but what she saw made her stop in her tracks and her heart break. It wasn't just water that was streaming down Sara's face. There were tears.

She slowly went in and wrapped her arms around her. At first, Sara leaned back to the warm comfort of the embrace, until realization dawned on her. She turned around and pulled away.

"What are you doing here?"

"To see you." Nyssa moved closer and lifter her hand to Sara's face to wipe her tears. "Why are you crying?"

Sara shoved Nyssa's hand away and tried wiping the tears herself.

"It's nothing. It's none of your business."

"Sara."

The way she had said her name made her look at her closely. It wasn't the Nyssa that she had come to know that she was seeing standing before her, the strong and fierce, yet warm and loving. This Nyssa seemed so lost and broken. She almost wanted to let her guard down for her, but she wouldn't. She knew that she would just keep getting hurt. She still doesn't trust her. Doesn't trust herself around her.

"You shouldn't be here."

"This is where I should be. With you."

"Don't."

But Nyssa didn't listen. Not this time. She swiftly moved in and took her mouth in hers. The kiss was slow and steady with an underlying hunger lingering within. Sara tried to resist but the look in Nyssa's eyes, the soft pleas in her words, and the longing in her kiss, made her melt away.

When Nyssa pulled away, she could see tears flowing down Sara's eyes. And she was now fighting back her own.

"I'm sorry, Sara."

"You should go." Sara tried to collect her thoughts. "This was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. It should never repeat."

Nyssa was taken aback by her words. "A mistake?"

"Yes. A moment of weakness. I shouldn't have let it. It was my fault."

With that, Sara could see the walls and barriers go up in Nyssa's eyes.

"Sara, I..."

"Don't. I don't want to hear it."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to hear another lie."

"What makes you sure that I'm lying?"

"Even if you're not, I won't believe it, Nyssa. And if you keep pushing it, those words won't ever mean a thing to me again."

"So, that's it?"

Sara didn't answer.

Nyssa had the urge to shake her to her senses, but she just got dressed and left without another word.

\-----------------------------------

She's trying to take out all of her frustrations with sparring with Alec and Nate. Nate had started joining their sessions every now and then even when in school. They were running, jumping and leaping all over the grounds, and they engage in hand-to-hand combat whenever one caught up with the other.

Sara and the cheerleading squad were also practicing some routine. And Sara couldn't focus well with Nyssa all over the place. She would find herself taking a quick glimpse of her from time to time. She still couldn't get the night before out of her mind.

She just wanted to get lost in that moment. She should have just let herself go even for that one time. But she knew that if she did, it would be more difficult to recover from it.

They were making a high pyramid with her on top. Out of focus, she lost her footing. Falling down, all she could think of was Nyssa. The good times they had and also the hurtful ones. She was still conflicted between them. She thought maybe this fall would just end it all.

Nyssa was carefully watching Sara by the corner of her eye. She could see that she wasn't focused at what she was doing. Her mind was wandering somewhere else. As she was climbing up the top of the pyramid, she ran closer to their direction. A precaution, if ever something happens as it was happening now.

Seeing Sara falling, she reacted as quickly as she could, ran as fast as she could and leapt to catch her. She broke her fall but she landed squarely on her shoulder.

Sara felt the strong body that wrapped around her. She felt the hard thump on the ground, and the body shaking underneath her as they hit the ground. She opened her eyes and turned around in fear for her savior. She saw Nyssa lying there beside her. Of course it was Nyssa. Her teammates helped her up and fussed over her, while Nyssa got up by herself holding onto her left shoulder and walked over to Alec and Nate.

"What the hell was that?" Alec questioned her.

"Be mindful of your tone." Nyssa reprimanded.

"I thought you were done with that foolishness."

Nyssa grabbed him by the throat, rage evident in her eyes.

"Don't you dare talk about her like that."

She released him and went to the school clinic with Nate. She had cracked a rib and dislocated her shoulder during the fall. They had offered to take her to the hospital, but she refused and said that it wasn't necessary. She just needs her shoulder put back in place. They tried giving her pain meds but she said she doesn't need them.

Sara walked in as the school doctor was putting Nyssa's shoulder in place. She could hear the bone slipping back into place, but Nyssa didn't even flinch. It was as if it was just a small scrape. They bandaged her shoulder and ribs, then let her on her way.

Nyssa knew Sara was there, but chose to ignore her. That was what she wanted anyway.

"Thank you." She said from behind her. She wasn't able to say anything when she walked passed her because of the blank emotionless look she had on her.

"I..."

Nyssa turned and looked at her, still expressionless.

"Don't worry. I'm not asking for your gratitude. I won't ask for anything in return. I may agree to get out of your way, but I won't just sit and let you get hurt. I know it seems stupid as I am the one who seems to be doing just that."


	19. Take Me or Leave Me

Nyssa had completely distanced herself from Sara as she had asked. She still hasn't forgiven herself for being the one to hurt her. She was scared, and she is never scared. It's just that when it comes to Sara, she seems to be swimming in different types of emotion that is not common to her. She brings her the greatest happiness she has ever felt, and also the greatest fear and pain. She was taught to push away and control her fears and pains, not to let any weakness in, yet she allowed it. Her pain and fears when it comes to Sara are so overwhelming that all her training doesn't matter, because there is no way she could numb them away. Another reason why she allows herself to have those fears and pain is because they also remind her of all that is beautiful and lovely about Sara. How much she had loved her. How much she still loves her. How much they have shared. How things could have been. How her life could be different.

She has distanced herself. She dropped out of chemistry class. Made sure they are never in the same place at once. She hasn't talked to her, texted her, or even left a note for her. But it doesn't mean that she has left her alone. She still watches over her. She is very capable of being there without being noticed. And she has been watching her from afar like the way it had all started.

Sara had noticed the sudden absence of Nyssa. She doesn't want to be bothered by it, but she is gravely so. She barely sees her now. Whenever she enters a room where Nyssa is, even though she doesn't look her way, it's as if she has sensed her presence, and she would see her leaving moments after. It pains her to see that somehow Nyssa is hurting more than she is. That she has hurt her even more.

Rebecca once dragged her to Nyssa's house furious with both their actions. She had scolded them for being so childish. She had said that they should be able to move past that and at least be friends.

"Friends?" Nyssa had laughed at that thought. There was a cynical yet longing tune to the way she had said it, but even then, she wouldn't look at Sara. "Having friends means having attachments, which means having weaknesses. I have allowed myself to have a weakness accepting your friendship, but I won't force it on someone who doesn't even want anything to do with me."

The words had punched Sara to the gut. She knows that it may seem like it, but deep down, more than she would care to admit, she doesn't want Nyssa to completely vanish from her life. Even though they don't get back on being friends, but when they have both gotten over it, she wants to see Nyssa smile like a reassurance that they have moved on and are okay with each other. But it wasn't just the words, it was the cold and steely expression she was wearing that pierced through her the most. It was like she had lost her Nyssa and it was all her fault.

Tears threatened to flow from her eyes, but Sara tried to hold them down. When she no longer can, she turned around and rushed off. She didn't witness how Rebecca had almost slapped Nyssa for it, but what Rebecca saw in Nyssa's eyes when she caught her hand gave her hope that all is not over yet with her two friends.

\----------------------

"She looks for you, you know?" Nate had become a constant companion to Nyssa. He has been beside her more that Alec recently. "She watches you. She tries not to, but she does."

"I know." Nyssa had become accustomed to having Nate around. He was not just a companion like Alec, he is also a friend. She is pleased that even though he is training with her and Alec, since it is not official, he is still not tainted with the beliefs of the league.

"And that gives you hope."

"Yes. Though hope is a dangerous thing."

"What will you do then?"

"I don't know yet. It all depends on her."

\--------------

It was a Saturday and Sara got dragged to go hang out with Max and Rebecca. She was tired of being the third wheel but she knows they just don't want her to feel left out. They always try to avoid talking about Nyssa with her although it was obvious that they want to. She's glad of their effort though.

They went to see an action movie. Maybe they thought that instead of watching the romantic one, the action would remind Sara of Nyssa less. But Nyssa has always been like the great warrior, so it reminded her of her even more. After the movie they went around looking for a place to eat.

Nyssa would like to think that she's following them to protect her, to make sure nothing bad happens, but she knows that she just wants to see her. She was by her house when they arrived to fetch her. She went to the same movie and just sat at the back, though she wasn't interested in the film and was just watching her instead. And when she spotted the same car outside the cinema that she had seen a couple blocks away from Sara's, she had a suspicion that she made the right decision of following them.

Sara, Max and Rebecca went to the pizza place they frequented. They took a seat and ordered their pizza.

There were men that went out of the car and went looking around the pizza place. Nyssa entered even before they did, thinking that if something does happen, she has a better chance protecting them if she's already inside.

Rebecca saw her and smiled at her, to which she smiled back. Max and Sara looked at who she was smiling at, but Nyssa was already walking past them.

"Sorry, but is it weird to be in the same room with her?"

"I can tell how long you've been wanting to ask that. To be honest, it's weirder that we can't even be in the same room or acknowledge that the other exists."

They fell silent for a moment, not knowing what to respond to that. They didn't notice the men that came in that were asking the other customers to leave.

"Hey miss, you got to leave, they're closing." One of the men said to Nyssa.

"I just got here." She replied, not showing any hint that she is aware of the situation.

"You gotta leave." He said more sternly.

"Alright. I just have to get my pizza."

"No more pizza. It's closing."

Nyssa decided to go along with it for now, but she won't be going without Sara. She walked up directly to her.

"We have to go. They say it's closing."

Sara was both surprised with her words and the fact that she was talking directly to her again.

"What?"

One of the men once again caught up to her and asked her to leave.

"You have to leave, miss."

"I'm not leaving without them."

"Yes, you are." He gripped Nyssa's arm tighter as if that would intimidate her.

Nyssa assessed the situation. There were five men. It would be difficult not having her weapons, but she can do it.

Scared and confused with the situation, Sara and the others started to rise but they were held down by the other men.

Nyssa quickly grabbed the closest thing she could and jabbed it to the neck of the guy holding her. He screamed out in pain and fell down on his knee. The others came rushing in to attack her.

They were no match for her. She easily knocked down two of them. She grabbed a table knife and stuck it in the thigh of one, and was about to finish him off, when she heard Sara scream. She turned her attention to her, which left her vulnerable to a blow to the back of her head. She fell to her knees.

"Try that one more time, kid, and I will blow her brains out." The guy she stabbed with the fork on the neck said referring to Sara as he held a gun to her head.

Nyssa was furious, but she wouldn't risk Sara getting hurt. She would just have to find another opportunity to save her.

"Take them to the van."

"Her too?" One asked of Nyssa.

"Yeah. Maybe we can get something with her."

They were gagged and tied up, then taken to an abandoned building. It seems like an old factory of some sort. There they were met by another man who appeared to be the leader of the group.

"Welcome. Let's cut to the chase, shall we? I need you to call your daddy, Ms. Lance."

Sara spat on the guy that removed her gag and got a backhanded slap in return. Nyssa strained herself from her bindings trying to get up.

"Don't you dare lay a hand on her!"

"Ooh. Interesting. Girlfriend?"

Neither of them answered.

"None of my concern. I need you to call you daddy, now."

They dialed the number from her phone and placed it next to her ear.

"Hey, baby. What is it?" Detective Lance answered on the other end.

"Hey, dad. I..."

"Hello, Det. Lance. I have your daughter. If you don't comply with my demands, I will kill her and her friends."

"Keith Logan, you son of a bitch! Don't you dare touch her!"

"Good. You remember me."

"I will find you and lock you up like your brother!"

"Speaking of my brother. If you want your daughter back in one piece, get my brother to me by midnight."

He hung up and threw Sara's phone against the wall, crushing it.

"Now, for these three, get their information and maybe we'll get cash out of them."

They searched them one by one for identification and called their parents for ransom, except for Nyssa. She never carried any ID with her for times like this.

"Okay. What's your name, kid? We just want to call you parents and see if they want you back."

"You won't get anything from me."

"We just need your name and I'll figure out the rest."

"You wouldn't want my name."

"Why is that?"

"When I tell you my name, I guarantee you your deaths."

"Is that so? Okay. I'll play along. I'll give you time to think about your next choice of words and leave you and your friends for a while. When I get back, I want your daddy's name and number."

He was about to leave, then he turned back around to Nyssa once more.

"I heard you like stabbing my men. How about this?" He took out a knife and stabbed it to Nyssa's leg. She winced a little but kept her eye on the man.

"Wow. You're one tough cookie. Maybe that'll get you thinking."

He left with the knife still stuck in Nyssa's leg.

Sara's face was drained of color as she looked at the knife in her leg.

"You should have just left." She mumbled.

"What?" Max and Rebecca asked in unison.

"You should have just left the restaurant when they told you to."

"And leave you there on your own? Those men have been following you. They were by your house."

"How do you... Were you following me?"

"And it seems to be the right choice."

"Getting yourself taken with us is the right choice?! You're unbelievable."

"I will get us out of here."

"There's five, six of them."

"Seven."

"Seven! God, how? Tell me, Nyssa. How? Please just don't and let my dad handle things."

"It will take them a while to track us down. And they won't allow him to trade a convicted criminal away."

"Why can't you just stay away?"

Sara doesn't know what she had meant by that. If she wants Nyssa to leave because she's getting herself hurt from always trying to save her or for her to leave completely because she just doesn't want her there.

"I know you don't trust me, but I am your only way out."

They heard something crack.

"What was that?" Max asked.

"My thumb." Nyssa slid out her hand from its binding behind her back to free herself. She then replaced her thumb to its position, making the girls flinch. She took out the knife from her thigh and used it to cut the ties on her feet.

She walked to Sara and knelt down in front of her, so they were eye level with each other.

"I know I promised I would stay away, but I also made a promise to myself that I will always protect you, and that weighs more to me. I'm leaving for Nanda Parbat in three days, if you really want me gone, let me know, and you will never see me ever again. I give you my word. But you'll have to convince me."

"That I want you gone? I want you gone, Nyssa."

"No, Sara. I need you to convince me that you don't love me."


	20. The Last Letter

The room was still for a few moments as Nyssa stayed kneeling down in front of Sara, gazing deep into her eyes. Sara broke the contact and looked away.

"I never said I love you."

"You never said that you don't."

She looked back at her with annoyance.

"I don't love you."

"Then make me believe it, because right now, I don't."

Nyssa stood and removed each of their bindings. She told them to hide and stay out of the way. She will deal with them when they get back.

"What are you going to do?"

"What I have to do."

"Nyssa."

Sara held tight on her wrist, half fearing for Nyssa's safety and half fearing for what she thinks she meant.

"I am going to kill them, Sara."

She sat on one of the chairs in the middle of the room, waiting for their captors to return.

She has to protect her. It doesn't matter what Sara would think of her after what she's about to do, as long as she's safe.

She closed her eyes trying erase the look of fear she saw in Sara's eyes. Fear of her, she thought. Maybe it's better that she finds out who she truly is, before she gets dragged further along her dark path.

She could her the murmur of words and the patter of footsteps coming towards the door. The men entered and didn't notice right away that the girls were not where they left them.

Nyssa quickly assessed the situation as to how best to decapitate her opponents.

"Hey! Where are the others?" One finally noticed.

"Somewhere you can't touch them." Nyssa answered still seated.

Their leader smiled deviously at her and laughed.

"You, bitch. Who do you think you are? Don't you know who you're messing with?"

"Who you are is irrelevant to the situation, but since you're so eager to know," she then slowly stood up from her seat, "I am Nyssa, daughter of Ra's al Ghul, heir to the demon. And I guarantee you your deaths."

The men started laughing until Nyssa threw a shard of glass she had picked up at the throat of one of them. She moved swiftly as the men made their move on her. She threw quick precise and lethal blows to knock them down. Blood spilled everywhere. The sound of the bones cracking as she twisted one of the men's neck was clearly heard in the vast room. She let out a long huff of breath before she stalked her last prey.

All she could think about was Sara. Saving her. Keeping her safe. She worries about what she might think of her now, seeing her like that. Maybe it was for the best that she finds out who she really is. Maybe that would keep her away and safe. She doesn't want her away, she wants her close with her, but she can't just think about what she wants. She just has to keep her safe.

The guy was shooting at her, but with his frightened nerves and broken hand, he couldn't shoot well. Nyssa twisted his arm and took the gun from him, then she shot him point blank in the head without even wincing.

Sara and the others couldn't believe what they just witnessed. It had seemed to them that killing wasn't new territory for Nyssa. They had seen her sparring and whipping some ass, but actually killing someone without even having second thoughts, that was something else. They don't know whether to feel secured or frightened.

Nyssa walked over to where they were hiding. Her exterior showed the tough cold-blooded killer she is, but inside her heart was breaking from the look Sara had on her face. A look she couldn't quite read, whether it was disgust or terror. Whatever it was, it was eating away at her.

"We have to go."

Max and Rebecca slowly stood up, still a bit stunned by the whole experience. Sara stayed where she was, staring up at Nyssa.

"Who are you?" She finally had the voice to say.

It was another dagger to Nyssa's heart. The hurt, anger and disbelief that resonated in Sara's voice, the words she had spoken, they made her fears come crashing down on her, but she tried to remain unfazed. It was like all hope that she had of fixing things between them was lost from that moment on. There was no going back from that. She would have found out who she truly is eventually, but it still pained her.

"We have to go, Sara."

She pulled her up when she still showed no signs of ever wanting to move. She dragged her out of the room and through the corridors of the building umntil they reached an exit.

Sara forcefully took her arm out of Nyssa's grasp and quickly put a distance between them.

"You're right. It is for the best that you stay away. You wouldn't want to get involved with someone like me."

Nyssa's words stung and made the hurt she was feeling even worse. She had just professed her love for her earlier, but now she's all too willing to let her go.

"Don't worry, I will keep my promise. I will leave you alone. I just have to make sure you get home safe."

"How are we getting home anyway? Do you know where we are?" Rebecca asked.

"No, but I have a tracker active and left instructions to Nathaniel."

"Of course." Sara said.

Nyssa didn't even want to try and understand what she meant by that so she just kept quiet.

Minutes later, they saw the headlights of Nate's car heading towards them.

"Sorry, took me a while."

"It's fine. You're here. That's what matters. I need you to get them home safely, and call Det. Lance, tell him of the situation."

"What about you?"

Nyssa took a quick glance at Sara who was getting in the car.

"I'll find my way. Get them out of here."

"I ain't leaving you here."

"That wasn't a request."

"You're bleeding."

Sara quickly turned her full attention to Nyssa, looking for her wound.

"I know. Go."

"What the hell, Nyssa!"

Sara got out of the car again and walked up to her.

"Where is it? Let me see."

"It's nothing. I'm fine. Get in the car."

"Then show me."

"Just get in the goddamn car, Sara."

"Show me!" She shoved at her jacket and saw the bullet wound at the side of Nyssa's abdomen. "That's not nothing."

"Just go."

"I'm not getting in that car unless you do. If you think I will let you bleed out and die here because of me, you've got another thing coming."

Having no energy to fight back and seeing no point in doing so, she obliged.

"Someone sit in front. You sit in the back. Give me your shirt."

Nate took his shirt off and handed it to Sara. She slid beside Nyssa and held the folded shirt pressed to her wound.

"That's not necessary."

"Shut up."

"Take us to the hospital."

"No. No hospitals."

"I said shut up."

"I mean it."

"If you really want to die, fine."

"Take me to the house."

Frustrated, Sara squeezed onto the wound, making Nyssa flinch a little.

"Call your father."

"Max can you call him for me?"

"Sure."

"Tell him, I'm fine but tired and cannot talk to him, but I'll be home soon. "

"Okay."

Max took the phone from Nate and called Det. Lance. He was relieved of the news but clearly had a lot of questions still. He also knew that the girls must be scared and tired, so he let it pass and just waited for them.

"Why not talk to him?"

"I'm in no mood to talk, especially to you."

Everyone kept silent until they reached Nyssa's place. Nyssa went in with Sara following behind.

"I'll be fine. You can go now."

"You can't tend to yourself on you own."

"I'll manage."

"Why are you so insistent on...dying?!"

Nyssa paused as she collected herself to answer.

"Because I'd rather die than see you look at me like that. So please just leave."

Taken aback, Sara couldn't move nor speak. Her words have left her more confused and hurt more than ever.

When she got back home, too tired and shocked, she went straight to her room and plopped herself on the bed, with Nyssa's words still ringing in her head. She stared blankly at nothing then noticed the box. She reached out for it and took the last letter at the bottom. She hesitated for a while.

"What the hell." She said as she opened and read the letter.

_Sara,_

_I know you've been wondering who I might be. I've wanted to let you know countless times, but I still hadn't gotten around in doing it, because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what you might think when you find out who I am. I'm afraid that things would change; that you'd see me differently as you do now. I'm afraid that when you find out, I would have lost any chance I have with you._

_I came here as an experiment; to observe and learn how the life is in such a place. I never counted on finding you. When I first saw you, I was intrigued, because apart from all that I have seen and met, you stood out among them for me. A friend of mine had warned me not to get involved for I would only be staying for a year, and having an attachment would only make me lose my focus. But something kept pulling me to you, so I simply watched and admired you from afar. Every single detail, every simple thing, the way your brow creases when you're annoyed or confused, the way you smile at the simplest things, and how your eyes sparkle whenever you laugh, everything about you had drawn me even closer and I knew I was lost to you._

_After that year, I went home. I thought I could stay there and just forget about you, or at least just dream of you, but I couldn't. I asked my father if I could go back, I couldn't tell him why at first, so because I couldn't give him a reason and thinks it's just another waste of time, he clearly disapproved. We fought. Then one night he found me staring out of the night sky with a certain longing in my eyes, he said. He asked me if there was a boy, and I said no. And when he was about to leave, I said that there was this beautiful sweet girl. He smiled knowingly and I told him about you. He still disapproved of me going back, because he knew there was nothing for me to go back to, just the idea of you. But he allowed me because he knew I would never let the idea go. And here I am._

_I didn't think that I would ever have a chance to get to know you. I was contented watching you from a far. Then came the idea of leaving a simple note for you. I saw it made you smile and I just wanted to keep seeing it, seeing you smile because of me. Then came that incident. Of all the ways to finally get to talk to you. That had to be our first real encounter. In that moment, I thought everything was lost. The way you looked at me after you thought I was shooting at you, it felt like I was the one who got shot. Then you forgave me, and I had hope that I never had before._

_Every moment I was with you, every moment we shared are the best times of my life. I have never felt happier. I never thought it was possible for me to be. Yet each time is when I feel fear the greatest. I fear nothing, not even death. With you, there is a fear that threatens my sanity. I fear the moment you will realize that I am not what you hoped me to be and see that I am not worth anything. I fear that I would hurt you without even meaning to. I fear that one day, you'll find out who I truly am and hate me. I fear that there will come a day that I will lose you forever. When it comes to you, I feel all different kinds of emotions that I never thought I was capable of feeling. I feel alive whenever I am with you._

_They have told me, it is okay to love, but never allow that love to take control, and never give all that you have, all that you are to love, because it will be your greatest weakness that will lead to your downfall. If loving you and offering to you all that I am is a weakness, then I am ready to fall to the depths of hell. I'd rather be weak but happy with you, than strong and not have you at all. You give me a reason to stay alive and something to come back to. You may be my weakness, but you are also my greatest strength. I will do anything and everything for you. I will leave everything behind as long as I am with you._

_I love you, Sara. I am lost without you. You are my light in the midst of the darkness._

_Forever and always yours,_   
_Nyssa_

Reading through the letter, she hadn't noticed the tears streaming down her cheeks. She doesn't know how to believe that the Nyssa she saw that night was the same Nyssa she met, who wrote these sweet beautiful letters, made her smile and laugh, and made her fall in love with her.


	21. The Choice

Nyssa removed the bullet from her side and stitched herself up without even flinching. She then took some herbs to speed her recovery. She walked over to her window and looked out into the vast star lit sky. She was contemplating on what she was really going to do. Would she really give up on her after all they had shared? Would she keep fighting and wait until she realizes that they should be together? She has to do what's best for Sara, but she too wasn't sure what that was.

Wanting to clear her head, she went on to train the moment she woke up, not caring if her stitches open up.

"Your father wants us back tomorrow." Alec interrupted.

"You told him what happened."

"He should be aware of what you're getting yourself into here."

"This is my life."

"Your life is to the League."

It was true for most parts of her life, but ever since she met Sara, it all changed for her. She wanted something more outside of that life. More specifically, she wanted to just be with Sara. It doesn't matter what her life would be as long as she has her by her side. And she doesn't know if she could have that, have her, or even if she should.

She kept punching and kicking the bag until her stitches popped and bled again. She knew she shouldn't be angry and frustrated. It wasn't the life for her in the first place. She just kept pushing and holding onto it.

She wants to see her, talk to her, and hold her, even for one last time, but she's afraid that she might not want to ever let go again. She wants her to let her stay. She can keep a distance if that's what she wants, but she hopes she would let her stay. She no longer can imagine her life without her.

She doesn't know what to do, whether to follow the League or her heart. The life she has had as far as she could remember or the life she doesn't even know she deserves.

She grabbed her phone and dialed.

"Hello."

"Hey, Nyssa. You okay?" Rebecca responded at the other end of the line.

"I'll be fine. How are you holding up?"

"Still trying to get a grip on things. You've vaguely told me about it but seeing you do it is just something else."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You saved our lives."

"By the way, I'm leaving earlier than expected. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Oh."

"Can you tell her I said goodbye? Tell her that I would keep my promise."

"Ok."

"Thanks."

"Why don't you call her?"

"I don't know if I can talk to her right now. Goodbye, Rebecca."

"Be safe."

"I'll do my best."

Nyssa hung up and she knew that Rebecca would later on call Sara and tell her about it. It was true that she can't talk to her right now. She doesn't know what she was going to say to her. She wants to see her but she's afraid of what would happen, what she would say to her.

She went up to her room and tended to her wound again. She looked at it closely. A wound she would never forget. A wound she got saving her love. A love she might have lost in the process.

Just as Nyssa had predicted, Rebecca called Sara right after she hung up, but she didn't tell her over the phone. She asked her to come over to her house so they could talk properly, and so that Sara won't be able to evade her.

"You look terrible." Rebecca greeted her as she entered the house.

"Thanks. You really know how to brighten up my day."

"What happened? Aside from...you know."

"Nothing."

"I know you, kid. You don't just cry over nothing."

"I read her last letter."

"And?"

Sara took a deep breath, looked for the letter in her bag, and handed it to Rebecca. She read through it silently.

"Wow." was all she was able to say.

"I know."

"Do you believe her?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want her to leave?"

"I don't know."

"What would you do if she does?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love her?"

It was a question Sara refused to answer. Part of her knows that she does, another part doesn't want to acknowledge it because she's scared of what could happen.

"She's leaving tomorrow morning, Sara. She wanted me to tell you she said goodbye, and that she will keep her promise."

"What?! She's leaving already? Why?"

"I don't know."

"Why won't she tell me herself?"

"She said she doesn't know if she could talk to you right now."

"How dare she do this to me? After all she put me through, she's just gonna up and leave without even saying anything to me?"

"What are you going to do?"

"I gotta go. She's got another thing coming if she thinks she could just do that to me."

Sara hurriedly drove off to Nyssa's house, fuming. She thought of the hurtful thigs she wants to say to her on the way, but it all went away when she found Nyssa by her window looking out, not even trying to hide the sadness in her eyes.

"You're leaving."

"You already know that."

"I didn't expect it to be so soon."

"But isn't that what you want."

Nyssa was still looking out the window, not turning to look at Sara. She hoped she would say no and ask her to stay.

"Why didn't you tell me yourself?"

"The truth?"

"Of course."

"I didn't want to see you look at me like that again. I was afraid that if I had told you myself, you wouldn't care and just tell me to leave."

"Is that what you think of me?"

"No. That's what I think of myself. I'm a killer, Sara. That's who I am. And I don't deserve to be happy, especially with someone like you. I understand if you wouldn't want to see me again. I understand if you won't believe me. But what we had, who I was when I'm with you, what I feel for you, those are all real. I do love you."

"I know. That's what scares me."

"I'd give everything up for you. As long as I'm with you nothing else matters."

"But that's your life."

"I choose what I want with my life."

"Sometimes, there are things that you can't just run away from. That life of yours, it will follow you. You have got to be the best they have. You said you're the heir of something. Do you honestly think they would just let you go?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to leave and forget about me. Forget all this. Forget about us."

"Tell me, Sara. Would you forget about me?"

"I hope not."

"Then why ask it from me?"

Sara paused for a while. She doesn't want her to leave, but she knew that it would be best for both of them if they just let go of each other.

"I don't want you risking your life out there while longing for me, longing for something you can't have."

Nyssa was hurt beyond repair. She can't believe that who she was born to be cost her the most important thing to her.

"Tell me you don't mean that."

"I'm sorry."

"So that's it?"

"Yes. Goodbye, Nyssa."

"You came all the way here to tell me to leave and forget about you. You couldn't just have let me leave thinking you simply don't care? Yet you come here, letting me know that you love me or at least care as much, but chooses not to."

Sara was on the verge of tears as her heart was breaking. She hadn't meant it to be like that. See Nyssa so broken and empty, she wants to take everything back, but no words would come out. She can't even move from where she was standing.

"Don't worry, Sara. I will keep my promise. If this is what you want, then be it. Goodbye, my love."

She walked back to the window and turned her back to Sara. She wanted to be alone, yet she also wanted to hold her and make her change her mind.

"Everything's ready for tomorrow." Alec said as he walked past the room, breaking the suffocating silence looming the room.

"Thank you. Would you help Sara on her way out."

It wasn't how she had seen the situation going. It turned out to be worse. She thought she would be okay with whatever she gets to decide on doing when she got there, but she is definitely not okay with this. She's not okay with just leaving things between them like that. But she was too stunned and hurt to even do anything but walk away.


	22. Without Her

Weeks have passed and Sara still hasn't gotten over the fact that Nyssa was gone. She still can't accept that things ended the way they did between them. She wants to go back to that moment and do things differently. Make her stay. Tell her she loves her. She just wants her back.

Things hadn't been the same ever since that day when it all ended. Yes, she was appalled when she first saw Nyssa kill, but now she sees her as a hero. Her hero. Her personal warrior. But she's gone now. In her place lies an empty space that can't be filled by fleeting memories of them together.

There were times that she thought she saw Nyssa in a crowd, but when she blinks again, it turns out to be someone else. She badly misses her, but what can she do, she made that choice. A choice she now regrets. She tries to make her self feel better by thinking that she did it to keep Nyssa safe, or that Nyssa is happy despite that, but nothing works, they still just make her feel worse about the situation.

Her family and other people who don't know any better think that her sudden change was due to their kidnapping. Only three people know the truth: Max, Rebecca, and Nate. They know that she's gloomier because of Nyssa not being there. They try to keep her mind distracted, but to no avail. Her thoughts always seem to wander to Nyssa. It is where her heart seems to lie anyway. With Nyssa. Now that's she's gone, Sara can no longer deny that she truly had fallen for Nyssa.

"We should go somewhere fun or have a party. I'm so bored with all the school stuff we've been doing."

She finally caught on what Max was babbling about when her thoughts were wandering around.

"I don't know. Not really in a partying mood." She replied.

"Come on! We both need it. And when was the last time we had a decent party or have been to one?"

"Can't remember."

"Exactly! Please, Sara. Please. Please. Please. For me?" Max pleaded and pouted like a child which made Sara smile, a rare occasion lately.

"Sure. Just let me know."

"Yay!!" Max squealed. "I gotta call Becca and let her know of the plan."

"We don't really have plans yet."

"Yeah. That's why I'm calling her. She'll definitely be doing the planning for us. You know how much she loves throwing parties."

It's true that Rebecca enjoys planning parties, but what she loves doing more than that is helping and supporting a friend. And trying to cheer one up by throwing a ridiculously fun party is very ideal for her.

Rebecca was very excited that they're finally getting to do something to keep Sara's mind off of Nyssa's absence. Maybe she'll meet someone there. She has to invite a lot of people, so Sara would have a lot of options.

At the party, Sara tried to be interested at any guy or girl who attempted to make conversations with her, but no one just got her attention. All she could still think about was Nyssa. She stood, leaning up against the railing of the stairs looking down, observing the people down stairs who were enjoying themselves. Max saw her and went up the stairs.

"Hey, what are you doing her? You have to go down there and enjoy someone's company."

"I'm good. I'm enjoying just watching everybody."

"You're not making fun of us and making up weird stories, are you?"

That comment made Sara smile, which Max was glad of, then she just left her friend to be alone with her thoughts.

"I thought this was your party." Moments after Max had left, a voice said from behind her. She turned and saw that it was Nate.

"Hey."

"You miss her, don't you?"

"Badly." Sara paused for a moment, gatherig the courage to ask what she was going say next. "Is she really gone? Will she ever come back?"

Nate felt bad for her. He can tell how much Sara misses Nyssa, and how broken she is that she's the very reason why the one she loves isn't with her now.

"I don't know. Whatever happened, whatever you two talked about and decided on was between the two of you."

"She didn't say anything before she left?"

"No, she didn't. I didn't even really get a chance to talk to her before she left."

"Do you still train with them?"

"Yes."

"You don't hear anything from them?"

"They're not much of a talker. When I go there, it's mostly about training. When they talk about missions or whatever, I still ain't included."

"I see. What are you doing here, then? Go down there and have fun." Sara tried to ignore the growing pit in her stomach and tried to sound as cheery as possible.

"I'm not here for that. I'm here to look out for you, so keeping you company would be the best idea."

"She asked you to do that?"

"No, but I know that it's what she would have wanted."

"Thanks, Nate. Everyone else try to avoid even mentioning her name, but all I want is to talk about her. I miss her so much. I don't want to forget about her."

"Then, I'm here whenever you need to talk."

They continued talking the rest of the night, thinking of things Nyssa might be doing at the moment. A couple of times, Sara's tears threatened to fall, but she fought them back. Nate told her that it's okay if she cried, he understands. He knows how much she loves Nyssa and how hurt she is that she is gone.

\-------------

Nyssa tried getting through her days without getting herself killed when her thoughts keep wandering to Sara. She ached for her. She ached to see her smile, to hear her laugh, to hold her, and to just be with her, but Sara decided she doesn't want to be with her. She knew it was best if she just listened to what she asked of her and just forget about her, but it wasn't that easy. How could you forget someone who came into your life and turned it upside down with just a single smile? How could you forget about someone who made you feel different kinds of things that you didn't even know you were capable of feeling? How could you forget about someone who made you feel alive and loved? Someone who once believed in you that she never doubted anytjing you said or did. It bothered her that all the thoughts she had were all in the past tense. All done. No longer at the moment. No inkling of a possibility of returning in the future, but only if she let it end now and not fight for what they had once more. She still has to think that one over.

"You're still thinking about her." Alec interrupted her thoughts.

It annoyed her how much Alec kept meddling with her thoughts. She knew she has dedicated her life to the league and would not turn her back from it, but is she really not allowed to feel anything?

"We finished the mission, didn't we?"

"She's turned you soft. I told you from the beginning not to get involved. You almost got yourself killed again."

Nyssa was full of it. She wished he would just mind his own business like the other assassin in her team.

"I'm still here, aren't I? Going out there, doing what we're doing, that's always almost getting ourselves killed! I don't need any of your lectures!" Nyssa growled at him. "And remember who you're talking to. We might have grown up and trained side by side, but I am not your equal."

Frustrated, Alec walked away without saying another word. Nyssa had always been proud of her title, since it was her birthright, 'Heir to the Demon', but she never used it to put someone in their place. She never had anyone question her authority before either.

Once again, her thoughts drifted to Sara. Her restless nights are filled with her as well. She's dreamt of Sara standing in front off her, but every time she reaches out, she would be pulled back into the darkness. She's dreamt of herself chasing after a small light that she knew was Sara, but she never caught up with it. Then she dreamt of having Sara in her arms only for her to fade into nothing. Every single one would will her awake and not wanting to fall back to sleep again. She would wonder what Sara might be dreaming of, what she might be thinking of, might be doing. Does she think about her? Does she dream of her? Does she still remember her? Or has she completely forgotten her and moved on?

Sara's words still echoes in her head and still hurts as much. Right then, she knew she was just saying those words, afraid of anyone getting hurt even more. She knew that Sara still loved her at that moment, but right now, she's doubting all of it and letting all the hurt flood over her thoughts.

She looked up into the starlit skies with only Sara in mind. "I love you, Sara. But I don't know what I should do right now."

And Sara was lying in her bed hugging her pillow tight. "I love you, Nyssa. Please come back."

Both wishing that the wind of the night would carry out their longing for one another.


	23. Continue Living

Months have passed and still there was no sign of Nyssa ever coming back. No news from Nate. Nothing. Sara still continued to meet him from time to time, trying to keep the connection about Nyssa alive. Sometimes they would drift off to different topics; the weather, dreams and aspirations, but then they would always end up going back to Nyssa. She still ached for her, but as she comes to accept the fact that she is gone from her, she is starting to get used to the empty feeling she get whenever Nyssa comes across her mind.

There were times that she would write letters to Nyssa, the way she used to for her, but never had the courage to send them, even if she had, she doesn't know how to get it to her. But she still wrote. She just kept them with her, safe and hidden, in the hopes of one day Nyssa would come back and she'll be able to give them to her. Her first letter to her was,

_Dear Nyssa,_

_I hope you're doing okay wherever you are. I know you risk your life all the time with what you do, and I always hope that at the end of the day you're safe and unhurt. Knowing you, that would be asking too much. You have always been so strong and fearless. You always seem to get yourself in harms way, but always get yourself out of it with a few bruises here and there. You may say you're a killer, but as I look at it now, you've always been my protector._

_I miss you, Nyssa. I really do. I know I said that it would be best for both of us that we never see each other again and just forget one another. I was wrong. I shouldn't have asked you to leave. I should have just held on to you. Being here without you and knowing I'm the one who pushed you away is way worse than having my life at risk being with you. It hurts. It hurts bad. I don't know how I would bear with the pain of not having you in my life anymore. Wounds heal with time. I should have just chosen a dangerous life with you, at least I know i could bear with any flesh wound I would get as long as I have you helping me heal. But with this. This wounded heart of mine just feels emptier each time passes by without you._

_I wish you were here. I wish you would come back. I wish you would hear my words when I say I love you. I love you, Nyssa. I should have told you that. Now you're gone, and possibly thinking that I never loved you. To tell you the truth, from the moment we shared staring into each other's eyes after you almost shot an arrow through me, I have always felt drawn to you. And every moment I spent with you didn't just drew me closer, it made me fall deeper. I was scared to admit it, because it was the most powerful pull I have ever felt towards anything. Then I found out about you being the writer and all. I was hurt, yes, but a part of me then felt relieved that it was you. But I let the hurt take over me because I was scared of getting hurt even more. Then I saw you kill those men who took us. I was... I don't even know what I actually felt in that moment. It was scary, but I didn't feel scared of you. Even then, I knew you would never hurt me. You never meant to hurt me. I know that now. I was stupid and scared. I hope you forgive me. That's only when I could forgive myself of costing us each other._

_I know it may be too late. I know this may never reach you. I just want to let it out. I want to show I am no longer afraid. I miss you. I want you here with me with every fiber of my being. I need you here with me. I feel empty and lost without you. I love you. I know I always will._

_Love,_   
_Sara_

She would sometimes read through the letters Nyssa had written to her, remembering the times they spent together. And then she would read the letter she writes to her, imagining what Nyssa's responses would be like. Then she would cry herself to sleep with the intense longing for her lost love. But that was then. She still longs for her, but it doesn't make her cry anymore.

She has found comfort. It might be from the most unusual of sources, but she has found comfort, and she would take it from whoever and in whatever form. She knew it was wrong. She knew she shouldn't be seeing her sister's boyfriend, but only he was the only one who was able to take away the longing even for a short while. And she has always had a crush on him. On Oliver Queen. And they haven't done anything wrong. They just hang out and talk. He was nice to her. He makes her smile and laugh. And he makes her forget about the ache and emptiness. That's what she needs now, if she wants to get through living without Nyssa.

She has somewhat drifted apart from Max and Rebecca. They still ask how each other were doing from time to time, but they can't seem to talk about other things without the uncomfortable feelings setting in. She can't talk to them about Oliver because they would just tell her how wrong it is. The only other person she can confide in was Nate. He doesn't judge her. He would say his thoughts with the matters from time to time, but he knew it was her way to cope.

"How are you doing today?"

"Better. I guess."

"You do seem better."

"How about you?"

"Trainings getting more intense, but keeping up with the pace. I hope they'll let me go to Nanda Parbat soon."

"That would be nice, won't it?"

"I don't know. No one has anything to say about it. No one has anything to say about anything at all. That's why I enjoy these talks of ours. Maybe if we don't do this, I might have gone insane and you would barely recognize the person I would be."

"You are different."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good different. I hope you don't completely go haywire like..."

"Alec and the others?"

They both smiled remembering how much of an ass Alec had always seemed to them, and their thought haven't changed.

"Yeah."

"I hope so too."

"Do you have any news about her?"

He didn't know if he should tell her about it since it wasn't even sure, only a possibility, but should he get her hopes up? Should he tell her that there were whispers of Nyssa coming back for Starling? He asked about it but no one could tell him definite information. He doesn't even know if Nyssa would want Sara to know if she does come. Even though he has started to care deeply for Sara, his loyalty was still with Nyssa, so he kept the information to himself.

"No. Still nothing."

"But she's okay, right? She has to be."

"It ain't easy to put her down, you know."

"You're right."

They continued talking for another hour before parting ways. Nate headed back to Nyssa's house. The League's training grounds. He has been staying there to keep up with all the trainings and have moved out of his parents'. They didn't question him since he has always been so independent. And it was good for him because he didn't know how to answer their questions if they had any.

"You're late."

Nate was looking down at the path he was walking on, still quite aware of his surroundings. He knew there was someone standing by the door, but he was surprised by the voice that spoke.

"Nyssa."

"I thought I told you not to make me wait in training."

Her tone wasn't commanding, it was light and bantering.

"You're here."

"Yes, Nathaniel. I am here."

"How long will you stay?"

"I don't know yet."

"Are you going to see Sara?"

"You were with her."

"I was. We talk. She misses you."

"Is she okay?"

"She's doing well."

"That's good."

"If you do decide to meet with her, you should know it won't be easy. It won't be the same. She has accepted who you are, but you've been gone a long time, Nyssa."

"She's moved on."

"Not entirely, but yes. With Oliver Queen."

"She has always had feeling for that guy. Thank you, Nate." She said dismissing him.

Nyssa knew that she shouldn't expect anything coming back to Starling. She knew things would have changed. She knew Sara could have moved on. She knew there was a possibility of it, but it hurt to hear that it was true. She shouldn't have gone back, but something pulled her back. Her unyielding longing for Sara pulled her back. Now she has to decide whether to pursue the reason she came back, or just let it all go again.

The next day, she followed Sara and watched her carefully. She hoped it would help her decide what to do. She saw her with Oliver. She was smiling and laughing. It made Nyssa's heart ache. She was glad to see Sara smile and laugh, but it pained her to see that she wasn't the reason behind them, she has moved on and found someone else. She followed her back home, hiding and watching by the shadows.

Sara took a box out from the back of her closet. She opened it and Nyssa couldn't make out what was inside at first, then Sara held out a folded piece of paper from inside.

 _'Could it be?'_ She thought to herself. She had always thought that Sara had thrown them away like the last ones she had given that Sara didnt even bother reading.

Sara read the letter and smiled. She pulled out another and paused before reading. It was Nyssa's last letter from the box she had given her. She hadn't read it again after that. She slowly opened it and halfway through the letter, her tears flowed. It gave Nyssa hope. There was still a chance to get her back. To get her Sara back with her. Sara held the letter tightly to her chest after reading it, as if willing the words to hold her back. Nyssa moved into the light, catching Sara's sight.

"Nyssa." She smiled.

"Hello, Sara." She smiled back.

"Is it really you?"

Sara has had her mind play tricks with her before. Seeing and talking to nyssa one moment, then she was gone the next. She wished this one would be real.

Nyssa walked to her and knelt in front of her. She took the box from her lap and placed it on the floor, then she held both her hand in hers.

"I'm here, my love. I'm sorry it took me so long to come back."

Sara's tears bursted out even more and she just hugged the woman kneeling before her.

"Oh, Nyssa." She sobbed. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." It was taking all of Nyssa's strength to fight back the tears threatening to fall.

"I shouldn't have asked you to leave. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I understand. I'm here now."

"Will you ever forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong."

She held her tight, not wanting to ever let her go.

"I saw you with him. Oliver. You seem to be happy with him."

Sara pulled back to look into Nyssa's eyes. She saw what Nyssa didn't even bother to hide at the moment. Hurt.

"He comforts me, that's all."

"Is there still a chance for us?"

"Do you still love me?"

It made Nyssa smile that Sara would even ask.

"I was hurt. I thought of listening to what you told me and just forget about you, it wasn't easy. For a time, I thought I could do it. Move on with my life as I thought you would be doing, but then I realized I can't. I can't continue living without you. I would always yearn for at least a part of you, because I love you, Sara. I will always love you."


	24. The Way We Were

Nyssa held Sara close to her. She held her tight, not ever wanting to let her go. All the worries and hurt that she had had, they all just slipped away as she held the love of her life in her arms. She must have been insane to think that she would ever forget and let go of the love she has for Sara, seeing how much her emotions are overflowing, ripping her apart inside. She knew there was nothing on this earth or beyond could make her forget about her, not even make her lose her love for her. Not even death could make her. She also knew that it would no longer matter if Sara loved her back, if she wants to be with her or not, she could never stop loving her, but she couldn't say what she would do when those times come, she just knows she would always love the beautiful blonde girl who has brought light into her shadowed life.

"Sara, I know there's no going back to the way things were between us. I lied to you and I'm sorry. I would want to say I wish I could take it all back or I wish we could start over again, but I don't want that. I want you to know me. I want to know me. The me that only you can seem to bring out. I love you. I want to be with you. I hope you haven't given up on us. Give me another chance?"

Sara's chest swelled with Nyssa's heartfelt profession of love. Could she give her another chance? She had accepted the love she has for Nyssa, but she had hurt her, more than she could have ever imagined anyone doing so. Could she finally let herself go without holding back, not caring if she gets herself hurt by the same person again? Her wounds had just started healing, is she ready if they open and bleed again?

"You hurt me, but not having you with me was the worst. I thought I had completely turned you away. And that was what tore me apart the most, the thought of you never coming back and forgetting about me. I know I never actually said this to you. I should have as much as I could, because after everything that has happened, it's all that rang true, all that mattered to me. I love you. I love you, Nyssa. I accept you for all that you are, and I want to know every part of you, and what more of you I could bring out. I love you. I could say that I don't want to give this another chance, but I wouldn't be just lying to you, I would also be lying to myself. I love you."

They lay in Sara's bed, wrapped in each other's arms. Drained from all the emotions that came crashing down on them. They were content of just being there beside the love of each of their lives.

"Could you say it again?" Nyssa whispered kissing the top of Sara's head.

"What?" Sara teased as she snuggled closer to Nyssa.

"You know what I'm asking for."

"I missed you."

"Not that. The other one."

Sara looked up and her eyes met with Nyssa's, saying the words she was asking for even before her mouth did.

"I love you, Nyssa."

Nyssa leaned down and kissed her.

"I told you so, didn't I?"

Sara smiled.

"You did."

"I could see it in your eyes even when you don't say it, but it's always nice to hear."

"Would you like me to say it again?"

"Please."

"I love you, Nyssa Raatko."

"And I love you, Sara Lance. I always will."

Nyssa doesn't want to bother with it or believe it, but she couldn't shake the feeling that even though Sara had told her she loves her and she is finally back in her arms, it feels like she has still lost her. She wished her feeling was wrong, but it was true that she could see it in Sara's eyes. All her emotions resonate through them. She saw that she does love her, but not as much. The intensity of it was far greater when she had asked her to leave and forget about her. It was far greater when she found out she had been lying to her. It was covered by anger and hurt, but still her eyes showed how much she loved her then. She wished it was just because they had been apart for so long and she could still make that feeling grow, but what if her feeling was right, and she had already lost her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Nyssa. I can tell something is bothering you."

"I'm just worried how my father would take my leave again." She lied.

She knew her father would again disapprove but would just let her, as he would refer to it, commit her own mistakes and face their consequences. And right now, she couldn't care less about what her father would think.

"It'll be fine."

Unlike Sara, it is easier for Nyssa to put her walls back up and not let any of her emotions slip. It is easier for her to lie. She doesn't want to lie to her. Not again, but how could she tell her now that even though she says she loves her, she knows that it's not true, at least not the way they both wish it meant to each other.

Nyssa waited for Sara to fall fast asleep before slipping out. She tried to put the thought behind at the back of her mind, hoping it was all a mistake.

Sara woke up searching for the warmth of Nyssa's body, but it wasn't there. She wasn't there. She rose into a panic. Was all that just a dream? Or was it real? But where's Nyssa? Why did she just leave all of a sudden?

Sara sat at the side of her bed and noticed a note folded to stand on her bedside table.

_I'll be at the house._   
_Feel free to stop by._

_I love you._

_\- Nyssa_

It wasn't a dream. She is here. Nyssa's really back.

Sara took a quick shower and got dressed. It's still too early for school. She could stop by Nyssa's before going there.

Nyssa was training and hasn't had any sleep. Those thoughts just kept hounding at her, at least keeping herself busy and letting her frustrations out in training helps her forget about the matter a little.

"Hey." Sara called out to her.

"Hey."

"You left."

"I did. I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I couldn't let your father see me there." She responded to Sara without taking a pauss in training.

"He knows about you. Us. Sort of. Why does that matter?"

Nyssa finally took a break and put her sword away.

"No one's supposed to know I'm at Starling, Sara."

"Then why did you come to me?"

"It's... I simply couldn't stay away. No one can know, Sara."

"What about Max and Rebecca?"

"No one."

"You're not coming back to school."

"No."

"How will I see you?"

"You can come see me here."

"People may suspect."

"I know you come here to talk to Nathaniel. Why are you in doubt? And I will go to your house and see you there."

"I... I just thought I'd be able to spend more time with you than this. I thought I'd really get to be with you."

Sara knew it herself that what she feels for Nyssa had somehow faded, and she was hoping to boost it back to life by spending every single moment she could with Nyssa. She wants to bring back the love she had felt for her. The love that only Nyssa could bring out from her. The love Nyssa deserves. She knew even that is not enough compared to how much Nyssa has given and is giving her.

"You will be with me. And I will be with you. We will find a way. We will make this work."

They both secretly hoped for it to be true. For them to be able to make it all work for them again.


	25. Trying

Sara and Nyssa tried to spend as much time as they could with each other since they have reunited. Neither of them liked the idea of hiding away from everyone else, but it was how they have to do it. They just have to make it all work.

Nyssa has already been accustomed to ignoring the feeling that the love they once shared was no longer there. She is hopeful that she could bring it back but has no idea how. And having hope is a dangerous thing for an assassin like her. It means you have something to lose. Something someone can use against you. She has accepted that she has a weakness, when she accepted that she can't run and hide from the intensity of the love she feels for Sara. She knows that her great love for her would be her undoing, and she has a strange feeling that time could be near.

"Where did your thoughts take you this time?"

She and Sara were walking around the vast grounds of the league's sanctuary. It was a cold and quiet night.

"Nowhere."

"You've been losing yourself in your thoughts a lot lately. What worries you, Nyssa?"

Sara has been growing concerned for how distant Nyssa has slowly becoming. She was still sweet and caring, but it just seemed that she wasn't always there with her. She knew she shouldn't complain. She's the one who only has half her heart in it. If she knows to herself that things are amiss, then Nyssa would definitely be able to tell. Sara loved that about her. She always seems to know how she really felt even if she herself doesn't have a single clue.

Nyssa wasn't sure whether to tell her or just keep up with the charade and let it all play out. But she's hid so much from her already, so she decided just to be honest with her. Maybe it could help mend things between them.

"You do."

Sara's heart clenched. She knew she could tell, but it hurt to hear it still. And she didn't know what to say to it. Should she apologize or make up some excuse? She was saved when Nyssa continued.

"I know you're trying, Sara, and I am grateful for that. But there's no denying that things are no longer the same between us. I want to make this work. Mend whatever it is that's broken between us. But I don't know if I can."

Broken. It might have been the best way to describe what they have, Sara thought. Everything they have and had are broken.

"You can't, but together we can. I love you, Nyssa."

"Do you really?" Nyssa hated that she had to ask, especially when she saw tears threatening in Sara's eyes as she doubted her.

Sara's heart was breaking. Not much from Nyssa doubting her love, but more from herself doubting it as well.

"Yes." She said trying to convince herself as much as Nyssa.

"I believe you, Sara." She wiped the tear that escaped. "It may not be as much as you used to, not as much as I would want you to, but I know you still do. You wouldn't be here, if you didn't. And I'll take it. I'll take whatever it is you can give."

Sara bursted into tears and Nyssa held her in her arms and soothed her. How did she deserve to be loved so immensely, deeply, and sincerely by such an endearing person? Why can't she just reciprocate the same amount of love that was being given to her? Why is that so difficult to do?

"Why do you have to be like this? Why do you have to be so accepting?" Sara said through her sobs.

"I'm not. I'm just being selfish. I just want you to be with me. I don't care if you no longer love me, as long as you choose to be with me."

"I still do want to be with you." She said when she had her sobbing under control.

"What about Oliver Queen?"

"I was wondering when you'd bring him up. He's... I'm sorry. I won't lie to you. I like him."

"And you also want to be with him."

"Yes."

"He's your sister's boyfriend."

"He makes me happy."

Nyssa didn't bother to hide how much her words had hurt.

"I'm sorry."

"Do I still make you happy, Sara? Tell me the truth."

"Yes, but you've been worrying me a lot lately. Now I know why."

"So what are you gonna do?"

"Like I said, I still want to be with you, but I also want to keep seeing Oliver. Are you okay with that?"

"I'm not, but I meant what I said, I'll accept whatever it is you can give, as long as I can have you with me."

"Thank you, Nyssa."

"For a girl who has a detective for a father, you seem to thrive for danger. Sneaking around with your sister's boyfriend, while secretly dating a deadly assassin."

"I should be offended by that."

"But you're not."

"No, because I've hurt you. And that's all that is. A way for you to let me know. But that's okay. I want to know. I don't want you to hide what you feel from me."

"I've shown you more than I ever had in my entire life, but if that's what you want. Can you stay?"

Nyssa doesn't want to end the day like that. She's glad it's out there now, but she wants to end it on a better note.

"Maybe."

"Where does your father know you are?"

"Can I tell Max?"

"Will you stay?"

"Yes."

Sara called Max and apologized for the drift that happened between them and also for only getting in touch with her to ask a favor. She admitted that she misses her and promised to tell her more about it.

Sara followed Nyssa in the house and found her sitting on the side of the bed. She slowly made her way to Nyssa and then wrapped her arms around the back of her neck. They looked deep into each other's eyes, and in that moment, it was as if things were the way they were. It was as if they were completely full of love for one another once more.

Sara leaned down to meet Nyssa's lips with hers. The kiss was slow, sweet, and passionate. Nyssa was about to lay Sara down on the bed when Sara stopped her.

"No. Let me."

Nyssa obliged and layed down in the middle of the bed as Sara positioned herself on top of her.

Sara kissed her on the mouth once more and trailed a few more kisses along her jaw and down her neck. She brought herself back to look into Nyssa's eyes. She wanted to make sure that Nyssa's gonna hear what she was about to say.

"I want you to let go for me. Don't hold back. I want you to show me whatever it is I would make you feel."

Nyssa nodded her agreement.

They carefully helped each other out off each article of clothing they had on. Then they were back to the position they were in. Nyssa lying on her back with Sara's soft and luscious skin pressed on top of her.

Sara kissed her again. This time with more hunger behind it. She bit Nyssa's lower lip which caused a moan to escape from her. She loved every response she got out of Nyssa even though she clearly was trying to hold her reactions down.

Sara took her time exploring every curve of Nyssa's gorgeous, well toned body. She lightly caressed one of her breasts while she kissed, licked and sucked the other. She alternated what she was doing from one to the other until Nyssa gave out a frustrated and satisfying groan clearly saying that she wants more. She wants her to go further south.

Sara didn't let the torture prolong anymore and slowly made her way down. Nyssa was glistening with her juices and definitely ready for Sara. Sara planted a small kiss on her mound and looked up at Nyssa. She wanted to tell her she still does love her but was too afraid that it might break the glorious spel they were in. Instead she lowered herself back to Nyssa's mound and seeked for her nub to give her an intense pleasure she deserves. She kissed, sucked and tongued her as she positioned a finger at her entrance. Nyssa moved her hips forward to the feel of the contact. Sara slowly slid her finger in and moved at a steady rhythm in and out that Nyssa matched with the movement of her hips. Sara added another finger when she thought Nyssa was ready for it. And Nyssa threw her head back at the added pleasure. The movement of Nyssa's hips and her breathing has started to grow ragged and Sara continued to bring her to the edge. She gripped the sheets of the bed and arched her back as she came to the peak of her orgasm.

"Sara," was all that escaped from her lips as she did.

\------------

Things have gotten lighter and smoother between Sara and Nyssa since that night they shared together. The talk they had and what came after helped. They had started to go back to their usual banterings. But Nyssa was afraid that it wouldn't last long. And her fears were about to be realized.

"I need to tell you something."

"What about?"

"It's a..." Sara hesitated. And with that, Nyssa's defenses swiftly came back up.

"I'd be leaving for a few days."

"To where?"

"I don't know exactly."

"You're leaving with him." Nyssa pulled away from her and stood.

"Yes. But please don't do this."

"Go."

"Nyssa." Sara pleaded.

"Just go."

Sara left with the sickening feeling that she had just broken Nyssa's heart once more, which she probably had actually done.


	26. Your Turn To Leave

Nyssa debated on whether to see Sara before she departs with Oliver or not, ultimately, her hope in stopping her from going and making her stay with her won over any hurt and doubts.

She found Sara hiding out by the docks waiting for Oliver's signal to get on the boat because her sister was still there talking to him.

"You're really leaving with him? There's no way I can stop you, is there?"

"It's just for a couple of days. I'll be back before you know it."

"You don't know what's it like for me when you're not by my side."

"It'll be fine. I will come back to you, Nyssa."

"Then just don't go."

"Nyssa."

"You asked me to leave once even though we both knew how much you loved me. Why should I believe that you will come back to me when I know that your heart no longer belongs to me but to him already?"

"My heart still belongs to you. Whatever happens, a part of my heart will always belong to you. And I will be back. I promise."

Sara could tell that Nyssa was still doubtful of her intentions, well she couldn't blame her. What she said were very at point. But she didn't want to leave fighting with each other.

"Can you also promise me something? Can you try not to kill him when we get back?" Sara said playfully and beamed a sweet smile at Nyssa.

"You don't have to worry about that. I won't be here when you do."

"Don't be like this." Sara couldn't help but feel hurt mostly by herself because she knew deep down it was her fault.

"What? Be hurt? Don't you get it? I can't bear to see you with another, but I deal with it because at least I still have you and because I love you. But I won't stand and watch you leave me for someone else because even when you come back, we're done. I know we're done." Nyssa said in a calm and collected voice which scared Sara because she can tell that her emotions are boiling over and she wouldn't hold them back if she knew she could handle it.

"No." Sara didn't want to believe her.

"You've chosen him. The moment you walk away from me here, and when you step foot on that boat, I will know you've chosen him. So, if you really do want me in your life, stay. Stay with me. If not, then just leave and you really won't see me again because now I'd know that really don't."

Nyssa turned away, hurt by the silent response. She'd taken a few steps when Sara hugged her from behind and whispered, "I'm sorry."

Sara slowly let go and started walking toward the boat. When she glanced back, what she saw tore her apart. Nyssa still standing there, fists and jaw clenched in raging fury, her eyes filled with storming emotions of anger, hurt and despair, and something Sara had never witnessed, something no one has been able to do, make Nyssa's tears fall. And they weren't just falling, they were flowing.

It was the first time ever since she was a child and had started training that Nyssa had let her tears flow. It was only with Sara that they ever threatened to fall, but now she no longer had the will power to hold them down. She wanted her to see them. She wanted to let her know how much she'd hurt her; how she'd broken her.

Sara was then torn between turning and running back to Nyssa, hold her in her arms, kiss her gently and reassure her how much she loves her, or just leave with Oliver and hide away from all the worries. She was too afraid to go back; too afraid that even if she tried Nyssa would no longer accept her apologies, and not even accept her. She was too afraid that the damage she has caused was too extensive that there was no turning back, so she quickly ran to the boat, hid, and cried her heart out.

"I'm sorry, Nyssa."

Oliver hopped on the boat and found Sara in their cabin. She had stopped crying but clearly looked upset.

"Hey. Are you okay? Do you not want to do this?"

Sara wanted to say she changed her mind and wanted to stay, but there was no going back to what she had done to Nyssa. She had broken everything between them and there's nothing for her to go back to. She doesn't know how she'll face her sister and father after this. It was so wrong but it was where she felt at ease and free of worries. She'll just deal with things when she gets back, she'll just enjoy the time she has away with Oliver.

"I'm fine. I just thought what they might say and think but I'm fine now. When are we leaving?"

"In a while, dad's just checking things with the captain."

"Okay."

Oliver took Sara in his arms and soothed her, telling her that it's okay, there's nothing to worry about.

Nyssa on the other hand went straight back to the league's lair and quickly made arrangements for her own departure. She no longer had any reason to stay and she would like to leave as soon as she possibly could.

"She left with Oliver, didn't she?" Nate asked already knowing the answer by the look of Nyssa.

"How could she? Why am I not enough?" Nyssa lashed out, grabbing and throwing random things.

Nate just let her vent out and kept out of her way.

"Maybe you're just not what she needs at the moment."

"Maybe I'm not what she needs at all."

"Will you really give up on her?"

"I want to."

"Could you?"

"I don't know, Nate. I really don't know."

"She's lucky to have someone love her as much as you do; someone willing to do anything for her, even give up everything for her."

"Yet, she chose another."

"She knows what she's letting go of, Nyssa. She's hurting too."

"I find that hard to believe."

"She..."

"I don't want to hear any more of this. Just let me be." Nyssa cut him off.

She didn't want to be given any more hope that Sara could still love her or at least care for her, because she knew as long as she had the littlest hope of being with her, she could never let go.

Nate left her to wallow in her thoughts as she waited for the arrangements she made for her ride back to Nanda Parbat. That's where she's supposed to be, Nyssa thought. She's the heir to the demon. She shouldn't concern herself of foolish things that bear nothing good for her or the league.

Nyssa left Starling determined to leave everything behind, her memories, her hopes and dreams of Sara. It's time for her to accept that it's not the life for her.

\-------

Sara and Oliver were talking about the things they want to do in the future and Sara couldn't help but feel a numbing ache of missing something. She wanted to be with Oliver. She had chosen Oliver, but being with Oliver was even more complicated than being with Nyssa. She's really great at making stupid choices, Sara thought. Then she smiled when a thought came to mind as to what Nyssa might say to her.

' _Don't think about those stupid choices. They don't matter if you don't let them. Just think that those stupid choices led you to meet me.'_

Then she bit back a sob thinking that those same stupid choices led her to lose Nyssa as well.

Oliver handed her a drink and her thoughts drifted away from Nyssa and all her worries. He kissed her and she kissed him back. They've kissed before, yet this one felt a little less. Was it because she felt bad for Nyssa? She emptied her thoughts and let him take the lead on things. Oliver pulled at her shirt and helped her out of it.

"You know I'm really glad you came along this trip with me. I'd have gone crazy if it was just dad and me."

"You wouldn't have been alone with just your dad. You still have the captain." Sara joked trying to get on the playful banter.

"You're right, but I don't think it would have worked out between him and me."

Sara smiled and gave him a light kiss on the lips.

"Thank you, Ollie."

"Anything for you, my sweet Sara."


	27. Drifting

Sara no longer knows how long she's been drifting in the waters. She couldn't even tell if it was all real or just a crazy long nightmare. She can't believe that she was still alive. She was trying to forget her worries and lose herself to the comfort of Oliver. Next thing she knew she was sliding down the crack on The Gambit and was being dragged under the water by the huge currents. She's been going in and out of consciousness. Her thoughts torn between letting go, letting the currents take her, and just die in the water; and holding on, keep fighting and hoping that she'd get back to her family. Her dad. Her mom. Her sister. Memories of them flooded her mind as she longed to be back in their arms. She was sure that they would have thought that she was dead already. She can't blame them, she thinks the same. Then there was the person she hopes to go back to but unsure would be accepted by, Nyssa. She hated that she left things with her like that. She hated that things ended between them and she'd never get a chance to fix it.

She wondered if she also found out about their boat sinking. Did she cry? Is she looking for her? Or has Nyssa completely detached herself from anything related to her that she doesn't even have the slightest idea what had happened? Or does she no longer care at all? These thoughts tormented her in her wake and dreams of the Gambit tearing apart and currents taking her under eats her up in her slumber. Her last hope dangling on by a short and thin string. Then again she drifted to sleep.

\---------------------------------

Nyssa had her heart broken once more by the same person, the only person she's allowed in her heart. She's devastated that Sara had chosen to go with Oliver. She still loves her, after all that, she still loves Sara, but she had allowed herself to succumb into that weakness of hers for too long. It would have been alright to keep going and keep holding on, if there was something to hold on to, if there was hope that she could still have Sara, but all that's been happening hasn't been doing her any good. She has held on for far too long. She has risked her heart shattering over and over. It's about time she finally let her go. Let go of the tiny string of hope she's been holding onto.

She went back to Nanda Parbat to get away from any traces of Sara; to remind herself of her duties to the league; to remind her of her real purpose in life: to serve the league. Her life is the league. She has drifted so far away from it that she questions her status within and her purpose there.

She had kept herself busy, training and training over and over, not letting her mind wander off to her lost love. But there are nights that she can't help but think of her, miss her. She would look out of her window into the vast starlit sky and think of her.

One night, when she felt the loneliest and dreaded to be with her Sara again, she pulled out one of her books on her shelf, opened it on a page where her picture with Sara was tucked. It was when they first spent some time out together, when Sara dragged her in a photobooth at the theme park. She smiled remembering how wonderful that day was, then a tear fell from her eye thinking how lost that memory is being. Her hand trembled as she held back the rushing emotions threatening to spill out with her tears and she dropped the book and photo. And for the first time, she noticed that there was something written at the back of the photo.

_I don't know when it started, but at this moment, I think deep down I knew I've started falling in love with you._

With that, she could no longer hold down her tears. Why did she let that drift away from her? She should have never left her side. Maybe things would still be the same. Would it really be the same? Or was this ending inevitable between them?

"She already made her choice." Nyssa told herself.

She knew she should just burn the photo to be able to move on; to erase any trace of her.

"Is it really possible for me to erase you from my mind, from my heart? Am I capable of completely forgetting about you, Sara? Or would I forever long and hope that one day you'd come back to me again?" Nyssa whispered as she stared into the smiling face of Sara in the photo she's holding.

Giving in to her weakness for Sara once more, she tucked the photo back into the book and placed it back onto the shelf.

"I guess not just yet."

The next couple of weeks, Nyssa had been occupied with trainings and missions that her mind had no time to wander off. She was back to her old self somehow. The intense, fierce, cold hearted assassin the league has groomed her to be. She was once again more focused and precise with her decisions and actions.

Then one day, she was resting in her room, and she was pulled to her bookshelf. She reached out for that book, but when she opened it, it was empty. She was puzzled. She pulled out the book next to it but still the same, nothing. She was growing frustrated. Where has it gone?

"If you're searching for what I think you're searching for, you're wasting your time and energy." Alec said to Nyssa from the doorway.

Nyssa charged toward him and shoved him hard against the wall.

"What did you do to it?"

"I did what you should have done but clearly never would have, get rid of it."

"How dare you!"

"Wake up, Nyssa. She doesn't love you. She's chosen another. She's gone. Let go and move on. I merely helped you by getting rid of the last remembrance you have of her."

At a loss and accepting that he has a point, Nyssa let him go.

"I don't need a photograph to remind me of that, of her, because I am haunted by the thoughts of her every single night."

"That will fade. You will learn to forget."

Nyssa hoped he was right. She can no longer live the way she was, yearning for the love she cannot have.

Weeks turned to months, and months quickly turned to a year and so. Little by little, Sara faded from her dreams. Her aches became less. And yet again, she's the assassin she was born to be, fierce, deadly, empty.

Often, women from different destinations they go to would throw themselves at her. At times, she would just ignore them. Other times, she indulges in the occasion to release her sexual frustrations and keep her mind occupied. As she did today.

She laid on top of the woman, kissing her as her hands explored her sides, when someone barged into the room. Alert and ready as always, she quickly reached for a small blade from under the pillow and threw it at the intruder.

"Is that how you greet an old friend, now?"

Nyssa barely recognized the man standing infront of her, even as he took off the hood and mask he had on.

"I know it's been a long time, Nyssa, but don't tell me you've forgotten about me."

He gave her his confident and charming smile, then it clicked.

"Nathaniel."

"I am no longer..."

"To me, you will always be Nathaniel. I care not of the name they gave you."

"If you say so."

Nyssa dismissed the woman lying on her bed as she approached her old friend.

"You've changed a lot, but I hope you've held on to your humanity."

Nate tried to stand still and ignore that the woman he has always admired was standing naked in front of him.

"Please put a robe on."

Nyssa smiled at his boyishness.

"I see I still have an effect on you."

"I may be part of the league now, but I still am a man, and you're Nyssa, the woman of my dreams standing in front of me bare naked. I thank my training for the control I have over my urges but they're not enough, so please. And you said you want me to be just Nathaniel with you. So, Nyssa get dressed."

Nyssa put a robe on and sat on the bed.

"I missed you, Nathaniel."

"So did I. Though, Alec clearly objects with me being here."

"Of course he is. He probably thinks that your presence would be a daily reminder of..." Nyssa trailed off, finding it hard to mention or even think about.

"How are you holding up about that?"

"Trying to forget. It still aches from time to time, but less. How is she anyway?"

Nate's face grew weary.

"What's wrong?"

"You never heard, did you?" Nate asked, though he knew the answer. "My letter never got to you. Of course, it didn't. Alec."

"What letter?"

"I wrote to you about Sara weeks after you've left."

There was a sudden weight burying down on Nyssa as she attempted to take grasp of Nate's words.

"What happened?"

Nate paused, not knowing how to tell her, but he knew she wouldn't appreciate if he played around with his words.

"She's gone, Nyssa. Sara's gone."

"What do you mean she's gone?" Tears were starting to form in Nyssa's eyes as she refused to believe what Nate was saying.

"The Gambit, the boat she and Queen were on, exploded and got lost at sea."

"Did they find her?"

"They haven't found the bodies."

"Then how can you be sure she's gone?"

"Even if she survived that wreckage of a ship, it has been more than a year, Nyssa. If she had been rescued, don't you think she would have contacted her family? She's gone, Nyssa."

"I will look for her."

"Didn't you hear me?"

"Alive or not, I will look for her. It's the least I can do. She deserves a proper burial if she really is gone."

Nyssa felt a burning ache in her heart. How could she not know? What if she had survived and Nyssa found out sooner, she could have looked for her and rescued her then. She should have never detached herself from Sara. If she hadn't, she would have heard as soon as they found out. She would have been there for her. She will look for her. Deep down, a small ember of hope blossomed, making her believe that not only she will find her, she will find her alive.


	28. Find You

Sara was completely drained from running around trying to survive in the island that she had fallen fast asleep on the makeshift bed she had made days ago. She couldn't care less of the impending dangers to come, at that moment, her mind, body and sould were crying for rest.

She felt a light touch go over her cheek, moving a couple of hair strands away from her face. She should have been startled, but she felt comforted by the gentle touch, so she did not protest. When she slowly opened her eyes adjusting to the light, she heard a familiar voice.

"There you are. Hello, Sara."

"Nyssa?"

As her vision cleared, she indeed saw the dark haired beauty before her.

"Yes, my love. It is me."

Sara's heart started to fill with relief and joy, all her worries fading away, she swiftly wrapped her arms around Nyssa, startling the both of them.

"How? How are you here?"

"I have my ways. Forgive me. It took me a long time to find you. They said you were gone, but I simply couldn't accept it. And I was right not to give up."

"Thank you, Nyssa."

"Let's go. Let me take you somewhere safe where you can rest and fully recover. Let me be here for you. Let me take care of you."

Completely overwhelmed by her unexpected rescue and the heartfelt emotion etched in Nyssa's every word, she was left speechless and only nodded. She thought she would never see her again. Even if she got off the island, she thought she would not want to see her again after breaking her heart over and over, but there she is holding her tight against her, being so protective. She still didn't give up on her and now she found her. She knew she at least owed her another chance. And she vowed to give this next one all she has.

Days turned to weeks, and Sara slowly regained her strength. She still had nightmares and had trouble sleeping, but then Nyssa would hold her and everything would be fine again. She was very blessed to have Nyssa caring for her and loving her, and she knew not to abuse it again. Not like what she'd done before.

"I have to leave for a few days." Nyssa said to her as she hugged her from behind. "I just have some things to take care of."

Sara laid her head back against her shoulder, enjoying the tender feeling of being close to her.

"Another mission."

"Yes, but I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Don't rush. I just want you back whole."

"I will be quick and careful. I have you to come home to." She kissed the back of her head.

Sara turned around to look her in the eyes.

"I don't know what I did to deserve to be loved by you the way you do."

Nyssa gave her a light but meaningful smile.

"Because you light up the darkest corners of my heart, and it is I who doesn't know how I deserved to have someone so good and pure as you in my life."

A wistful tear fell from her eye. She still did not understand how she deserved Nyssa, but she won't question it any longer. She would just be grateful for the love pouring down on her.

Nyssa placed a kiss on her forehead, each of her eyes, her nose, cheeks, lips, then there she deepened. Sweet. Soothing. They pulled apart for air, but the hunger they had for each other was clear in their eyes.

"I have to go, Sara."

"I know."

"I will be back, I promise."

"I know. You always do."

Sara tried to keep herself preoccupied with various activities she could think of doing, which was not much. Most of the time, she would just look out the window waiting for Nyssa's return. She grew more anxious each day that passed. Not being so comfortable at a foreign land with Nyssa's absence.

She was pacing back and forth by the window, then at the corner of her eye, she saw a jeep heading their direction. It has to be Nyssa. She looked out and saw it was indeed her. The excitement was evident in her smile. And the expression was mirrored by Nyssa when she caught sight of her beloved by the window. Sara rushed downstairs and heard the jeep halt to a stop. Then she heard two loud noises as she was opening the door. Bang. Bang. Gunshots. She hurried out to see Nyssa with a grim expression on her face, hands clutching her abdomen. She moved to her side and caught her as she collapsed in her arms. Everything else around her faded. Her sole focus was the woman lying in her arms.

"Don't leave me. Don't you dare do that to me, Nyssa. Please. Keep fighting. We'll get you through this. Don't leave me."

Then another shot echoed. Nyssa looked up at her and said, "run, Sara. Run!"

Sara jerked awake and found herself still on the island, nestled under a tree where she had fallen asleep out of exhaustion.

"A dream. Of course."

She heard rustling of leaves from a distance and knew that trouble was headed her way. She peered from the back of the tree to assess her chances of getting out of there before she got caught in the crossfire. She ran and ran until she was out of breath and had to take a break. She once again hid amongst the trees, checking if there were any threats near. No one, nothing. She calmed herself a bit, trying to catch a few breaths. Then her thoughts wandered to the dream she had of Nyssa.

"Will I ever get off this island? Oh, Nyssa."

\-------------------

Nyssa sailed off with a few of her men, along with Nate and Alec. Nate had supported her agenda of looking for Sara, even though he had little hope that they would succeed, nevertheless, he will be by Nyssa's side along the way. Alec, on the other hand, had been completely against the idea, but still came to make sure Nyssa doesn't get herself killed in her hopeless search for her beloved.

"Your father will not be pleased."

"I know. Yet you express more displeasure than he ever did."

"I am just looking out for you, Nyssa."

"I am no longer that kid that you had to follow around. I am very capable of taking care of myself. I didn't need your protection then, and I don't need your protection now."

"You have always been strong, and the greatest amongst us even then, but you have been compromised. You have allowed a weakness and have been drowning in it. Sooner or later, that will get you killed."

"Death is inevitable. She will not get me killed. Beign born as heir to the demon, and being part of the League, my death has been apparent from the beginning."

"She's a distraction."

"To me? Or to you? It seems that you are more troubled by these thoughts than I am. I didn't ask you to come, Alec. You went along at your own accord. I wish not to hear anymore of your ramblings."

Alec left her side, frustrated that he still cannot sway her. He ran into Nate as he was going down the cabin.

"This is all your fault."

"She had the right to know. You robbed her of that information from the start. She would have found out somehow even it had not come from me."

"At least she would have moved on by then."

"Do you really see her, Alec? She would never move on. Not even death can consume the love she has for Sara. She hides it very well but it will always be there."

Feeling even more pissed off, Alec walked away before his temper spikes and blood bath could have begun.

Nate found Nyssa looking out into the sea, eyes clouded with confusion.

"Do you think I'll find her?" Nyssa asked, sensing Nate's presence.

"Does it matter what I think?"

"Alec thinks this is hopeless and would only get me killed. She would get me killed."

"Does it matter what he thinks?"

"It makes me question everything I'm doing right now."

"Alright. To help you with your resolve, since he has always been a life-sucking asshole who never had anything good to say, and I am a supportive friend who knew you when you showed your humanly side, she won't get you killed. We're assassins for fuck's sake, that will get us killed. What I see is that ever since you met her, she has always been your reason to live. You would never give up. You won't even give in to death, as long as you believe that she is out there somewhere. If we're going to find her, I don't know. Keeping on going or accepting it is all up to you. Whatever choice you make, I am by your side."

"I keep thinking what if she's really gone, all of this would have been for nothing. Then the thought of her scared and alone someplace out there, waiting for someone to find her, it tears apart. I can't give up if there's a chance of that."

"Then we keep looking."

Nyssa felt her resolve get stronger with her trusted friend by her side. She will find her. She can feel it deep down that Sara is out there waiting for her. And she can't and wouldn't give up because of that.

"I'm coming, Sara. Be strong. I will find you." She whispered, hoping the wind would carry out her words to her beloved.

\-----------------------

Sara has been running for hours trying to get away from some men shooting at her. She no longer knows who they are. She had already given up the idea that there were no other people in the island, when every couple of days she would find herself running and hiding from a bunch of armed men. How and why they are there, she has no idea nor does she care. Maybe the how part she does care about, knowing it could mean a way out for her, but the life threatening predicaments she finds herself in make it difficult for her to investigate any further.

Totally preoccupied of thoughts of leaving the island, she let her guard down and got jumped by one of the armed men. She was taken down, but thankfully, the man's gun also flew in the process. She kicked at him and got herself free under him. She was to kick him again in the head while he was getting his footing, but the man caught her foot, then smiled grimly at her. As if saying that she should not have done that and that she would pay dearly for it.

Then out of nowhere, Sara heard a light whooshing sound by her ear followed by a weird impact sound, then she saw the man's face retort in pain and he just collapsed in front of her. His chest was pierced by an arrow. Did someone save her? Oliver? Oliver had learned how to use a bow and arrow on the island and had taught her a while back as well, but she had lost her bow from all the running around. Could it be that Oliver is still alive? She hadn't seen him since the incident on the Amazo. Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt a sudden pressure and searing pain on her back. She fell on her knees and all the ideas of being helped and rescued fleeted away.

She reached to her lower back and found an arrow embedded in it. She couldn't get it out, she would bleed out in minutes, and she has to get out of there right away. She snapped the arrow as close as she could get to the head. She tore a cloth from the dead man lying in front of her and used it to stabilize and bandage her wound.

She found the man's gun and picked it up before she ran off as fast and as far as she could. Once again, she finds herself running for her dear life, but somehow this felt different. The people running after her seemed more strategic and precise, and they were wearing black hoods and masks, armed with bows, which frightened her even more. Somehow it felt familiar to her, their look, but couldn't pinpoint why.

She tried shooting at the them, but running, losing blood, and shooting at the same time wasn't really doing well for her. One of them caught up to her. The hooded person grabbed at her, she pulled back then delivered a swift punched which was easily blocked. She tried kicking and punching, delivering one blow after another, yet they were all just being blocked. She was starting to get confused. Her opponent wasn't striking back, but she just continued with her offense. She connected with a punch to the jaw startling the both of them. Sara took that opportunity to run, but her assailant grabbed her by the arm once more with a much firmer grip. She swung back but her other hand was also caught and twisted to her side, making her face to face with the person. The dark colored eyes staring back at her was vaguely familiar, but she had to break free and tried wriggling out of the tight grip.

"Sara, stop!"

That voice. Paired with those eyes. It can't be. She continued fighting the hold on her. Tears were starting to cloud her vision. It can't be. It's not her. It's just her mind playing tricks on her again.

"Sara. It's me. Nyssa."

"No, you're not. You're not real."

Surprised by her words, Nyssa loosened her grip a little allowing an openning for Sara to strike. She pushed her back and delivered a kick to the stomach making Nyssa stumble backwards.

Sara sprinted off. She thought this was just another figment of her imagination if not a dream. There was no way that Nyssa was there on the island with her. She ran and continued running. She can't allow herself to be sucked in to another sick fantasy her mind has created.

It wasn't really the reaction Nyssa was expecting, but could she blame her? She's been out there trying to survive on her own for such a time. She chased after her. She never thought she would actually find her, but had greatly hoped to. Now that she had, she won't let go of her again.

She sprinted behind her, rushing through the woods, leaping over up rooted roots, rocks, and ducking under low hanging branches. She made sure not to lose sight of the blonde girl running away from her. It was a familiar feeling that has always made her insides feel like being clenched and pulled apart.

Her continuous chase after Sara, and Sara always pulling or running away from her. She won't give up. Not until she finds a way to make her stay.

Nyssa finally caught up with her again and not taking any more chances, she wrapped her arms tightly around Sara from behind, flushing their bodies so close together.

"Let go of me!" Sara kept shouting and wriggling.

"Sara, please. It's me, Nyssa. Please, stop. Please, Sara." Nyssa pleaded.

"No, you're not real! You can't be!" Sara kept insisting more to herself than to the person holding her.

"Sara. Calm down. Please. It's Nyssa, my love. It's alright now. I'm here. I'm here now. It'll be okay now. I've got you." Nyssa soothed her, assuring her that it was in fact real.

Sara was too exhausted and finally gave in to it. She stopped fighting and slowly faded out of consciousness in Nyssa's arms.

"Nyssa." It escaped her lips before she passed out.

A small wave of relief washed over Nyssa as she held her beloved in her arms. She's hurt but she will care for her until she's healed. She's lost but she will guide her along the way. What matters to her now is that Sara is alive and back in her arms.

"Everything will be alright now. I will make certain of it...for you." Nyssa whispered to Sara's unconscious figure she's carrying.

\-----------------------

Nyssa was seated beside the bed Sara was sleeping on. She had washed her body and tended to her wounds. All throughout, she would just flinch but remained unconscious. Nyssa's heart breaks at how fragile Sara seems to be.

Sara's eyes slowly fluttered open, adjusting to the light. Her surroundings seemed unfamiliar to her sending a wave of panic down her spine, making her bolt right up, and also making her head spin and her body ache.

"Careful."

She turned to the voice who was now inches beside her holding her still.

"Nyssa?" Disbelief still echoed in her tone.

"Yes, Sara. It is me." Nyssa gave her a hopeful smile.

"It can't be." Sara said below a whisper. "How?"

"It took me quite some time, but I couldn't give up. I had to find you no matter what."

Sara just stared at her as if she's seen something alien.

"You don't believe me. You still think it's not real, but it is. I am real, Sara. You no longer have to be alone and afraid. You're safe now."

"I...I...I've been here. This. This moment. We...you and me...we were doing fine. We were happy. Then you had to leave. I watched you die." Sara's words were starting to tremble as tears streamed down her face. "Then I was back on the island." She looked up at Nyssa and searched for her eyes. "I don't know if I can do all that again. Have my life back then have everything ripped apart again and waking up with all of it just being a foolish dream."

Nyssa pulled her in an embrace holding her tight, feeling their heartbeats meld together. She cupped her face and held her at a distance so she could look deep in her eyes. Tears threatening to fall.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what it must have been like for you out there. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I'm sorry I wasn't there by your side to protect you. I'm sorry I hadn't come sooner to save you. I'm sorry you had to be alone in all that. But please believe me when I tell you this is real. I am here, and you are here with me. I will take care of you. I will protect you. I will do all that I can to make you feel safe again. I would never leave your side, but if I would have to, I promise you this, I will always find my way back to you. I will always find you."

"Why? I hurt you, but..."

Nyssa smiled, closed her eyes allowing the tears to fall, and leaned her forehead against Sara's.

"Because I love you, Sara."


	29. Her Love Is Incredible

Sara breathed in, not knowing how to respond to what Nyssa had said. She loves her. Of course that's the reason for all of this. Nyssa never stopped loving her even after all she'd done to her. Could she ever return the love she once had for the assassin? She hoped she could, because Nyssa deserved it. Then she was reminded of the dream she had that makes her afraid that all this might be just another dream. Would those be the same words she say when she asks her why she deserved her? She wondered but kept it to herself. That would have been too much déjavu and would probably cement the thought that it's just a dream in her mind.

"You should get more rest. You need to get your strength back. Could I get you something to eat?" Nyssa pulled away from her unwillingly, giving her space.

Sara simply nodded, not trusting the words that might spill from her mouth.

Nyssa got up and took a step towards the door, but was halted when Sara grabbed her hand. Nyssa touched her face lightly and gave her a soft smile.

"I will be back. I'll just fix something for you to eat."

She then slipped off Sara's loosened grip of her hand. Nyssa made her some soup. She almost burned herself thinking deeply about the broken girl currently occupying her bed. The light in her eyes have dimmed. Everything about her seemed to have faded a little. Her bright smile. Her energetic personality. Even though, she is still her Sara. She just needs to find a way to get that light back.

She helped her with the soup, not because she thinks Sara wasn't capable of feeding herself in her state, but more of wanting to be close to her. She wants to feel needed by her even in the smallest ways.

"I should let you rest. Good night, Sara."

"Good night, Nyssa."

Neither wanted the other to leave, but both were scared to say the words and what the other may think. Both were afraid to come off as too needy or clingy.

Nyssa went to her room, unable to sleep, she stood by the window, looking out, worrying about her beloved Sara. She hoped that she would be able to sleep well, though she doubted it. She may not know what she had gone through, but she could feel and see it in Sara's eyes how lost and scared she had been. Though she felt a little pride of how strong Sara had been to survive whatever it was she faced. That's why she has faith that Sara would break through her fears once more. When and how, she is not sure.

Sara was unable to sleep as well, afraid that when she close her eyes, she would find herself on the island again. She thought of her family as she constanly does. She thought of how they could be doing since she was gone; what they could be doing at the moment; if they were sleepig, what they could be dreaming of. Do they dream of her? Do they dream of her being back with them and finally being able to hold her in their arms? She longs for such things in her wake, but in her sleep she is incessantly haunted by nightmares. Then she thought of Nyssa. Is she asleep? Is she awake and worrisome as her? Is she thinking about her? Of course she is, Sara thought. It was one of the most predictable things about Nyssa. She loved that about her, but now she sees how difficult it could be for her. She felt guilty as to how much she had taken Nyssa's feelings for her for granted.

Fatigue caught up with her and Sara finally went to sleep. So did Nyssa, knowing that her worry and lack of sleep would do her or Sara no good.

When Nyssa awoke, she immediately went to check on Sara. She found her twisting ang turning in her sleep. She tried shaking her awake.

"Sara. Sara, wake up. Sara."

Sara jolted awake with a pen in her hand about to strike, which Nyssa swiftly blocked. Nyssa easily saw fear in her eyes, and she knew she could have been dreaming of being back on the island again.

"It's okay. You're still here. With me." She took the pen from Sara's clutching hand and reassured her once more.

Sara's breathing was still rapid as if she had run for miles without getting anywhere. Her entire body started to shake as tears threatened her eyes. Fear still engulfing her.

Nyssa didn't know what more she could do, if there is something she could say to make things better. It breaks her to see Sara the way she is. It has to be the worst state she had ever seen her in. Fragile, lost, and so vulnerable. Not even bothering to put any walls up. ' _What happened to you, my love?'_

Without thinking, she moved in closer and enveloped Sara in her embrace. ' _How do I make it better for you, Sara?'_

And just being held by Nyssa like that, slowly her fears eased away even for just a moment. Her sobs were fading and she had almost caught her breath.  
' _Just hold me, Nyssa. Please, just hold me.'_

It was as if the other could tell what each were thinking, and Nyssa just held her close until she had completely calmed.

A knock on the door broke the moment, then a voice spoke in arabic from behind it, which Sara had no clue what it had meant.

"I have to go see to some things. I will have someone get you breakfast."

Nyssa caressed her cheek. She doesn't want to leave her. Especially after that episode she had, but duty calls. She is still heir after all. She can't deny her duties even for Sara.

Sara held onto her hand as she got up, still without a word, but her eyes spoke for her. Her eyes were pleading to her not to leave.

She gave her a small smile and a kiss at the top of her head.

"I won't be long. I promise."

Sara just stayed where she was and pulled her knees close to herself. Everything still felt so surreal to her. It felt real, she wants to believe that it's all real, but so did her other dreams.

Another knock on the door, which Sara ignored until she heard the man bringing her food speak in a familiar voice.

"Thought you should eat."

She looked up and saw a familiar face to go with the voice. The face was different, more hardened and rugged, but still the familiar handsome and smug face of an old friend which she welcomed with a smile.

"Nate."

"Hi, Sara. Nyssa thought you'd feel much more comfortable with someone you know. Which meant either me or Alec, and I didn't think you'd be as happy to see him, so you have no other choice but me."

"I'm glad to see you, Nate."

"I never thought I'd see you again."

"So did I."

"I'm just glad you're... I don't know if I should say okay, because I still don't know if you are, and I don't think you do too. So, I guess I'm glad you're alive."

She always felt at ease talking to Nate. She never thought of hiding anything from him. There was no too much information between them, or lack there of, especially when it came to Nyssa, it was as if the other always knew what the other meant even when saying very few words. Conversations just seemed to flow so easily between them, and it's like things hadn't change there.

"How was she?"

"You mean when you left with Queen?"

Sara just nodded, regretting what she did to Nyssa that day.

"I really don't know. She left for Nanda Parbat as soon after. As far as I could tell, she was hurt. And I mean, seriously hurt."

She knew Nate wasn't saying those things to make her feel bad, and she already knew what he was going to say, but it was still different to hear from someone the pain she caused Nyssa.

"She still looked for me."

"When I got here, she didn't know what happened to you. She got by thinking that you're happy with Oliver back at Starling. She tried to forget about you and move on, but she just couldn't, especially when I told her about what had happened to you. At that moment, I saw something come back to life in her. Probably the thought of you needing her sparked something to life, and the Nyssa I met at Starling was suddenly the one in front of me. She never stopped, even the thought of you being dead didn't stop her. She said no matter what, she will find you. I said what if you were at the bottom of the ocean already, she just said we go down there. And she was right not to give up, because here you are."

"I don't get how she could..."

"Love you that much?"

"After all I did to her. I left, Nate, and she still went looking."

"Beats me. You know what. This may sound crazy, but one of the things I fell in love about her was her seemingly undying love for you. It's just incredible. I thought I've seen love with my parents, but when I got to watch Nyssa, the way she loves you, it amazes me. I never thought anyone could love like that. Didn't think love like that was real."

"But you love her like that. You're here because you love her."

"It's still not the same, Sara. Yes, I followed her to this dark world of hers. I'm content of just being by her side knowing she would never love me back, that she would always just see me as a friend. And yes, I would follow her to the ends of the earth; but she will move heaven and earth for you. I am willing to kill and die for her, she will break hell loose upon anyone who dares to hurt you, and not even death would hold her back. The lengths she would go just for you."

"But everything has a limit."

"Indeed. Just don't push her there. I can't imagine what she'd be like, I don't know if there would be any going back for her if that happens."

Nyssa met up with some of her fellow assassins to discuss a mission they should venture on soon. It wasn't really much of a discussion, more of relaying the details, and the leader of the team; in this case, Nyssa; would produce a plan of execution which the others would just follow through. The plans that mostly consist of finishing the mission in any means necessary, if it results to death, be it. These men are well trained assassins, they know what to do, so she didn't need to say much. Their meeting concluded and she was about to go her way back to Sara.

"What do you plan on doing with her?"

Nyssa has almost had enough of people meddling with her personal life, but of course only Alec would dare talk to her like that on such matters.

"It does not concern you." Nyssa spat out.

"It does. You brought her here. This is League territory. Which makes her a concern to the League. You shouldn't have brought her here."

Nyssa's jaw clenched trying to control her aggression. "Well, she's already here." She continued to make her way down the corridor.

"She has about regained her strength already, she cannot stay here."

Nyssa turned her heel and glared at Alec.

"What do you suggest me do? Throw her back out there?" Nyssa said with as much control as there was venom in her tone. "I tolerate your attitude towards me on such matters, Alec, because I have known you my entire life, trained and fought with you by my side, but know your place."

"Then you should know that this is not hers."

Nyssa walked away knowing there was no point arguing with him.

She reached Sara's room and felt a pang of jealousy at the sight of Sara more comfortably conversing with Nate than she was with her. She shoved the thought away, it's good for Sara to have someone she could confide in even if it wasn't her.

"Glad you two have had the time to catch up with each other."

"We were talking about you." And unlike with Alec, it never felt like Nate was intruding too much.

"Were you, now?" She closed the gap between her and Sara and gave her a sweet smile that only comes out and directed at Sara which made Sara blush.

Nate took that as a cue to leave. He knew goodbye was not even necessary.

"Have you eaten?"

"Nate and I got to talking, and I thought I'd wait for you."

"Okay then."

They sat close to each other, sharing the food Nate had brought for Sara.

"So what did you two talk about me?" Nyssa asked, curious.

"Nothing really." Sara didn't really want to relay that she and Nate talked about Nyssa's love for her. They already had talked about that, but there's never really enough words to convey everything about it. And she's not ready to have a whole new conversation about it.

"I see." Nyssa was a bit hurt that she's not comfortable enough to share these things with her, but she understands, maybe not just yet, hopefully she will though. "There's something I need to tell you, Sara."

Sara felt a chill creep down her spine at the sudden fall of Nyssa's tone.

"I have to leave for a couple of days. I will be back as soon as I can."

Out of the blue, Sara's lungs felt constricted. All her fears crashing down on her like giant waves hitting the shore with such force.

Nyssa started to worry at another episode she was having.

"Sara. What's going on? You're still with me, Sara. Can you hear me?"

Her words felt so distant to Sara, all she could hear was her saying she has to leave.

"Sara, talk to me. Please."

Sara took a trembling breath, "you can't leave. Please, don't leave, Nyssa."

"I will be back, Sara. I promise."

"You don't get it. That's always the time everything falls apart for me, Nyssa. You can't leave."

The sight of Sara pleading with her like that, like her life depended on her not leaving, it's breaking her heart. She wanted to just stay with her, but she can't abandon her duties to the League. If she does, and her father finds out, the more reason they would have to send Sara away and keep them apart.

"Please, Nyssa. Please don't leave. Please."

"I have to, Sara. I promise I'll come back to you."

"No, you're not. Even if you do, all this will be gone."

"This is not one of your dreams. I will be back, believe me, I will. Nothing will stop me from doing so."

"How sure are you?"

"You think after all that I did to find you, I would let anything keep me from coming back to you?"

"I'm sorry." Sara said as she finally got a grip of herself.

Nyssa was relieved she got her through that. She was afraid she would lose Sara in hysteria.

"There's nothing to apologize for. What you went through must have been harsh. This is to be expected. I would worry more about you if they didn't happen."

"I worry you a lot, don't I?"

"I worry less now."

"But you still do."

"You never stop worrying about those you love."

And there it was, the conversation she tried to avoid earlier that she inadvertently opened herself.

"I wish you'd stop."

"Worrying about you? Or loving you?"

She looked at Sara's hunched figure in front of her, then she looked out the window not wanting to stare at her so much.

"Believe me, Sara. I tried. For a time after we parted, I tried. Then I realized I couldn't. No matter how much I denied it to myself, I simply couldn't. I tried being with another, but it was never enough. I always longed for you. So I accepted the fact that I will always love you."

"I'm sorry." Sara looked up at her and Nyssa met her gaze.

"You don't have to apologize for not feeling the same. Though I wish you would."

"I could."

"You don't have to say that."

"I know. I may not love you as much as I once did; as much as you would want; or as much as you deserve, but I still do love you, Nyssa. We could work on that, couldn't we?"

"Of course."

"I still can't make you stay, can I?"

"I really wish I could. I want to."

"It's okay. I don't think I'll break down anymore. Just be back."

"I will."


	30. Promise of a New Beginning

Sara's nightmares came more frequently at Nyssa's absence. She would wake with cold sweat and heavy panting. Her fear of it coming true grew each passing day. Nate's presence helps ease her worries away a little. Nyssa made it clear that Nate should be by her side while she was gone.

"You still have nightmares."

Nate and Sara were standing at the balcony, leaning on the metal railings, watching the world unfolding outside their walls.

"They get worse each time."

"They're just dreams. She will be back soon."

"How soon?"

"Depends if they have accomplished what needs to be done."

Nate took a glimpse of his friend. Sara looked much better. She has regained some of her body mass, and looks healthier, but she still looks lost. He would catch glimpses of a smile now and then when they talk about the good times they shared back in Starling, but it vanishes as quickly as it came.

"You know she will do whatever it takes to finish it as soon as she could so she could go back to you already."

"That's what also frightens me." Flashes of her nightmare came, with Nyssa lying in her arms, bleeding, dying, or lifeless already. "What if she makes a mistake because she's trying too hard to finish it hastily?"

"She won't let that happen."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know her and I trust her. She has got to be the most skilled assassin there is here. And she made a promise to you. She will be back."

"You should have come with her."

"To make sure she gets back to you? I may be more devoted in keeping her alive than Alec, but he is still more capable in doing so. And besides, she is more worried of your well being. She can handle herself."

"And I can't?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

Sara pouted and turned her back to the view outside.

"They're here."

Sara swiftly spun back around to see.

"Where?"

"You see the two black vehicles coming up the road?"

Sara focused her eyes and saw two things moving far out the road. She felt relieved but her fears are still afloat until Nyssa is alive and well in her arms.

Nyssa's mind hadn't been on the mission ever since the moment she had with Sara after their meeting. All she could think about was the deep seated pain inside her beloved's eyes as she plead with her not to leave. She wants to shield her from her fears.

"We are ready." Alec said to her but her thoughts still wandered.

"Nyssa!"

Nyssa snapped back to attention.

"Get your head straight. She will get you killed."

She knew he spoke the truth, such distractions are not welcome on missions as dangerous as the one they were to head on to, but how could she keep her mind off Sara. She truly worries her. Being distracted, on the other hand, would do both of them no good. She has to focus. She has to finish the mission. She has to go back to Sara. There she found more reason to focus. She was no longer a distraction but a reason to keep herself together and alive.

When they had accomplished the mission, Nyssa dreaded the journey back home. Home. She smiled to herself. It was the first time that the thought of going back to Nanda Parbat made her smile because Sara was there. Sara was her true home.

She immediately caught sight of Sara with her blonde hair falling down her shoulders standing at the balcony of her room. She was waiting for her. She grabbed her gear and slowly made her way. She didn't want to seem too eager. She climbed up the stairs, walked down the corridors and stopped by the door of Sara's room. Sara had turned facing the door as she waited for her to reach the room. Their eyes met and Sara finally let out a smile.

"You're back." Sara stayed where she was standing by the railings of the balcony. Nate had already left the room before Nyssa got there.

"I promised I would." Nyssa took a few steps closer.

"You did." Sara looked down at her feet, ashamed that she doubted Nyssa, then she looked back up at her.

Nyssa continued walking until she reached Sara's side.

"Thank you."

"For what? Keeping my promise?" Nyssa paused and just looked into Sara's eyes. She was glad that the clouds of fear in her eyes had receded. "It was easy to keep. It's you I was coming back to."

Nyssa reached out her hand to Sara's cheek and Sara leaned into the touch.

"I worried you."

"I wasn't worried, Nyssa. I was scared."

"I'm sorry. How can I make it up to you?"

"You already did. You're here. That's all that matters."

Nyssa placed a soft kiss on Sara's forehead before leaning her own against it. She is happy again. She's still worried, but happy. She has Sara with her once more. It's been a while since she felt that joy inside her. The joy that only Sara could bring in her life.

"I'm happy then." Nyssa smiled. Her forehead still against hers. Their eyes looking deep into the other's.

Sara missed that. The genuine look of happiness and contentment that Nyssa rarely showed. She was the only one she lets to see through her walls like that. And she was in awe to have witnessed it once more after a long time. For quite some time, even before she had left with Oliver, all she was able to see from Nyssa's eyes were hurt, sadness, and longing, if she wasn't too guarded and she let her emotions slip. She too was happy to see that look back on Nyssa. Without thinking, she closed the gap between her lips and Nyssa's. The kiss was quick but tender. It was like a promise of a new beginning for both of them.

"I'm happy that you're happy, Nyssa."

And with that, Nyssa started to believe what Sara has said before, that she could love her the way she once did. She kissed her as quick and tender in response and acceptance of the promise Sara's kiss entailed for them. And they stood there unmoving for a while, savouring the beautiful moment they were having.

"Would you like to go out? You must be bored out of your mind inside this old place."

Sara shook her head no. "I just want to stay here...with you."

"Okay."

They stayed in that moment a little while longer. Then a knock came by the door which was open.

"I thought you two might need something to eat. You must be hungry." Nate carried a tray of food for two into the room and placed it on the table across the bed. "I also thought you might want to stay close to each other after that horrendously worrisome wait to see each other, so I thought I'd bring the food up, just didn't think I'd find you that close."

Nyssa stepped back a little and placed a small distance between her and Sara. Both were now looking at Nate.

"You're just jealous." Sara teased.

"I am happy for the both of you. Really, I am, but at least close the door next time. Not everyone around here are as friendly and charming as I am."

"Most of the people here would just pass by and dare not to say a word to me." Nyssa interjected.

"Okay. I really am happy that you're both working it out, but don't gang up on me. I thought we were friends." Nate said as he made his way out.

"Goodbye, Nathaniel. And thank you for taking good care of Sara." Both knew the thanks was unnecessary, but Nyssa still felt she had to express her gratitude, while Nate just smiled in return.

They sat across from each other and ate in silence, and glancing up at each other every once in a while. Nyssa finished her plate. She didn't eat much, since she wasn't really hungry, she just wanted to be with Sara.

Sara noticed her staring as she continued eating. "What?" She said after she swallowed the food she was chewing.

Nyssa just smiled and shook her head as if saying 'nothing'.

Sara shifted in her seat and was about to take another bite when she noticed that Nyssa was still watching her closely with that beautiful, sweet smile plastered on her face. Heat came rushing to her cheeks turning them red, making her uneasy under Nyssa's gaze.

"What? Stop watching me eat. You're making me self conscious."

Nyssa tried to avert her eyes from Sara just for a few seconds, then it was glued on her again. Carefully studying her face. Oh how much she had missed looking at her.

"You're doing it again."

Nyssa tried to fight back a huge grin by biting her lips down, feeling a bit guilty. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it. I missed your face; every curve, every pout and smile, every gold flecks glinting in your eyes, every furrow and crease of your brows, everything. I haven't had the time to look at you, and I mean really look at you, ever since I got you out of there. I really missed you."

Sara's cheeks grew even hotter, more from the thoughts that were about to slip out of her lips. "You have had a close look at me then. You just didn't like what you saw."

Nyssa's smile faded. "You're right. It pained me to see you like that. I know it's still not over and I would still come face to face with that part of you, but I will do all that I can to sweep it all away. You're strong and I will always be by your side. We'll get through this."

Sara smiled remembering something Nyssa used to tell her. "I guess the tables have turned."

Nyssa furrowed her eyebrows, confused.

"You get to be the light in my darkness now."

Nyssa felt her heart swell, touched that Sara remembered her words and that she thought of her being her light now. She stood up, got herself behind Sara, leaned down and wrapped her arms around her. She then placed a meaningful kiss at the top of her head.

"We'll be each other's light."

Sara twined her fingers with Nyssa's and turned to look at her. She still couldn't believe how she deserved the love of the dark haired girl before her, but she knew she shouldn't keep questioning it and just embrace the feeling. She wanted to tell her she loves her but knew Nyssa wouldn't believe her. At least, not now, eventually she will, especially when Sara could finally love her the way she should. She knows she could, she just has to get herself there.

"I would love that." She just said instead.

They sat themselves on the bed, arms encircling each other. Sara felt more at ease being around Nyssa, being held by her. She held her before, but this was different; she was trying to protect her or comfort her, she was just holding her to keep her close. She missed having that with her and she was glad they were getting back to their old familiar comforting rhythm even as slowly as they were going.

"Do you remember what you thought when you first saw me?" Sara asked out of the blue.

"When I found you?" Nyssa asked, unsure.

"No. I mean the very first time you saw me." Sara cleared.

"Of course. I know I wrote to you about that in one of my letters back then. The first time I really saw you, I mean notice you for the exquisite beauty you are. But I believe I have crossed paths with you before unknowingly."

"I know you wrote about it. I remember it. I just want to hear it again."

"Okay. You were practicing your routines with the rest of your team that day. I just happened to pass by. I don't know why I stopped, but I did and I watched. I saw you, then I was watching only you. They were all just background to me then. You had your hair tied up. One of your pant legs were rolled up to just inches below your knees, while the other still fell straight down your leg. The sleeves of your blue shirt were also rolled up to the top of your shoulders. You were dancing as if it was the only thing that mattered. Even from a far, you wdre breathtakingly captivating. You took a break and I don't know if you saw me but you were looking to the direction of where I was standing. You had one of your hands to your hip as you used the other to hold your water as you drank."

Sara was at a loss for words. She never knew this much detail of it. She didn't expect that Nyssa would still remember that very first time she saw her like it had happened only yesterday.

"Then as I said before over and over, I thought and I think you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

Sara was silent for a moment until she finally found her voice to say something again.

"You remember that much detail? Even the color of my shirt and how my pants and sleeves were rolled up. "

"How could I forget? That was the moment everything changed for me."

Sara was still speechless so she just kissed the back of Nyssa's hand she was holding.

"How about you? What did you think when you first saw me?"

Sara too remembered it clearly, and she knew she had never told Nyssa about it, so she decided to tease her a little first.

"You mean when you shot an arrow at me?"

Nyssa could help but smile at their first unfortunate encounter.

"I did not do such thing. And I would never do such thing. I was already falling for you by then."

"You didn't even know me."

"That's what you think. I learned quite a lot watching you from a far back then. Simple things but still something."

"Yeah. Stalker."

"Call me whatever you like, wouldn't change what I felt."

"Okay."

"And you were watching me even before that incident."

"I wouldn't say watching. Observing. Now, it's just an incident?"

"Sounds about the same. What would you like me to call it? Fate?"

"Yeah. Incident."

Nyssa poked a finger to Sara's side making her twitch.

"I answered your question properly."

"Are you threatening me?"

Then Nyssa poked her side again. Sara turned around to glare at her, then went back to their original position, with her back pressed against Nyssa's front and their arms tangled with each other.

"Okay, if you must know. I saw you running around and sparring with Alec at the gym while we were practicing. You got his ass beat as always. You flipped him over your shoulder like he was just a bag of potatoes. That was the first time I saw you."

"That's why you were watching me at archery that day. You have noticed me before. Even though we have classes together."

"That came to mind, but before you were just a random classmate, then you became that badass chick I secretly wanted to be like, then you shot an arrow at me and you know what happened then."

"I thought you were going to rip my head off."

"And you would've let me."

"I would have let you try."

Sara sighed at the memories they were sharing. She hoped they could still make some like those. Memories that would make them smile in the future as thy try to recall them.

"So, what if you never came to see our practice that day?"

"As long as you never stopped dancing, I was bound to notice you and fall for you."

"What if you never saw me dance?"

"There would still have come a time that I would see you as I had that day even if you hadn't been dancing. I could have just been walking along the corridors, then you would have laughed your adorable, contagious, and heartfelt laugh and I would have noticed you and still be mesmerized by you."

"I won't be able to think of a situation that you wouldn't have a solution for, will I?"

"That's because I can't imagine never having met you. No matter how...things have been between us, I would relive through all that over and over, than have a life without a trace of you in it."

Sara turned around once more straddling Nyssa's hips with her legs. She looked deep into Nyssa's eyes as if searching for the answers to the greatest mysteries of life, then smiled as if having found the secrets lying within. She leaned in to meet Nyssa's lips with hers. The kiss was gentle and unhurried. And Nyssa just let Sara take the lead. Sara pressed deeper into the kiss, igniting more passion with it. She bit and pulled at Nyssa's lower lip with her teeth and she slipped her tongue into Nyssa's mouth which was met by her tongue ever so willingly. Their tongues danced along a tune hummed out by their bodies. They were lost to the kiss, lost to each other. They only parted when oxygen was needed, even so, they kept planting light kisses on each other.

Sara smiled sweetly, happy with where she currently was, happy with who she was with. Nyssa.

"I too can't imagine never meeting you."


	31. A Part of You

For the first time ever since she got shipwrecked on the Queen's Gambit, Sara finally got a much wanted peaceful sleep. But when she awoke and turned to her side, she found the other half of the bed empty, except for a piece of paper lying neatly on the pillow next to her. She rubbed her eyes and reaxhed out for it to read.

_My dear Sara,_

_Thank you for last night. It had been great to have shared such_ _an enthralling moment with you once more. I missed having conversations with you like that. I missed holding you in my arms until we fall asleep. I missed waking up and your mesmerizing beauty being the first thing I lay my eyes on. But fo_ _rgive me that I am not by your side as you wake. I had to get up early for training._ _I would have loved to stay and just cuddle with you or just watch you sleep, but duty calls._ _I will be back for breakfast._

_\- Nyssa_

Sara smiled to herself thinking 'Nyssa and her sweet notes and letters.' She tried to recall the numerous letters Nyssa had sent to her before. She remembered how Nyssa was able to make her fall through simple words put together endearingly on a piece of paper. She has an incredible way with words. And when she writes them down, somewhat making them permanent, it just seems so powerful and moving. She is able to paint a picture in your mind with just her written words. Simply captivating.

She decided to take a long shower as she waited for Nyssa's return. She had also written a note for her to find by the table near the bathroom. She stood under the spray of water with her eyes closed, feeling more relaxed as the water washed away the last remaining tension in her body.

Nyssa returned sweating profusely from morning training, but found the room empty with just the faint sound of the shower running. She smiled and thought of joining Sara. She found the note Sara left pinned under a book before she got to the door of the bathroom.

_Nyssa,_

_It was a great night, wasn't it? I missed those too. And I missed your letters as well. It was nice finding your note when I woke up, but it would have been better if I had found you there instead. I remember how easy and natural things came between us. I remember how happy and content we were just being with each other. I hope to get that back. Let's work on it. Join me in the shower? I also remember a few moments we shared enjoying each other's company in such a setting._

_~ Sara_

Nyssa laughed inwardly. She thought she would surprise her by joining her, but it turns out she is expected. And was she flirting with her just then? Sara definitely was. She bit down on her lower lip in anticipation as she entered the bathroom. Sara hadn't noticed her presense until she had gone under the spray of water with her, and she wrapped her arms around her waist from behind. Sara leaned back pressing their bare skin even closer.

"Took you long enough."

"I found your note." Nyssa stated kissing her shoulder.

"You were supposed to like you were supposed to be there when I woke up." Sara tried to sound serious biting down a bubbling giggle.

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever. At least I was asleep and had no idea you left until a while ago, but you had to go through your morning with the guilt of leaving me to find an empty bed." Sara resorted to guilt tripping Nyssa as punishment, though she totally understood and was okay with it. She just wanted to tease her like how they used to tease each other once.

"I know what you're doing."

Sara turned around placing her arms around Nyssa's neck. "Is it working?" She asked with a coy smile.

Nyssa kissed the tip of her nose before replying, "yes."

"Good." Sara's smile spread a little with a hint of success. "Don't tell me that's how we'll be talking most of the time now."

"Didn't you miss my letters?"

Sara pretended to think about it. "Uhm. I don't know. Sure. Maybe."

"Oh. Okay. No, then." Nyssa teased back.

Sara pouted at her.

"What?" Nyssa feigned ignorance and Sara just continued pouting.

"Why won't you just admit that you did and you'd like me to write to you again?"

"Fine. Would you?"

"Of course. So, how was your sleep?" Nyssa combed her fingers through Sara's golden locks before she rested her hand just below her shoulder blade.

"It was...nice." Sara closed her eyes again and rested her head on Nyssa's shoulders.

Nyssa twined her fingers with Sara, while her other hand smoothed her hair up and down her back.

"No nightmares?"

Sara just shook her head no. And Nyssa felt relieved. She deserves at least a single night without those haunting her.

She lifted their twined hand to check Sara's fingers. They were already wrinkled from being soaked.

"Let's get out of here?" She asked as she kissed Sara's fingers one by one.

"Just a couple minutes more." Sara was trying to make the moment last in her mind. She just didn't want it to end.

"Okay" Nyssa replied, thinking the same thing.

They stayed in each other's embrace, relishing the intimate moment.

Nyssa finally turned the water off and pulled Sara out the shower. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body. She got another one and helped Sara dry off. Sara took the towel from her to dry her hair. And when she glanced at the mirror, she found Nyssa intently immersed with the scars on her back. She flinched and took a step away from Nyssa's touch.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?" Nyssa seemed confused, not knowing what she could have done to make Sara suddenly pull away from her once again.

"They're...hideous." She said referring to her scars as she wrapped the towel around her body trying to hide them.

"Says who?"

Nyssa moved closer and took Sara by the shoulders and drifted just above her elbows. She's puzzled that Sara would ever think of herself like that. She may not have referred to herself entirely, but calling a part of herself hideous?

"Did you ever think my scars were hideous?"

Sara's gaze rapidly snapped to Nyssa's, seemingly appalled by the thought.

"Never."

"Then why think of yours as?"

"They're different. You're a fighter. A warrior. It's part of who you are. Mine, they're..." Sara broke off not knowing how to explain.

Nyssa touched her cheek and smiled.

"It's sweet that you think of me that way. A warrior. Yes, they're a part of who I am. Now, so are yours. You're also a fighter, a survivor. You went through what might have been hell, but here you are still standing. They're a part of you now. Embrace them. Don't let them remind you of the pain you went through. See them as a reminder of the strength you had to pull through. You're beautiful, Sara, and they do not make you any less."

"You only say that because you love me."

Nyssa couldn't help but smile at her stubbornness.

"Yes, I do. I do love you. But I don't say those words to make you feel better, I say them because it's the way I see them. You are beautiful. Your scars, they give you a certain character, but still you are beautiful. Those who don't see you that way, don't even deserve to have you in their life. Everything about you is beautiful. When will you see that for yourself?"

A tear slipped away and down Sara's cheek. Nyssa always has her way of making her feel good about herself and making her insecurities go away. She's wonderful that way.

"Only if you keep reminding me." She said smiling back at the wonderful woman before her.

"That, I can do." Nyssa replied as she kissed her lightly on the lips.

Their faces so close to each other they're exchanging breaths. The moment growing more and more intimate every passing second. Desire clouded both their eyes. Nyssa tried to hold back, not wanting to push Sara into anything she's not ready for, but then Sara spoke.

"Make love to me, Nyssa."

Then the fire of desire in her bursted into flames. She caught Sara's mouth with hers. The kiss was filled with passion, hunger, desire. Desire that they both needed to release.

Nyssa lifted Sara by her legs, which she wrapped around Nyssa's hips. They didn't part from the kiss as Nyssa carried her out the bathroom to the bed. She laid her on her back, pulled away from the kiss, and solemnly looked her in the eyes.

"You should never feel like you have to hide anything from me, not your scars, not your nightmares, nothing. I love you, every part of you." Not waiting for a response in return, she crushed her lips back on Sara's.

Sara felt the overwhelming emotion bursting inside her. The glorious joy, burning desire, and unyielding love; they all swam inside her like a powerful force rushing to the surface. Love, she bloomed inside. How is it that she is able to make her feel so much? How could she ever have forgotten how to love her? She thought that maybe she should let her feel that she really meant on working it out between them.

She flipped Nyssa so that she was now on top. It surprised her that Sara wanted to take lead. She rarely took lead in bed. And Sara could read it in her eyes as if asking if she was sure.

"You don't have to do this for me."

"I'm doing this as much for you as for me. I love you, Nyssa."

The profession of love also came as a surprise which Sara caught of.

"You may not believe it yet, but I do love you."

And she poured every ounce of it on the kiss she then initiated. She kissed her so passionately as if her life depended on it. She started trailing kisses along Nyssa's jaw, down her neck, her collarbone, shoulder; going over every inch of her, leaving trails off electricity everywhere her lips touched. It wasn't a sensation Nyssa was used to. She was usually the one amaking the moves. And it was Sara's turn to show Nyssa the pleasure of being loved. Nyssa loved how it felt to just let go and let Sara take action of things. It's not something she could really get used to but would definitely indulge in from time to time, but only with Sara. She could only open herself up with Sara.

It was a different sensation to be on the receiving end of the pleasure, especially coming from her beloved. It was not the first time that Sara did it, but somehow it was different than before, more intense; or maybe it just needed to mean more to them now than before.

Back then, it was more about the fun and pleasure of it, now it's more about the intimacy and the hope it represents for their future together. And they both knew that.

Nyssa felt the hot breath of Sara on her mound, making her shudder. Sara hovered for another moment, killing Nyssa with the anticipation. Nyssa gripped the bed sheets and arched her back when Sara finally made contact with her mouth, then also with her tongue.

"Sara. Oh, Sara." She said her name over and over as she writhed in pleasure. And that fueled Sara's determination to take her over the edge even more.

She braced herself and clutched onto one of Sara's hands that was resting on her stomach, then an onslaught of an orgasm flooded through her system. Sara continued her administrations prolonging the immense pleasure Nyssa was experiencing. She savoured the hot sweet juices pouring out of her. And when Nyssa body started to relax as her orgasm subsided, Sara planted one last kiss on her mound before she went up to meet Nyssa's lips with hers. She loved the taste of her. And Nyssa was intoxicated to taste herself on Sara's lips.

They smiled sweetly at each other.

"That was..." Nyssa thought of a word to describe what Sara made her feel, but couldn't find one to express it entirely.

"Amazing? Incredible?" Sara supplied her.

"I love you." That would have been the closest and the best thing to say about it. It wasn't just the pleasure, it was the outpouring love Sara put in it that she felt and was overwhelmingly grateful for the most.

Sara's eyes sparkled as she looked into Nyssa's and saw what was reflected in them. She saw that Nyssa was finally ready to believe in her promise that she could love her the way she wants her to, the way she deserves to be loved. She saw hope that they could be together again, happy with each other again. Nyssa deserves every bit of that, and she was happy that she was able to show it to her and hopes she could continually do so for her.

"And I love you."

Nyssa's smile grew even more fonder and content. She loved hearing those words coming from her, and she was starting to believe them too now.

They shared another passionate kiss that followed a couple more love making until they both fell asleep in each other's arms.

Sara woke up with a smile on her face remembering what they just did a couple of hours ago, but the smile faded when she found the space beside her once again empty except for another piece of paper. She laid her head back on the pillow feeling disappointed and hurt that Nyssa wasn't there again. She thought after that, after the bounderies they just crossed, she would at least want to stay with her until she wakes or would have woken her up before she left. She shook those thought away thinking that there must be something really important that had come up, and it's not like she could ask Nyssa to put her life on hold when she's the one who's entered her life now being in Nanda Parbat.

She reached for the note and read.

_Hello beautiful. I can find no words to describe what we just shared. I believe this is a new beginning for us. And I am very grateful to have you back in my arms. If you just know how much._

_You fear that this could be one of your nightmares, and that you'd wake up and all this would be gone. If this is indeed a nightmare, I would relive it over and over even if it means losing you everytime, as long as it means I could be with you like this just the same._

_You are a dream and a nightmare to me. Everytime you are with me, everytime you smile and laugh, it lifts me up. It lights everything up for me. But everytime you hurt, it hurts me. Everytime you leave, it breaks and kills me._

_If this is a nightmare, you will get through it. I have. You know I have and you are much stronger than I am, therefore you can. Embrace your scars and the horrors they bring, they are a part of you, like you are a part of me. No matter how much you wish them away, they would always remain, even if you physically remove them, the memories will always remain._

_I love you._ _Every part of you. Forever and always._

_\- Nyssa_

A tear slipped down Sara's cheek. She's forgiven her and she is hoping for a future together, that's what her letter was about. It didn't matter what they went through together or separately, they all lead to them being here with each other once more. Sara was a part of her. And she knew that there was no need to hide or deny that she has always felt that Nyssa would forever be a part of her. They are a part of each other.

"I made you cry."

It was only then that Sara noticed that Nyssa was sitting on the chair right across the bed, wearing only a silky black robe. She was watching her. She was watching her sleep.

"Sorry I made you think I left."

"You just had to, didn't you?"

Nyssa smile sheepishly before walking over to the bed, sitting beside Sara.

"Yeah, I couldn't help it. At least now I know never to leave without letting you know myself, unless it is urgent."

"Don't you have to go train or something?"

Nyssa lifted her chin to make sure she sees her in her eyes.

"This is where I'd rather be. They can try and drag me out."

"But no one would dare."

"True. I am all yours for the rest of the day."

"Just the rest of the day?" Sara challenged.

"I have always been yours. And always will be."

Sara loved the response she got from Nyssa. She knew how true it was for her. It made her think of a way on how to express herself in a grander way. How would Nyssa say it?

Sara took a deep breath before speaking. "You say I am a part of you. I want you to know that you are a part of me too. We are like two pieces bound to always find each other and be together for eternity. This may be a nightmare, but with you, I am less afraid, because I know, no matter what, we will always find one another."

And it was Nyssa's turn to be mesmerized by her words. Two pieces bound together for eternity. Bound by fate? By chance? By love? It didn't matter, because she also believes it to be true. They are bound to each other.


	32. Death is a Welcomed Thought

Sara wandered around the corridors in search of Nyssa. She knew she shouldn't be roaming around on her own, but she rarely goes out, and when she does, she doesn't really see the place she's holed up in, so she thought what the hell, she'll deal with the consequences later. It was not like Nyssa would tie her up so she won't do it. The thought of that gave her a similar idea but in a different light. She smiled to herself at the naughty thought she had.

She moves out of the way and tries to hide out of sight when she spots other assassins coming her way. And in her opinion, she doing quite well with the sneaking around and it was giving her a thrill. The thrill of adventure. Finding comfort once again, more importantly, finding it again with Nyssa, it gave her a different sense of security. She still had nightmares, but less frequently and less intense. She doesn't feel the need to run away from danger anymore. Being with Nyssa, being succumbed to her life with the League, she would gladly dive head first into the pits of hell as long as she has Nyssa by her side.

She found Nyssa in full gear battling it out with five assassins. Her moves swift and precise as if her sword was just another part of her body. They were no match for her. She takes them down as quickly as they got up. Her facial features were so different from when she's with her. Then, her face is brighter, softer and sometimes a little vulnerable. Now, she looks fierce, unshakeable, and very intimidating. Either way, she's her Nyssa and she loves her. She loves both sides of her; the sweet and passionate lover, and the tough guarded warrior that she is.

Nyssa spotted her and Sara saw her eyes light up a little then her expression became harder than the one she had while going against the other assassins. She dismissed them and sheathed her sword. She started walking towards Sara still wearing the hard expression that told Sara she was in big trouble.

"What do you think you're doing here?"

Up close, Sara could see the fury in Nyssa's eyes.

"I...I know I shouldn't have..."

"Then why did you?" Nyssa quickly cut her off.

"I was just... I'm sorry."

A man in the shadows watched them closely. He observed every detail, every emotion they try so desperately to hide, clearly not wanting anyone else to see, but he sees them so clearly. The way they stood so close to each other, the way they look at each other, she saw anger in one, while guilt in the other, but still all around them, they emanated love. He felt how strong it was even though the situation does not seem to show any. He was intrigued. He made no move, simply observed as Nyssa took Sara by her forearm and dragged her down the hall and made their way to her room.

She closed the door behind them and started pacing back and forth, still steaming with anger.

"How many times have I told you never to wander around! What if someone saw you? What if he saw you? Do you have any idea what could happen?"

Nyssa's disposition and the tone of her voices was starting to scare Sara. She didn't think it would be that big of a deal.

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Sara said softly in an almost inaudible voice.

"It better not!" Nyssa stated sternly. Then all the fury burning through her faded when she saw the fear in Sara's eyes. How many times she had promised not to let those clouds shadow her eyes again, yet she's the one putting them in her. She let her shields down and got close to her. She took her hands in hers and laid her forehead against hers. She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in the fear she too possessed. She opened her eyes and looked deep into the ocean of blue of Sara's.

"I'm afraid, Sara. I'm sorry I lashed out on you. I'm just so afraid of what could happen, I don't know what to do. If someone had seen you. If my father had seen you. I still haven't talked to him about you being here. I know he knows, but if he sees you, Sara; if he sees you wandering around like that, I... He could... He could have you killed." Nyssa almost choked at the thought of the last one she said. She knows her father. He never approved of her love for Sara. He could use the opportunity to get rid of his heir's distraction and weakness.

Sara saw the deep seated fear in Nyssa. It was what she feared most, being the reason for her beloved's demise. She would never be able to forgive herself for that. Wanting to be with her so much, she brought her into her dark and dangerous world, putting her at great risk. She has long battled with choosing whether to be happy and keep her by her side but will lead to her life being at risk, or just let her go, keep her at a distance and keep her safe. Both cause her great misery, but the thought of never being with her is simply unbearable. She just has to make sure to be there by her side at all cost to save her from all the danger her life with the League entails.

"Your father loves you. He will not harm me." Sara tried to soothe her.

"He never approved of us."

"But he allows it."

"He tolerates."

"None the less, it is because he loves you. He won't risk losing his daughter by killing her beloved."

"You don't know my father. He is Ra's al Ghul, head of the demon."

"Okay. This, I know. No matter what happens, I love you, Nyssa al Ghul."

"Don't say it like that."

"Like what?"

"Like it's the last." Nyssa could feel the darkness of the mood setting in. Her fear of losing Sara ever growing. She couldn't even look at her now. She promised to be her protector, yet she's the one being broken down by her fear.

Sara lifter her chin to force her to look back into her eyes. She felt a sense of possessiveness seeing Nyssa so vulnerable; showing her fear, and breaking down all her walls right in front of her. It was just for her. All those fear, all those walls down, just for her. Her Nyssa. The greatest thing she could trust her with, that she doesn't even let anyone get a glimpse of, all her emotions. No barriers, just raw stripped down emotions for her alone. She smiled at how honored she felt by it. Being the only one to see all that of someone so incredible.

"I love you." Sara said, her eyes sparkling in the dark.

Nyssa smiled as well. Her light. Her Sara's light that could always brighten her darkest moments. Yes, only she is capable of easily washing away her fears and worries with a sweet smile, a sparkle in her eye, of simply being there. Only she could do that. Her light. Her Sara.

"And I love you, Sara Lance."

They stood there in each other's embrace, looking at each other, just letting their eyes do the talking. Their gazes overflowed with love.

The door opened, but they stayed holding one another.

"Ra's al Ghul summons her presence."

Those words completely broke the moment. Sara saw another flash of fear in Nyssa's eyes before she put back her shields in the unwelcomed presence. Her feature took a more serious note and grew furious when she realized it was Alec who had spoken. Of course it was him. The bearer of the dreaded news.

"You did this."

Alec scoffed, "I wish I had part in this, for the numerous times I had warned your father, I think he has finally come to his senses. He should put her in her right place."

"What has she ever done to you, Alec?"

"Ra's al Ghul summons her presence. He does not appreciate to be kept waiting."

"I can take her to him."

"I am here to make sure of that."

He was once more than a fellow assassin to her, he was her most trusted friend. It seems that they no longer see things the same way. She knew she has changed, but she also thought she could still trust him.

Sara made her look at her again. She gave her a small smile. "It's okay."

"It's not." Nyssa's jaw was set and her teeth gritted.

"It will be."

"How the hell are you so calm about this?" Fear and anger was tearing her apart, and Sara's calm was just infuriating her further. She has no idea what they could have gotten themselves into.

"I have you with me. We'll be okay. It'll all be okay." And just like that, she once again managed to get her to calm down as well.

They made their way to the center of the League's sanctuary, to where Ra's al Ghul awaits for them, with Alec trailing behind them. Nyssa held onto Sara's hand protectively. And Sara squeezed her hand reassuringly. But it wasn't enough to keep her growing fear at bay as they come closer and closer to being face to face with her father.

A man in a long thick robe stood with his back to them. He was looking intently at a small pool of water, the Lazarus Pit, as if finding something quite interesting in its enchanted waters.

"Father. I..." Nyssa began, but was silenced by her father as he raised a hand to her.

He turned around revealing a middle aged man with silver flecks of hair, growing creases as if he has been burdened by the darkness of the world. He looked intimidating, scary even, with just the way he presents himself. But Sara finds herself unafraid. Maybe she had become braver or just more stupid, she thought to herself. He is the head of the demon, the leader of a league of assassins, how could she not be afraid? Then she looked at the beautiful brunette holding her hand and knew that she was being brave for both of them as she remembered the fear she saw in Nyssa's eyes as she worried about her meeting with her father.

"Present her to me." His voice was very commanding, even in its natural tone.

Nyssa was standing in front of Sara as if shielding her from her father's gaze.

"Present her to me."

Not wanting to anger him, she moved to the side, a few feet away from Sara.

Ra's scrolled his gaze over Sara, studying her. He sensed that she wasn't afraid, and was immediately intrigued.

"Are you prepared to die, child?"

Nyssa was horrified by the thought, but her training kept her still. As long as her father does not strike, she dares not intrude. She would not like to incur the wrath of her father, which could be directed towards Sara.

Everyone in the room was surprised at the heart warming laugh that bursted from Sara. Nyssa felt like it was the first time she had fallen for her. Her lovely infectious laugh. Her reaction clearly surprised Ra's. She was not only unafraid as she faced him, but she had dared to laugh aloud in question of her death.

"Do you find what I said amusing? Or do you covet death that much?"

"I welcome death. After what I have been through, it is a welcomed thought. A sweet and easy escape."

Nyssa didn't know what to make of what Sara was saying. She felt hurt that she is okay with dying, leaving her alone for good.

"And I am happy and content to have found love and comfort in your daughter's arms once again."

She had definitely caught Ra's interest. It wasn't the horror she went through before that makes her prepared to die, it was wanting to die happy that was fueling her courage.

"But you will not kill me."

Ra's interest peaked, making him smile. "I won't? And why is that?"

"You love your daughter. Even if you try to make me believe otherwise, she is still valuable to you no matter what. You won't kill me out of spite. It will burn every bridge you have with her. You will lose a daughter and an heir."

"I could have her kill you, if I wish it."

Nyssa was appalled. How could her father suggest such a thing? She would never do that, even over her strong devotion to the league.

"Then be it."

It was Ra's turn to let out a laugh. He was amused by her. She may not seem like it at the moment but she is very strong willed.

"Now, I see why my daughter is so fond of you."

There was something about her that makes her special. He thought of a plan for her. Whether she burns out, or rise up out it, is solely up to her will. He sees the survivor within, the warrior. The only complication about everything about it is her being the weakness of his daughter and Nyssa being hers.

"I shall allow you to stay, but you must pledge your life to the League. I will train you; turn you into a fine assassin; have you fight side by side with your love, my daughter, Nyssa; but your life is to the League."

Nyssa would love to keep Sara by her side more than anything, but could she let her go down that dark path and be an assassin for the League like her? Sara is capable of going through all the training and definitely rise above them, but being in the league changes a person. Could Nyssa risk having Sara endure that change in her? Would she be able to endure if Sara chooses to do so? Could they go through it all and be better than ever?


	33. Always

The offer never crossed Sara's mind, be a part of the league of assassins. She had always been curious how it must be like living in that part of Nyssa's world. The more she thought about it, the more it sounded more appealing. She would no longer be stuck in a room just waiting for Nyssa to go back and see her, she could be standing by her side at all times. She would no longer need protection, she would be taught how to do it herself. She could protect Nyssa and rip away the fear of losing her while not being able to do anything.

"So what would it be?" Ra's was waiting for her answer.

Nyssa got herself in between them and addressed her father. "May I have a word with, Sara, father?"

Ra's laid out his hand motioning to her to go right ahead.

Nyssa turned her attention to Sara.

"Don't. You don't have to do this."

Sara was confused. Does she not want them to be together? Does she think she can't handle whatever training she has to go through? She could be as strong as her. She would be able to fight by her side. Does she not want any of that?

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into. This life is dangerous. I have tried to keep this away from you as far as I could, but this is who I am. It doesn't have to be your life as well."

"I know, but what if I want it to be?"

"Please, don't"

"If you're afraid I can't do it, I can. Nate did, I could too."

"That's what I'm afraid of. You could be great with this, but it changes you. It changed Nathaniel. I don't know if I can handle that, if it happened to you."

"He did change, but he is still that good friend he has always been to us. Whatever happens, nothing will change between us. We'll just be together more, don't you want that?"

Nate was still indeed that loyal and trusted friend. He was still a bit playful when it's just them, but there is darkness in him now. When Nyssa had met him, she would never had guessed that he would be the cold-hearted assassin he had turned out to be. He has learned to detach himself from emotions the way she does, only to reveal them to his close friends. She does not want that for Sara. Her emotions and how she embodies each and every single one are one of the many things she loves about her. She doesn't want her to lose that side of her.

"More than anything else. But it doesn't have to be like this."

"I want to do this, Nyssa. Please, just let me."

Nyssa knew she had made up her mind, and it would be close to impossible to sway her. And she can't just prevent her from doing something because she's afraid of what it may lead to. How have the tables have turned between them in that moment, Sara being the brave one, and her being frightened of the possibilities. All she can do now is hope for the best, that things won't turn for the worst with Sara.

"I'm not really good at saying no to you. But promise me something."

"Anything."

"You don't let your light go out and never let the darkness consume you."

"I won't. I have you to keep me from going down that road."

They both hope that they wouldn't have to go down that road. Nyssa doesn't know if she would be able to keep her from doing so, and Sara doesn't want to burden her of ever having to.

"So, have you decided? Would you join and train with the league of assassins?" Ra's finally spoke up again.

Nyssa stepped away to let Sara speak for herself on the decision she has made.

"Yes, I shall give my life to the league as long as I could be with Nyssa." Sara said with resolve.

"I admire the love you two share. It is gravely powerful, as long as you don't let it be your downfall."

"You see it as a weakness, Mr. al Ghul."

"Don't get me wrong. Love is the most powerful motivation, child. But it is also the most dangerous weapon your enemies could use against you. Letting it be your weakness or overcoming it is entirely up to you."

Ra's words rang true. He may be the head of the demon, but he is familiar with love and emotions. That is the very reason he trains his assassins to detach themselves from emotions of any kind. Having emotions in their line of work is extremely dangerous.

Sara and Nyssa were dismissed by Ra's al Ghul and were given the rest of the day for themselves before Sara begins her training the day that follows.

"You're still not happy about my decision." Sara opened up the conversation again once they were alone.

"There's nothing more I can do about it." Nyssa was still clearly upset about her joining the league.

"Are we okay?"

Nyssa didn't know how to respond to the question. She wants to say yes but she doesn't want to lie because she is unsure of it herself.

"I know I made a choice, Nyssa. You're afraid this will change me, change what is between us, but you're the one who's already changing."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I hope you accept my choice."

"Like you said, as long as we're together. We'll get through this."

They found hope in each other. They both knew as long as they both keep holding on to each other, nothing can keep them apart.

Neither wanted to argue any longer, so they laid in bed in each other's arms. Things have changed. They knew that. Nyssa wanted to hold onto how things were but knew she couldn't. She also knew they could work things out. They've been through much worse. They've been torn apart by circumstances, by themselves and their choices, this shouldn't. Sara's choice should not hurt them. She chose a dangerous life with her, but she did choose to be with her, now. She chose her. They're together. That's what's important.

"What's it like?"

"What is what like?"

"Your life. Being with the league."

She has seen what Nyssa's life was from the outside, but never imagined what it's like being a part of it. What is it that Nyssa doesn't want her to be a part of? She agreed not fully knowing what she is getting into, but she no longer cares. She has decided. She just wants to know what it's like.

"Growing up in this life, I never questioned its ways. I just accepted it was how things should be, because that's what was taught to me, how I was raised to be. It was the only life I knew for me, so I never thought of it as I see it now. It is darkness. Nothing but darkness and death. The darkness consumes you. You bring about death upon others and yourself. You may keep yourself alive, but your soul dies. You live for the purpose of the league, whatever purpose the head of the demon deems it to be. It is meant to be something bigger, but that is all you know. You give your life to them. You follow them blindly into the pits of darkness and death."

Nyssa didn't say those words to scare Sara, she said them because it was true to her. She didn't think she would find that much words to say about her life. She never stopped and thought about it, because Sara has changed everything for her. She sees things differently with her. She sees things with a shade of light.

"You're not trying to scare me, are you?"

"There is no way of scaring you out of this. I know that. I want you prepared for what is about to happen. I hope it'd be different for you, but the pull of death is unimaginable."

"I've already had a taste of death and darkness."

"I know. I watched you go through it. What happened to you then might be worse than what you'd have to do here, or this would seem easier after that, but this brings a greater transformation or might I say destruction of who you are."

"Going down that dark path is inevitable."

"Yes."

"Will you still love me, then?"

Nyssa held onto her tighter, drawing her closer to her.

"I am hurt in the slightest that you have to ask. I will always love you, Sara Lance. Always."

The next morning, even before the sun has risen, Sara was already up and about with Nyssa in her training. Assessing her strengths and weaknesses. Breaking the boundaries of her limits. It was tough and was already taking a toll on her, but she continues to endure. She chose this, she will thrive til the end.

"What's going on here?" Nate asked Nyssa when he saw what Sara was doing.

"She's training."

"I can see that. Why?"

"She wants to."

"Be in the league? Is she insane?"

"Have you asked yourself that?"

"Countless times."

"So, are you?"

"No doubt about it. Look at her."

They both can see the determination in her eyes. It's just her first day, her body is breaking, but her spirit keeps her standing. They felt pride boom in their chests, but were still quite disappointed of the situation.

"This is a mistake." Alec snarled at their side. He despised the idea as soon as the words left Ra's mouth. But he could never contradict him so freely. He had never gone against Ra's words no matter how much he disagreed.

"Ra's al Ghul made the decision. He would not have offered if he had not wanted to." Nyssa spoke the truth about her father. Even for her, he would not have done that. He must have seen the fighter in Sara that made him think her worthy of learning from him.

Alec left, still disgusted by the thought.

"She could be great at this." Nate spoke again.

"I know."

"Why are you letting her, then?"

"Even if I do persuade my father not to kill her, I would lose her if I don't. I can't go through that again."

"You will lose her still."

"I didn't lose you."

The thought of being someone of importance to Nyssa made Nate smile.

"Point taken. Let us hope for that, then."

Sara sauntered over to them as she was to take her break after the long continuous and very vigorous training.

"Hey, Nate." Sara took the water and cloth Nyssa was handing her.

"Sara. I see you're staying." He enunciated the word staying to show it means more than it usually does.

"And you also don't approve."

"Who am I to judge?"

"Good." She then turned her attention to Nyssa. She draped her arms around her and gave her a quick peck. "My body's killing me."

"You wanted this."

"You're a very supportive girlfriend, you know that? I'm not complaining, not entirely. More likely suggesting."

A spark of desire twinkled in both their eyes as their thoughts connected. And Nate's through ran dry when his own caught up with theirs.

"I don't know if I should feel uncomfortable or aroused by that."

Another thought came to Sara which brought a naughty grin to her face. Nyssa quickly read her.

"No. He is not joining nor watching."

"Definitely aroused."

Nyssa shot him a quick glare.

"That would be kind of fun."

"Maybe, but not if it's Nathaniel."

"I am deeply wounded by that, Nyssa."

"You go back there." Nyssa told Sara when she saw the other assassins getting ready again. "Give them all you got, and I will make it worth your while later."

Sara could feel the heat of desire burning through her. She gave Nyssa a passionate kiss before going back to show her that she'd be counting on what she said.

"Are you really sure that I can't even watch?"

"You are both definitely insane, and perverted."

At the end of the day's training, a hot soothing bath prepared by Nyssa was waiting for Sara. She slowly stripped out of her clothes because her entire body ached, and gladly stepped in the tub. It was helping to ease the tension in her muscles. She closed her eyes as she began to relax.

Nyssa carefully looked over every feature of her, searching for any trace of change. She was still her Sara, she concluded.

"Are you just going to stare at me, or are you going to join in?"

"In a moment. I have something for you, first."

Nyssa held out a piece of paper. Another note. Sara smiled.

"I'm all wet. Read it to me."

Nyssa nodded and carefully unfolded the piece of paper. She took a deep breath then read.

_My beloved Sara,_

_Seeing you out there beating the hell out of your body, pushing yourself to the limits, I should have been hurt and scared for you, for the pain you were enduring, but instead, what I felt most was pride. I saw your determination, your unyielding will to fight, survive and live on. That's what kept you alive and will keep you alive._

_Never lose that. I need you. I need you alive and with me. Keep fighting and I will fight alongside you through every dark corner of life._

_Forgive me that I was not as welcoming of your decision as you might have wanted. I should have been. You chose to be with me. But I realize just now that it wasn't just because this life would put you in danger that I was so afraid to let you in it, I_ _was also afraid that you won't need me to protect you._ _I've been so used to doing it, and have convince myself that at least if you need me, I could be by your side. Protecting you could be my reason to always be there. But it doesn't matter anymore if you'd need me or not, you chose to be with me and that should be enough._

_I don't know how you do it, but somehow you always manage to find a way into every part of my life. You are my life. I love you with all that I am, Sara Lance._

_Yours now and always,_   
_Nyssa_

Sara's eyes were clouded with tears. She was immensely touched by her words. She was proud of her, and she has accepted her choice, because she did also choose to be with her. She hadn't realized how much it meant to Nyssa until now that she somehow chose to be with her. There were other reasons but that was what's most important. She knew now that Nyssa truly believes that she does love her.

"I will always need you. I need you because I love you. I choose you because I love you. There could be countless of possible reasons for me to need you, Nyssa, but me loving you is all the reason we need. And I will always find my way to you. I love you, Nyssa Raatko. I love you, then, now, always."


	34. Ta-er al-Sahfer

Weeks have gone by since Sara started with her training. She has been taught how to fight using various weapons and how to utilize her strength without them. She has been learning a number of different languages as well. She has learned how to keep herself alive at the same time how to take a life or break one. She hasn't gone down the crossroad of actually doing it since joining the league, but it was not like she has never done it before. Though circumstances are different, it would still be taking a life, after all the training she's doing, would the toll on her still be as heavy as it was then?

"You should choose a name." Nate opened a conversation as they sparred with bo staffs. It was one of Sara's favorite weapons. And she could easily beat most of the assassins in it.

"Yeah, about that. Why have a different name? I never got to ask."

"Your new name shall represent your rebirth to who you become as you join the league. You use that name and forget the one given to you at birth, because it represents the person you were that you should no longer be. It's like erasing all ties from your old life."

"But you're still being called Nate."

"Only by you and Nyssa. She does not want me to completely let go of who I was, and she doesn't want me to be the name I chose, at least to her."

"Why is that? What name?"

"Al-hami. The protector. I chose it because I want to be that for her, but of course, being who she is, she would not accept. To her, I will always be Nathaniel."

"You should know that that means more to her than you being Al-hami."

"I know."

"But you still want to live up to it."

"Of course. I shall be that overprotective friend."

"Even for me?"

"Maybe. I'll think about it."

Sara swiftly took him down by sweeping his feet with the staff.

"Okay! Okay! I'll be your overprotective friend. No need to be hard."

They both smiled. They would have laughed out loud if they both didn't have much control of their emotions already.

"She's beating you up." Nyssa interjected from behind them.

"You don't have to point it out that much." Nate said as he got up.

"Well, I am." Sara wrapped her arms around Nyssa's neck. "Hey, stranger."

"You wrap your arms around every stranger you meet?"

"Are you jealous?"

"I shall kill every single one of them. I missed you, my love."

Nyssa had just come back for being away for days on a mission.

"I was a bit lonesome."

"A bit?"

"Fine. I missed you a lot too." Sara snuggled up on Nyssa's neck and her body was pulled closer to hers.

"You are out in the open, ladies."

"Let's take this somewhere more private."

They made their way to the room they share. And in no time, their lips were locked in a passionate kiss. The hunger and longing they have for one another poured out into it. They broke apart for a moment to catch their breath.

"How have you been, my love?"

"Aside from missing you dearly, I'm doing well, I guess. I'm already used to the pain and aches. Except for the one I feel whenever you're away."

"The emptiness, like their is always something missing. I know what you feel. I've known that longer than you have."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are."

Sara knows that they have moved past that, especially now that they are very much involved in each other's lives. But it still has an effect on her that she has hurt Nyssa deeply plenty of times. That's why every day that they are together she is always very careful not to do it again.

"I need your help on something. I want your take on it because you're so much part of my life now, part of who I am."

Nyssa smiled. She overheard her conversation with Nate about the name, and apparently she already has something in mind for her.

"Ta-er al-Sahfer."

"What?" Sara was surprised that she already knew what she was going to say, maybe she overheard, maybe she just knows her too well. Whichever the case was, she found it sweet.

"During my last mission, I saw a girl sitting by the front steps of their house. Her father came up to her with a caged bird behind his back. He kissed her on top of her head and offered her the bird. The girl's eyes lit up. It was beautiful with its exquisite form and golden feathers. The girl opened the cage and took the bird out for a closer look. What she did next surprised both me and her father. She let it go. She smiled sweetly at her father as the bird flew away. The father didn't get mad or question her. He just held her daughter close. That yellow bird, the canary, reminded me of you. The island and that ship were your cage, now you're free of it and are able to soar high and be whoever you want to be. You're the canary. My Ta-er al-Sahfer."

"And you're the girl who made that all happen. Ta-er al-Sahfer. I love it. And I love you."

"I love you, my canary."

"And just so you know, you may have set me free, but I am not flying away from you. This is exactly where I ought to be, where I want to be, right by your side."

Nyssa hopes that that would never change. They're finally together like they've never been before. Their bond and love for each other stronger, but she is still afraid she's going to realize she's not what she really wants one day and just leave. Maybe she would never get over the fear of sara walking away from her. But at least for now, she would cherish every single moment they share together. She would be happy and content that she is with her, that she chose a life to be with her.

There was a knock on the door.

"Princess, Ra's al Ghul requests your presence."

Nyssa felt a knot form at the pit of her stomach. She couldn't pin it out but her father summoning her at the moment doesn't sit well with her. And Sara saw the weariness in her eyes.

"Maybe he just missed his daughter. Or wants a report on your mission."

Nyssa doubted both counts but appreciated Sara's attempt to lift her up.

"Maybe."

"It'll be okay. You'll see. You're worrying over nothing."

"I don't know how you keep being a wonderful ray of sunshine going through all this, but I love you even more for it."

"You're the reason for it. You'll lose yourself, when I lose myself. Like you, I don't want that to happen."

"We keep each other in check."

"Exactly."

"I should be going before our worrying over nothing turns into something."

Nyssa placed a soft kiss on Sara's forehead before heading out the door.

\--------------

"No! You can't! I refuse to be a part of this! I won't let you do this!" Nyssa was furious of a decision his father declared of.

"Enough! I am Ra's al Ghul! You do as I say."

"This has been your plan from the beginning."

"I would not have allowed it if I didn't deem it worthy. This is not just for her, but also for you. Prove to me that you are a worthy heir, my daughter."

Nyssa left with such animosity. She should not be surprised that her father would do such a thing. At least he gave her a heads up. She returned to their room. She just wanted to forget that horrid thought before she has to face it. She just wants to be with Sara.

"So, what was it about?" Sara queried as she entered and sat beside the blonde on the bed.

Her father specifically said that she not say anything about what they discussed. Afraid of worst reprecussions, she lied.

"Nothing we need to worry about."

Sara didn't believe her. She didn't even try to hide the weariness in her eyes. But she let it go. She will tell her if she's ready, now, she can tell that Nyssa simply needs her by her side.

"Everything will be okay."

Nyssa was grateful that she didn't push and that somehow she knows what she needs at the moment.

The following day, very early in the morning even before the sun arose, a number of assassins gathered at a spacious court of some sort. Nyssa wished she could prevent what was to happen, but she has no clue as to what else to do. Ra's al Ghul called onto everyone's attention. He stated that a trial is to commence to ensure that one is fit to continue with their journey with the league.

"Sara." He called out and Sara stepped forward and stood in front of him. "Today you shall face off with your greatest weakness."

Nyssa reluctantly took her place along side Sara in front of Ra's. The events unfolding before her were somewhat confusing to Sara.

"Nyssa represents your weakness. Here, there is no room for weaknesses. I need to know that no matter what the circumstances are, you will be able to go through with the tasks given to you."

Sara was still trying to make sense of things. What is it that Ra's wants her to do? A thought has crossed her mind but does he really want that? And why is Nyssa just standing there as if she already knew about it? And if she did, why didn't she tell her?

"You may choose your weapons. This trial does not end until I say so."

"Even til death?" Sara questioned.

Nyssa can barely contain the burning fury she has been keeping in. She has put her walls higher and thicker than she has ever had. She thought to herself that she had no choice in this. At the very least she is giving Sara a chance to fight. She has to be tougher than ever in front of her. It was very difficult in face of the situation but she was able to.

"If I see it fit." Ra's al Ghul said in return. He waved his hand for them to begin.

Nyssa unsheathed the sword she always carried by her side. And Sara took one from the array of weapons given to her. She is an excellent swordsman but she has no idea if she is at the level of Nyssa. She has to be strong. She is not fighting for her life alone, but it feels like she has to be fighting for theirs.

They stood for a moment looking intently in each other's eyes. Neither wanting the other to see the fear behind the curtains of their strong gazes. Sara charged first and their swords clashed with a clang of steel meeting steel. Their movements were swift and precise. Each offense quickly matched by a strong defense, followed by a counter attack. The exchange of blows were quick. One would be cut or fall, but would regain their footing right away. Neither one leaving an opening for the other to deliver a dangerous blow. Neither wants the other to make the decision to kill the other. They fought and fought which still continued after an hour. Their muscles were aching and bruised, their skin cut and bleeding, but their spirit still strong and would not back down. It was the fight of their life. What could they do if they were given an option to kill the person they love the most or be killed by that same person? Keep fighting until they no longer can, because how can you ask the person you love most to just kill you so they could live? Neither would dare ask that to the other. So they keep fighting.

Ra's al Ghul was greatly impressed with the show of strength and spirit the two girls were showing. Neither wants to back down, but both were prepared to do what they have to do when the opportunity comes. And they barely give each other openings for the other to give a fatal strike.

Everyone thought it was about to be over when Nyssa was able to relieve Sara of her sword, but Sara ducked out of the way of her next strike and swiftly retrieved her weapon. Sara then made a clean sweep of Nyssa's feet making her fall, but she moved out of the way in time to avoid Sara's sword making it clash to the floor. Sara swung back around to meet her sword with Nyssa's just inches away from the her face. Nyssa pushed her sword forward to force Sara back creating distance between them. Their strength were wearing out. It was evident on their catching of breath and slowing movements. The battle continued, but the end was nearing. An opening is bound to present itself soon.

Nyssa turned up her offense once more, going at Sara aggressively. She swung her sword at her in different directions and Sara could barely catch up in blocking them. Nyssa tried to cut her sword by Sara's head, which the blonde avoided by ducking back. Nyssa used that swing's momentum to spin and change her timing. She turned back around and had her sword at Sara's neck. And Sara's was directed at Nyssa's heart ready to pierce.

Ra's spoke up in time for them to stop themselves from ending each other.

"Enough! You have both proven yourselves."

They both laid their swords down as relief washed over them.

"Now, I truly welcome you to the League of Assassins, Ta-er al-Sahfer. You have earned my respect, child. You have proven yourself greater than you seemed."

Sara knew it should mean more to her, but it didn't. She had almost killed Nyssa, and no praise nor approval could make up to that.

After they were dismissed, they tended to each other's wounds. They stitched up their wounds without even flinching from the pain. It was either they were numb of it or they just didn't mind the pain.

"I'm sorry, Sara."

"That wasn't you, Nyssa. It's okay. We're okay."

"I should have..."

"What? Have yourself killed before hand? Have me kill you to save me? Don't ever think I'd be okay with that."

"I should have told you."

"Maybe. But it's done now. We're still here. Together."

"Stronger?"

"Definitely stronger together after that."

"I love you, Ta-er al-Sahfer."

"It sounds better when you say it. I love you, Nyssa al Ghul."


	35. Finding a Place

_Nyssa,_

_Off to my first mission. I don't know how I really feel. I just wish that you could be by my side through this. It feels different yet somehow same when you're the one heading out like this. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I miss you already, my love. I will see you soon._

_\- Sara_

Sara wrote the letter as they made their way to the port, then she handed it over to a messenger to deliver to Nyssa. She felt nervous going outside the walls of Nanda Parbat for the first time as an assassin of the league. At the same time, she felt alive. The thought of actually being out there using the skills she acquires in her trainings is extremely exhilarating for her. She was no longer running away from danger, but diving head first to it. She was simply thrilled.

She only wondered about Nyssa. What could she be doing at that moment? Other than worry for her endlessly? She was right. No matter how alive she feels going on a mission like this, she still would rather be by Nyssa's side. Maybe they'd get to go on one together some other time.

Nyssa was pacing back and forth in their room when there was a knock on the door. She was in no mood to see and talk to anyone. It's the first time Sara was to be out there and she's not by her side. She opened the door, frustration evident in her facial features. The messenger knew not to say anything and just handed her the note with her name scribbled on top. She took it and closed the door.

She read the letter and smiled. Of course she would think of doing that. It was comforting to know that she thinks of her instead of worrying about herself. It tells her that she isn't scared to be out there. But still, Nyssa worried. How could she not? It was the first time she had to be the one waiting if she'll come back. To ease herself a bit she thought of writing her a letter in reply. Though she wouldn't be able to give it to her until she gets back, she will write to her until she does.

_My dearest Sara,_

_You're right. Somehow the feeling is similar, yet different. It is far scarier to be on this side, though. This has got to be one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. The uncertainty is excruciating. And it is very difficult to get my mind out of the thought of you being out there. How do you do this and not go mad?_

_Thank you for always patiently waiting for me here. Leaving for a mission got a little more difficult since it also meant leaving you behind, but knowing that you're here waiting for me makes it easier as well. I hope that's also the case for you. I love you, Sara. And I will always have my arms wide open to welcome you back home._

_Always yours,_   
_Nyssa_

Sara observed her target carefully. She has to evaluate carefully where she could grab him, since her mission was not a simple assassination, but she also has to retrieve information using any means necessary. Doing her reconnaissance, she wore normal clothes to blend into the crowd, but when night came, and it was time to snatch her mark, she donned the gear and clothing all the assassins of the league wore, with the hood, mask and all the works. She had various weapons with her, but of course, by her hip, her weapon of choice, a collapsible metal bo staff. It wasn't as lethal as other weapons, but it makes up for its reach and could still cause much damage if used well. And she has excellent mastery of it.

She followed the man as he entered a seemingly low-key club. She waited patiently for him. After an hour or two, the man exited the building and made his way out through a dark alley which opened an opportunity for Sara to make her move. The guy was no easy target being former military. Learning stealth from the league, he didn't see her coming, but he sure did put up a fight. Using her speed and agility to her advantage, docking a punch from the guy, she swiftly struck him at the side of his head with her staff, knocking him out.

She took him to an abandoned warehouse and tied him up to a chair. Anxious to get the mission over with, she punched him in the face to jolt him awake. And she could tell that sweet talk won't get her anywhere with this guy. She stood right in front of him as he came to.

"Whatever you want from me, you won't get it." He then spit blood at her.

Sara smirked. Back when she was on the Amazo, if he was there in front her then, maybe she would not be able to break him. But with all the training she did, there was no doubt in her mind that she could break him. It was only a matter of time. She took her time beating him up into a pulp without even asking him a single question.

"You think you could break me with this cheap tactic? Beating on me to scare me?"

"You have no idea. When I'm done with you..."

"You think I'm gonna beg for my life?"

"You're going to beg me to kill you."

That certainly got him on the edge, he clearly has no idea what he was into. And that gave Sara the indication that she was close to getting him to the point she wants. She stuck a knife into his hand and another to his thigh, then twisted them, making him scream in pain.

"Is this all you've got?" The guy taunted.

Sara twisted the knives again, then left the room without saying a word.

The guy writhed in pain, close to passing out. When he did, Sara reentered and twisted the knife on his thigh to wake him up.

"What the hell do you want?"

Then and there, Sara knew she had broken him. No matter what she asks of him, he will answer. Whenever she is not satisfied with the answer, she punches him or twist the knife. When she knew he was lying, she shucked another knife on him. In a few hours, she got all that she needed from him. The guy was bruised and bloodied. He still has a chance of surviving the beating Sara gave him, but his will has completely come to a surrender.

"Just kill me. Please just kill me!" Like what Sara had said, he pleaded for his life to be ended. And that was what Sara did. She took one of the knives stuck in him and used it to slit his throught open.

As she took that life, all she could think of was getting back into Nyssa arms. She has learned to repress her emotions that she can't even tell how exactly she felt after taking another life. She simply focused on what mattered to her, Nyssa.

On their journey back, she wrote another letter for Nyssa, knowing her too well that she would also have letters ready for her when she gets back.

_Nyssa,_

_I missed you so much. All I could think of was getting back to you as soon as I could, but I promise I was still careful, I intended to go back to you in one piece. Being away on a mission got me thinking._

_This life of being an assassin may not be ideal, but after everything I have been through, I think I have found a place in life. What makes it even better is, it is a life with you. I have grown to be strong and fearless, and I no longer feel helpless. I don't know if it's because of all the training or simply because of you._

_We've had our fair share of ups and downs together, but looking back, with you I always felt at ease and safe. With you, I always knew I could simply be who I am and worry about nothing else. Wherever I was, I always felt lost or out of place, except when I'm with you._

_I love you, Nyssa. With you is the place I have been longing for to be. I have tried to be blind to it, and run away from it, but I always find my way back to you._

_Always yours,_   
_Sara_

Nyssa was waiting by the docks and she could already see Sara with her golden locks flowing in the air even before ship docked. God, she missed her so much. She wasn't sure she was gonna make it through the rest of those days waiting with her sanity intact. She could finally breathe easily again. She's back. Her Sara is back. And by the looks of things, she is safe and well.

Sara smiled at the sight of Nyssa waiting for her. She shouldn't be surprised that Nyssa couldn't wait at the fortress. Now that she's allowed outside those walls, she would have done the same thing. She smiled blissfully as she saw Nyssa walking towards her. It was all worth it. Having done what she had to do, joining the league, as long as she could come home to her. The warm welcome she offers is more than enough, and she knew things doesn't stop at that. Everything between them has gone way beyond what she could ever ask for. She has truly found her place in life with her.

They made their way back to the fortress in silence. They simply enjoyed the company of each other. They held each other close, neither letting go and always making sure they were in physical contact of the other. The slightest sign of reassurance that they were really together. They have always been like that even before they were actually together. They may have not noticed it but they always seemed to have craved the slightest touch of each other.

What they have come to have seems so unreal that it could only be a dream, but at the same time, it is like the only real thing that matters to the both of them. They are genuinely happy with their life together, they fear that it would not last, but they keep holding on to the hope that could make it work until the end. And with the life they are in, the end is always looming over them in every corner. They are uncertain when it might come, so they make the most of the times they have together.

It doesn't have to be grand, as long as they were together, they would always find a simple reason to call it special and memorable.

"I have something for you." Nyssa reached out for the notes she had placed by the table.

They were seated across from each other in the tub. The warm water and fragrant essence making the mood intimate.

"So do I."

They exchanged letters. Sara smiled at the numerous ones Nyssa handed her, compared to the single letter she wrote back. They carefully read them, making sure the letters don't get wet.

The contents of Nyssa's were mostly about how excruciating it was for her, how it had to be the worst form of torture she had to endure. Sara found her endless complaint in them, cute and endearing. A couple stood out to her from the rest; the first one she wrote in reply to the one she sent as she was leaving for the mission; another about her admitting her fears about their relationship; and the one she seemed to have written just that morning as she waited for her return.

_My dearest Sara,_

_As days went by without you by my side, I have spent a lot of time worrying and thinking, not just about your wellbeing, but also about us._

_I have no idea what more in life could be ahead of us, I fear whether there is more or if this is all that there is for us. I fear for the end. I fear that one of these days it would come without me knowing and there would be nothing I could do about it. I am afraid, Sara. I don't want to worry you with these things, but I think it's best that you know what I feel. I want to be brave and hopeful, or simply enjoy this, but I can't always ignore the fear that eats me up for all time._

_........._

_My beloved Sara,_

_Alas, the day I have awaited for quite so long is here, you're coming home. I see that our lives would be filled with such scenarios. The torturous waiting and the dreaded homecomings. I don't know if the feeling of missing you would ever recede. If it would be something I would get used to._

_I love you, Sara Lance. Ta-er al-Sahfer. Both you, but of different sides. Nevertheless, I love you. The sweet girl who danced her way to my heart, and the warrior who saved me from the dark. I hope you know how enchantingly wonderful you are. You are everything I never thought of ever having. With you is where I would always want to be._

_Always yours,_   
_Nyssa_

Nyssa's eyes were clouded with tears as she watched Sara read through the letters. She was gravely touched by Sara's words, how she thought that she has found a place in life with her. It was all she needed to hear after all the worrying she has done for the past number of days.

Sara placed the letters down and what was in her eyes reflected Nyssa's. Nyssa reached out to her, turning her around so she could hold her from behind. They held each other close and tight, taking in each other's words, and how much that moment was al they needed and that is exactly where they both wanted to be, in each other's arms.

"This is where I want to be. You are home to me, Nyssa."

Nyssa let a tear slip down her cheek as she placed a soft and tender kiss on Sara's shoulder.

"And you are mine."


	36. Home

Things haven't always gone so easily between Sara and Nyssa, but somehow, they found a balance that suited well for them. Outside their quarters, they're both fearsome, lethal, living weapons that could kill with their bare hands. Alone by themselves, they're almost the opposite. All the emotions they keep buried as an assassin are released in terms of passion when they talk, touch, make love, or even in a simple look they share. Their love exerts a powerful aura that no one could doubt or dare contest.

They've gone to a number of missions together. And out on the field, they were unstoppable. Alec had countlessly voiced out that there would come a time that one of them would seriously get hurt or even die because of the other, but what has been happening says otherwise. They don't fight just for themselves. They fight for the survival of each other. They live to protect the other. They both can't live without the other and they both don't want the other to be broken by the loss of their own life. It was like they were two bodies and souls linked together to live one life.

"Ta-er Al-Sahfer."

"Al-Hami." Sara greeted her friend formally as an assassin.

"You two did great on the last mission. I just had to stop and watch the way you two fought side by side."

"Jealous?"

"Maybe. But she's happy. Really happy. That's the happiest I've ever seen her be. And that's all I want for her."

"I won't hurt her." She knew Nate well enough to know what he wasn't saying, but her response wasn't simply to convince him but also to convince herself.

"You never wanted to. Let's just hope that you wouldn't hurt her again, because I don't know what that would do to her now."

"I'm glad she has you, Nate. Al-Hami. Her protector. I know you will always protect her, even from me."

"And I am yours as well, as long as you don't hurt her again."

She never wanted to hurt Nyssa but she usually ends up doing so. It had got to be the longest time that she hadn't hurt her the way that could tear her apart ever since they have come to find each other again. Sara hopes that the time wouldn't come that she would once more.

Sara parted ways with Nate and went to look for Nyssa. She found her in their shared quarters. She slipped out of her gear and approached her lover. She held her tightly from behind.

"What's the matter, my love?" Nyssa leaned into her embrace.

"I love you, Nyssa."

"Now, you are worrying me."

"Why? Can't I just tell you I love you?"

"Not like that. I know there is something. What is it?"

"You're happy. We're happy. I'm afraid I'd mess things up and hurt you again."

"Who put that thought in your mind? Alec?"

"No one. It has always been there."

"Hurt me. I will love you nonetheless."

"And that is what I fear even more."

Nyssa knew that to be true. Sara never thought herself worthy of the love Nyssa has for her. She has come to accept her love and return it as much as she could, but to her it would never seem enough. If only she knew that Nyssa felt the same, that she is not worthy of Sara. That is maybe why her love for her seems so unconditional and endless. To Nyssa, it is like that is all she could offer her, her undying love.

"We both see ourselves unworthy of the other, but I still would not stop loving you. Hurt me, don't ever worry because we would get through it, as long as you love me. That's all that matters."

"How can I argue with you when you say things like that?"

"I am not perfect, Sara. There might come a time that I would be the one to hurt you, and I hope you will still find it in you to love me."

Sara doubted that. After everything they have been through, she doubts that there is anything Nyssa could do to hurt her that would make her stop loving Nyssa. Whatever worst thing it is she might do to hurt her, she knew the only reason for it was because she hurt her first. Therefore, she can't imagine hating Nyssa for reacting to the pain she could have caused.

They left the depressing topic alone, and both had vowed to themselves that they will give all the love they could give and accept whatever the other could offer. It was not a conversation that could easily be wiped off their minds. It left their souls bare and vulnerable for the other to see, making their connection and love for each other deeper.

There are times when they are off to different cities, towns, villages, and countries on a mission, after they have accomplished what they had to do, they would wander off to explore and experience the different places. Each place they go to, they would find something even the simplest of things and make it special and memorable. They would dine at the city's finest restaurants or at some homely local joint or some street vendors at the market. The elegance and delicacy of it all was not the standard of how grand their experiences were, it was the enjoyment and intimacy of them all.

"Where are we going?" Nyssa asked as Sara dragged her heels off through what seemed to be a park.

There were barely any people there making the place quite serene. The went up and over a small hill and found themselves by the foot of a pond. The view was entrancing. The still waters of the pond reflected the glimmering lights of the stars and beautifully lit face of the moon. That was one of their favorite kinds of places. Places that embodies the simplicity and enticing beauty of nature. It's open and public, yet significantly intimate. They could just sit by the pond in each other's arms and take in the bountiful glory their surroundings possess.

A few feet from the edge of the water, Nyssa spotted a blanket with a basket and a bottle of wine. She smiled, thinking of how much thought and preparation Sara did for this. It was simple but with all the things they do, they barely have much time in their hands to think of such things. Most of their romantic adventures were on a whim to go out see the town and be together, but something that takes even quite a bit of planning like this, they seldom do.

"What's all this?"

"It's a romantic picnic under the moonlit skies with your beloved girlfriend."

"I got that part, but what for? And don't you go 'why can't you just do something like this' speech on me. I may come off as the more romantic one here, and it may not seem like it, but you're more sentimental."

"Fine. It's our anniversary."

"I didn't know we do that or that we have one, after all the..."

"Rollercoaster of our relationship?"

"Yes. Why today?"

"You don't know what day it is do you?"

"The specificity of days blend and blur with me."

"But you remember my birthday."

"Yet, I tend to forget mine."

"Guess what happened to us on this day?"

"You're really gonna make me do this?"

"Definitely."

"Can't we at least have a glass of wine first?"

"No."

Nyssa thought of significant events in their relationship that would warrant an anniversary date. She scanned through memories, going through every detail.

"It's not the day I found you on Lian Yu, not the first time we told each other 'I love you', nor the first time after we got back together." Nyssa smiled and chuckled as the right memory hit her. "Of course."

"You remember, now?"

"How could I forget? It was the first time we actually met, and you accused me of trying to kill you."

"Well, how do you expect a normal person to react when they see an arrow hurtling towards them?"

"Of all days, why this? It's not exactly our finest moments."

"I know, but everything changed for me then. I met you, though you kinda tried to kill me."

Nyssa loved how they could just laugh at such memories, even though they weren't that good, but remembering how those moments got hem to where they are now, it's so nostalgic. There are still those that they avoid talking about, moments that they wished they could change and often regret, but then they wonder whether things between them be how they are now if those never happened.

"You will hang that over my head for a long time, won't you?"

"I won't get tired of it."

"I won't get tired of you."

"Happy Anniversary, Nyssa. I love you."

"Happy Anniversary, my love."

Days turned to weeks, weeks to months then to years. It all came fast and in a blur, but they continued to make memories and make their relationship grow along the way. They added that day to the ones they considered special to celebrate, along with their birthdays. Things have been going great since then, until that one mission.

When Sara got back, she could feel everything was amiss. Nothing felt right or even fine anymore. She could still see flashes of the moment before she let go of her arrow.

After giving her the informations he needed, the man stood before her pleading for his life and the life of his daughter he was holding close to himself as if to protect her. The girl's eyes stared back at her, blurry with tears. She held tight to her father, calling out to him, clearly scared and confused.

"Please! Please don't kill me. I will do whatever you want. Just spare me and my daughter." The man pleaded. "At least don't do it in front of my daughter. Please, I beg you."

The man was a crooked cop, but all Sara saw standing before her was a loving father, willing to do whatever it takes for her daughter. Then she saw a quick glimpse of her own father pleading for his life with her in his arms. It tugged hard on Sara's heart.

She had almost forgotten about them. About her father, mother, sister, her family. Her entire life in Starling City. How could she have forgotten about them?

The girl's cries brought her back to the mission. The father still pleaded. She drew her bow, hesitant but let her arrow fly. The father and daughter had braced themselves, but were surprised to find the arrow had missed by only a few inches.

"Go, but you have to disappear. Or someone else would come and find you."

Sara could not bring herself to kill them after the vision she saw. She got back with that guilt over her shoulder. How much pain has she caused her family? She knew they would have thought her dead after all those years, and she just let them. She let the guilt stir in her for days as she thought more about them. When she had found resolve, she was conflicted with how to go about the decision she had made.

Sara and Nyssa had barely seen each other the past few days, so Nyssa hasn't noticed the change in Sara's disposition. Nyssa also had her mind else where, decisions that could gravely affect the direction of her life.

"Nyssa, can we talk?" Sara asked as she walked in their room and found Nyssa staring out into the vast moonlit sky. She didn't see the look of uncertainty on Sara's face that she quickly hid when, Nyssa turned.

"I was just thinking about you. What is it?" The loving look in Nyssa's eyes tugged at Sara's heart.

"I want to go back to Starling City."

Nyssa tried to brush off the worry she felt at the tone of Sara's voice.

"There might be complications, but it can be arranged. What do you plan on doing there?"

"I want to go home. I have to go home."

Nyssa tried to hide the pain that shot at her.

"I thought this was your home."

"You know what I mean, Nyssa."

"They already think you're dead. They've moved on with their lives."

"It doesn't matter. I'm alive. They need to know I'm alive."

"What if they don't need you?"

"Don't say that. Of course they need me and I need them."

Nyssa tried to contain all the emotions pulling at her, her fear of losing her growing every second.

"You know they won't let you come back to me."

Sara's silence gave away all her thoughts on the matter, which broke Nyssa's heart even more.

"You don't plan on coming back. You're not here for a discussion. This is a goodbye."

"I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore."

"Which one? The killing or being with me?" Nyssa could no longer contain the anger and hurt she was being consumed in.

"Nyssa, I love you. I still want to be with you, but I can't live this life anymore."

"You know, Sara. If you had come here and asked me to go with you and live a different life, maybe I would have said yes."

"Then, let's do that."

"But that wasn't the choice you made. You came here with your mind made up on leaving, leaving this life and leaving me. And you were fine with that as long as you get to come home to your family. Did you ever think how it would be for me when you leave?"

Sara didn't know what to say, she has done it again. She was hurting Nyssa and she couldn't bear it, but there was no going back now.

"Have you ever felt or thought that what if you're not needed nor wanted by your home? You're my home, Sara, and for the longest time, I have asked myself that question. What if you don't need me nor want me? The times you were gone, the times you left, I was completely lost. I felt empty without you. It's a great deal of pain not do be wanted or needed by the one you love most. I may not actually need you, but I never stopped wanting you to be by my side each and every moment of my life. I always hoped that you would need me even if you don't want me. But I fear you don't even need me at all."

It was only then that Sara noticed the shiny object Nyssa gripped firmly in between her thumb and index finger.

"I could never make you stay. I could never make you love me enough to choose me."

"I do love you, Nyssa. Please don't question that."

"How could you honestly make me believe that? You're breaking me, Sara. Again."

That moment, Sara knew how much she had broken the woman she loves and everything between them, because of a decision she hastily made.

"Leave, if you must. We both know we'd be miserable if you would stay now. Just know that when I come looking for you, I will do whatever I have to by the League."

Sara saw the hurt in Nyssa's eyes as she gave her one last look into them. It might have been better if she had just stabbed Nyssa in the heart, because the pain in her eyes spoke volumes that she could no longer grasp. Nyssa walked out of the room after placing the the object she was holding on top of the letter on the table next to Sara. It was a ring. A gold band, pieced with a single white diamond, encrusted with blue sapphire crystals.

Sara picked it up along with the letter. She broke down as she saw the engraving inside the ring and the message written in the letter.

_'my everlasting light'_

_My dearest Sara,_

_I tried to keep this life away from you, but you chose to be in it with me. There was a time that I would have left all of this behind, if you had asked me to. If it was what I had to do, to be with you. I would have gladly left this life for you. Then here you are, not letting me have to make that choice. You let me have this life that I have always known, and the life I have always wanted with you. And I love you even more for that. I am very grateful to have you in my life._

_Being with you has grown to weigh far more importance to me than being a worthy heir, and one day being Ra's al Ghul. You are everything to me. You are my world, my life, my every sense of being. I want to wake up and your angelic face being the first one I see. I want to lie in bed at night, holding you in my arms, and still your beauty the last I see before I sleep and dream of you still. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. Be my light now and til the end of time._

_I can't promise you anything and I won't. I can't promise you a life without pain and sorrow. I can't promise you a life filled only with happiness. All I can offer you is my undying love and devotion._

_Be mine, Sara Lance, because I am yours, always has been, and forever will be._

_\- Nyssa_


	37. Dimming Hope

Sara balled over the heartbreaking encounter she had created. She has done it again. She had broken the heart of the very person who has given her every single bit of herself. How could she have let it come to that? She should have talked it over with Nyssa the moment the thought of coming back home to Starling City, to her family, crossed her mind. Why didn't she? She was so consumed by the guilt she felt of forgetting about her family, she then forgot to include Nyssa in the decision. She forgot Nyssa had played the greatest part in her life for the longest time.

She thought of leaving without saying goodbye, but she owed Nyssa too much to do so. She wondered what if she had done just that, maybe she would have spared them both of the heartbreak, but of course she wouldn't have; maybe herself, but she would still have broken Nyssa to pieces.

She wants to stay and try to mend things with her, but she knew there was no going back from what she had done, and she can no longer bear the thought of not seeing her family. It was done, she should at least live up to the decision she had made and probably still get something good out of it. She then embarked on her journey back to her family in Starling City without another word to anyone else in Nanda Parbat. She knew the dangers of it, but to hell with it, she would see her family no matter what; she had already paid a great price for it anyway.

Nyssa sought comfort in the darkest corners of Nanda Parbat. She needed the silence and solitude more than ever. The first time Sara had almost completely broken her, she had resorted to grief and anger fueled violence; now, she simply couldn't. She doesn't even have it in her to throw a punch, or break something. She, herself, was broken enough.

Her eyes burned from the tears that they have shed as she wallowed in her sorrows. There she was planning a future with her, yet she had already considered leaving her behind. She knew she could have handled it better. Things didn't have to go a wry like that. She could have just gone along when Sara had thought to offer for her to go with her. Things wouldn't have ended between them then. They could still have continued being happy together, not completely, but happy on a level that they could work things out. But the realization of the burning fear coming alive and gripping at her throat was just too much for her to give in and simply accept whatever little next to none that was being offered to her. That moment, she started questioning everything again. Did she truly love her? Or did she just feel indebted to her? The pain of it all ate at her more and more.

She tried to cling onto the faint light still glowing in her heart. She hoped in all her brokenness, that despite the things she had said; despite telling her to leave; she hoped Sara would still stay and try to make things right with them. But the low glimmer of hope in her dimmed ever so slowly at the sight of her beloved hiding in the dark, taking her leave from the place she once called home, her place with Nyssa.

She wanted to run after her, rappel down those walls, jump and cross over through every hurdle, and just run after her. She wanted to hold her in her arms, hold her tight, never wanting to let go. She wanted to beg her to stay, apologize for everything, promise anything, as long as she stays. But she just stood there, pinned down in place with all the hurt and pain that has left every bit of her lifeless and numb.

Hope caught a hold of her once more when Sara stopped in her tracks as if hearing her silent pleas. 'Don't go, Sara. Please, don't go. I love you. Please, just don't.' She thought she would at least look back to see if she was watching. Then that hope was once again snuffed out as Sara continued to walk away, further and further away from her.

"What did she do?" The familair voice was laced with anger and hurt. Nate had been watching her long enough to conclude things between Nyssa and Sara had turned for the worse again. It wasn't fair of him to accuse and give Sara the sole blame.

"Leave." Nyssa tried to make her voice as stern and stable as possible. She had almost fooled him in believing she was okay, until he came closer and saw her true state that reflected how she felt, broken. That confirmed his blind accusations.

"What happened, Nyssa?" Nate pressed on.

"It's none of your concern." 

"Don't you dare. Everything that concerns you, concerns me as well. Don't dismiss me. I am not one of your simple loyal subjects. I am your friend, Nyssa. Talk to me." Nate pushed at her even more.

"Just leave, Nathaniel."

"I am not going anywhere."

Growing frustrated and knowing he won't let it go, she told him.

"She left. Now, go. I want to be alone." Nyssa's voice broke a little as she blurted out the words to someone else, making the situation even more real for her.

Nate ignored her and wrapped his strong arms around his needing friend. Nyssa tried to fend him off to no avail.

"Let me go, Nate. I have no strength to fight with you in this."

"No, Nyssa. You let go. Don't fight. Just let go."

Nyssa surrendered herself to all the pain consuming her, and just leaned into the strong arms holding her, protecting her. She let go. She did not whimper or wail. She just let the tears stream down her face as they did earlier.

"She left, Nate. She left me. Sara left me." She repeated those words over and over as she still could not believe it to be real. Sara had left her. She left her, broken and lost, again. 

Nate's heart broke seeing Nyssa in that state. He has never seen Nyssa losing herself completely like that. She had always had a strong hold of her sense of control, but she lost it. She lost herself, because Sara had left her again. He wanted to let her know, make her feel, that he's there for her. Even though Sara had left her, he is there, he will always be there by her side, until his dying breath. But it didn't matter, all that mattered to her was Sara, and all that mattered to him was her. He never cared if he would never matter to her that way, he would still be there for her.

He and Nyssa were very much alike; the way they love and care for someone, how they would go to immeasurable lengths for the person they love, how they give their whole being to that one person. Two hearts much alike, but only one beating for the other as it beat for another.

'I am here, Nyssa. I will always be here. I will be your friend and your protector. I will be whatever you need of me.' Nate silently vowed in his name, Al-Hami.

Sara was then leaning desperately on the railings of a ship. She looked on ahead at the endless sea and sky looming in front of her. She dared not to look back. She can no longer take the guilt of the dreadful pain she had caused in the place fading in her background. She knew it was cowardly of her, but if she looked back, her resolve would crumble.

"This is for dad; for mom; for Laurel. This is for them. My family. I'm doing this for them. They need me." She chanted to herself like a mantra. It was a way for her to lessen the seething pain from the guilt of hurting and leaving Nyssa, for the second time. "I'm sorry, Nyssa."

Sara disembarked and boarded ship after ship, until she was on one that would port at Starling City. When she arrived, she sought refuge at an old and abandoned clock tower. She realized during her journey, she can't just waltz into her family's life as simply as she wanted to. They thought she was dead for sure. Oliver Queen might have already returned, but he was found on the island, where they both got lost and stranded in. It had been easy for him to claim that he was alone on the island for five years. The island was so remote, it took that long for someone to stumble onto his still living existence. The question would then be, where was she? Lian Yu was the closest island that she could have gotten herself to in order to survive, but unlike Oliver, she did not have that life raft. The Gambit tore and she was dragged under water instantly. She could tell the story of how she managed to find a piece of floating ship wreckage and clung to her life, and waiting for it to end. But what about the years after? Those are events that are much more difficult to tell. She doesn't know if she could. She can't imagine how they would look at her if they find out what truly unfolded in her life during those years.

And she had also left the League of Assassins. The threat Nyssa warned her about was very real. Wanting to see and be with her family so much, she had unwittingly put them in harm's way. She realized how stupid and selfish her choice has seemed to have become. She had already hurt Nyssa, now, she has put her entire family in danger.

She hid and crept through the city, using the stealth she acquired training as an assassin in watching over her family without being noticed. She learned how bad things had gotten when they found out about the accident, which resulted to her father's drinking, making her mother leave and creating a rift between him and her sister. Other outrageous and tragic events that had transpired recently before she got back; the arrival of a masked vigilante, who she knew was Oliver, the Undertaking that partially leveled the Glades, putting the rest of the city in peril; those also didn't help much for the state of her family. They needed her. She took on a persona as another masked vigilante helping her family in the shadows, doing what they vowed to do, uphold justice and protect Starling City and those who call it home.

She wore black leather clothing, along with a mask and wig to hide her identity, in place of the traditional League of Assassins garments. She had left it behind, when she left Nanda Parbat. The only things she brought with her that was part of her being an assassin were a few of her knives and her staff. She continued to practice and train by herself, preparing for the day that one of her old comrades would come after her, not to protect herself, but those dearest to her.

Would she ever be able to come home? Really come home? Be with her family and not hide from them who she is? Would they accept her the way she did? Or would they be appalled with what she had become? But could she ever come home, when she had put them in danger? She can't drag them in her dark life. She has to keep it away from them as much as she could.

She then remembered how Nyssa tried to keep her away from the life she was now trying to save her family from. She could not blame Nyssa for it, because she chose it and brought the dangers of it upon her and her family herself. She missed her. If she had Nyssa by her side then, maybe she would have known what to do and would have found the courage to put it through. She always seemed to make things easier for her. She always seemed to be there when she needs her the most, but not anymore. She screwed it all up, for what seems like to be for good.

Nyssa's wallowing ended the moment she left the spot where she had cried in Nate's arms. Though her spirits were depleted, she quickly managed to put her walls back up. She put on the facade of the cold hearted assassin she had always been thought to be. Even she thought of it herself, until Sara showed her otherwise.

She determinedly turned the pain into aggression to fuel her resolve. The hurt she tried to put in the back burner, lit a fire that burned into anger.

The League had found out about Sara's abandonment not long after, and had tasked someone, Al-Owal, to take her back to Nanda Parbat or end her. Nyssa waited patiently, knowing no one would succeed in doing that. Sara is one of the greatest assassins to come out of League training, only a number of people could match her. And her fighting spirit is of a much greater level when she is fighting for those she love. Sara would not easily go down without a fight. And Nyssa waited until she is tasked to be the one to go after her.

If Sara is to return to the League, it has to be of her doing. And if she is to fall, it might as well by her hand. She had hurt her in multitudes, and she has prepared herself to do just the same. But she wondered if she could do that to her? Could she break her the way she was broken? She still had time to cement her resolve, she may just be able to make herself do so.

"I told you she doesn't belong here." Alec's words rang true to Nyssa. Maybe he was right all this time. Maybe she didn't belong there. Maybe they were never meant to be together.


	38. The Protector

"You don't have to do this. It doesn't have to be you."

Nate tried to reason with Nyssa, as not to make her go. He knew she had made up her mind, and that it is futile to even try to change it. But he just can't let her go after Sara. She may have convinced herself that she is prepared to do what she has to as the League says, but he knows her heart. No matter how strong she portrays herself to be, her walls go down when it comes to Sara. And if her walls are down, she is vulnerable and can be hurt. And he can't let that happen any more.

"Maybe not, but it is how it's going to be."

Nate grabbed her by the arm. And the look she shot him could have burned a hole through his head. He let go, knowing there was no stopping her. He just has to make sure to protect her in every way he could. And she can't stop him from coming with her no more than he could stop her from going after Sara.

Nyssa trailed Sara as she left her brief meeting with her father, Quentin. Sara had come around to letting someone know that she was alive and back at Starling City, but only to her father, and Oliver, who just simply found out when he caught her watching Laurel.

Nyssa cut her off by rappelling down a black scarf, that was of common use to the League. She had a dagger in hand. Her heart sighed in longing at the sight of her beloved, then her blood boiled when she noticed the presence of a hooded figure, whom she knew to be Oliver Queen. She slowly closed the gap between her and Sara, who's accepted the consequences of her actions.

Much to everyone's surprise, Nyssa once again gave in to her heart. Instead of driving the dagger through Sara's heart, she pulled her in for a kiss. Sara didn't respond at first, but gave in to the kiss as the shock receded.

"I missed you, Sara." Nyssa whispered as they broke for air. Their foreheads pressed to one another. Sara could hear the sadness in her voice.

"I thought..."

"So did I." Nyssa tried to offer a weak smile. "Can we talk? Or do you need permission from your boyfriend?"

Sara heard a trace of disgust as Nyssa referred to Oliver. She knew she has nothing but resentment towards Oliver, after she had chosen him over her back then. And she could just imagine what Nyssa was thinking seeing Oliver watching over her like that.

Oliver came out of the shadows and Nyssa turned to face him. All the love and vulnerability she showed Sara just moments ago was gone. Facing Oliver Queen, was the cold hearted assassin and scorned lover.

"I am Nyssa, daughter of Ra's al Ghul, heir to the demon."

"What are you doing here?"

"Sara swore her allegiance to the League of Assassins. I am here to take her back and make sure she fulfills her oath."

"I'm not letting her go with you."

"Can you give us a moment, Nyssa?" Reluctantly, Nyssa stepped aside.

"She won't hurt me, Ollie."

"I don't trust her."

"Then trust me."

Nyssa and Sara were finally alone to talk. Nyssa took Sara's hand and held it close to her lips, kissing it, then to her cheek. She leaned in and cherished the warmth of her touch.

"Go back with me, Sara. Come back to me."

"I love you, Nyssa, but I can't. I can't go back to that. I barely have a soul left in me. Whatever I have left, can no longer take the killings."

"You took an oath, one way or another."

"Then do what you have to do."

Sara braced herself to die, but Nyssa just let go of her and left. She may not have it in her to kill Sara, but she will find a way to get her to go back.

And not long after, Sara found out that Nyssa had taken her mother as she and Oliver were chasing them. She went to her father to tell him of the tragic development.

"I'm sorry, daddy. I will get mom back."

"This woman that's after you, she's with the league?"

"Nyssa's a powerful figure in the League."

"Nyssa? You mean the same Nyssa you were friends with back then?"

"Yes."

"And she's been with that league the whole time?"

"She is the heir."

"Jesus. And she wants you to go back to that?"

"She want me back with her."

"Oh. You were together even before?"

"Yes."

"Jesus, honey."

Quentin tried desperately to take in all the grave information; that her little girl was with a very dangerous assassin back then, and he had no clue; then that ex-girlfriend of hers has now kidnapped their mother with the hopes that she will go back to that league of theirs. Okay, he hasn't even gotten over the fact that his baby girl was alive and back.

Sara's phone rang, it was Nyssa.

"Nyssa don't do this."

"I gave you a choice. I thought it instructive for you to lose someone you love without warning."

"You don't want to hurt my mother."

"No, I don't, but I will, if I have to. You have one day to make your choice. Choose wisely, Ta-er al-Sahfer."

The call ended. The Arrow promised Quentin that they will get Dinah back. Then out of nowhere, two assassins attacked them. They easily turned the tables around and tried to question the conscious one, until he drank a poison that instantly killed him. Sara feeling defeated excused herself so she could rest at home and get her thoughts together.

The last assassin they encountered gave her an idea of what she could do. She has to get her mother safe, but she can't go back to the League. She knew only one way out. Sara took out a vial and contemplated on whether to do it or not. Out of the shadows, a familiar voice spoke in a foreign tone.

"I warned you, Sara." Nate seethed in anger.

"Nate." Sara's voice broke. She wasn't prepared to face him, especially not at that moment. She was angry, but his presence reminded her of all the pain she had caused. How could she face someone who had always been a true friend to her, and only asked for one thing, when she had hurt him as much when she broke the heart of the woman they both love?

"I told you not to. But you still did." Nate spotted the vial she was holding in her hand. "What do you plan on doing with that?"

"It's all the move I have left. I can't go back."

"You might as well kill her, Sara. Do that and you might just push her over the edge."

"I have to force her hand. She has my mother."

"You think she would kill her." Nate scoffed at her.

"Why wouldn't she? I broke her heart."

"No! You destroyed her! You destroyed her, Sara. You didn't see how she fell apart as she watched you leave. You don't know how frightening it was to see how she picked herself and put her walls back up so quickly as if nothing happened moments after. You've destroyed her, yet she loves you still. Do you really think she would kill your mother? I would. After what you did to Nyssa, I would just to make you feel the pain. But she would never let me. Do you think she would ever hurt like that? Do you really not know how much you've changed her? You underestimate her love for you too much."

Nate's words tore through Sara's heart. No matter how angry he may be, she knew he only spoke the truth. How could she think of that of Nyssa? After everything, she still doubted her love.

"Ask her that her father release you. Though she would never want to, trust that she would for you."

"Why?"

"I promised to protect her. That's all I'm doing here. If she release you, you won't be there to hurt her."

Just before Nate left, he told her the location Nyssa was holding her mother. She warned her again of the worse repercussions, if she chooses poorly.

Nate went back to the warehouse to try and talk some sense into Nyssa, then.

"She won't go back with you."

"I expect this from Alec, not you. You think she would leave her mother be?"

"I came to see her, Nyssa."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing that could hurt you any more than she could have. You think you'd get her back like this? She won't come back to you. Not like this."

"We'll see."

"Don't be so damn stubborn, Nyssa! She won't go back to you! Not now! Not like this! Would you be happy, if she did? Knowing what you did to get her?"

Nyssa was taken aback by Nate's sudden outburst. She is used to having him speak his mind without regards, but not in that manner.

"Can you really bear to hurt her yourself? If she really wants to be with you, she will come to you. Stop blindly going after her. You're still the one to get hurt in the end."

Nyssa understood where Nate's emotions were coming from. Maybe it was about time, she listened to her friend. She asked him to leave. If Sara decides to come, she wants to be alone in dealing with her. She cut Dinah loose, and told her that she doesn't need to worry anymore, they are coming for her.

Moments later, Quentin Lance stormed in, gun in hand, shouting for Dinah to move away from Nyssa. Nyssa reached for her dagger, but before she could do anything, Oliver Queen donning his Arrow suit, showed up and shot at her.

Not wanting to be bested by Oliver, she swiftly reached for her bow and fired back. They went about the warehouse shooting arrows at each other. Nyssa was able to relieve Oliver of his quiver, which led them to close combat. Nyssa was fast but Oliver matched it with his advantage in strength.

Sara reached the warehouse in time to see Oliver overpowering Nyssa, putting her in a hold with a dagger to her throat.

"No! Don't kill her!" Sara shouted, stopping Oliver from pushing the dagger to Nyssa's throat. Oliver looked to Sara for reassurance, all he got was a nod. He hesitantly let Nyssa go.

"She was going to kill her." Oliver protested.

"I wasn't." Nyssa countered with her head lowered.

"Can you give us a moment? Tell, dad, I'll meet them outside."

"Sara."

"It's okay."

Against his better judgment, Oliver left them alone.

"I wasn't going to kill her. I let her go."

"Why would Ollie say that?"

Nyssa kept her gaze away, ashamed of what she intended to do.

"Tell me, you weren't."

"You never intended to come back. You are my life, Sara. How am I to live?"

"I thought of doing just that, but Nate talked me out of it, because he was right. How could I let you bear the pain of being the reason I took my life? I may not want to go back to the League, but you are not it. I still would like to hope that I could come to you and be welcomed. I hurt you. I know. I messed up. I am messed up. I know things won't ever be the same between us, but I hope one day I would be welcomed in your arms again. I want to go with you, just you, but not now. Now, I need to be with them. And they need me. Please understand, Nyssa."

It was selfish of her to think of taking her own life. She only thought of ending her pain. She never have been at peace if she had caused Sara that kind of grief. Somehow, she was thankful of Oliver for stopping her. Sara and Nate were right. Even if they both want to be with each other, after what had happened, it would not be right. Giving in to Sara's wishes to be free of the League, she released her in the name of Ra's al Ghul.

"Thank you, Nyssa."

Nyssa was silent for a moment, but Sara knew she had more to say, so she waited.

"Do you ever regret meeting me, Sara?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Your life wouldn't have been like this. You would not have been dragged down that darkness."

"Do you ever regret meeting me? Your life wouldn't have been this kind of a turmoil."

"Never."

"The same goes for me."

"Promise me something else."

"What is it?"

"You're not staying because of him."

And there it was again. Nyssa's insecurity with Oliver.

"I will do all that I can to make it up to you. If that is a start, then I tell you this, I left with him then not because I loved him more, I was hurting and confused, he made me feel secure. I am not staying because I love him. He just happens to be an old friend."

"We started as friends."

"But I wasn't in love with someone else, I was in love with you. I don't want to hurt you anymore, so I won't and I can't, because I still do love you."

Nyssa believed her words but it was she who could not bring herself to say it back. She knew in her heart that she would always do, but maybe she should keep some to herself even for now.

They parted ways and Sara went to finally be with her whole family. Nyssa stood side by side with her friend, Nate, by the docks, watching the reflection of the moon shine on the water's surface.

"You let her go."

"It was what she wanted."

"If she comes to you, you would take her back."

"Wouldn't you do the same for me?"

"That's different."

"Is it really?"

Nate had no more to say. How could he say that they're different, both were motivated by love. He just knows that his love could never be reciprocated.

 


	39. Acceptance

Nyssa sat in the middle of her room, meditating. She has finally felt at peace since Sara had left. It had been a turmoil, but she has decided to finally let go of the pain and anger. Sara made a choice, and she shall respect that.

"What are you thinking about?" Nate casually stood by the door. Though it was not customary action for an assassin, he could not care any less. No one was there to see him. He wants to feel like a normal friend visiting another.

Nyssa breathed in and out a few more times before she answered.

"Do you not meditate to clear your mind? Not clutter it?"

"Meditation isn't my strongest suit. I wouldn't know."

"Clearly."

Nyssa opened her eyes to look at Nate. She smiled when she saw that same smug face he usually had before. She didn't know she missed that about him.

"I haven't thanked you properly."

"For what?"

"Saving me. You saved me from doing something I would have ultimately regretted. You saved me from giving in to the pain, when you convinced Sara that one cannot be at peace knowing the pain they leave behind."

"I was only trying to protect you."

"And you did, Al-Hami."

Nate's face turned solemn. Hearing that name he had chosen as a testament to her pass through her lips, felt very uplifting. For her to acknowledge him as the protector, her protector, was life fulfilling. A goal he thrived for, realized.

"I'm glad."

Seeing Nate's reaction, Nyssa realized how much it had truly meant to him. She had been reluctant to let him take on that role, but it never wavered him. He has proven himself worthy to be called what he has always been, a protector.

They went on to train as they usually do to occupy their time. The rhythm of their movements seemed to have blended well with each other. It was as if something finally clicked and there was balance and harmony between them. A common understanding and acceptance of one another.

They spent more and more time together, on a professional and personal note. They grew closer together. Nate noticed how Nyssa's features have a lighter feel to them. She was smiling again, even without Sara's presence. He hopes he could be the reason for it, but dreads that she simply remembers the one who holds her heart.

He wishes to have a deeper relationship with Nyssa, but is afraid to even bring the idea up. He is afraid to ruin whatever little connection he has with her. And her continuous presence as they spent much time together does not help the desire he tries so desperately to hide. He wishes to at least show her that he could love her more than anyone could. He knows he's not Sara, but he is not nobody. And as Nyssa calls him, Al-Hami, his hope for something more grows.

He decided to shake up their calm rhythm by sneaking up on her in her room for sparring. But he was in for a bigger surprise when he crept out of the shadows and found Nyssa, only having finished bathing with a loose robe around her. Nyssa felt a strange presence lurking behind her. She grabbed whatever nearest her and threw it in its direction. Nate dodge it, but lost himself at the sight in front of him, when Nyssa's robe fell off.

Nyssa had seen Nate look at her with desire, but she never minded, because he has always seemed to have controlled it. This time was different. His eyes burned with it, uncontrollably.

Nate took a step closer as if to test how Nyssa would respond. Much to Nyssa's surprise, she was unable to move. She was hypnotized by the burning desire in Nate's eyes. Her thoughts quarreled as to what she desires to happen.

Nate continued his ascent, and when Nyssa was still unmoving when he reached her, he claimed her mouth. She was unresponsive at first. But Nate was persistent. He pulled her closer, taking her deeper, and she gave in to the sensation. His kiss, his touch, his caresses, she gave herself up to them. She lost herself in them.

Nate desperately peeled of his clothing, wanting to touch her not just with his hands. He wants to feel every bit of her skin against his. He was able to free himself of his upper body clothing, hungry for more of her, he pulled her closer once more. Feeling her chest against his made his desires go wild. He picked her up and swiftly placed her on the bed. He parted their lips and looked deep in her eyes, searching for doubts, but he saw none.

He could feel the pain of himself straining in his pants. His greatest desire is in his hands, could he hold out long? He has to. He has to make every moment count.

He removed his bottoms, freeing himself of all the restrictions. There they were, bare to each other. Nate then dove in once more to devour her mouth with his. Nyssa wrapped her leg around his hips to keep them closer together. She could feel the warmth and hardness of his length pressing against her entrance.

Nate could barely contain himself, but he must endure. It should not be about him. It's about making her feel all the passion, desire, and love she has for her. They're past the point of no return. It would definitely change the course of their relationship. He has to make it right.

Nyssa whimpered low at the lost of contact when Nate moved away. He paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to proceed. He kissed her again, then went to explore every inch of her body with his mouth. He trailed kisses all over her skin, sending shivers down her spine. She didn't think there would be another to make her feel lost in pleasure the way Sara could. But she should not be surprised. It's Nate, she knows how well he pays attention.

Her breathing hitched when Nate reached her lower abdomen and started going down even more. She moaned when she felt his hot breath on her entrance. Then she was once again disappointed when it disappeared. Nate claimed her mouth once more then looked into her eyes in search of second guessing, but it simply reflected the desire he had in his.

He positioned himself at her entrance, and took her in a single breath. Nyssa cringed at the sudden jolt of pain. It had been a long time since she's been with a man. They stayed still for a while as Nyssa adjusted to his length. Once ready, Nyssa initiated by moving her hips forward. Nate responded by rocking in and out of her. Their movements unhurried, taking their sweet time to pleasure the other.

Nyssa dug her fingers in his back and bit her lips as she felt herself closer to the peak. Their movements grew faster and more frantic, taking them closer to the edge. Nate could feel Nyssa's walls closing in around him tighter. A few more pumps, they were both arching their backs, gripping their hands in whatever they could, as they both reach their climax.

They went limp when the ecstatic feeling subsided. They lied next to eaxh other without a word. Neither wanting to break the spell they have created. Then Nate slipped out of the room, once Nyssa had fallen asleep.

They spoke no word of it after, but their encounters of such sort continued. Then for the first time, Nate awoke with Nyssa still in the room. She was standing by the window with only a robe on. She was longingly looking out into the star lit sky. The sight of her was breathtaking.

He took his chances and made his way to her. He snaked his arms around her waist. He was quite surprised when Nyssa leaned back against him. He held her tighter and closer to him, and placed a kiss at the top of her head. He wanted to ask her what she was thinking of, but was afraid she was thinking of Sara.

Even now that he already has her in his arms and Sara is nowhere near them, he feels he is still competing with her. He knew there was no competition. He was lucky enough to be this close to her. He knew her heart would always belong to Sara.

"I love you, Nyssa." Nate felt her stiffen at the words a little, but he continued. "I know I can never be what Sara is to you, but I'm okay with that. I can't promise you much, but I will do all that I can to make you happy, and I promise to be by your side always. I'm not asking you to love me, Nyssa. Just let me love you."

Nyssa turned around, so he would see clearly in her eyes what she was about to say. She reached up to touch his face and placed a light kiss on his lips.

"Haven't I already?"

His heart was lit with hope. He never thought it possible that he would be able to hold Nyssa in his arms the way he was doing at the moment. He longed and hoped to be recognized by her, since that unfortunate day at the field that tied all their lives together, but now he is with her. He knew she cared for him. Now, he thought maybe it was possible that she could love him as well.

\--------------

In Starling City, Slade has started to make his move, along with his mirakuru soldiers. Sara knew it would be impossible for Oliver with only his team to defeat all of them, even if the SCPD helped. She had to get more help. She ventured off to Nanda Parbat while they still had time to spare. She hoped Nyssa would not turn her away. They may not have parted on the best terms last, but it could have been worse.

When she arrived, she was greeted by Nate.

"What are you doing here? You are no longer welcome here, Sara Lance."

"I need to talk to her." She could still sense Nate's frustration with her.

"You shouldn't have come here. I told you to keep away from her."

"I know, but I need her help. Please."

"Of course you do." Nate hissed out.

"It's okay, Al-Hami. Leave us." Nyssa said from behind him. Nate wanted to object but decided to obey instead.

Sara smiled warmly as she caught sight of Nyssa. It was always nice to see her. Somehow, even for a moment, all her worries always seem to fade.

"You look well."

"And you're beautiful as always."

Sara smiled. Nyssa reached out her hand which Sara took. "I missed you, Sara."

"I missed you too." She knew she was pressed with time but she couldn't help but ask even a little about how she's been. "You called him Al-Hami."

"He deserves it." Nyssa paused for a while. She wanted to tell her about them. She doesn't have to, but she just wants to. Not because she wants her to know she's happy or what, just simply because it's her, it's Sara, and she just wants her to know.

"He's still mad at me."

"I don't think so. Upset, maybe. Especially now."

"Why is that?"

"He feels threatened that you're here." Sara waited for her to continue. "I gave him a chance. He and I are..." she trailed off, not exactly knowing what to call what they currently were.

"I see. I'm happy for you. Both of you." She truly was happy for them. They deserve to be happy with someone who is ready to be there for them at all cost.

"So, what brings you here?"

"I need your help. I need the league's help."

"Why?"

"Starling is under attack. Please, Nyssa. My city needs you."

"I would, if it were up to me. You know that. But we are not some assassins for hire that are at your disposal."

"I know. That's why I offer my allegiance back to the league."

Nyssa smiled at the idea of having her back with her, but her heart ached at the thought of Nate. No matter what, she intends to try and make things work between them. She owes him that much.

"Al-Hami won't be pleased to hear that, though I am."

"I promise not to..."

"I know."

"It won't be you he would worry more about, it would be me. He knows my heart still is with you."

"Nyssa."

"It's okay, Sara." Nyssa smiled as she gripped her hand reassuringly.

Nyssa turned to find Nate, by the way he looked, she knew he heard what they were talking about. He would again revert to feeling he needs to just stand by the sidelines, and Nyssa can't have that.

"You just can't say no."

"Nothing will change, Nathaniel."

"Everything changes."

"Only if you let it. You know going in, that I still do love her, but I'm choosing you now. Trust that."

He was still not convinced, but Nyssa asks him to trust her, so he would. She's trying to make it work for them, why wouldn't he.

Sara saw the two of them, and can't help but feel a dull ache in her chest. That used to be her. It still could have been her, but she took it all for granted. She was still glad, Nyssa opened up to someone else, to someone she trusted not to hurt Nyssa the way she had done.

 


	40. Grievances

Sara arrived at Starling City along with Nyssa and the League of Assassins. She found Oliver and explained to him that she had offered to go back to the league in exchange for their help in fighting Slade Wilson. Oliver wanted to protest but knew they needed all the help they could get, and Sara did what she thought she had to do.

Oliver with his team, along with Sara, Nyssa, and the League of assassins made their way to Slade's hideout, where they were met by mirakuru soldiers. Sara felt a sense of belonging, fighting side by side Nyssa and Nate once more. It had been quite some time, and she had missed the way their moves seem to synchronize together. Then something clicked, and she was seeing how Nate would fight so close to Nyssa in a different light. He didn't change in that manner, since he has always been adamant in protecting her, but to Sara, she was seeing and feeling something that shouldn't be there.

She was envious of the chance Nyssa had given him, but knowing all that he had done for her, and how much of a friend he had always been to the both of them, she could not find it in her to resent him even a little. He deserves the attention and love Nyssa was to offer him. She just hopes there would still be left for her.

Slade managed to slip away from them, but Nyssa was able to kill Isabel Rochev, Slade's second in command. Having turned against killing, Oliver disagreed with her actions, but Nyssa told him that there are some battles that you just have to, and that he has to learn to kill again if he wants to win and save his city. Sara had the same opinion, when she told him that in order to defeat the unthinkable, he must be prepared to do the unthinkable.

Oliver was able to device a plan to take down Slade by using Felicity as bait. After Slade had kidnapped Laurel, knowing her to be the woman Oliver loved the most, they fed Slade information using a bug he had planted in the Queen mansion, saying that Oliver has to keep Felicity safe there because it was actually her that he loves. Then he was once again faced with the choice between two women he cared for, but this time, he had come prepared. Felicity stuck a needle with the antidote on Slade and they were able to apprehend him.

With Starling City safe from the hands of Slade Wilson, Sara had to make good on the promise she had made to Nyssa. She was to come back with them. Her father and sister were there to see her off and try to change her mind.

"You don't have to go back there, baby." Quentin tried to reason with her.

"I made a promise. It was to make sure you're safe. It was my decision, daddy. It's okay." She looked back at Nyssa, who was waiting for her as she said her goodbyes. She smiled thinking she was going back to where she felt she belonged.

She gave her jacket to her sister Laurel, telling her to keep it until they see each other again. She said her final goodbyes and went aboard the ship with Nyssa. Inside, Nate was waiting for them. He scoffed and sat silently on one side, when he saw them walking in hand in hand. Nyssa noticed his discomfort, but still sat beside him with Sara in tow.

Thinking of the circumstances, Sara felt like she was back on the island, when Oliver had to choose between saving her or Shado. It was what started all of Slade's rampage. Now, she felt like the gun was pointed back at her, and it was Nyssa who has to choose between her and Nate. And the worse part, she seems to be the one to hold the gun. She doesn't want to make her choose. It is unfair, because despite everything, if she asks, they all know Nyssa would choose her. She can't ask that of her, because it would hurt everyone involved all over again.

There she was, beating herself up again over the decisions she had made. She had to stop. They were all getting by, day by day. They were all okay, not in the best of terms but at least also not in the worst. She said she was happy. She should be happy for them, but still it hurt. She will endure. Her actions led to it anyway.

"You'll have to forgive her, Al-Hami." Nyssa said breaking the silence.

They were very close friends once. He had been there for her before when she needed someone to talk to. He stood by her when she was troubled with Nyssa, though they knew he already had feelings for her even then. He knew she never meant to hurt her. He wants to be that friend to her again, but the rage and hurt was still there.

"But it doesn't mean it has to be now."

Sara would take that, at least there was hope that her friend will forgive her.

The following weeks went by well enough, though Nate still hadn't talked to her. She got by. She simply hoped he would find it in him to forgive her and remember the close bond they once shared. She knew she broke that, but still she hoped. She has come to accept that Nyssa had really opened her heart to Nate. Every time she sees her smile, the pain of not being with her becomes less.

"Never thought you'd be trading places, have you?" Alec surprisingly spoke to her.

"Never thought we were on talking terms either." Sara spat back. Ever since she joined the League, Alec barely talked to her, even for League businesses, let alone personal ones.

"You're no longer a threat, now that you're not with her."

"And he isn't as well."

"He doesn't mess her up the way you do. With him, she has control."

It pained her to hear that, even if it came from Alec. He mostly has bitter things to say, but that hit her hard, that she couldn't just ignore it. She thought she and Nyssa were doing well keeping each other in balance, but it wasn't enough. She still let it all crumble down on them. Maybe Nate is exactly what they need at that moment, but she still hopes to fix all that she had broken.

Sara continued to wander around, feeling lost in the familiar structures of the place. Though she had come to terms with being back in the League, there was still something amiss. It was not the fact that she had to go back to the killing that she had previously denounced. It was the hollowed out relationship she seemed to have at that time with Nate and Nyssa. Nate still would not talk to her and would barely acknowledge her presence at times, but with Nyssa, it was her who avoids encounter. She wants to at least talk to her, but she can't bring herself to. She is bound up by guilt and fear. What would she say to her? How would she talk to her? How would things be for them?

She wants to fix things between them, but there she was cowering in a corner. Sara was seriously out of her own element. She cursed herself inwardly. What is she going to do? She thought to herself. And as if sensing her dilemma, Nyssa appeared behind her.

"Are you avoiding me, Ta-er al-Sahfer?"

Sara was caught off guard by Nyssa's straightforward comment. She didn't know what to say. How would she explain to Nyssa why she has been avoiding her?

"I miss you, Sara. I barely see you, let alone talk to you."

Sara's heart melted with her words and by the soft tone she had said it with. There shouldn't have been any reason for her to feel uneasy around Nyssa. And whatever reason she had blew away, now that Nyssa was there by her side.

"I'm sorry," was all she could offer.

"What's wrong?" Nyssa asked moving in front of Sara, to have a better look at her.

And in that moment, Sara simply can't deny herself the sheer calm and comfort of being with Nyssa, of just talking to her.

"I miss you, Nyssa."

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" Nyssa reached out for Sara's hand and simply held it. That small gesture was enough for Sara's heart to skip a beat. Her lightest touch was enough to warm Sara's insides. She had indeed missed her so much. And she can no longer pretend and hide from her.

"It hurts and I'm scared. I'm happy that you're doing well, but it hurts."

"It hurts to see that it's not you." It was not a question. Nyssa knew. Sara never really had to explain much to her. Somehow, she always knew and she always understood whenever she hurt.

"Yeah. I know it's stupid."

"No, it's not. We've been through a lot. It would hurt me, if that doesn't hurt even a little for you. And come on, between the two of us, you handle it way better than I do."

Sara smiled thinking of Nyssa being jealous of Oliver. She's wanted to slit his throat for quite a lot of times. Though that was different, since Nyssa and Oliver didn't have a close friendship that she and Nate had.

"I miss him as well." There was a wistful note to her words.

"Nathaniel's just being stubborn. He will come around."

"I know. I just miss him, and you."

Nyssa pulled her in her arms in an embrace. She held her close and tight, making all of Sara's worries fade away. Being held by Nyssa again, she felt that everything would eventually be alright again.

\----------------------

She was then given a mission that allowed her to return to Starling City, to confirm the rumors whether Malcolm Merlyn was still alive. Unbeknownst to her, danger loomed in the shadows. Moments after talking to her sister, Laurel, she was met by someone familiar to her. Next thing she knew, she was shot at with arrows. She was close to the ledge, thus forcing her to her fall. She fell just in time for her sister to see her demise.

Weeks have come and gone, and Nyssa worried that Sara had ran off once more. Her mission should not have taken that long. She went to Starling City in search of her. She went to team Arrow's lair, ready to find her and confront her there. She was only met by Oliver and the others.

"Where is she? Where is Ta-er al-Sahfer?"

No one answered her, but the looks they were giving her gave her all the answer she needed. She couldn't believe it. She doesn't want to. Sara's dead. Her beloved is gone. Who dared take her life away? It didn't take much to fuel her rage. She will find whoever was responsible and make them pay.

After Nyssa revealed that Malcolm Merlyn was still alive and that Sara was in Starling to track him down, Oliver was convinced that it was Malcolm who killed Sara.

Nyssa went to visit Sara's grave. There she made a blood oath to avenge her death. She didn't deserve to die. No matter how much darkness had consumed her, she was still one of the few real good people she had the privilege of saying was part of her life.

She also met Sara's sister, Laurel, there. She's heard much about her from Sara. She's seen her before, but it was the first time that they would have actually met. Laurel blames her for Sara's death. It was not difficult not to blame her, look at her, she's an assassin who simply fell in love with a sweet girl.

"If it wasn't for you," Laurel had said, "Sara would still be alive."

She would have agreed so herself, but Sara was her own person. She never forced her to choose that life with her. She tried so much for so long to keep that life away from her. If she were just able to stay away, but she simply couldn't, but she tried her best to shield her from the worst of it, then. And when she had found her on that island, there had been darkness in her already. She had begged her not to join, because she was afraid that the darkness might consume her. But each and every day that passed, she proved to her that she was still the light she can hold on to.

"There was already darkness in her when I found her on that island."

"You showed her that long before."

"I loved her. If I hadn't, she would have died on that island."

"She wouldn't have been on that island."

"Are you certain of that?"

It wasn't much to convince Laurel as to convince herself. As much as she denies it to herself, there is still the thought that maybe Sara would still be alive if she hadn't met her. She wouldn't have been dragged to that dangerous life of hers. But she can't imagine that life. They have been through so much pain together, but she could never imagine their lives apart. She would take all those pain over and over, than live a life without her. Then again, she's gone now. Sara's gone.

Later, they tracked down Merlyn's whereabouts through the information they gathered at Sara's warehouse. They found and fought him, but he was able to escape. Nyssa was furious that Oliver didn't even try to kill him, and was even more when she found out that they had talked and he doesn't believe that he had killed Sara.

After finding out that Oliver's sister, Thea, is Merlyn's daughter, Nyssa kidnapped her to lure him out. During her encounter with Merlyn, he planted the idea that it was her own father who could have had Sara killed. He never approved of their relationship, she knew that. But for her to do that to Sara? She was one of them. He wouldn't.

Oliver refused to kill Malcolm, and stated that he would not allow the League of Assassins to come near him. Angered, Nyssa shared her thoughts to Laurel and encouraged her in her training before she left Starling City.

"He doesn't deserve that after what he did to Sara."

She informed her father of the events that had transpired, who assure her that Malcolm Merlyn would face justice. But when Ra's al Ghul stated that Sara 'was never truly one of them', her belief in Malcolm's guilt seemed to waver. And when she mentioned Oliver's intent to protect Malcolm, Ra's declared war.

Nyssa arrived back at Starling, calling out for Oliver. He has to give her Malcolm Merlyn or people in his city will die. Oliver then said that he had killed Sara when she begged him to because she hadn't wanted to go back to the league, and Malcolm Merlyn took no part in it. Nyssa was in much disbelief about it. She knew that Sara had made peace with coming back to the League. She couldn't believe that she would ask anyone to take her life for that.

After admitting to the crime Nyssa knew he didn't commit, Oliver challenged Ra's al Ghul to a duel, which her father accepted. She didn't know what was really going on, though she was sure that Malcolm Merlyn had a hand in everything that was happening. She had told Oliver that she envied him, because he would be able to see Sara again soon.

Nyssa was present during the duel on the mountain. She wanted to stop because it was supposed to be Malcolm Merlyn fighting for his life. She knew deep down that it had to be him who has to suffer, but her father had accepted the duel. As per League rules, they are to fight to death, and she cannot interfere in that. Oliver had gotten himself in that.

Nate was with her through out, but it was as if he wasn't there. Nyssa barely registered his presence. After Oliver had been mortally wounded and thrown off the side of the mountain, it was only then that Nyssa gave herself a time to breathe. And it was only then she noticed Nate's unusual demeanor. He was too quiet. She hadn't noticed because she was too consumed with the loss of her beloved. She realized that not even once had he come to talk to her. During such times, like the times Sara had left her, he was there to say something, anything. But he was different then. It was like he was brooding in self-loathing.

"What's the matter with you, Al-Hami?" She said as the worry set in, but she got no response. He just stared out at nothing, and Nyssa could see the darkness clawing deep inside of him. She can't lose him as well. He'd been the one there to help her keep herself together. If need be, she would do it for him.

"Sara would not want you to wallow in despair."

"She's dead, Nyssa. She died thinking that I was mad at her. I let my pain get in between our friendship. She died thinking I was not her friend. And I can't fix it anymore. I let her think I was angry with her. I should have accepted her apology and apologized myself. But I can't do that anymore. I even got in the way of the two of you. I know you still love her. You would always love her. And I took the time you two could have had. And I can't give it back. She's gone. Sara's gone. And I can't do anything." He was trembling in rage that was directed to himself.

Nyssa could then see why he was so distant.

"She knew you were still friends and that you just needed time. She cared for you, Nathaniel, as you did for her. You were never in the way of us. If I had wanted to be with her at that time, I would have. Even you wouldn't have stopped me. But we were right where we needed to be. You are a very important person to the both us, and we would never have held any of that against you. But you got to stop this. Yes, she's gone. But we can honor her and avenge her death."


	41. Retribution

After Oliver had lived from Ra's al Ghul's sword, he was said to be the rightful heir according to the prophecy, much to Nyssa's dismay. It was what she had always lived up for, what she had held on to in the League, what she knew was supposed to be hers, 'The Heir to the Demon.' She hated the thought of someone else taking what has always been hers, let alone an outsider. He was not one of them, and he's supposed to be the head of them all. She simply cannot accept that.

Malcolm Merlyn had once told her that it was her love for Sara that made her unable to take her father's place. And her father had told her that she was unfit to be the head of the demon because she allowed her weakness to come into her life which made her emotional in her judgments. She hadn't cared for their words. She loved her and had no regrets of it. She would have left all of it behind for her, but she was no longer among them. Sara was gone. And the League was all she could hold on to that she can claim her own, but now it was being taken away from her.

How could that happen? How could everything that mattered to her be taken away all at the same time?

She left the league, as she would not stand idly by as her legacy is handed to an outsider. She came to Starling City as it was the closest thing she could have of Sara. She had told Nate to stay in the league as she does not want to compromise his position in it. He had protested since he joined only because of her, but of course Nyssa had won the argument. They would still see each other from time to time as Nate was still overprotective of her.

Every single day that she had been back at Starling City, she would always go by Sara's grave. Sometimes she would talk to her, hoping she would hear her and give her any kind of response beyond the grave. Other times, she would sit silently beside her, missing her beloved so dearly. She would often find herself writing letters that she would address to Sara, saying things that she would only be comfortable telling her. Then she would go back there and read them to her.

_Sara,_

_I know it seems sad and lonesome that I write these letters to you, but it was a part of what we've had, and I just can't let go._

_I miss you so much, my love. I imagine that you are in a better place, smiling and laughing like you always do. Though I think of that, I find myself hoping and praying that this is all just a terrible nightmare. And I would wake up with you by my side soothing me, telling me 'It's okay. I'm here.' But everyday, I wake with the emptiness that you left in your passing. And I miss you more and more each day._

_I thought we still had more time. I thought that despite all that had happened between us, we would still find it in us and be together. But you left me too soon, my love. No, you were taken from me too soon. That's why I can't be with you just yet. I know you would not approve, but I have to do it for myself._

_I love you, Sara. Even in the life after, I know I would still love you, because there is no other you. You are my love. You are my life. I am yours even in death._

_-Nyssa_

She sighed deeply, collecting more of her thoughts. She cherished the times she comes to see her there, lying in her grave, because even then, at least she could have a moment with her that was just theirs.

"I really do miss you, Sara. You know, I've become friends, with your sister, Laurel. She reminds me so much of you. You both have that spirit of heroism within. You wouldn't agree. I know you don't think of yourself as a hero, but you are. That's why you were never truly one of us. In the end, you always think of others. You were my hero. You saved me more than you thought I saved you. I wish you were here."

She often finds herself talking to Sara and talking about her in present tense as if she were still there, because she simply cannot let go of the fact that she's gone. She feels that even in spirit, Sara was there with her.

Nyssa fell into another silence, as she felt the presence of someone close.

"I thought I'd find you here." Nate spoke in a solemn voice.

"You wanted to see her as well."

"Both of you."

"He knows you're here?"

"Your father has been keeping tabs on me. It's best to assume he knows exactly where I am. And he's asking for you."

"Asking? That's not the word I would use."

The hatred she had felt for her father grew when he dismissed her love for Sara, and chose to gave away her rightful place in the league.

"Do you really think she'd forgiven me?" Nate said looking sternly at her headstone with her name etched on it. His soft words broke through Nyssa's anger as she thought of sara once more.

"What made you think there was ever anything to forgive?"

"And she would push me around telling me to forgive myself."

They both smiled at that picture. It was something that Sara would have definitely done.

"She wouldn't stop until you do."

\---------------

Nyssa continued to train Laurel and had grown closer to her. They would often talk about their issues with their fathers, and of the fond memories they had with Sara. She found herself enjoying the time she'd had away from the league, despite being without Sara.

Then at a dinner they had together, Laurel mentioned to her that Oliver had joined the League. Angered by the news and that Laurel had kept the information from her, she stormed out of the restaurant.

In her hideout, Laurel apologized for not telling her. She said that it was because she saw how happy she'd been the past few weeks and she didn't want to upset her. Nyssa told her that she should stay away from her now that Oliver was with the League, he will be hunting her down.

Nyssa went to the rooftop where Sara had died. And there she was met by Oliver, donning the League's customary gear. She asked if he still remembers Sara, or has her father erased every memory of her. He told her that Ra's al Ghul wants her back at Nanda Parbat. And they shot at each other, but to no avail. They then took out their swords and fought each other out. But as stubborn as Laurel was, like Sara, she came with Diggle and intervened. Oliver then leapt from the rooftop, but Nyssa knew it was far from over.

"I told you to stay away." Nyssa said to Laurel as she tended to her wounds.

"Do you know what she would have said, if I did?"

"You two are sisters. Stubborn as hell."

Laurel couldn't help but smile at that. It was one of the things she used to find annoying about her sister, but she just missed that about her now.

"I didn't think that there would be a life for me outside of the League, especially without Sara. But spending time with you these past few weeks showed me that there could be. But it's difficult to have, being who I am, being the daughter of the demon. It always seem to slip away from me."

Laurel didn't know what to say to that. In that moment she saw that though she had lost her sister, Nyssa lost far more than one should when Sara died.

Nyssa asked her to leave so she could have some time to think by herself. And because she felt the urge to write to Sara.

_Sara,_

_I thought I would still have to wait a long time to be with you again, but it seems that I would be seeing you soon._

_Don't worry, my love. I do not fear death. I have faced my worst fear of losing you. And if death is what brings me back to you, I welcome it with open arms. My only worry would be is if you'd be waiting for me as I cross that path?_

_I guess we would finally have that life together away from all this, without any other worries, other than what to talk about and how to spend our time with each other. I know how much I have strayed away from that through the years, but it was all I ever wanted since I first laid eyes on you, because even then, I knew it would always only be you. I've slowly let go of that dream, because of everything that had happened. Now I wonder what if I had held on to it stronger than I did, and maybe made it happen, you could still be here by my side, smiling, laughing, and simply being with me._

_I feel that I have failed you somehow, but you would not want me to dwell on it. I just long for the day that I could be with you again, so I can make up for all of it._

_I love you, Sara Lance, more than anything._

_\- Nyssa_

She folded the paper and placed it in her pocket. If she really was to die, she wanted her final words to Sara close for her to hold on to. It would be like her anchor to keep her worries at bay, because she would find herself with Sara soon after.

Nyssa surrendered herself in exchange for Lyla, Diggle's wife, whom Oliver had taken in captive. And together with the rest of team Arrow, Nyssa tried to fight off Oliver and the assassins with him. They were greatly overpowered, and whilst distracted, Nyssa was subdued and got dragged away by the assassins to Nanda Parbat.

Brought before her father, he told her that he would try to remember her as she was before she left the League, and took the Omega virus that was hidden inside her sword. The virus would be used to decimate the city the heir once belonged to, in order to wipe away the traces of his previous life.

Nyssa then mentioned that she used to be afraid of her father, but she no longer was. He ordered Oliver to kill her, as it was custom for the heir to kill whomever rivaled him against the title. Ra's held him off the last moment, as it was clear that Nyssa was not afraid to die, and showed that Oliver had overcome her, but her death would serve no purpose. It was then revealed that Ra's wants her to marry Oliver and produce an heir to continue his bloodline. Nyssa was repulsed by the idea and would rather die. Ra's simply told her that she doesn't really have a choice on the matter.

She reluctantly wedded Oliver, and was taken on the plane guarded by assassins as Ra's moved forth with the plan on infecting Starling City with the virus. Unexpectedly, the plane was sabotaged, and when Ra's was about to kill her, Oliver revealed his deception.

After dealing with the aftermath of her father's attempt to rid the world of Starling City, and after Oliver had killed Ra's al Ghul, Nyssa went back to Nanda Parbat only to find that Malcolm Merlyn had assumed the role of Ra's al Ghul. He tried to tell her that what he endured by Ra's sword could be interpreted as what the prophecy could have meant, and that they both just wanted to escape the grasps of her father, but she didn't care for those. She still held him accountable for what he did to Sara and she vowed that she will see justice served. Malcolm welcomed her to try, but she was only forced to kneel and acknowledge him as the new Ra's al Ghul in the presence of dozens of other members.

\------------

"How could you accept him as the new Ra's?" Nate was still reeling from all the overwhelming happenings within the League with all the Malcolm Merlyn, Oliver Queen, and Nyssa being married to Al-Sahim, which was also Oliver Queen, and now Malcolm Merlyn was Ra's. It was all just too much in a short span of time.

"You knelt before him as well." Nyssa countered.

"You told me to stick with the League. You left. You're the rebellious daughter of the demon's head that got her legacy taken from her. He killed Sara!" Nate rampaged. He still carried the resentment of not patching things up with Sara before she passed.

"I know. I still haven't forgotten that. And I promise you, Al-Hami, he will pay for what he's done."

Nate was still worried of how Nyssa would devise a plan to do just that, but he is glad that she hadn't completely given up on what is rightfully hers: the title of Ra's al Ghul, and revenge on the death of her beloved.

Nate had left her alone in her room. And she let the intensity of the past few weeks crash down on her. She didn't feel like crying because of how tragic things have become for her. She didn't feel like screaming or punching anything because of how frustrating things have been. She just wanted her back. She just wanted Sara back and be held by her. Thinking of her, she grabbed a pen and a paper and wrote another letter.

_My dearest Sara,_

_At times like these are when I miss you the most. When there have been so much that had happened that I try to replay everything in my mind, wondering if all of it had really happened. Have I really lost you? That's what I always keep going back to. It's really difficult to think about, but what else am I to do?_

_It seems I won't be seeing you just yet, but I do hope you still wait for me. I have so much stories to tell. You would definitely laugh at this one. It's frustrating and makes my blood boil, but thinking of how you'd react to it just makes me smile. I married Oliver. And I imagine that you would raise your eyebrows at me in disbelief and then laugh so loud when you realize I wasn't joking. You would tease me nonstop. You'll get tired of it for a time, but you would always have it hanging over my head._

_I miss you so much, Sara. I wish you were here. I wish I could hold you in my arms and never let go. And it aches to know that it can never be so again._

_-Nyssa_

\-----------------

Months passed, and Nyssa tried every single day to find an opening to kill Malcolm Merlyn whenever he asks to spar with her. But Malcolm was smart and as good as her and would not slip and give her a chance to finish him. He had trained perhaps as long as her, since he had come to Nanda Parbat the first time when she was just a child. And it was in their first meeting that she had given him the name Al Sa-Her, The Magician.

After another sparring together, with Nyssa losing once more and only managing to cut Malcolm a little by his neck, a League member interrupted and told them that there were two outsiders, of which one claims to be the daughter of Ra's al Ghul.

"No, I am his daughter." Thea Queen said as she entered the room with Laurel in tow.

"What a pleasant surprise." Malcolm said in welcome.

"Sister-in-law." Nyssa greeted Thea, as in the eyes of the League, she had been married to Al Sah-him, Oliver Queen, her brother.

"What brings you to Nanda Parbat?" Malcolm asked. He knew there had to be something, since his daughter openly declares her hatred of him and would only come to him, unless she needs to, added with the fact that she hadn't come alone.

"They have a coffin with them." The assassin behind them stated.

"A coffin?" There was a tug at Nyssa's heart. Sara. It can't be, but it was the only reason for Laurel to be there with Thea.

"I want you to bring my sister back to life." The words that Nyssa dreaded came out of Laurel's mouth.

Nyssa looked at Merlyn hoping that he would not allow it. She felt a slight relief when he gave a stern no for an answer. Laurel tried to protest and demand that he do it, since it was him who took her life away, and said that it was his obligation to give it back. Merlyn would not be intimidated in his own house.

"Thea was not dead. Sara is."

"Thanks to you." Laurel interrupted him.

"What you are asking for hasn't been done in ages past, even then, only in legend."

"That is why I didn't ask my father to use the pit on Sara after she fell." Nyssa said trying to add weight to Malcolm's point.

"Even if Sara went into the pit, even if it worked, who...what'd come out of the pit would not be Sara." Malcolm continued. "Laurel, I am sorry. Truly sorry. But of course, my answer is no."

They were then all dismissed. Nyssa found Laurel by Sara's coffin, going on about not giving up. She understood the pain and the ache. She would dare not say who's pain is worse. Laurel had lost her sister, but she had lost the most important person in her life. The only person who truly showed her that she could love and that there could be a life other than the one she was living in. She lost that, and she could say that she lost a part of herself in the process.

"Because you are thinking only of yourself." Nyssa told her the only reason why she would not let her sister be at peace.

"I expected your support. I was counting on it."

"Then you never really knew me at all." Nyssa couldn't blame her for thinking that. She would have given anything to have Sara back, but she knew very well the consequences of using the Lazarus pit. "The pit gave my father a long life, longer than what was natural and much longer than he deserved. But he paid a dark price for it. A price that Thea is no doubt paying now. I wouldn't wish it on my bitter most enemy, let alone my beloved."

"I don't know if the pit can bring her back. And Malcolm's right. I don't know what Sara would be like if it does. But what I do know is I have to try."

"To what end? To have your sister return to you a monster?"

"Her spirit, the part that we both love, that's the part that I have to believe that will come back."

"You're not doing this out of love. You're doing this out of grief. I miss Sara too, but she is gone, Laurel. Forever. I have accepted it. I think it's time you do too." Nyssa hoped that her words would get to her. She cannot imagine Sara be put through something as dark as what was to come with the pit.

But much to Nyssa's dismay, due to Malcolm's love for her daughter, though how twisted he may seem to show it, he was willing to heal her daughter's conscience, by bringing Sara back.

Torn and outraged, Nyssa stormed in as they were starting the ritual. Nate was not far behind. To hell with the League, he would not stand by and let his friend be dehumanized by the pit. He owes her so much more than that.

"I would see you all dead, before I let you do this." She said as she fought back tears. "Laurel, please don't."

But Laurel would not listen to her pleas. She continued on to submerge Sara's body in the Lazarus pit. They all looked on and waited for something to happen. Nyssa let out a small sigh of relief when nothing seemed to happen. And everyone was about to give in to that thought, until the newly resurrected body of Sara slowly emerged from the waters.

Nyssa's heart trembled and ached, more so when Sara leaped just a few feet in front of her, and looked straight at her. It was clear she was no longer herself. She was horrified to see what they had done to her beloved, when she rabidly directed her attention to Thea in an attempt to attack. Luckily they were able to hold and subdue her before she could. But the damage was done, they have soiled the bright and beautiful soul Sara had.

"Was that really her?" Nate stared out blankly, like Nyssa, he was horrified with what he had to witness. "How could they do that to her?"

"They were not thinking of her." Nyssa was filled with anger and pain for her beloved. "And that was not my Sara. I saw nothing but darkness in those eyes. It's not Sara."

"You can't let him get away with this now. First, he takes her life. Then, this. He has to pay."

Nyssa knew exactly what she had to do.

"You should go, Nathaniel."

"Whatever your plan is, I am with you. I am not going anywhere."

She wouldn't want to put Nate in as much risk as she was gonna get herself into, but she felt more resolved, knowing she still has someone she could lean on and trust by her side.

After Malcolm was alerted that something had happened, he quickly made his way to the chambers of the Lazarus pit along with Thea and Laurel, leaving a chained up Sara alone. They found Nyssa standing by a then destroyed pit.

"What have you done!" Malcolm shouted, outraged.

"My father was not a trusting man. He devised means to destroy the pit, should its powers fall onto the wrong hands, like yours."

"Nyssa, why would you do something like this?" Laurel interjected.

"How can you even look at your sister and ask me that?" She said, appalled, then directed her attention to the root of all her hatred lately, Malcolm Merlyn. "One day I will have my moment, and I will kill you. And now when I do there is no coming back."

"Take her!" He ordered his assassins.

"I warned you, Laurel. I begged you. What happened to Sara last year was on Malcolm's hands but what's happening to her now is on yours." She seethed in anger before she was taken away.

She was thrown into a holding cell, and when she turned, Nate was already there. The look she got from him told her everything.

"I thought I could do it, Nyssa. I knew deep down that it wasn't her anymore. I look into her eyes, and saw nothingness. But I still couldn't do it. No matter how much I think about it not being her, I still saw her." He tried explaining, whether it was for her or himself didn't really matter. "I thought I could do it for the both of us. Do it for her."

"It's okay. I know it's difficult. I never could have done it either. She means so much to the both of us. All we can do for now is hope she recovers the way Thea had."

Nyssa knew that it was a long shot for that. Sara was dead. The pit takes as much as it gives. A life for a life. A soul for a soul. But her Sara is strong, all she can do is hope that she will fight her way back.

 


	42. When Tomorrow Comes

"Please stop sending the food away. Some of us doesn't have the patience for starvation."

Nyssa was sitting in the middle of the cell, meditating, while Nate was lying in a corner, whining. They have been there for weeks. From time to time, Nyssa would accept the food served to them simply to survive, but most of the time, she turns them away, which doesn't sit well with Nate. He could have his own food, but eating while Nyssa won't is just not something he would do. He would stand by her with whatever she wants to do.

"I gave you a choice to leave. You should have taken it."

"And then what? Let my conscience kill me for leaving you behind? Yeah, starvation sound better."

"Then stop whining."

"There's nothing else for me to do."

"Meditate."

"Done with that shit. I prefer this."

They bickered for a while, until Nate suddenly fell silent. Nyssa readied herself for what she could feel something heavy coming.

"Do you ever regret it?"

Nyssa didn't say a word. She just waited for him to go further.

"Do you ever regret choosing to be with me, when you could have just spent more time with her? You could have made it count more, being with her."

"Don't beat yourself up. Sara and I have had as much time as we could have had. I wish we could have had more, but I regret nothing. Do you?"

"I don't know. I feel guilty somehow."

"You did nothing wrong. So, don't."

Then again, there was silence, but Nyssa knew it wasn't done.

"What if she does come back as herself?"

Nyssa didn't really know how she would react to it, if that does happen. She has thought of it countless times since she saw her emerge from the reviving waters of the pit. But she knew too well not to keep her hopes up, she has seen what the pit does. She's seen how it's dark powers consumed her father. She saw what it had turned Sara into. But if there is some other kind of mystical power out there that could help her, she hopes and prays that they find it and make it work.

"I...I don't know. It's difficult to hope when you've seen so much loss and darkness."

Nate knew where she was coming from. He's seen her through it all. He's seen her broken and empty. He's seen her put up a wall though she has no strength left to fight. She's strong, but she's taken so much. He can't blame her for losing hope on anything.

\-------------------

From the moment her soul was returned to her body, Sara felt the unquenchable thirst for blood. It's easier for her to control it because of her training, but sometimes it's just so intense that she simply loses to it. And she knew it would be the greatest battle she has to face, keeping the monster within.

She was happy to be back, to be with her family and friends again. It felt like she was given yet another chance, but for what, she still has to figure out. Being surrounded by her family and friends, and doing what they do, the feeling should be easy, yet she felt lost and out of place. She felt that there was something missing. She couldn't stay in Star City. She has to go somewhere and find herself. And she has to go see someone. She has to go see the person who's always been able to help her keep her demons at bay.

Nyssa. She's the one she could think of that could somehow make things seem okay. She needs to see her. She needs to be held by her. In that crazy world where her soul had been kept, all she could think of was her. She prayed for her to come and save her like she always did, but she did come. That didn't matter. She will go to her now, be with her, and everything will be better.

\--------------------

Nyssa couldn't shake the strange feeling that was making her restless. From the night before, she couldn't even sleep or meditate. She would pace back and forth, stand in a corner and stare at nothing, then pace again. Her thoughts were scattered everywhere. She thought of the past, the what ifs, the could have beens, then it all centers around one person, her beloved, Sara.

"Will you stop? You're driving me crazy."

Nyssa's restlessness was starting to worry Nate. It was not like her to be that way. She's always so composed and controlled. He knew exactly where her mind could be. Only Sara could ever make her go out of character. Only she could make Nyssa feel all sorts of feelings that none thought she is capable of.

All their thoughts halted when there was a clatter of steel, which meant someone had entered.

There were no words to describe nor explain what Nyssa was feeling when she saw who was the person to visit them. Her heart cried out for her.

"Hi."

Nyssa can't believe that the beautiful and sweet smiling woman standing before her was the same one that came out of the pit. Her Sara. Could it really be her?

"Impossible. When I saw you last..."

"I know." Sara knew what was going on once she was revived, but it was as if she was a prisoner in her own body. She sees and feels everything, but has no control of herself. But she's back, not completely better, but she's herself again.

"A miracle. When I thought there were none left to be had."

They were both overwhelmed by the profound raw emotion that moment brought to them. It was like standing in front of the person you love for the first time after professing to them, and it being reciprocated, but ten times greater.

"I needed to see you."

It was something they both needed. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Everything else faded in the background. No more worries, no more pain. There, being able to stand so close to each other, being able to hold one another, it was all they needed to make everything feel better once more.

"Look. I don't know how, but I'm gonna get you out of here."

"This isn't your fight anymore, Ta-er al-Sahfer."

"I'm not gonna let you rot here. Not when you're in here because of me."

"I'm in here because of my choices, beloved. I made them ready to accept my punishment."

"I won't leave you in here."

Nyssa knew Sara was only being stubborn. She knew she feels responsible, but she doesn't have to be. She's been given a new life. She wants far better things for her than being sucked back into the life of the League. She deserves better.

"If you love me, you will. If you love me, you will leave this place far behind, and live a life unburdened by your past."

"It's easier said than done."

"Anything worth doing always is."

They held each other in a tight embrace, wanting to hold on forever. They poured every ounce of love they have to each other in that simple gesture. They both knew that it may not be the last, but they might not see each other for a long time again. And a lot could happen even in a short amount of time.

Nate couldn't help but feel the guilt grow as he watched the beautiful exchange of love in front of him. He took that away from them. He got in the way of that. Those thoughts kept drilling in his mind.

Then when the two women finally let each other go, a simple look Nyssa gave her told her what else Sara needed to do. She walked up to Nate and knelt down in front of him, so they would be leveled as he was seated. She reached out for his hands and held it in hers.

"Hey, stranger."

"I'm sorry." He finally said after a few seconds of silence.

"Friends fight. We still are friends, right?"

Nate finally looked up to face her, clearly fighting back tears, and sporting a weak smile. "Of course."

"Then can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything."

"Keep her safe." They both looked up at the most important person in both their lives, Nyssa.

"Always."

Sara gave him a sweet smile. She knew even if she didn't ask, he will be doing it. But they seem to have needed that understanding.

"Thank you."

\-----------------------

As much as Sara wanted to respect Nyssa's wishes, she still wasn't completely happy with what she asked for. It really wasn't easy to walk away from all that, no matter how ugly things have been. Walking away from all that meant walking away from her, and she wasn't sure she could do that again, even if she asked her to this time.

She stayed close by if ever she changed her mind and ignored Nyssa's words. She sat by a window of a bar, brooding. She wasn't in the finest of moods. And she seriously needed to vent out some steam. Then at the other side of the bar, some guy was harassing a woman. Right on cue. She told the guy to let the woman go. Then he responded with an "Or what?"

Sara finished with her shot of much needed alcohol, then threw the small glass straight to the man's forehead. The fight was very light and short, that she didn't even break a sweat. What could she have expected, they were clearly no match for her skills.

Then a man with a British accent called her by name, saying he came a long way to meet her. Then he flashed something so bright and it was the last thing she remembered before waking up on a rooftop somewhere in Star City. There she saw that she was not alone.

The man who had taken them all, introduced himself as Rip Hunter, a time master. He told them about Vandal Savage and the destruction he causes in the future. He tried to convince them that he had chosen them specifically because they were destined to be legends. Some of them were reluctant, saying that they are not heroes, and it wasn't for them. And some were already excited with the prospect of saving the world. They were all given some time to decide whether they would all come or opt out.

Sara went to see her sister, Laurel. She told her about Rip Hunter and his time travel expedition to save the world, while they went on sparring. It wasn't surprising to Sara that Laurel was fighting really well, since it was Nyssa who had taught her, but she was still nowhere near her level of abilities. She could keep up with her, but Sara could still whip her sister's butt. She enjoyed how she could now share those things with her sister.

"I think you should go." Laurel then said, seemingly certain of what Sara should do.

"Laurel, I died. I'm still picking up those pieces. The Lazarus pit brought me back but it left me with this need to take. To kill. I'm dangerous." Sara reasoned out.

"After you died, I needed a channel for my grief. I found it in being the Black Canary. I found it in you."

"For me, being the Canary was never that positive."

"Then don't be the Canary. Do what Oliver's been doing. Do what Rip Hunter's offering you a chance to do, and be a hero in the light. Be the White Canary."

Laurel then showed her a new costume. It was all white from top to bottom. And it made Sara excited for some adventures.

"Where did you get this?"

"I have a resourceful friend named Cisco."

"Where's the mask?"

"You don't need it anymore. You've lived in the shadows long enough."

Could it really be what she needs to fill that void of purpose in her new life? Was she really about to go on a time travelling endeavor, no longer off to save a city, but all of humanity? She never thought of herself as a hero, but always hoped to be one. Could it be her opportunity to be just that?

She went to the place where Rip Hunter had told them, and it appeared that everyone else were on board with going down uncharted waters to save the world from an immortal tyrant.

They first went to 1975 to meet a professor who had spent his life studying Vandal Savage. After being benched from the mission, because their expertise weren't needed, Sara along with Leonard Snart and Mick Rory, went to a local bar for some drinks. They tried to enjoy themselves, and Sara even did some dancing, until some guy tried to hit on her. She turned him down flat, and the guy got pissed. Sara told the two that she got the situation handled and took on the guy and his friends quite easily by herself. When they recuperated and decided to go at her all at the same time, she signaled the two guys to help her out. They were able to put down all the attackers, and they enjoyed the brawl more than anything they've done so far.

They went back to the ship, having caused enough trouble in a different time line. They arrived in time to fight off a time bounty hunter named Chronos who was hunting Rip Hunter down. After the encounter, Rip told them the truth about his unsanctioned mission and that they weren't really legends. They were actually meaningless in history that's why they were chosen. Their lives in 100 years has no effect on any recorded timeline, and Rip needed help without disturbing it.

It started a discussion among the crew.

"What's the point of us even giving this a second thought? Rip has already seen the future. He knows exactly what's in store for each of us. Might as well have stayed dead, 'cause the world doesn't need any of us. You're just a lost assassin. You're just a pair of good-for-nothing criminals." Ray Palmer said, clearly losing hope. He always wanted to make a huge difference in the world, and someone telling him that he won't be doing that just depletes all his positivity.

"I can live with that." Mick Rory simply chimed in.

"Well, I can't. Can't live with somebody putting a cap on my destiny. Spent my whole life working to be something greater by becoming something smaller. Then some guy comes along and tells me that being the Atom is an insignificant as an actual atom." Ray ranted even more.

"That's not what he said. Rip said that in his future, we're nobodies, but this mission is about changing the future. I mean, if we have the power to change the world, don't you think we have the power to change our own fate?" Sara said.

Her words seemed to have convinced the rest of the group and all agreed to stay and continue with the mission to stop Vandal Savage.

She thought about it real hard and she believes that they could do just that. They need something to hope for, because if all hope is lost, there's no saving the rest of humanity.

 


	43. Heroes

"He traded his life for ours. He was a hero. Which I'm pretty sure is the last thing he wanted to be remembered as." Ray said lightly but sincerely.

"But that's what he was." Sara added solemnly.

Going into the expedition, Sara didn't think that she would find herself caring deeply and genuinely about anyone of those in her team. She wasn't a complete cold hearted person, but she knew how to detach herself from her emotions. She knew going in that it would be a dangerous ride. They were bound to lose some. He wasn't the first person that got killed off from the team. She just didn't know it would hit her hard when it came to him.

She had grown fond of him. He was the only person who seemed to understand her, and reach her to some level. They even had a moment where he inclined of thinking about the future, his, hers, their posible future together. And she simply teased him about it, that he has to be one hell of a thief to steal a kiss from her. She wouldn't have admitted it then, but the thought of them together excited her. She thought that it would be one fun ride to start, and as fun through out.

But that's all where they got. Leonard Snart wasn't supposed to be a hero. He wasn't supposed to be the one to die for them. Yet there he was, giving his life to save theirs, just like a hero would.

Having destroyed the time masters and the Oculus, they no longer have means to track down Vandal Savage. After the loss they suffered, Rip decided to return them back to 2016, closest to the time that they had left, where they could not interrupt any of the events that had happened.

Sara made her way to the Arrow cave, and was greeted only by her father. He told her about recent events that had happened while she was gone that led to her sister's death.

She felt as if someone was clenching at her heart. It can't be. How could it have happened? Quentin tried to comfort her daughter as much as he could, but Sara was furious and thought of something she could do and someone else to blame.

Sara found the others signaling the Waverider with a beacon and waiting for its return. Once there, Rip told them that he made no progress at all on his own, having no means of tracking Savage. To the surprise of the team, Sara attacked Rip and had a knife to his throat.

"You knew that Laurel was going to die, and now you're going to take me back, and I'm going to save my sister." She said outraged.

"I'm afraid that that - "

"You should be afraid." She threatened.

The rest of the team tried to calm her down, then Rip just stunned her. She was then put in the holding cell on the ship. Rip talked to her. He told her that her sister's death was inevitable, and if Rip hadn't taken Sara with him, she would have died there along with her sister and father.

"Please take me back. I need your help. I need to save my sister." Sara continued to plea nonetheless.

"And you know that I would do for you, Sara, but I just can't."

"I have never asked you for anything. And you of all people should understand. You have tried everything. We have tried everything to save your family."

"And I would not wish the pain of that failure upon anyone."

"I would rather live with that pain than this."

She thought losing a friend in Leonard was painful, but it was nothing compared to what she was feeling in that moment. And it was Laurel who pushed her to go save the world. She hadn't wanted to, but Laurel convinced her. She was a hero through and through, and Sara had always looked up to her.

"There's got to be a way. Rip, I have to be able to do something."

"I'm so sorry."

"Look, I can't. I can't do this without my sister. I can't."

"Yes, you can. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met, Sara."

People always seem to tell her that. She's strong, but she never saw it in herself. Then she thought of Laurel. There was only one way she could honor her, and it was to finish the mission and be the hero her sister told her to be.

Gideon managed to track Savage's whereabouts. Still, they were not able to stop him but were able to save Kendra and Carter. Back together, they put the pieces together and figured out Savage's plan.

Savage contacted himself in the other time periods, then traveled to 2021 to cause the explosions at the same moment in all the three time periods. Stein explained to the team that the meteorites had given him immortality but because he would expose them in three different time periods at one he would make himself vulnerable. They could split up in three teams and kill all three versions of Savage at once. Palmer and Rory in 1958, Sara, Stein and Jefferson in 1975 and Rip, Kendra and Carter in 2021.

Sara, Stein and Jefferson watched themselves as they fought at the auction and Stein and Jefferson flew away with the armed nuclear bomb and absorb the explosion. As Savage activated the meteorite Jefferson, Stein and Sara revealed themselves. Savage tried to shoot at Sara with a rocketlauncher but Jefferson and Stein blocked the shot. Sara blocked the knives thrown at her and engaged Savage in close combat.

Using her staff against the knife wielding Savage, Sara managed to gain the upper hand, and after disarming him, she then killed him by breaking his neck with her staff. The meteorite was about to explode but Jefferson and Stein managed to use their new found power and changed the meteorite into water.

They regrouped in 2021 but the meteorite there had advanced to far in the radiation. Palmer was unable to shrink it and Jax could not transform it. Rip told them that the earth would get blown up by the meteorite. As the team tried to think of a way Rip transported the meteorite on the waverider and threw it in the sun. Rip returned with a timejump and explained what he had just done. The team talked about the situation and Rip informed them his work was far from done as he would now have to protect the timeline since the Time Masters were disabled. Rip asked the team if they wanted to join him.

Sara talked with her father at the Laurel's grave and told him she wanted to help him with Darhk. Her father told her that it seemed the work she had done with Rip was important as well.

"I wasn't going to go the first time. Then Laurel convinced me. And now I'm going to do this for her." She said recalling the last time she had been with her sister.

"Well, she'd be proud of you."

"How do you know?"

"'Cause I am."

And that was all Sara needed to hear.

\------------

It's been years since they've seen her last. Their last time with her was when Sara had come for them in the dungeons. They heard that she had gone on a time travelling mission to save the world. And it made Nyssa smile when she thinks of it. Sara being the hero she has always been.

A lot had already happened since then. She and Nate had broken out of imprisonment with the help of a number of loyalists. Nyssa devised a plan to get the title of Ra's al ghul with the assistance of Oliver. Oliver fought Malcolm on her behalf and managed to take the ring from him by cutting off his hand.

She finally had the title but it no longer meant anything to her. She craved for it her entire life. She fought for it. Now she had it, it gave her no pleasure to have at all. She then melted the ring of Ra's al Ghul and disbanded the League of Assassins. That moment, she felt free and happy. Finally free of her father and all that he represented. And it made her happy.

She wished Sara had been there with her, to share that with her. It was a tumultuous moment, and she had wanted her by her side, but she wasn't there. She hoped she would see her when Laurel had died. She wanted to be there for her to comfort her through it, but yet again, she wasn't there.

She misses her daily. Though she and Nate have built a life away from it all, her thoughts always wander back to her past, since it was filled with memories of her. She loves her still, always will, but she doesn't know if she would trade what she has now to be with her again. She could at least wish that she be a part of it.

"I gotta go to work." Nate said sipping the last of his coffee. He got himself a work in construction, since it was a fairly easy job for him to get into, with minimal background check.

"Okay. I'll be going to the market later. You need anything?" Nyssa said as she cleaned out the table.

"No. You just be careful." Nate said holding her from behind, then placing a kiss on her shoulder.

Nyssa turned around and smiled at him. "Of course."

Nate then knelt down and placed his hands on either side of Nyssa's rounded belly. "You be good to mommy, okay?" He then kissed it before looking up at Nyssa who was also smiling back down at him.

Yeah, Nyssa was indeed happy and she wouldn't trade that life of hers for anything in the world. She may not have Sara, but she has Nate who loves her as much and a beautiful gift of a baby coming their way. She found a life away from it all. She found something else to live for and she was happy.

Nate walked out the door and sensed something was off. He felt someone was watching them. Though they have left that life behind, it still comes back to haunt them from time to time, with Nyssa being who she is and her disbanding the League. There were a lot who weren't happy with what she'd done, but she would never go back and undo it.

They never really stay long in any town or city to prevent tracking and surveillance. That was the first time they stayed more than 3 months, because of Nyssa's pregnancy. They were just more careful and prepared. They're more exposed due to the span of time they've spent. And it was no longer just about protecting themselves. There's a little person coming along their lives soon. They can't ever let that go.

Nate walked around their block a number of times, looking around for anything suspicious. When he found nothing at that moment, he went and left for work. While working, all he could think about was the safety of his family. What more precautions he could do to protect them? He was restless until he got back home.

"Hey." He greeted Nyssa, who was finishing up with dinner in the kitchen, with a kiss to the side of her head.

"Hey. Place this on the table, will you?" Nyssa handed him a bowl of salad.

Nate took it and placed it on the table at the dining room. Nyssa soon entered with a cooled out pan of lasagna and a plate of baked chicken. Nate couldn't help but smile. The sight of Nyssa being so comfortable with the life they have now, eases his worries away.

"What's the occasion?"

"Nothing."

"You made lasagna."

"So?"

"You only make them on special occasions."

"I wanted some so I made some."

"Okay." Nate dropped it because Nyssa was already raising her eyebrows at him. And he wouldn't jeopardize his chance to eat her delicious lasagna.

"We really should decide on a name, you know. I'm almost due." Nyssa started after a few bites.

"I told you, let's just name him after me." Nate smiled smugly.

"No way I'm having two of you in the house."

"I'm hurt by that. You know you love me."

"Still not worth the risk."

Nate knew that though she never really said the words, she loves him in the way he wanted, not as much as her love for Sara, but she loves him. That counts.

"Okay. How about...Oliver?" He teased. No way in hell he's gonna name his son after Oliver Queen. He never really liked the guy even when they were in high school. When he turned out to be a better person, he just had to get married to the woman he loves. So, never gonna happen.

"Really?" They both knew what the other feels about Oliver. She respects him, but to name her child after him? She still remembers losing Sara to him. So, also a no.

"Yeah. Maybe not. How about..." There was a glint of mischief in his eyes that Nyssa caught.

"No! No! Don't you dare even say it."

"You don't think Malcolm is a good one?"

"You are aware that I still sleep with a knife under my pillow, right? And I would die before I name my child after that man." Nyssa seethed with loathing.

And Nate just laughed. They both hated him, but he just enjoys getting on her nerves once in a while.

"Well, you're not giving any suggestions."

"And yours aren't any good." She shot back. It had to be one of the most difficult things she has to do. Name her own child.

"They found us." Nate said breaking her thoughts.

"I know."

"At the market?"

"I think I saw someone that was watching me there."

"You should have called me."

"Nothing happened."

"You still should have called me."

"I can still protect myself, and I had my knife with me."

"Besides the point, Nyssa. Remember, you're pregnant."

"I know. I would call you if I needed you."

"No. You call me when you already think something's up."

Nate never let up with being overprotective of her, then added the fact that she was pregnant just adds more reason for him to be. She appreciates his efforts but it annoys her sometimes because she doesn't like relying on anyone with regards to protecting herself or anything else. But she knew she could never really make him stop whatever she may say to him. So she just lets him.

"Alright. Next time."

Then the morning, just after Nate had left for work, Nyssa noticed someone passing by their house. She then took her time to check all the weapons they've hidden around the house. She knew they would need to keep it in better places once the baby was born, but where they were would have to make do. Then she noticed the same guy pass by their house a second time. She checked every lock of every door and window. They're not gonna get to her that easily. She's to protect her baby.

And like she promised, she finally grabbed the phone as she placed her knife next to its cradle, and dialed for Nate.

"Where are you?" She quickly asked when he picked up.

"I just got to the site." Nate's heart sank to his stomach. There had to be something wrong.

"There's a man circling our block for what seems like the third time now."

"I'm on my way back. Be careful, Nyssa." Shit. He cursed himself. He never should have left her alone after what she had told him yesterday.

Nyssa took her bow and quiver out from the hidden compartment at the back of their wardrobe. She won't take any chances. She won't even let them get near her and her unborn child. She may have just seen one person lurking around, but they know better to send only one after her, especially with Nate around. She was sure that it was only a scout and that there were more waiting to strike.

She heard a creak on the floorboard by the stairs that told her that they already got inside the house. She calmed herself. She needed to be the ruthless cold hearted assassin she was, and be the careful loving mother to be that she is. She will protect that baby no matter what it takes.

She saw a shadowed figure by her window, and by quick reflexes, she grabbed one of her knives, threw it through the window glass, piercing the guy's chest making him fall off the ledge. She heard another creak, now by her bedroom door. She pulled her bow string back and immediately let go when the door opened. Someone quickly ran over when the guy fell, and she shot him twice as well for good measure.

She went out of the room to check for more intruders. She then grabbed her scimitar from the back of a display cabinet by their hallway. She slung in on her back and inspected the second floor further.

Someone then went up the stairs and at the sight of her, threw a knife in her direction. Luckily, she was still swift with her movements and it missed.

Then another jumped out of her room and engaged her in close combat, which the other assassin from the stairs joined in on. She used her bow to deflect their attacks as she took her scimitar out to inflict hers. In a short while, she was able to take down both of them. Pregnant or not, she will not be bested by those low level assassins.

She finally heard the sound of Nate's car arriving. And the moment he got out of it, he quickly ran into the house calling out her name.

"Nyssa! Nyssa!"

"I'm here." She answered from the top of the stairs. "What took you so long?"

"There were two of them waiting foe me by the site."

"Two? I dealt with four, and I'm pregnant."

"Don't make light of this. Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Are there any more?"

Nate checked the rest of the house for any more intruders. He went upstairs and down when there were no one else there.

"We're..." He trailed off, when out off nowhere, he felt a stabbing pain on his right abdomen. When the blade was retracted, he collapsed on the floor, revealing the person who had stabbed him.

"Alec." Nyssa said, surprise evident on her face.

"Come on. You should have known I was coming for you."

"How could you do that to him?"

"Nate? He's not dead yet. He'll live long enough to witness your death together with your baby."

"Why?"

"You just had to disband the League, hadn't you? That was everything to me! And you just had to take it away."

"There are lives outside the League."

"Not for me."

"So, you're going to kill me? I thought we were friends."

"We stopped being friends a long time ago. I stood by you because I believed that being Ra's was your birthright, but I made a mistake. You never deserved it, because look at what you did. So, I will give you the worst pain there is. The knowledge that I will kill you in front of your beloved Nathaniel with him being eaten up by guilt that he could not protect you."

Nyssa drew her bow and shot at him as quickly as she could, but he was able to deflect each shot with his sword, until Nyssa had no more arrows left with her.

"I prepared myself for this day. I am no longer at a disadvantage. I can take on you, Nyssa, even if you weren't pregnant. But it would bring you more pain that you are."

Nate lay bleeding on the floor. He watched as Alec attacked Nyssa ferociously. He knew Nyssa would not be able to get away from him that easily with her condition. He had to get up and do something. He has to suck up the pain and find the strength to fight and protect Nyssa even for one last time.

He pushed himself up, grabbed his scimitar, and charged directly at Alec. He dragged him forcefully away from Nyssa. "Leave them alone!" It was his duty. He will not let anything happen to Nyssa or their baby. He will protect them with whatever it takes.

Alec was caught off guard, and Nate was able to slam him to the ground. Alec was surprised that Nate was still able to stand let alone have strength to go up against him.

"Go now, Nyssa! I got this." Nate shouted. He just wants her to find safety anywhere.

"I'm not leaving you here." Nyssa stood her ground.

"Dammit! Go! Keep him safe!"

"I'm not going anywhere."

Alec continued with his retaliation. And desperately tried to keep up with him. Nyssa's heart raced as she watched Nate fighting for their lives, though he was barely alive himself. She couldn't make herself move. It was as if she was frozen in place and was forced to watch the awful encounter happening in their living room. Her heart wept silently for Nate. She knew it would be near impossible, but still she hoped he would live through the battle.

Then it all came in a big blur. She no longer could tell who was who. Then one slit the other's throat, painting blood everywhere. Her heart did a flip, frightened of the worst. Then when the body collapsed, revealing Nate looking all drained of blood and strength, she felt a slight relief.

He smiled at her. She returned the smile, but it quickly faded when Nate slowly fell to his knees, then flat on the floor.

"No! Nathaniel!" Nyssa screamed as she rushed to his side. "No. No. You can't do this. Stay with me."

"I got him, right?"

"You did."

"He never really liked me, did he?"

They just both gave that a small laugh. It was so like him to try and make light of such a situation.

"You have to stay with me. You have to fight, fight for us."

Nate was starting to drift off from the extreme blood loss.

"Hey. Stay with me. I think naming him after you isn't such a bad idea after all. Did you hear me?"

"See. I told you."

"You did. So don't you dare leave me, Nathaniel. I love you."

It was like music to his ears hearing those words spoken to him by her.

"Dammit, Nyssa. You had to wait for me to die to tell me that."

"Stay with me and I will keep telling you that."

Nate paused but was still conscious, then said. "Did I make you happy, Nyssa?"

The question brought new tears to Nyssa's eyes. He never asked her that before, but she knew he always wondered.

"Yes, you did."

"That's good." He said, smiling. "Look, we both know I won't make it any longer. Do something for me, will you? Tell Sara I did the best I could to keep my promise. I tried to keep you safe til my last breath. Tell her that."

When Nate saw the doubt in Nyssa's expression, he added. "This is my last promise to you. She will be back. She will come back for you."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I would."

Nate sucked in another painful breath. He then reached out his hand and placed it on Nyssa's belly.

"It's your turn to protect mommy, little guy. She's the most precious thing there is."

He reached out to touch Nyssa on her cheek and said, "I love you." And when she said it back to him, he smiled and drifted off with his final breath.

 


	44. That Life Isn't You

Sara sat around in her quarters after another lengthy and fruitless mission. She has grown tired and weary of always coming up short. She often wondered lately about what they were trying to do; what were they really trying to achieve; were they really going to be able to save all of humanity? She's seen so much pain, death, and destruction, that it started to make her feel numb of everything else. Then she would shake that feeling off and think whether she should really be the one doing what she was doing? Is it really what she's supposed to do? Is she willing to be that hero? Does she even want to be that hero? The hero who has to die in order to make whatever she's done matter and start make a spark that would ignite other heroes' spirits to fight.

She held an engraved box in her hands. She had found it under a floor board in one of the houses they stayed in to hide in 2046. The house was scarred and damaged but it was still sturdy and reliable, even just as a hideout. She didn't know what made her look inside when the floor board creaked under her foot. She had opened the box and peeked through its contents. They were mostly letters with a single picture at the bottom. Her heart skipped when she saw the name written across each of the folded letters. Sara, it all read. Then she dared to look at the worn out picture, and almost cried with what she saw.

It was one of her favorite pictures of them together. The one she had kept in her favorite book. It was of the time they had gone to a party. She hadn't thought that Nyssa would go with her that day, but she was able to persuade her. It was probably the first time that she had seen her completely let loose. She just enjoyed the party and had fun with her. She even got her to dance with not much protest. Nyssa was so carefree that day, Sara saw her smile so wide. There were times that she would bashfully hide her enjoyment, but then she would break out into another smile. She convinced her to take a picture together with her wearing a pink furred cat ear headband, and she did not refuse.

She reminisced to that moment and thought about how simple and truly happy they were then. Nyssa really must have loved her so much that she hadn't cared then that she was making quite a fool of herself. And Sara knew that it was in those moments that she fell deeper and deeper in love with her.

Since she had found that box, she could be found in her quarters more often, staring at the photo or reading through the leters. She tries not to cry whenever she reads them, because she doesn't want anyone to intrude. It was not something she wanted to share, because even in those moments, she felt close and connected to her again, and she just want it to feel like it was just them again. She imagines her sitting just next to her, reading the letters to her word per word. One that was so dear to her heart was the one that she wrote when Laurel had died.

_Sara,_

_I wish you were here, yet I also wish you weren't. I want to be by your side and comfort you. I want to hold you close, and not let go, until you feel that things will still be okay. And all I want to do now is shield you from the unimaginable pain of knowing might bring to you. I wish you never have to know. I wish it never had to happen, but it did. And I don't know what to do to make it okay for you. I don't even know where or when you are right now. Please be okay. You know it would break me if you aren't._

_Who am I kidding? I am broken and lost without you. A part of me would always be missing, if you aren't by my side. And it hurts even more that your sister with whom I shared a bond because of the love we have for you is now gone. She loves you so much. She never gave up hope on you, and I am grateful that she didn't. If she did, you would still have been lost to us._

_I lost a friend. You lost a sister. But we all lost a hero. Even in her own little ways, she was a hero through and through. Just like you. She would be so proud of what you're doing, because she would have done the same thing and be a hero in a much larger scale if she could have. Just always be safe._

_Always be safe, because I don't know if I could go through losing you for life a second time without even spending another moment with you. Be a hero, but please come back to me._

_I miss you. I love you. And I will be waiting._

_Forever yours,_   
_Nyssa_

What was she doing, she had started to ask herself. Hasn't she done enough? She'd gone off to save the world to provide humanity with a better future. But what future does she have for herself? What future does she have if she can't be with those who matter to her? She's fought so much in the time that had passed more than some could say they've done in their whole lifetime. She's fought so much for people she doesn't even know. Should she let everything come between her and what she has come to crave for lately? Time with those she love with no worries of the future, simply just there with them enjoying every single moment with no regrets.

She went back to the house since they still had some time to waste there as they waited for repairs on the waverider to be finished. She walked around, imagining how Nyssa's life could have been in those years. It was difficult to tell. She wrote less after she'd left with Rip. Maybe she had tried to move on with her life, because there was no certainty of her return. Could she blame her? She just hopes that Nyssa was happy with the life she had.

She went up to the bedroom where she had found the box. Could there be more of it, she thought. Then out of nowhere, an arrow was shot at her feet.

"You have no reason to be here. Leave." A voice in the shadows had said. And Sara was surprised to see a guy wearing the League of Assassins hood and gear when he walked into the light.

"You're with the League?"

"The League is long gone, but these still can be of much use. And I won't hesitate to use these on you." He said in reference to the bow in his hand and scimitar on his side.

"You don't scare me, kid." She then took out her bo staff.

It seemed to have sparked a sense of familiarity to him, and he moved closer without engaging in combat. He took a closer look at Sara.

"You." He said, bowing his head to stifle a small laugh.

"Am I supposed to know who you are?" Sara queried, confused with the interaction.

"No. I guess not."

"But you know who I am?"

"Very well. It's all up to you now, Sara Lance. You have to make a choice, be the hero or be hers."

Sara's heart leapt with the thought that statement brought to her. Had he meant Nyssa? Then he took something out of his pocket and threw it close to her. When she picked it up, he was gone. And her heart broke out in tears when she turned the envelope over and saw the familiar scribble of her name across it. Nyssa. He had meant Nyssa.

_Sara,_

_It has been quite a long time, but I never forgot. I have tried to move forward with my life, but there are days like these that my longing for you is the greatest._

_Happy Birthday, beloved. I don't know if you still get to celebrate it, since time is just somewhat trivial for you now. I may not celebrate it always, but I always take time to remember you with your sweet smile and bright spirit on this special day of yours. I remember how the room would seem to stay still and silent whenever you laugh, because it is all I would want to hear, the way you would laugh so heartily without much care to the rest of the world. One of the things I love most about you, how you would not be fazed by anything at all. See that even death could not stop you._

_I talk to Nate about you sometimes. I would recall to him how mesmerized I was the first time I had seen you as you were dancing. He would laugh at the unfortunate first meeting we had. It really sounds funny now. Who would have thought that we would have such a deep connection with each other after you first thought that I was trying to kill you. I miss those days, not just the simpler days, I miss every single day that I was able to spend wih you. They were the greatest moments of my life._

_But please forgive me. I miss you and I love you still, but for quite some time, I have lost hope that you would ever come back for me. Nathaniel even promised that you would, but it was difficult to hold on to it. I do not question your love for me. After everything that we've gone through and shared, I would not doubt it. But your return is of a different matter. I just hope you are safe. And I hope you find fulfillment in the path you've chosen. I am proud of you being a hero for everyone, but I wish that you would just be here again with me, even for a little while._

_Loving you always,_   
_Nyssa_

Sara was not able to stop her tears from flowing as she read through Nyssa's heartwarming letter. And because of it, she has completely hardened her resolve. She will be going back. Nothing else matters. No one will stop her from going back to her family; to those she love and care for; to Nyssa.

She immediately talked to Rip about the decision she had made. It would not be easy to leave them behind, but she has to go back to those she had already left behind. She has to go back to her life of simply being Sara Lance, not the legend, not the White Canary, just herself.

"Why? We need you, Sara. You're a very important member of the team." Rip tried to desuade her from going.

"I just need to go back. There will be others who would join you, I just can't do it anymore."

"What we do here is vital to the survival of humanity. We can't do this without you, Sara."

"I'm sorry, Rip. Whether you let me or not, I will be going back."

"Let her go." Mick Rory intervened. "She still has something to go back to, let her have that. She deserves it."

Both Sara and Rip were surprised by his reasonable and understanding opinion. Sara gave him a small nod as a thank you. Mick doesn't always have the best comments but when he does, he makes them count.

"You never forced anyone of us to stay, don't start now, because you will definitely lose more." Mick added.

"Fine." Rip finally accepted defeat.

They then told the rest of the crew about Sara's departure. They were sad about it but they understood. Rip then offered the same opportunity to them, but no one else took it. They were either more thrilled and fulfilled with their adventurous endeavors or they just had nothing else to return to.

She was dropped off as close to the time they had left as thay could have. She first went to Star City to see how her parents and her friends were doing. She was glad to know that they were doing quite well. They still fight off who ever threatens their city and they still have a great hold of it.

She said her goodbyes once more, telling them there's somewhere else she has to go to, someone else to see and be with. Her father agreed and gladly let her go. He was proud of her daughter. All he wants for her is to be happy, and he knows too well how that had always centered back onto Nyssa.

Sara left as soon to the same town where she had found the box and letters in 2046. She hadn't taken them with her. Though she had wanted to, there were rules in time travel that she wouldn't dare upset. And she doesn't really need to, she knows almost every word in each note and letter by heart.

When she had arrived, she couldn't bring herself to knock at her door and barge into her life again out of the blue. She perched herself at an empty house from across the street of Nyssa's. It was lived in on, but by the looks of things, the owners clearly were on a vacation. She carefully watched her from the window of the attic. She watched her from a distance, trying to figure out how she could fit herself in Nyssa's current life, or if she even has a place there after all that time.

Nyssa hadn't written any of the letters in the box during that time, so Sara has no idea how things are for her there. It's difficult to come to conclusions. Her thoughts and feeling could not be the same during those different times, and it makes Sara restless in wonder.

Sara stayed there for another day, mustering up the courage to finally show herself to Nyssa. She thought it was best to announce her presence by knocking at her front door. She stood there, nervous to her very core. It was the most nervous she had been in a very long time. She had run through different dialogues of what she could say over and over, but the moment the door opened and she saw the person she had longed for the most, none of the words she had initially thought of remained in her head. They all faded away, replaced by the beautiful vision in front of her. Nyssa.

Nyssa was startled to find Sara standing before her. It had been a long time, and it was not that she had not thought of Sara through those years, but she had almost given up hope that she would ever see her again. She had wished to have her back in her arms, but then she would think of her being the hero she hsd always been, off saving the world. She would ask herself if she could take her back, if it meant taking away a brave and wonderful hero from the rest of the world. But then there was Sara standing right in front of her. What could that mean for the future? What would that mean for their future?

"Hi." Sara finally got herself to say.

"Sara." She sighed out, making it difficult for Sara to tell whether she was happy to see her again or not.

There was a pause between them, as both took in the reality that the other was actually there standing in front of them.

"Oh, sorry. Why don't you come in?" Nyssa offered and gave her way to enter. She went back to the kitchen to continue preparing for dinner. She still can't figure out what to say or do.

"How have you been, Nyssa?" She asked as she watched Nyssa busy herself.

"Well. I've been well. You?"

"Honestly? Lonesome, I guess. That's why I had to come back."

"You're staying?" Nyssa's heart ached with hope.

"I want to, if you'll let me."

"I...I thought you were leaving this life behind?"

"You told me to leave that life behind, and I did as you seem to have. That life isn't you. You told me to live my life unburdened by my past. But the way I look at it, you are my past; you are my present; and you are my future. And you are never a burden to me." Sara said, baring her heart out. She hadn't thought of what to say, it all just flowed out of her. And she meant every single word.

The ring of the kitchen timer saved Nyssa from having to come up with a response. It had totally caught her off guard. For the first time, she was frightened to jump back into a life with Sara.

It hadn't been easy for her since Nathaniel had died. She hadn't known what to do. It was new territory for her and she was on her own. She had a small little child relying on her for everything. It hadn't been easy, but it was all worth it. She loves him, her little boy, Nathan. And she doesn't know if she could deal with Sara in her life when she was still trying to get her and her son's life together.

She brought out the meatloaf from the oven and let it cool by the counter. She refrained from replying to Sara's last statements by setting the table and finishing dinner preparations. And she was glad that Sara didn't say anymore after that.

"I just have to go get Nate upstairs. Then let's have dinner together."

"Sure. It would be great to see him."

When Nyssa got back down with a toddler on her waist, it was clear that Sara hadn't expected to see that. She thought she had meant Nate, as in Nathaniel Nate, not the little boy she was carrying.

"Sara, this is Nathan. Nate. Say hi to Sara, baby."

"Hi." The little boy said with a cute wave.

Sara's heart melted at the sight of them together. She hadn't expected it, but they painted a beautiful picture together. Nyssa as a mother was lovely to see. She couldn't help but smile at them.

"Hi, Nathan."

Nathan bashfully hid himself in the crook of Nyssa's neck when Sara reached out for him. Then he would peek but go back to hiding, which made Sara laugh a little.

"How about some dinner?" Nyssa offered. She was getting uncomfortable with the growing longing she was feeling. She wants to take Sara back, but she still has reservations about it.

"Yay! Let's eat!" Nathan cheered on.

Nyssa placed him on his high chair and fixed him a plate. She noticed that Sara was watching her interact with her son. She felt a bit shy which she never was. She had always been confident, but having Sara see her life that's so simple and bare, she feels vulnerable.

Sara took the serving dish Nyssa was handing her and made a plate for herself. She smiled when it clicked in her mind, that it was her son that Nyssa had been talking about in the last letter she got. She talked to her son about her. That was sweet, but then, she hadn't even written that letter. And if she could really stay, maybe she wouldn't be writing it at all. Nonetheless, the essence of it would remain in Sara's heart.

"What are you smiling about?" Nyssa asked, interrupting her reminiscing.

"You." Sara said, making Nyssa blush. "I missed you, Nyssa."

Nyssa looked down at her plate, thinkig, then met Sara's gaze again. "I missed you too, but..."

"You're not sure. I understand. But I am not going anywhere, Nyssa. Not this time." Sara reassured her, but it seemed not enough.

"What happened to Nate?" She finally asked, since the tone in the room had become a bit serious.

Nyssa took a deep breath as she recalled that day. It was very tragic. Having him die in her arms left her scarred. "Alec came for me after I disbanded the League. I was still pregnant that time. He had been badly wounded already, but he got himself up to protect us. He got Alec, but he didn't last long."

"He died protecting you."

"He told me to tell you that he kept his promise til the end. He was so sure that you would come back."

"But you had your doubts."

"It doesn't matter, right? He was right. Here you are."

"I just have to make you believe that I'm staying for good."

 


	45. Wasn't Mine to Keep

The rest of the dinner fell into silence. At first tension could be felt in the air but slowly the silence became comfortable for them. Nyssa cleaned up after they had finished. And Sara chose to leave her alone for a while and played with Nathan.

"Hey, what are you playing?" Sara sat beside Nathan on the floor of the living room.

"Cars. My cars."

"I see. They're very nice cars."

"They fast!" Nathan said as he wooshed around a car right in front of Sara's face.

The sound of her laughter echoed through the house, making Nyssa pause with what she was doing. She would never actually use the words, but it sent butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

Nathan put his cars down and walked up to Sara. He looked at her closely, as if examing every inch of her. And as the little boy stared at her, something else came into place. It was those eyes. The same eyes that were staring down at her in 2046.

"Of course, it was you." She said smiling.

Nathan just looked at her curiously, not knowing nor caring what she was saying. After concluding that he liked Sara, he smiled at her then enveloped her with a warm embrace with his tiny arms. The gesture surprised her at first but she welcomed it with open arms as well.

And that was the sight Nyssa caught of when she entered the room, the two most important people that ever came to her life entangled in each other's arms. It melted her heart. She wanted to go over to them and join in that beautiful moment, but she held back and just watched them.

Nathan pulled away slightly and smiled widely at Sara once more, which she returned. Then they both looked up to see Nyssa wistfully watching them. They shot her huge smiles as well. She smiled back but Sara could see the same longing in Nyssa's eyes that she knew was in hers. She wants to pull her close to her and just hold her, but she doesn't want to push it. She knew it wouldn't be easy to get back to her, and she won't give up. She will take all the time needed to make it work again, to make her believe she loves her and that she meant when she said she wasn't going anywhere.

"I see you made a new friend." Nyssa said to her son.

"Yes!" He said proudly as he hugged Sara again.

"That's great. You have to clean up and get ready for bed though."

"No. I don't wanna." He refused, clinging onto Sara harder.

It pulled at Nyssa's heart that Nathan quickly warmed up to Sara and that he would hold onto her as if asking for her to defend him. He would grow to love and trust her the way she has, and she was scared that he would be hurt the way she had been. If it was only her, she can take it all over again. She will take the aches even if it only meant a short while with her, but it's no longer just her. She has to think about Nathan as well. And she wants to shield him from all the pain as much and as long as she could. But she knew she could never really shut Sara out of her life. Despite the fear, she never could. She loves her too much. She just has to tread carefully.

"Come on. I'll go with you."

"Really?"

"Yes, of course."

It struck them both when a doubtful look dawned on his face. Their hearts were breaking. How would an innocent boy know not to trust and believe? Could he feel Nyssa's doubts hence his own?

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with you." Sara reassured him with a kiss on the top of his nose. He smiled again and kept holding onto her.

And Nyssa hopes that Sara would never have to go back on her words to her boy.

Sara got up and carried Nathan up to his room, where Nyssa wiped him down, changed his clothes and tucked him to bed.

"Story! Story, mama."

"Okay." Nyssa sighed as she stroked his hair. She thought about what to tell him. She would often tell him stories about her adventures back then, or other stories she had read or heard somewhere. She then started to tell him about the girl and the yellow bird. The same one that she had told Sara. And her words came back to her knocking, 'You have set me free, but I will always go back to you.' Is that what it is? Sara finally going back to her? Or will she keep flying off?

Sara was touched as she remembered the story as well. It held much meaning for the both of them. And she found it sweet that Nyssa would share it to her son while she was there to hear it.

Nyssa kissed Nathan on the forehead when he had finally fallen asleep, before leaving his side. She walked up to where Sara was but made sure to keep some distance. She was still unsure of things to close that gap between them.

"Where are you staying?" She asked.

"What makes you think I've been around long?" Sara replied, trying to keep things light.

"You knocked on my door. If you just came, I would have found you in my room in the middle of the night waiting."

They both smiled at how accurate Nyssa's conclusions were. She still knew her well no matter how long it had been.

"Hey, it only took me one night to muster up the courage to knock." Sara justified.

"I'll get the guest bedroom ready. And don't even think of refusing. It may not seem like it, but I am glad to see you again, Sara."

Nyssa left to get some pillows and blankets for Sara. She didn't want to stay long to see where that conversation might have gone. She's glad to see her. She wants her there. She's just afraid she won't be staying long.

They said their brief goodnights and went to their separate rooms. Both stood by their windows, looking out, wondering about the other. How long could they resist their longing for each other?

Sara had a hard time sleeping as she hadn't been sleeping much lately and the thought of Nyssa being in the other room, so close but still too far, is not helping her sleep at all. She went Nyssa's room but hesitated at the door.

Nyssa too couldn't sleep for the same reasons. She heard Sara's footsteps approaching. Part of her hopes that she comes in and finally hold her, but there is still that part that isn't ready for it yet. She felt an ache and relief when she heard retreating footsteps. And Nyssa fell into slumber, while Sara stayed awake.

The entire night, Sara stayed by Nathan's crib. It was better for her to watch after him though he didn't really fuss much, than be in her guest room all alone with her thoughts flooding her in waves. She studied his face. She noticed that other than his eyes, he also got his lips from Nyssa. The rest were Nate's.

She remembered that there had been times when she and Nyssa had talked about having a family. And there's this little boy now. Nyssa's little boy. If she stays, could she have this with her? Would she let her in and be the family they once dreamed of?

The morning after, Nyssa found Sara still in Nathan's room with him still asleep in her arms. Her heart ached at the sight. She hadn't known how much she wanted to share the life she has now with Sara til that moment. Sara so beautiful and lovely with her wonderful son in her arms. She would love to have that. They could have that family, but she was still guarded by her doubts.

"Was he crying?" She said, getting Sara's attention.

Sara gave her a lazy smile that was still so warm it could have melted her knees.

"Not really. He did a bit a while ago, so I carried him."

"You stayed here the entire night?"

"Yeah."

"Did you get some sleep?"

"Some."

"Was the bed or the room not to your liking?"

"It was fine. I have just been having some trouble sleeping lately."

"I see." Nyssa paused before offering her some coffee. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes, please."

"I'll prepare some. You just go down whenever you like."

"Okay."

Sara carefully placed Nathan back in his crib, then followed Nyssa down to the kitchen. Nyssa already had the coffee brewing, and was getting things ready for breakfast.

"What would you like?" Nyssa asked.

"Anything would do."

"Have you been eating well?"

"The food on the ship is okay. But of course, a well cooked meal is always better. We try to get something good to eat whenever we have time in some places."

"I see."

Then there it was again, the silence. Sara watched Nyssa's smooth movements in the kitchen. It's different when she's fighting, but she's as comfortable at both. When someone sees her in the kitchen, they would not think she's a deadly assassin, unless she throws the knife she's holding at you.

"I missed seeing you work in the kitchen. I guess the last time was when we were still in Starling."

It was true. In Nanda Parbat, though Nyssa could have cooked, she rarely had time. And when she does, Sara's not around to see her.

"Yes. I remember that there was a time you threw a CD at me while I was cooking."

"Oh my god." They both smiled at the fond memory. "Were you cooking then? I just remember being so mad and confused that time. Did I hit you?"

"I let you. Thought it would ease the anger, but it didn't."

"Maybe I should let you throw something at me."

Nyssa looked at her solemnly. She was taken a back with what she meant by that. "Sara, I'm not mad at you."

"I know." She smiled weakly.

They were then interrupted by Nathan through the baby monitor. Nyssa turned the stove off and excused herself to get Nathan. Once back in the kitchen, she sat him on his high chair and continued with making breakfast. Sara had already poured them a cup of coffee each.

Though still a bit sleepy, Nathan showed his excitement to see Sara still there. He kept smiling and fluttering his lashes at her, which she found very adorable. He was a very nice and welcomed buffer for her and Nyssa.

"You know I've met him." Sara said as she started on the breakfast Nyssa had prepared.

"Who?" Nyssa asked.

"Nathan. He made sure I came back."

"What do you mean?"

"I came across this house in 2046. I met him there. I didn't know who he was, though I should have known he was your son. He has your eyes. We almost fought. We didn't, because he knew who I was."

Nyssa didn't know what to say. It was difficult to fully comprehend that somehow, in the future, her son would be the reason Sara comes back to her. She looked at her son in wonder and smiled. She would just be thankful of what ever it is. Nathan wanted Sara to come back to them. That should count as something, why should she fight it? But there still was the fear.

"Thank you." Sara interrupted her thoughts.

"For what?"

"Telling him about me."

"You meant everything to me. For as long as I remember, you're the only one that mattered most in my life. There wasn't much more to tell him about. You were my life."

"Now, it's him."

"Yes."

Sara understood and respected that. She would not dare contest that. Nathan is a wonderful gift, and she herself can't help but love the boy. All she wants is to be a part of her life again. May not be everything, but still mean something more to her other than a beautiful memory.

The rest of the day went by like that. Both avoiding having to talk about sentimental matters. And using Nathan as an adorable buffer. Though it was silent, they just enjoyed each other's company the rest of the day.

Night came and they were in their own rooms, still unable to sleep. Sara then wandered around and saw that Nyssa's door was open. Nyssa was standing by the window, looking out into the dark, blissful sky. The moonlight shining down on her features was enough to take her breath away.

She walked in and stood next to Nyssa. She knew that her entry was noticed and was glad that Nyssa didn't seem to mind her intrusion.

"Can't sleep?" Nyssa asked without looking at Sara. She wanted to close the gap between them, but was afraid to even move an inch.

"Yeah. You? What are you thinking about?"

"Nathan and you. Us." Nyssa admitted but said nothing to elaborate. Sara found no need for it as well. She knew her hopes and fears. She doesn't need to hear them to understand.

"I'm sorry it took me a long time to come back. I know you didn't expect me to, but I should have been with you. I don't deserve all the love you have given me, and I can't even offer you as much in return. But I know I have to try. You only asked for my love and for me to stay, and I have regrettably refused it to you several times. I don't deserve another chance, but I will ask for just one more. I've been stupid and selfish, but I know now that this has always been where I should be, where I want to be til my dying days, by your side. I love you, Nyssa. I know it would take some time for me to make you believe that I am no longer going anywhere but here with you. I won't give up. I have fought so much to save the world. And I will give all that I am to fight for us, because you mean the most to me. You are my world."

Nyssa finally looked at her with eyes clouded by tears.

"Can I hold you?" Sara wanted to so badly, but she didn't want to push. With Nyssa slight nod of her head, she closed the gap between them and held her tight. They both felt a surge of completeness. It was as if they have finally found the missing piece of who they are that they have lost for a long time. They bot let go and surrendered themselves in that embrace. It was what they needed. It made all their worries seem less important, because they were finally back in each other's arms.

"I'm scared, Sara. I'm scared that if you do leave, you won't be leaving just me, there's Nathan as well."

Sara's heart broke with her admission, but she was determined. She will not waver.

"If you tell me you don't want me here or that you don't love me anymore, I would leave you alone. But I still know there's hope, so I will not back down. Please don't push me away. Let me be here with you. It has been painful to be so close to you and not be able to hold you like this. I know it won't be easy, and I can't erase your doubts right away, but please don't fight it. If you still can't believe me, that's fine. But at least be happy. Let me make you happy. Let's be happy together. Please, Nyssa. Let me love you again."

"How could I ever say no, especially when you put it like that? I never stopped loving you. I don't think I ever could. And you're right. It's better that I'd be happy with you even if I'm not sure it will last, because even the shortest time I spend with you is the best of my life."

They stayed there in each other's arms under the glow of the moonlight streaming through the window. It was a beautiful moment. It may not be entirely perfect, but all that mattered was they were back in each other's lives once more.

No more words were said. They just slid into bed together still tangled in an embrace. They savored the moment. It fulfilled all the longing that they were having. It lifted all their worries. And after a long while of sleepless nights, Sara finally fell in a deep blissful slumber in the arms of her beloved.

Nyssa woke up earlier and one look at the beautiful woman sleeping beside her, she knew her world was complete. She decided not to worry of what could happen. She will make the most of the time she has with Sara, because at least she was there with her. She finally chose to be with her when she could be somewhere else.

She slipped out of bed, careful not to wake her. She could tell how much she needed that uninterrupted sleep. She went to check on Nathan and like her, he had just woken up from a good night's sleep. She then realized she was happy, even happier that she has Nathan and Sara in her life now.

Sara awoke to the smell of coffee. She followed the wafting scent to the kitchen, where she found Nyssa and Nathan. She kissed the top of his head when she passed by and he just smiled at her then went back to his own food. She wove around the counter to meet Nyssa. She snaked her arms around her and placed a meaningful kiss on her shoulder.

"Good morning." She said.

"Let me just finish this." Nyssa turned the burner off and plated the last of the eggs. She then turned around to face Sara. Their gazes met and it was as if it was just the two of them again. "Good morning. I didn't want to wake you. I thought you needed that sleep."

"Thanks. It seems you were all I needed to get some."

"Happy to oblige. You are always welcome." Nyssa then leaned her forehead to hers. "Thank you for coming back."

"Like I said, this is where I belong."

After breakfast, Nyssa left Nathan and Sara playing in the living room to take a shower. She was about to get in the bathroom when she noticed a folded piece of paper weighted down by something that glinted in the light. She went to get it, her heart clenched and her stomach was filled with butterflies when she realized what the shiny thing was. It was the same gold band, pieced with a single white diamond, encrusted by tiny blue sapphire gems, that she had gotten for Sara. She looked at its insides and there it was, the words ' _my everlasting light_ ' engraved on it. It was definitely the same one. She never wondered where it had gone. After Sara had left that time, she hadn't cared. But there it was again in her hands. She then opened the folded paper, and read through.

_Nyssa,_

_The very reason that pushed me to come back was when I realized my greatest fear going on those missions. It wasn't death. Though I have gone through that and know it was nothing pretty, I no longer feared it. What I gravely feared was not being able to see you again._

_The longer I was there, the more I thought of you. And what haunted me was that the smile I used to see on your faces started to fade, and the one I come to see was your face whenever I left. It tore me apart. I wanted to be able to bring that smile back to your face. I wanted to hear your voice, your laughter, see your eyes sparkle. I wanted to be with you again. I knew the mission to save the world was important, but it no longer held any meaning for me. If the future is doomed or uncertain, I wanted to at least be with you before it all ends._

_Now being back in your arms, I know I made the right choice. I don't need to be a hero or a legend. I just need to be with you. I was a fool to ever let you go, because whenever I was with you was the best and happiest moments of my life. And I hope you still haven't given up on me. I hope you still want that life, that life where there's just you and me. And Nathan just makes it even perfect._

_I love you, Nyssa Raatko. I love you more than anything in the world._

_-Sara_

Overwhelmed by heartfelt emotions, she didn't know how to react. She found herself slowly making her way back to the living room with the letter and ring in hand. Sara looked up at her and was a bit worried because of the look on her face.

"You kept it." Nyssa said holding the ring up for her to notice.

"I know it wasn't mine to keep, but I just couldn't let it go."

"Why?"

"It was a reminder of what I could have had with you. It was something to hold on to. Something to remind me that even in this dark and insane world, there could be hope for something beautiful."

"Why are you giving it back?"

"You never really got to ask me to marry you. And I hope that there would still be a day that you would want that."

 


	46. Where Everything Changed

"Where do you want to go next?" Nyssa asked as they walked through the streets. It had been three years since the day Sara had come back to her life. Things have been going well, but the fear hasn't completely left her. But she tries to enjoy every moment she has with her.

"Let's get some ice cream." Sara suggested. "Would you like some ice cream?" She asked the little boy holding her other hand, as Nyssa was holding the other.

"Yes! Can we?" Nathan answered excitedly.

They have become quite a family. They do almost everything together. They love each other unconditionally. Nathan even calls Sara, mama. The unbreakable bond that Nyssa and Sara had always shared has extended to Nathan. He's their most wonderful blessing. Everything is close to perfect, except there was still no ring.

The idea of marriage never came up again after that day that Sara gave the ring back to Nyssa. She knew Nyssa would when she's ready. She won't rush. She'll just wait like Nyssa had for her. She just hopes she hadn't given up on the idea completely.

"Hi. Excuse me." Some well built guy walked up to them. "We're having a juniors martial arts class going in the gym right now, maybe you'd be interested to join."

"Ah, no, thanks. We're good." Sara responded politely.

"Or you can just watch maybe it will encourage you next time. It may be good for the kid." The guy insisted.

"Mom, can we go see?" Nathan asked Nyssa with pleading eyes neither could refuse.

"Sure."

They were led to a very spacious gym, where there were a number of kids of varying ages. The class hasn't started yet by the looks of the kids playing around and chatting on one side.

"Martial Arts is great to teach at such a young age. They will learn early on how to defend themselves, especially for your kid."

"What do you mean?"

"It's good for a kid to be taught by a man how to fight."

"Wow. Are you saying a woman cannot?" Sara shot back.

"Not in a sense that a man can." He said arrogantly.

"I am offended by that."

"I'm just stating facts. Women are not as physically capable as men. If you like, I could even teach you a few things. Times these days, can't be too careful."

"Are you calling me weak and helpless?" Sara was getting ticked off by his arrogance. At first, she welcomed the idea of enrolling Nathan at the gym so he can train and learn with other kids, but getting to know this trainer, she's going back on it.

"Don't take it personally. It's science."

Sara definitely wanted to kick the guy's teeth down his throat.

"Did you just insult my wife?" Nyssa finally spoke up. And all the annoyance Sara was feeling seemed to have subsided with what she had heard. Did she just say wife? She wanted to call her on sit right then and there but the joy it brought her was just overwhelming, she couldn't say anything.

"Hey, I wasn't."

"You think I can't take you on?" Sara challenged.

"Let's not go there. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

"Do you own this place?" Sara asked.

"My brother does." He pointed at a slightly taller guy than him with the same built.

Sara walked up to him and called him to join in on their heating conversation. Nyssa was just shaking her head and smiling. She knew Sara wasn't going to let it go. She misses fighting. They would spar at home from time to time, but she would love to actually beat someone up.

"What can I do for you, ladies?" The seemingly polite brother said.

"I was wondering if you'd allow me to challenge your brother into a match."

He looked at his arrogant brother in dismay, knowing what he had done.

"I apologize for my brother's behavior."

"I still insist on the fight."

"Are you sure?"

"C'mon. No way he's gonna let that happen."

"Are you scared of me? I bet I can take you on."

"I highly doubt that."

The bigger brother observed carefully and decided. "Okay."

"What?" The other exclaimed.

"You insulted her. She wants to fight. Either that or you apologize."

He knew his brother was too proud to do that. He would fight. And if he was right, it wouldn't be as easy as he thinks.

"Fine, but if she gets hurt, it's on you." He then went to get the kids all on the side to make more space on the mat and away from the action.

"Careful." Nyssa reminded Sara before giving her a kiss.

"I can handle him."

"You might break him."

"I got this...wife." She said in reply with a playful wink.

Nyssa let out a small laugh. She didn't think she had caught that slip of the tongue, but that wasn't really something you let sly.

Sara followed to the mat, removing her shoes to keep it clean and even the playing field.

"My brother doesn't stand a chance, does he?" The brother asked Nyssa.

"What made you think that?"

"Mommy, is mama going to fight?" Nathan asked looking up at her.

"Yeah, baby. Just watch."

"I don't think she would have challenged him if she doesn't know she can take him on. And she has a great athletic and strong build and that confidence."

"Tell me, are you the better fighter?"

"He's the stronger one, I'm just smarter. And his arrogance is his biggest weakness. I'm Gavin, by the way."

"Nyssa."

"Do you fight as well?"

"I taught her how." Nyssa said proudly.

On the mat, Sara and Gavin's brother still hasn't engaged each other.

"Last chance to bow out."

"Not happening."

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Maybe, I'll hurt you."

"Ha. Fine, I'll just let you throw the first punch."

"That's cute."

Testing him out, Sara threw a quick and simple combination of punches, which he easily blocked. He sported such a smug face that she wanted to wipe it off so bad. With swift movements, Sara threw a hard punch to his face, making him stunned in disbelief. She kicked the back of his knee, taking him down a little, then an elbow to the chest. Taken by surprise and out of breath, Sara was satisfied with the initial work. She knew by his outraged look he will be up for more.

He charged at her, throwing kicks and punches in haste making it easy for Sara to block them. She threw in a couple of calculated blows of her own, making him cringe and back off a little every time. He tried to take advantage of his size and throw Sara over his shoulder when he caught her in his arms, but Sara landed on her feet and gave him a hard kick on the back.

"I think that's enough, Sara." Nyssa said to stop her, which she didn't argue with. She already had her fun and satisfaction.

"I'm still not done with you." He said to her standing up.

"Know when you're beat, brother. You're making a fool of yourself in front of the students."

He scoffed and glared at Sara before retreating to the lockers.

"Again, I apologize. And thank you. He needs to be taught a lesson every once in a while. And if it's okay, I would like to invite you to teach here."

"Thanks. We'll give it some thought." Nyssa responded.

"Thank you."

They walked out hand in hand. Nathan was in awe to see Sara fight. Nyssa and Sara don't really get to spar when he's around. They usually wait til he's asleep. They think he's still too young to be brought into the world they have lived in.

"That was so awesome, mama! How'd you do that?"

Sara and Nyssa shared a look. Maybe it was okay to finally let him know.

"Remember the stories we tell you?"

"The heroes, legends, assassins, and all that stuff?"

"Yes."

"Those were you? You were heroes?"

"Mama was a hero and a legend. I was the assassin. And daddy." Nyssa informed him.

"Mommy was also a hero. She's my hero." Sara then gave Nyssa a kiss on the cheek.

"Which ones were you?"

"Can you guess?"

"Are you the White Canary? She's so cool!"

Sara gave him a knowing smile and it was enough to make him jump up and down. He loved his parents stories. And knowing that they're real and his parents are heroes, he's on top of the world. He went on and on asking questions about the stories they've told until they got back home, through dinner and until he fell asleep. Nyssa and Sara loved his excitement of it. And they knew it was just the beginning. There was no stopping him now. He would eventually ask them to teach him, and of course they would not refuse. Maybe he'd continue the legacy they started.

"Before I forget, there's something we have to talk about." Sara propped herself onto her elbow so she could look at Nyssa eye to eye as they were lying in bed.

"What is it?" Nyssa asked, distracted as she traced small circles on Sara's exposed hip.

"I don't know...wife?"

Nyssa gave out a small laugh. She had a thought that was coming. But she continued trailing her fingers on her skin.

"What about it?" She said pretending like it was no big deal.

"Well, the fact that you haven't even asked me yet."

"Ok."

Sara raised an eyebrow at her, shocked by her lack of response. She smacked Nyssa's caressing hand when she still got nothing.

"What? Do you want a proposal right now?"

"Of course not! But it better be good. You've put up a high bar for yourself, Nyssa Raatko."

"Nothing but the best for you, Sara Lance."

Who was Sara kidding? It didn't really matter to her how or when Nyssa asks her. She just wants to know if she still wants what they have dreamed of having together. But she doesn't want it in right then when she could have pushed her to do so. She wants it to be on Nyssa's terms. And she'll wait until that time comes.

"Can I get back to what I was doing?" Nyssa asked as she took Sara's hand a placed a kiss on it. Then she locked her lips with hers and Sara simply melted into it. Nyssa pushed Sara on her back so she was on top and deepened the kiss. It was not the first time they had kissed with such passion, but somehow the kiss they were sharing was different.

Then Nyssa pulled away and just stared into Sara's eyes that was filled with love, lust, and then wonder why she pulled away.

"What?"

Nyssa responded with a sweet lingering kiss on her forehead. She leaned her forehead with hers and just looked deep into Sara's eyes. She was finally ready to let go of all the doubts she had of Sara ever staying with her for good.

"I love you, Sara." She whispered, making Sara's heart swelled with all the emotion laced within those words.

\-----------------------

"Sara, your father called." Nyssa said when she came back down from a shower.

"What did he say?"

"He misses you and when do you plan on visiting."

When Sara didn't say anything in response, Nyssa knew exactly the reason why. She's been back for three years, and within the three years she'd been with Nyssa, she hadn't brought up the idea of going to Star City to visit her family and friends. Nyssa knew it was because of her. Sara doesn't want to go even just to visit because those were the very reasons she had when she had left her in the past. They were the ones she had left her for.

"If I'm the reason you're second guessing, don't. I'm okay with it. We are doing great. We're happy. You are happy, right?"

"Of course I am." Sara said solemnly as she leaned in on Nyssa for an embrace. "It's just..." She trailed of not knowing how to explain her worries.

"What if I go with you? Why don't we all go? You, me, Nathan. It'd be nice to visit."

"You'd do that?"

"Oh, Sara. They are no strangers to me. They're your family and friends. They matter to you, so they matter to me." Nyssa said to reassure her.

"Thank you."

"And Nathan would love your father for sure."

"Yeah. Dad would adore him too."

Nathan was so excited when they told him they were going to Star City that he wouldn't stop talking and moving. He jumped up and down the bed while Nyssa packed his clothes. And he was running around all over the house as Nyssa and Sara packed their own things. He wouldn't stop asking 'are we going yet?'

They loved to see the amusement in his eyes when they boarded the plane. It was his first airplane ride. And he still couldn't shut up about it.

Star City. It had been a long time since she and Nyssa were there together. It was still Starling then. It wasn't just home or where she had come from. To Sara, it was where she had met Nyssa and where their story had begun. She could still recall most of the memories they made vividly.

"Can we go see the Green Arrow, ma?" Nathan said first thing when they landed.

"If uncle Ollie isn't busy. But we're going to see grandpa first."

"Okay."

They went to the precinct to find Quentin, but he wasn't there. They decided to go to the Arrowcave, and luckily everyone was there. And the moment the elevators opened, Nathan was so awestruck he was finally at a loss for words.

"Sara. Nyssa."

"Hi, daddy." Sara said with a smile as walked over to give her father a hug.

"You didn't tell me you were coming."

"It's meant as a surprise."

Quentin let go of Sara and offered a hug to Nyssa. Nyssa was reluctant at first since it was not really like her to do so, but how could she refuse him. She has such high regard for the man, not only because he's the father of her beloved. And she has somewhat become like a daughter to Quentin being so deeply involved with both his daughters' lives. And she has come to mean so much to all of them.

"It's great to see you, Quentin."

"And who is this?" Quentin said when he finally noticed the little boy standing silently behind them.

"Dad, this is Nathan. Our son."

"Son? How much have I missed? It's been what? Three years?"

"He's my son." Nyssa said to clarify. "Now, as well as Sara's."

"Okay." He said not asking for more. He turned his attention to Nathan, who was hiding behind Nyssa. "Hey, little guy."

Nathan looked up at his parents not knowing how to respond to the stranger in front of him.

"It's okay, baby. This is grandpa." Sara reassured him.

"Didn't think I'd get to be called that." Quentin said lightly. After Laurel had died, and the fact that Sara was off somewhere, sometime, he never thought he'd have a grandchild. Added the fact that though Sara's back, her true love is a woman. Even if the boy is not his blood, he will be family to him.

He walked forward as Quentin knelt to be of level with him.

"Are you a hero too, grandpa?"

"No. I'm a cop."

"Cop's can be heroes too."

"I guess you're right. Do you want to be a hero?"

"Of course! I'm gonna be just like my mommies."

"That they are."

After a few more exchange in conversation, Nathan remembered that they were in the Arrowcave and went on to meet the Green Arrow and the rest of the team.

"You've got quite a boy there." Quentin said to Nyssa as they watched Nathan with Sara interacting with the rest.

"He's getting to be more and more like Sara."

"Good luck. I love my daughter, but she was a pain growing up."

They both laughed at the thought.

"I want to ask you something, Quentin." Nyssa said in a more serious note.

"The answer's yes."

"You don't even know what I was going to ask."

"You want my blessing to marry my daughter. I know how much you love each other. And you already have a family of your own. There's no one I want for Sara than you."

"Thank you." Nyssa was touched by his words. She didn't really have to ask for his blessing. She could have just done whatever she wanted. But he has come to mean a lot to her. And his words weighed so much.

"And one more thing. I want to give Nathan your name, Lance. I know he's not really..."

"That would be nice." Quentin said cutting her off. There was no need for more explanation. She wants him to be a Lance. He's family. He doesn't need anything else.

\----------------  
After a quick lunch and a short walk around the city. They went to Starling Academy to reminisce of the early days. They told Nathan of their story; when Nyssa decided to stay when she first saw Sara, how she started to write her letters, how they first met.

He loved hearing their stories, whether it was adventurous or not. It just always seems interesting for him.

"Mommy shot an arrow at me when we first met." Sara said.

"What?" Nathan asked clearly baffled.

"Yes, she shot an arrow at me. Can you believe that?"

"Why?"

"I was..." Nyssa started to explain her side of the story but Sara cut her off.

"I'm telling the story here, babe. It's more fun."

"It's less accurate."

"Are you saying I'm lying?"

"I'm saying you exaggerate."

Sara raised her eyebrow at her. "Go walk around."

Nyssa obliged smiling to herself. Sara wasn't expecting her to shoot back like that and the look of surprise on her face was too precious. She started heading out to the direction of the archery range, then shouted, "I love you, Sara Lance!" Making the two smile in the midst of storytelling.

Nyssa looked around. Even after all those years, not much had changed. The buildings are just more faded. The grounds are still well kept. They were nothing more that students passing through those doors. But it meant something to her. It was where she had met Sara. It was in those halls, those classrooms, that field, where their story began.

She looked back at the same tree where Sara stood when they first met, where the two most important people in her life now stood. She felt blissfully happy at the sight of them smiling, even at a distance. It felt like everything was in place. Everything was perfect now that she has them in her life. There's just one more she needed.

"So, daddy was there too?"

"Yeah. He was the one throwing the ball."

"Then what happened?"

"I screamed and yelled at mommy. It got me so scared then. It was so close to my head."

Then in that moment an arrow came hurtling toward her, another close call. Sara's eyes went wide. "Seriously, Nyssa!" All she got in response was a smile. Nathan was just laughing by her side. He was surprised by the shot but Sara's reaction was just too funny for him.

"See what I was telling you?"

Sara turned to get the arrow out of the tree, and noticed that there was a letter tied to it. 'Of course.' She thought to herself. She took the letter and unfolded it.

_Sara,_

_When I first saw you, I thought how such beauty could exist, and that a sweet and innocent girl like you could never love someone like me. I thought then that I could never have you, but I couldn't stay away. I needed to see you, to feel close to you somehow. I kept my distance, but decided to stay._

_I can't remember what made me send you those notes and letters. And when I saw you smile as you read them, I knew I couldn't stop. It was nice to see you smile. And it was nicer to know I was the one to put it there._

_Then this happened. It was in this moment that changed everything for me. It was not the grandest of meetings, well it was kind of a disaster, but I met you. And right then and there, I knew I can no longer hold back. I can no longer keep my distance. I can no longer be without you. Right then, I decided I will do whatever it takes to have you in my life no matter how small a part I could get._

_I never thought you could love me. And the first time you told me that you do, I asked myself why. But as you stayed longer in my life, I stopped to question. Knowing why didn't matter, all that mattered was that you did. You do. And I am always grateful to be loved by you._

_I am still afraid. I think I always will be. It's not because of the past. I just fear losing you because you mean the most to me. And it has been the most difficult of times in my life whenever I am without you. Our relationship is full of ups and downs, a turmoil of emotions, but it's worth everything because I am with you. And I don't want to waste anymore time. I want to spend the rest of my life with you_.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she read through the letter, as she recalled everything they went through and shared. It was true. It wasn't easy for them, but it was all worth it. She was happiest with her. She was most complete with her. When she had finished and lowered the letter from her gaze, Nyssa was there standing before her, with tears clouding her eyes as well. She took Sara's hands in hers and held it close to her chest, where her heart beats for her. She took the same ring she had meant to give her before out. And both of them could barely contain the beautiful emotions they were feeling.

"Sara, I love you. I never want to be without you ever again. You changed my life the moment you walked in it. Please change it again. Make it grander than it has ever been. Stay with me. Be my wife. Be my everlasting light."

"Yes. Of course yes. I love you, Nyssa. Yes." There were so much more that Sara wanted to day, but completely overwhelmed, those were the only words she could make.

They then shared a brief but passionate kiss. They parted a few inches and looked into each other's eyes, looked at the smiling boy standing by their side, then back at each other. Yes, they have all that they could ever ask for, each other, plus a beautiful son to make things better.

"That happened too?"

"No. But mommy wanted to kiss me then."

"Of course, I did. I was already in love with you."

"Yet, you shot at me."

And they all just laughed wholeheartedly. It was such a perfectly beautiful picture they painted.

 


	47. To No End

**"You promised you wouldn't leave me again. It took me a while, but you made me believe that. Why are you doing this to me now?"**

\-----------------------------

"Hey. Dance with me." Sara said as she swayed with the soft music playing in their living room.

"I'm okay. You go ahead."

"I wasn't asking." Sara pulled her from the couch and held her close to her, and they started to dance. "It's been a while. Why wouldn't you dance with me?"

"You know I don't dance."

There were only very few occasions that Sara got Nyssa to dance with her; on their wedding, in two of her birthdays, and on their first and fifth anniversary. Most of the time she would just watch Sara dance. She loves watching her get lost into the music. Sara just loves the way she looks at her when she dances. She feels like the most beautiful and most loved woman in the world. Well, Nyssa always looks at her like that. But she still prefers to get lost in the music with her. She wants to share every moment with her.

"You dance when I tell you to dance." Sara demanded, but Nyssa just smiled at her. She wasn't walking into that trap. She would oblige with her wife's wishes from time to time to dance, but always? No. Sara dances a lot. They love playing music in the house, and she always dances along. So, no. Sphe won't make any promises she doesn't intend to keep.

"I'll give you today, my love."

They continued to sway to the lulling music, holding each other close, heads rested against one another.

"So, I was thinking."

"I don't know if that's supposed to be good." Nyssa teased, earning her a light smack on the shoulder.

"We should go on a trip for your birthday. I know you don't really celebrate it and that would already be too much, but this would be nice."

"It's not in a couple of weeks more."

"Exactly. We still have time to plan for it."

"You know we can go on a trip anytime you like, you don't need my birthday as an excuse."

"I know."

"You're up to something." Nyssa eyed her curiously.

"Oh please! Just go with it, Nyssa." Sara rolled her eyes. There was no point in denying, but she doesn't have to reveal the entirety of her plans.

"Fine."

"Where are we going?" Nathan sleepily asked from the bottom of the stairs.

The two looked over to their growing thirteen year old boy. There are days that Sara could not believe that she really has the family she has, Nyssa and Nathan. They're the best things that ever came to her life. It seemed not long ago that she was on the Waverider on a time travelling mission to save the world, whereas none of that occupied her mind, but now she can't even imagine never going back and never having them in her life at all.

"Come here. Did we wake you?" Sara asked wrapping him in her arms.

"Yeah. My senses got alerted at the sign of adventure." He joked as he sleepily stood in his mom's embrace.

"You are your mother's son." Sara brushed away stray hair that was on his face as he smiled up at her.

"He's your son too, Sara Lance." Nyssa added as she wrapped her arms around them both pinning Sara between them.

"He is?"

"Very funny, ma. As if you'd ever deny and disown me. You love me too much."

He's right. She would never. Even if they hadn't given him her father's name, she would always claim him as her son. No one could take that from her.

And they're so glad that despite being a teenager, he doesn't act tough, and doesn't mind being sweet to them even when there are people around. Maybe it's because that they taught him that showing emotions is not a sign of weakness, neither is having things and people to care about. They give you a stronger will and something more to fight for.

And as he grows up, he sees how much love there is between his parents and that they have for him that he would never deny his love for them. He is blessed to have them as his parents. Whether they are heroes to others or not, they are to him. And their love is what's legendary.

\--------------------------------

"Why don't we go on a sailing trip?" Nathan suggested as he scanned through pictures of sailboats.

It was only two weeks before their planned trip, but they still had nothing in mind on what to do or where to go.

"No." Nyssa answered sternly.

"Why? You said you wanted something relaxing. That's relaxing. And fun for my part."

"We haven't told you, have we?"

"What?"

Sara then relayed to him the events that happened before and after the Gambit; how things were between her and Nyssa before she decided to leave with Oliver, how she survived and thrived after the Gambit got wrecked and before Nyssa had finally found her again.

"I thought I was gonna die there, but there she was again, saving me."

"I hadn't known what had happened to Sara, all I knew was she chose to leave. But when I heard, I had to come find her."

"How did you know where to find her? How did you know she was still alive?"

"I didn't. All I knew was I needed to find her. No matter what." Nyssa looked deep into Sara's eyes, then kissed the back of her hand. A simple gesture that expressed a thousand words.

Nathan finally understood Nyssa's fears. She never really mentions it. But he always knew there was something. They never told him much of the worst pits of their relationship. It was mostly of their adventures, however big or small. And of the sweet wonderful memories. He always saw their love and relationship as so grand and perfect. But after hearing that story, he realized that it was so much more. Their relationship wasn't perfect, but it made their love stronger and more real. And there's nothing he could admire more from them.

"So, no sailing then." He said trying to take the conversation on the lighter side again.

They went over a couple more ideas on where to go, and decided on visiting a vineyard in Tuscany. Nathan opposed to it at first, saying it's not exciting. But came around when they told him they'd let him taste the wines and have him riding horses there.

They made arrangements right away. The two weeks went by and they were off to their trip to Tuscany.

"It's so beautiful here." Sara took in the wondrous green landscape, so simple and serene.

"Yeah. Maybe we should make these trips annual." Nyssa slipped her arms around Sara's waist, holding her close to her, and placed a kiss at the back of her head.

"Why not? I miss travelling, seeing different places, and delving into various cultures."

"And this time, no missions. It's just us enjoying every single moment."

"Yeah." Sara turned around to look at her. Her arms draped around Nyssa's neck. "Happy Birthday."

"I love you."

"Ma! When can we ride a horse?" Nathan shouted from the balcony of the house they were staying in.

Nyssa smiled, thinking how he hasn't changed since he was a small kid, always curious and excited. Just like his father, patience wasn't his strongest suit. He waits when he has to, but prefers not to.

"We'll have that for tomorrow, Nathan."

"What am I going to do now?"

"I told you we should have left him at home." Nyssa said loudly making sure Nathan could hear.

"Oh, you know what happened last time we left him alone. And that was just a day."

"Come on! You two are never gonna let that go?"

Nyssa and Sara had gone to take a day for themselves only to find the house a mess when they got back that day. Nathan had found the keys to the basement and had tried almost all the weapons they had. He had broken and damaged much of the furniture, but thankfully he hadn't hurt himself.

"Not a chance, buddy."

That day, they went to the town and wandered around the local market and stores. They tried tasting different food and wines there. They walked around for hours until Nathan got too tired and had fallen asleep in Nyssa's arms. They went back to the house they were staying in and tucked Nathan in bed.

"This is nice, isn't it?" Sara asked handing Nyssa a glass of wine.

"Yeah. And you're right. We should do this more often."

"Of course, I'm right."

After a few more hours of conversation and cuddling by the fireplace, Sara went up to check on Nathan and get ready for bed. She looked at their son thinking how much of a blessing he is for them. She went to their room and just a few steps in, she felt a little light headed and would have fallen to the floor if Nyssa hadn't suddenly appeared behind her to catch her.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. A bit tired and a little too much wine, I guess."

Nyssa raised an eyebrow at her in disbelief. "You don't get drunk that easily."

That was true. Sara had developed quite a high tolerance for alcohol that even most men can't keep up with her. So what was that all about?

\-----------------------------

"You promised you wouldn't leave me again. It took me a while, but you made me believe that. Why are you doing this to me now?" Nyssa said, holding Sara's hand, as tears fell from her eyes.

"Don't be like that." Sara pleaded with her. Seeing her like that was breaking her heart. She knows how hard it is for Nyssa, but it would be harder for the both of them if she wouldn't accept it.

"Isn't there any more we can do?"

"And then what? We talked about this, Nyssa. I've accepted it."

"I haven't. I can't lose you again."

"And I'm sorry for all those times, but this is different. As much as I don't want to leave you, it's time. I'm happy with all that we've had, aren't you?"

"Of course, I am."

"Then let me go. I know you love me, so let me go and be okay with it."

"How could I be okay with you dying on me again?"

"Because I'm happy. I'm happy that until my last days, I am with you. Let me die happy."

Sara's dizzy spells progressed through the years. She didn't mention any of it to Nyssa, until one day, Nathan found her lying unconscious on their bedroom floor. They took her to the hospital and found out that she has some kind of cell degenerative condition. The doctors said that it was a miracle that she has her memories intact, but the disease was mostly affecting her motor functions. It was a rare condition and since it has progressed so much, they really don't have much solutions for it. They told them that in a few months time, she would be too weak to even walk.

Nyssa took a lot of time and effort in trying to find a cure for her. She had wanted to reach out to Sara's old team hoping that maybe there's something in the future that could help her, but Sara opted against it. Even if there is something out there, she doesn't want it. She doesn't want to waste anymore time searching for something she doesn't know even exists, when she could just enjoy every bit of time she has left with her loved ones.

Nyssa didn't agree with her decision. She doesn't want to lose her again, but how could she argue with Sara. Her choice was reasonable and she also just wants to be with her wife as much as she could for as long as she could still.

"What do you think would have happened if we never met?" Sara asked out of the blue.

"I don't want to think about that."

"Come on. Humor me." Sara gently squeezed her hand to prompt her.

"I think it doesn't matter how circumstances turn to be. It doesn't matter what timeline or what universe we're in. You and I are meant to cross paths. How could we not?"

Tears spilled from Sara's eyes because of her words. She herself want to believe the same, that they were always meant to be in each other's lives no matter what. She thinks nothing much of her life imagining it never knowing Nyssa. It wasn't something she could ever want to happen.

"You're right. What would my life have been if you never came along?"

"Probably safer."

"That's boring. I'll dive into danger anytime of day if it meant having you."

Nyssa brought her hand to her lips and gave it a little kiss.

"I love you, Sara, more than anything."

"I know. And I love you." Sara closed her eyes and squeezed tightly at Nyssa's hands as a wave pain came crashing. She can bear the pain, but never the look of heartbreak in Nyssa's eyes every time it comes.

And it's like the only look she sees on Nyssa most of the time. She can only imagine how painful it is for her. She's lost her sister, but Nyssa? Through out their relationship, it had always been her to leave. It was painful for her as well but not as much as Nyssa's pain. She can't imagine losing her for good. Despite everything, she had always kept the hope that Nyssa's always there for her, that she could always come back to her. But the thought of her never there for her again, she doesn't think she could handle that.

For her, it was better that way, for her to leave the earth before her, even if it's for the second time.

\-----------------------------

In 2046, Sara walked back to the house where she had found the box full of Nyssa's letters. There was a strange pull that made her go back. She knew that Nyssa must have lived there; for how long, she has no idea, since the letters only dated just a few years after she had left. But there was something else. She just had to go back to the house. There wasn't much left in it, but it felt like a home, warm and welcoming despite the current ragged appearance.

Nathan watched her as she walked right through the doors. A very familiar sight for him that he truly misses. He took in a deep breath to compose himself, before he walked out of the shadows to reveal himself.

"You're here, like you said you would be."

Sara was surprised by his presence. She wasn't able to pay much attention to her surroundings as she was so consumed by feeling the connection with Nyssa by simply being in that house. She was also surprised by warmth of the voice that spoke, and how he spoke with such familiarity.

"Who are you?"

Nathan walked further into the light so Sara could have a better look at him. He had his face uncovered. There was no point in hiding. He wanted her to know who he is, because he needs to make sure she goes back to them. He needs to make sure that that version of the future happens. The one that though they have lost her, they still had her. They had the best of her.

"I'm Nathan. Lance."

"Lance?" Sara wondered if she had heard him right and if he meant what she thought.

"Yeah. Hey, ma. I'm your son."

Sara didn't know how to process the information. Son? She was so confused. A son. A son with whom? She caught her breath and looked at him closely, then noticed the pair of eyes staring back at her. Those eyes. She can't be mistaken. Those were the eyes that she had spent so much falling in love with. And seeing them again, though on a different face, made her ache with longing.

"Nyssa." She said in a low whisper. She smiled as the realization dawned at her. Nathan Lance. Nate. Nyssa. Then her.

"Yeah." He said confirming her thoughts.

"I miss you, ma. So much." He added, unable to control the emotions he was feeling. A part of him could not believe that she was there standing in front of him, but he can only be grateful to have a moment with Sara once more.

Sara saw a glint of tear in his eyes and the heartbreak shadowing them. He lost her. That she was sure of. She was somewhat scared to know more, to go there. How could she put him through that much heartbreak? How did they lose her? Had she left again? But then a closer look, she saw that behind the heartbreak was so much love. They lost her, but what matters to him is that they had her. And she could have them in her future. Nyssa. A son. A family of their own.

She walked closer to him, looked him deep in the eyes, and just wrapped her arms around him. Not being able to control his emotions any longer, Nathan broke down in his mother's arms. Sara knew he needed it. And holding him, she realized she needed it as well.

When both of them had finally collected themselves again, they sat down side by side at the bottom of the stairs.

"You wanna know the last thing you said to me?"

"I have a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway."

Nathan smiled thinking that though she still hadn't gone back, she's already the mother he has always known and loved. She can already read him though she had basically just met him.

"You told me not to be sad. You told me that you were happy, that though it seemed short, you were still happy to ever have had me. You promised me that I'll see you again. You won't know who I am, but I'll see you again. And I have to make sure you come back to us, that you come home, because you said that's where you should always have been. With us."

Nathan paused. He looked at Sara and he tried to hold back the tears that were once again threatening to fall.

"You have to go back, ma. You told me how you met me then, how though I knew about you, it was only from stories, but not personally. I can't imagine that. I can't imagine growing up never having you by my side. I can't imagine how mom would be without you."

"She was happy?"

"We all were." He reassured her. He reached in his pocket and handed her an envelope with her name scribbled on it. Another letter from Nyssa. "I'll leave you with this. Come home, ma. Come home to us."

He gracefully made his exit, then turned for one last look at the younger self of his mother, who was intently examining the envelope in her hand. "I love you, ma." He said in goodbye, with hopes that would be the determining point if he still hadn't convinced her to come back.

Sara carefully opened the letter, her hands trembling, anxious of what was written for her.

_My dearest Sara,_

_I love you and I miss you so much._

_I don't want to think how many times I have lost you, and how each time broke me. I thought that being able to say goodbye to you properly would make it easier, the pain more manageable, but it didn't. It still hurt so much. But the thought of how happy and content you were in the years we've been together as a family until the last moments of your life, it just eases the dull ache of emptiness even for some time._

_We were happy. We were a family. I admit that I never actually thought we would truly have that, especially after everything. But there you were knocking on my door, walking back into my life and making that long lost dream of ours come true. And I didn't think it possible but I loved you more for it._

_Every moment that you were by my side were the best days of my life. It never mattered what we were doing, as long as you were there, I knew that I would be fine, I would be happy. It never mattered how long each moment lasted, as long as I got to share them with you. You have always made my life better. You have always made me better, happier._

_I loved the days when I would wake up and your breathtakingly beautiful face is the first thing that I see; and that I would sleep at night with my arms wrapped around you tight. I loved it when you would just look at me and smile for no reason; when you would laugh your heart out even at the simplest of things; just whenever you were there, I loved every moment of it._

_I sometimes lay awake at night, wondering if some miracle would once again happen that would reunite me with you. I would give anything to be able to have even just another brief moment with you._ _You are my yellow bird, you said. My canary. You would always make your way back to me,right? You've proven that to me over and over. Though I had been afraid, you made me believe you had truly come back to me for good. Prove it to me again. Don't let me down. Please come back. Come back to me._

_I love you, Sara Lance. I love you to no end._

_Lovingly yours,_   
_Nyssa_

Sara wasn't able to hold down her tears as she read through that letter. If there were any hesitation in her mind in going back to her family and to Nyssa for their mission, they were all gone even before she opened that letter. How could she not go back knowing everything that was entailed for her when she does? She was going to have a wonderful and happy life with Nyssa. She would have a son. They would be a family. And from all that she had heard from Nathan and read from Nyssa's letter, they would be happy. There was nothing more for her to think about. She was going home to her family.

She folded the letter and placed it in her pocket. She wiped at her tears and got herself under control. She got up from where she was seated and walked through the house once more. It was their house, she finally made that realization, making sense of the strong connection she had felt. She walked out the front door and saw a silhouette of a person. She thought it was Nathan, but when she got closer, it dawned on her.

"Nyssa?" She said in a tone barely a whisper.

Nyssa turned around to see her. She smiled at the sight of her beloved. There were creases at her eyes, signs of how much she had aged through her linear time line, as Sara looked the same as the last time she had seen her.

Nyssa walked closer to her and held her hand up to her cheek. Sara recognized the look in Nyssa's eyes. It was the same as the one she had the last time she had seen her. It was the time she had gone to see her for the first time since she got resurrected and was herself again. It was the look of disbelief, not that she didn't believe it, but that she couldn't. Like she had said, maybe it was the other miracle she was hoping for.

Nyssa just looked at her without saying a word. Everything can be read in her eyes. The longing, the gratefulness, the happiness, and all the love, they could all be seen in her eyes. She leaned her forehead against Sara's and closed her eyes. Sara saw tears rolling down her cheeks. And she just closed her eyes as well. They stayed in that moment and savored it for a little longer.

They both opened their eyes and saw the immeasurable love they have for each other mirrored in the other's eyes. Nyssa still couldn't believe that she was able to see and hold her again. She did everything she could to make sure she made it there that day.

"I'm coming home, Nyssa. I'm coming home to you and our son." Sara finally spoke again, and her words just made Nyssa's heart swell, making her smile.

"I'm glad." Nyssa replied. "Oh, how I've missed you."

"I'm sorry."

Nyssa shook her head. She had nothing to apologize for. She never had to. No matter how hurt Nyssa got, she never needed apologies. She just needs her with her. "Just come back to me. Just come back to me and everything will be okay."

"I will."

"I love you, Sara Lance."

"And I love you, Nyssa Raatko."


End file.
